Interrogation: The Confession of The Innocent

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Description and Foreword: (9/10)

You have an excellent description and Foreword! It’s formatted very nicely and both your description and the sneak peak is quite interesting and intriguing. I, for one, have a thing for mysteries (just asking, have you watched crime Scene?) and really do enjoy a good story about detectives and crime once in a while, and I’m sure many of the other readers on AFF do too.

You also have an original story since I don’t see many crime and mystery stories on AFF, so that is also an advantage as I’m sure many people will try your story out just for the reason of it being original and different from the average romance stories.

I don’t really have anything much to say about your foreword and description! It definitely catches a reader’s attention, and on a side note, your poster is very good. The only thing I can help you with I guess is to correct some grammatical errors found in your sneak peak. Before I go into that, I just want to congratulate you for your writing, it’s very fluent and expressive and I don’t see many grammatical errors despite English not being your first language.

Original: Flashing red and blue lights from police cars and ambulance concerned the whole neighbourhood, and were distracted from celebrating their feast on Christmas Eve.

Revised: Flashing red and blue lights from police cars and the ambulance concerned the whole neighbourhood, distracting them from their celebration feast on Christmas Eve.

Here, since you did not add ‘an’ or ‘the’ before the word ‘ambulance’, you would have needed to make it into plural form. But since usually, only one ambulance comes to the crime scene, you would need to add ‘the’ before the word ‘ambulance’. Also, I changed the part from ‘celebrating their feast on Christmas Eve’ to ‘celebration feast on Christmas Eve’ because in your original one, it meant that they were celebrating the feast instead of Christmas.

Original: Shocked, people around dropped their jaws when they confirmed that it was really the rising star – Oh Sehun. Anyone can recognize Sehun’s body even with the white cloth covering his whole body. His body structure was undeniably striking that anyone can easily recognize him. Everyone was still wondering why this did happen to him.

Revised: Shocked, people around dropped their jaws when they confirmed that it was really the rising star – Oh Sehun. Anyone could recognize Sehun’s body even with the white cloth covering his whole body. His body structure was so undeniably striking that anyone could easily recognize him. Everyone was still wondering why this happened to him.

Here, you were switching between present and past tense, so I just corrected that for you. Also, I added in some words and deleted some to make the sentence flow better.

There are still some more grammatical errors left in your sneak peak but I’ll just go over these two sections in this review. Congratulations for the high score in this section, and good luck with your story! 

♠ TOTAL SCORE: 9/10 x 100 = 90%