Melody of the night

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Story title: (4/5)

It’s a unique title, I haven’t seen it anywhere before and It has this sad and melancholy aura to it. The reason why I knocked off a point there was because despite the unique title, it didn’t jump out at me all that much.

Graphics: (9/10)

 You have a background image and a poster, which I am really happy to see as the graphics play a big role in setting the mood for your readers. Bright and happy graphics gives off a cheerful feel which hints that this story may potentially be under the genre comedy, romance, fluff…etc. In your case, your poster and background image is quite dark, almost “sparkly” with the stars in your background which portrays a sad, magical aura which I think suits your story quite well. The only thing I found a tiny bit distracting was the single bright star that stood out amongst the smaller ones in your background. Might just be my own eye problem, but every time I scrolled down the page, that one star would stand out to me and I felt almost as if my eyes were being blinded. (Well, I’m exaggerating a bit but something like that).

Description & Foreword: (8/10)

Personally, I have no problems with your description. Although short and simple, it gives me enough information about the general idea of your story, and leaves the reader wanting to know more with your last sentence ‘Will they reach a happy ending, or a tragic conclusion?’ I wish you would hint about Seon-yul getting accepted into the new academy though because it think that would spark the reader’s interest more, but that’s up to you. xD

The thing I wanted to talk to you about is your foreword. Although I’m fine with what you’ve put in the foreword, I feel like it’s a bit too plain. I would prefer it if you add in a character description section. Mind you, when I say character description, I don’t mean for you to write a long paragraph explaining each character in detail because that’s something the readers should be able to pick up when reading your fanfic. What I mean is just maybe a picture, a name, and some simple facts such as their blood type, age, status etc. That would help the readers understand your characters a whole lot more without spoiling the surprise.

Characterization: (9/10)

Seon-yul is this kind-hearted, fragile little lady who loves playing the violin and is devoted to her boyfriend Baekhyun despite him being a jerk to her and treating her like a toy. Xiumin is this rich, cold hearted (?) boy who despite his icy appearance, have a soft spot for Seon-yul and isn’t actually all that cold inside at all. Baekhyun is this jerk of a guy who is a total player and should totally go hit himself because he’s such a heart-breaker. :’( And Yixing and Chanyeol are both relevantly nice people who helped Seon-yul settle in and became her first friends in her new school.

Your characterization overall is good, I could clearly distinguish each character’s personality from another. But in regards to Yixing and Chanyeol, it may be because you’ve only posted 11 chapters so far, I feel as if they’re kind of just floating around in the story. Although I was able to see that they were kind people and have some sort of attraction towards Seon-yul, I didn’t feel the importance of those two. I don’t know, I can only see what happens when you update more chapters~. ^_^

Plot: (36/40)

So, the general idea of your story is rather cliché. A nice girl meets a rich guy, they were brought together by fate and tadah, they fall in love. (Now all you’re missing is the second lead guy so Xiumin can have some competition. Maybe Yixing will be that second main lead?) Now, in terms of a reviewer, that’s not so good. BUT, because you added in your own elements into the story, it’s not so bad after all. In fact, I like it.

Personally, I like clichéd stories. Have you ever wondered why clichéd stories are clichéd? It’s because the plot is good, it’s interesting and makes one’s heart flutter. But due to the overuse of the same plot, people get bored of it. But even so, there’s always people like me out there who still enjoys clichéd stories no matter what, as long as you add in your own element. Let’s be honest here, most romance fanfics, (even popular books) all base their plot around similar ideas. There will always be that one girl, and there will always be that one guy. There will also be that second lead (either girl or guy) who comes in between the two to spark competition and interest. It’s alright really to use that same clichéd plot, but what you need to do is to make it your own.

I think you’ve done a pretty good job of that, it’s interesting, and I definitely wanted to keep reading on. By the way, I am so happy that you didn’t make Seon-yul freak out when she found out about Xiumin’s identity, and I also love how Xiumin’s dad isn’t your typical selfish, rich dad you see in many fanfics. Xiumin’s dad also ships Xiumin and Seon-yul like I do and that makes me want to go and high-five Xiumin’s dad. We could totally become best friends.

Now, back to the serious topic. Because I am reading your story as a reviewer, I do need to minus some points (sorry :(( ) because your story plot isn’t all that unique to me at all. It’s Interesting, but not like, straight-in-my-face unique.

Consistency (4/5)

Overall, the flow of the story isn’t too fast or slow. I wasn’t confused over anything, and it was kept at an even pace. But I thought Xiumin and Seon-yul’s meeting was too sudden. Although Seon-yul found Xiumin creepy (which is reasonable), she tells him her name after just refusing to tell him her home address. Other than that, she allowed him to accompany her in the currently empty school in the middle of the night. Now, you can still let things happen this way despite me telling you that it’s a bit controversial. I think you can still make her allow Xiumin to accompany her at school without making it weird if you give us a bit more insight to her thoughts. For instance, you can say that although Seon-yul found Xiumin a bit creepy, she was so hurt and broken at the moment that she wanted some company. And even a creepy stranger like Xiumin accompanying her would be better than feeling sad alone. You could also add in how she figured Xiumin would be harmless due to the fact of his rich background and how she’s seen him playing the piano before…etc. 

Reader's Response: (4/5)

Your readers love your story! I don’t assess the reader’s response section completely from the amount of comments, subscribers or upvotes you get, but from the contents of the comments your readers wrote. From what I see, they love it! And there are some pretty nice comments in there too that will motivate you to keep writing. You could try asking your readers to give you more constructive or longer feedback though, as that would help you more as a writer than just simply an “I love your story! Update soon!” But overall, your readers are all very encouraging of your story which is a good thing.

One more thing, since Asianfanfics allow each story seven slots to insert tags, I suggest you use up all seven slots so that you can increase the chance of readers finding your story. :DD

Grammar and Writing style: (7.5/10)

Now, I know English isn’t your first language, and I am impressed with your English standard despite English being your second language. But, as expected, there will be some grammatical mistakes and sentence structure problems in your writing. I will just list a few:

Original: ‘Her boyfriend, a rich university student who studies business at school. Seon-yul loves him very very much, she is absolutely loyal to him.’

Fixed: Her boyfriend is a rich university student who studies business at school. Seon-yul loves him very much and is absolutely loyal to him.’

Although you asked for me to focus more on your writing style, I have no problem with it. The only advice I would give you is to add a bit more expressing of emotions but otherwise, I don’t see anything else to change about your writing style.

Over-all enjoyment: (4/5)

I really like your story! I even subscribed to you story and gave you an up vote because I think it deserves one. That whole bunch I wrote up there was just me reading from a reviewer’s point of view, but If I was reading as a reader who won’t actually sit there picking on the tiniest things whilst reading your fanfic, I truly enjoyed it. There were those cute and fluffy moment which made me go all ‘awwwwwww’, and there were also those moments when I felt sad for Seon-yul. I didn’t really experience any emotion ride in this story though, and that was a bit disappointing. Also, do you by any chance learn music? Because you sound like you know a bit in the way you wrote the music sections. I’m currently a music student and it was quite refreshing to read a fanfic based on music. By the way, good luck with your writer’s block, some advice from me to you would be: Go walk around a little and listen to music when you write. Fighting~ >v<

♠ TOTAL SCORE: 85.5/100