Reviewer: Moelolz

Story Link: Here 

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Story Title: (4.5/5)

Though your title is original, does link with your whole plot and is a good summary of basically what your story is about, but If I was browsing through a sea of fanfiction, your title wouldn’t have caught my attention. I wouldn’t say because it’s a boring title, but I just felt like it didn’t jump out at me or make me curious enough to click inside on first impression, but honestly speaking, after I read your story, everything kind of just made sense and I do think your title is a good fit.

The more I think about your title, the more interesting I find it. I think it not only applies to the literal meaning of an inconclusive duel as what happened in your story, but can also be expressed in an emotional sense between Hyuna and Minhyun. Who was the stronger one in the end? What are their feelings towards each other? Which one is better? Stability or Power? I like it that your title covers all aspects of your story as a whole, so overall, great job with the title.

Graphics: (8.5/10)

First up, let me just say that I quite like your background. It gives off that army, battle kind of feel which I think is quite logical for your story considering the duel and all. Secondly, though your poster is fine by its own, I find it lacking in a sense of…power and fight? I dunno, considering your story, I would’ve expected a more badass photo I guess? But that’s alright, since the readers aren’t reading your poster but your story, but do remember that the poster can boost up a reader’s attention and curiosity in your story. I know I’ve proceeded to read some fanfiction based purely of the fact that their poster really sparked my curiosity in their plot. Why else would you get a poster, right? Apart from making your story look pretty, your poster is a form of advertisement by itself.

Other than that, your graphics is set up neatly and nicely in which I was glad to see, so great job on that!

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

Whilst your description does reflect your plot and sums it up as a whole, I don’t think it brought out the tension and thrilling kind of power that your actual plot gives out. Which is quite a shame because I think your description is letting your plot down. Let me just give you some suggestions below in which I hope can help increase that intensity:

1. I think you should explain what the ‘hwacute’ and ‘powerhouse’ is in the description, because it gets confusing to first-time readers when they read the description. Not like, give out a long, draggy full-on description, but something like how you explained it in the story. That I think can boost up the sense of battle in your description.
2. Instead of normal sentences that flow nicely and explains the plot, I would prefer shorter use of words to bring out the feeling of attack. For instance, stuff like: ‘Power. Intensity. Attack.’ With the use of one-worded sentences, it makes it more ‘staccato’ and can draw out the strength of your story more. Also, I suggest using italics wherever appropriate in your foreword to add stress and power in your words.

Yup, so just some suggestions here. I can’t write a description for you, so hopefully these are helpful enough to you if you agree with my comments here in this section. Alright, moving on~

Characterization: (10/10)

The normal thing to expect when reading a one-shot is that you won’t be able to see many characterization, but more action and events happening since after all, you only do have one chapter to write a whole story from beginning to end.

What impressed me here is that you’ve actually managed to really accentuate each character’s personality, as well as including heap loads of action in your story. I liked the contrast between Hyuna and Minhyun. One being the fiery badass warrior and the other being the calm yet sharp solider. In my perspective, I perceived the two as fire and water, and the fact that I drew something out of your characters meant that you did a pretty damn decent job in this section, so great job for the full marks!

Plot and Consistency: (35/40)

To be honest, your plot is pretty unique. I haven’t encountered a plot like this before, one where it solely focuses on the action of one practice battle session. The other thing I found unique about your plot was that there wasn’t an actual love line between Hyuna and Minhyun, they were treating each other as battle equals instead of  love equals which is something not seen often in Aff. But I did feel the slight tension between the two which may possibly develop into love later on? Haha I don’t know, but anyway, good job with the plot, it’s definitely unique and original.

Grammar and Writing style: (19/20)

As expected of English being your first language, I didn’t spot too many mistakes. Honestly speaking, I’d have to look very, very closely to try and dig out some minor mistakes that may be lurking in there, so yeah, not too many problems with that. I’ll just go over one I found below, and honestly speaking, I’m not sure if I can count this as a mistake, but more like a question I have for you.

Original: Even his black hair, which was neatly combed in place, was a mirror of his physical characteristics.

Revised: Even his black hair, which was neatly combed in place, was a mirror of his attractive physical characteristics.

I’m not sure if it’s necessary, but I just want to ask whether it’ll be better to put in ‘attractive’ or anything of the equivalent before ‘physical characteristics’? Since you are talking about how even his black hair reflects how good-looking he was, I was just wondering if it would be better to add in an adjective before the ‘physical characteristics’. Just a question, tell me your thoughts on this one in the comment section. :D

In terms of your writing style, I quite like it. I also really, really liked the way you introduced your characters. It was quite on point with the battle and competitive sort of aura in your story, so great job on that!

Reviewer’s enjoyment: (3/5)

I do like your story because I find it quite unique and I also liked the way you presented your story. But unfortunately, personally, it did not stir up many emotions in me that made me really, really love your story. Anyhow, overall, I still think it was a good read, good luck with your stories and keep writing on!

♠ TOTAL SCORE: 87/100