Saturday Midnight

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Story Title: (4/5)

I like your title. It’s mysterious, beautiful, poetic and quite the pictorial title. Saturday Midnight makes me think of one of those dimly-lit fairy gardens you see in picture story books, and I guess that kind of was the setting of your story. It’s a title that, in my opinion, fits perfectly well with the genre, mood and setting of your story, and not to mention, it’s not one of those overly clichéd titles you see everywhere. Kudos to you on that.

Graphics: (7/10)

I don’t have much to comment about your graphics. It does have that mysterious sort of vibe to it. It’s not too overpowering and is quite subtle and dense. I do have one comment to make about your poster though, and that is though it’s not a bad poster, I think the colour is too…dense? It makes the objects in your poster very faded and personally in my eyes, it looks like a shield of colour had been splashed across the actual poster to dim out the brightness.

If think it would look better if you brighten up the poster so that the objects of your posters become the foreground whilst the colour becomes the background because right now, it looks the other way around.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Despite the simplicity of your foreword, I actually like it. It was short, simple, yet caught my attention. I also liked the gif and the little poem in your foreword. It sparked up my curiously, and in my opinion, enhanced the elegant sort of mysterious quality of your fanfic. Well, nothing much more to say here, I’ll just correct this one mistake I spotted in your description:

Original: His habit of staying up late Saturday night led him to meet a mystery musician.

Revised: His habit of staying up late Saturday night led him to meet a mysterious musician.

‘Mystery’ is a noun whilst ‘Mysterious’ is an adjective. Here, we are describing a person, so the word ‘mystery’ should be changed to ‘mysterious’.

Characterization: (9/10)

As there is only one chapter, it would be too much to ask to see character growth. So instead, I focused on finding whether your characters had their own unique personality. Fortunately, you characters do have their own personality. Jongdae being the quiet, studious young man with the curious and wandering mind, and Jiyeon being the lively and bright ghost (?) who believes that he’s her soulmate. Even your characters fit the genre you chose to write in, so great job on that.

Plot and consistency: (32/40)

Honestly speaking, I wasn’t that hooked in your plot. It didn’t give me any interest whilst I was reading it, but I think that’s all due to personal preference. But other than that, if I was speaking on an unbiased point of view, you do have a solid plot: Jongdae meets a ghost, and ventures to find out who she is.

I saw in your foreword that you are planning to make it into a short story, and I think that’s a better idea than just leaving your story as a one-shot. Because then you have the time and the space to develop your characters, develop your plot, and in my opinion, make your story more interesting.

Grammar and Writing style: (18/20)

Despite the occurring small mistakes I found throughout your story, but girl, you have a great writing style. From the very first line, it caught my attention. I like the way you describe things, it’s very poetic, and it’s because of your writing style that draws out the mood of the story. Great job on that! Keep it up with the vocabulary and word phrasing because I can’t wait to see how much better your writing style will become the more your write. *gives a thumbs up*

Anyway, moving on to the grammatical part, I’ll just correct a few mistakes I found beneath:

Original:  A huge smile adorned his face, admiring the beauty of the Creator, but then he rubbed the side of his nose, wondering why every Saturday night when the clock struck twelve he always heard the same melody and the singing girl. 

Revised:  A huge smile adorned his face as he admired the beauty of the creator’s creations, but then he rubbed the side of his nose as a frown came to his face, wondering why every Saturday night when the clock struck twelve he would always hear the same girl singing the same melody.

Here, I assume you were talking about him admiring the beautiful nature created by god, instead of him admiring the beauty of god, so I added in the ‘creation’ after the ‘creator’. Also, since you used ‘but’, then it would mean that there needs to be a reversal of the ‘huge smile that adorned his face’, so I added in the ‘frown’ to balance out the sentence. In the last part of the sentence, you wrote that he ‘always heard the same melody and the singing girl’. Yes, you can hear a melody, but you can’t hear a ‘singing girl’, so I changed it to that he would always hear the same girl singing the same melody.

Original: Jongdae crossed his arms over his chest, letting his eyes scan her from head to toe, back and forth in a conscious manner
 

Original: Jongdae crossed his arms over his chest, letting his eyes scan her from head to toe, back and forth in a cautious manner

The definition for ‘conscious’ is ‘having knowledge of something’ straight off the online dictionary, but I’m sure you were trying to say that he was being careful around her, so ‘cautious’ should be used instead, otherwise the sentence would sound weird.

Reviewer’s enjoyment: (3/5)

It wasn’t the most amazing story I’ve read, but it wasn’t bad either. The thing I really enjoyed about your story though, was your writing style. So once again, great job on that. Gosh…I usually have a lot to say in my reviews, but somehow for your one, I’m kind of at a loss of words. Maybe it’s because of the simplicity of your story, and due to the fact that you don’t have many major mistakes that I can spot, so there’s not many complicated things for me to unravel and analyse.

♠ TOTAL SCORE: 81/100