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Sung Jaein POV

I parked my car and rushed into the hospital. I went to the information counter and asked her ward level. As soon as I knew it, I ran upstairs by stairs as the elevator was occupied by other patients. I’m so afraid that I couldn’t make it to her. To see her for the last time.

At the hallway of the sixth floor,  I saw Joshua and Dahyun comforting each other outside the ward. I walked passed them and entered the room. Then, her parents went outside that left both of us alone.

I felt like my heart was falling to the ground as I saw a lifeless body, just like she’s sleeping. But there’s no more wires, no more breathing machine attached to her body. They even shut down the pulse monitor. I barely walked to the bed. Closer, and closer till my legs gave up. My tears kept falling. I felt like everything around me stopped and gone away. All I see is Joohyun. Just Joohyun. My legs became numb and I fell on my knees right beside her bed. I couldn’t kept my head up at all. I’m looking at the ground as my tears falling hard. I tried not to make any noise, but I wasn’t strong enough to fight myself. She said to me not to cry when she’s gone.  I nearly chocked myself because of crying so hard, I couldn’t refrain myself.

“I can’t beat my sad heart again. It hurts more than those visible wounds, burns more than expected. The pain goes deeper than expected, seeing you like this hurts like hell.” I finally spoke to her, the lifeless body. I still kneeling at the same spot my legs gave up earlier, not budging an inch.

“Jaein-ah…” she called my name. She’s still here. Alive. I got up and went closer to her and held her weak hand. “Uljimaaa.. I’m gonna be fine…” she tried to speak despite of her condition. “Shush.. don’t talk much. Okay?” I reassured her.

What the are you saying you’re fine?! They took off those ing machines and wires from you, that indicates you’re not getting any better. They’re already giving up on you! This is bull! Don’t try to fool me like this Hyun.

“I Love you. So much…” she barely talked. “Nado. I know.” I kept hugging her weak body. I couldn’t day anything regardless a lot of things I wanted to say. I just couldn’t. By then her breathing began to worsen and I got up to press the button to notify the doctor in charged but she stopped me. “Don’t. They couldn’t do anything about it anymore.. just stay with me like this…” She did gave up then. She gave up on her life. “Baby, please don’t be like this.. they will. I’ll make sure they will do better..” I broke into tears and she cupped my face while caressing my hair. “I don’t like seeing you cry.. you look ugly..” she still joked around. But I didn’t even stop crying.

“I want you to stay with me, by my side. Don’t let go of my hand that is holding onto you. If you want to go one step further away like this, so do I. I’ll ....” I said as she pressed her lips against mine and I felt tears falling through our eyes. Both of us.

“If you stay, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll settled down here in Daegu with you. I’ll cancel my wedding. But, if you need me to go away, I’ll do that too. Even that’s , but I’d do it. I can lose you like that if I don’t lose you today. I’ll let you go. If you stay.” I don’t know why she said she wanted me to leave. Dahyun told me last two days on Kakaotalk. That’s why I said that to her. So that she’ll stay.

Dahyun and Joohyun Conversation

Dahyun: Why did you want him to leave? Because he’s someone’s fiancé? He loves you.

Joohyun: Losing me will hurt. It will be the kind of pain that won’t feel real at first, and when it does.

Joohyun: It will take his breath away.

Dahyun: He’s strong. He’ll learn to accept the reality. You knew it, right?

Joohyun: it’ll be hard for him. He’s been through a lot.

“But, baby. It’s okay if you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I’ve ever wanted in my life.” My voice cracks with emotion. I stops to clear my throat. One breath I took and continues. “But that’s what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just understand if you go. It’s too painful to hold. It’s okay if you have to.” I broke into silent tears. “It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.”

“Jaein-ah.. I’m not choosing to do so. It’s just I’m running out of fight. I couldn’t stand no more. It’s too hard to handle.” She said.

“I hate seeing my boyfriend crying..” She wipe my tears.

“Do you know why I didn’t called you my girlfriend? ‘Girlfriend’ is such a stupid word. I couldn’t stand calling you that. So we had to get married, and I could call you ‘wife’.” Yes. I never address her as my girlfriend. I called her a lover. My love.

“That’s why we had that wedding last week? Am I right?” 

“Yes, you are. Wife.”

It’s quiet right now. So quiet that can almost hear other people’s dreams.

“I look miserable right? I look bad enough to lose my ‘husband’, right?” she asked me.

“But the you who you are now is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the same you I’ll be in love with tomorrow.” He smiled while cupping my hands and kissed them. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” “I know.”

Don’t think of anything, don’t say anything, not even a word. Just give me a smile.

Suddenly, her grip loosen and she flopped onto my body. She just let go of everything. Every single thing. She left me. She left us. Her hands which just now hugging me tightly, had loosen. She’s gone. I couldn’t believe it. All of this seems like a dream. “Don’t try to disappear, baby.. Don’t.. just don’t.. Jebal..” I pulled her into my embrace tightly.

You’re here but for some reason, I can’t reach you. Is it true? You’ve gone away? I still can feel you, but I can’t reach you still. And suddenly I just need to hold her hand more than I’ve ever needed anything in this world. She was holding onto something in her right hand. I released her hand grip one by one. The necklace and the ring. She’s holding onto me without me knowing it. I could literally feel her hand getting colder. I wanted so badly to keep her safe but I couldn’t do anything and I have no idea what’s happening to me that moment.

Life is totally random and I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. I do know that everyone should live each moment to the fullest. There’s too many things we can’t predict.

I held her tight so as the necklace. I never thought I would love her so much that I felt myself slowly wanting to give up on my life. I looked closely to the necklace, the first ever present I gave to her.

I don’t know that ‘being used to love you’ would be scarier than anything right now. I’m sorry. If I be with you again, I want to show you everything I have. My heart that is beating hard to hold you tight, I want to convey it all to you for real. Until you hold this sincerity in your embrace once again.

“Miahae, I cried. I couldn’t kept my promise to you. I cry because it’s hurt. I cry because I can’t forget. I cry although I want to forget, forget the pain of losing you. There’s no place for me to hide my sadness in my heart. Even if I grow numb, in my heart I can’t erase you. That’s how much I love you, Hyun-ah…” I kissed her lips for the last time. I kissed her forehead, her hands, her pale cheeks.

“I love you, Bae Joohyun……………….. I’ve loved you from the moment I first laid my eyes on you, and I will always do until the very end. I will always, always, always….. love you. So badly, it hurts.” I walked out of her room with holding the necklace and the ring tightly.

Joshua tried to follow me but Dahyun stopped him. Instead, Shawn followed me. I’m at the hospital rooftop. I fell on my knees for the second time today. I was keeping my head down with my hands closing my mouth. Tears keep falling hard.

“Just let everything out, Jaein. Let it out. You know, you can have your wishes, your plans, but at the end of the day, it’s out of your control.” Shawn sat down at the corner of the floor. He knows me too well. He know how to handle my sadness, my tears. He didn’t came over and hug me or something, but just giving wise words so that I’m not going to commit anything stupid.

“Jaein… You know what? Sometimes you shouldn’t act strong, sometimes you should. And the worst part is that no one ever asks if you’re okay. So, now I’m going to ask you. Are you okay?”

“Your joke is not working right now.” I said flat. I’m done crying. But still, I miss her already.

“The ones who love us, never really leave us.” Shawn quoted.

“From which movie?” I asked him.

“Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Sirius Black’s.” He stated the facts.

“Good choice of wise words you’ve made. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

We spent our day by sitting there facing the sunset. We kept thinking about our future. He knows how much I loved her. He kept throwing me quotes from movies to keep me entertained he said. He is a good friend. With that, I thanked God for sending me those people in my life.

“You’re ugly as when you cry.” He said.

“You’re not smart enough to be in suits. You’re just simply dumb.” I replied.

“Your wrinkles are visible.” He kept teasing me.

“Your …….. what are we doing?” I barely stoped our childish conversation.

“Playing dissing game. We should make it into a game application for iOS and Android later.” He replied excitedly.

“You’re gonna be a billionaire before 25 years old.” I punched him softly.

“Good point. Let’s go back to them. They must’ve been worried of me.” Shawn was simply stupid.

“What the?” by that we came down to sixth floor. I pulled her mother for a hug. So as her father. They looked like they did accept the reality that she’s gone. While I’m here trying to cope with the situation quietly by myself.

After that I never look back to the room again. Because I know, I won’t be able to leave her after doing so. I walked pass the room into the elevator. ‘TING’ I entered the elevator then I saw a figure that I knew.

“Nayeonnie? What are you doing here? Jeongyeon noona?” I smiled in confusion.

“Jeongyeonnie was visiting her ..... friend. Yeah her friend.” She startled.

Im Nayeon POV

“Nayeonnie? What are you doing here? Jeongyeon noona?” He asked.

“Jeongyeonnie was visiting her ..... “   “Friend.” “Yeah her friend.” He then walked away after nodded.

He did smiled but then didn’t even looked back after then. Usually he would. And I’m feeling something bad happened to him.

“What now unnie?” Jeongyeon asked.

“We walk to where he came from. There must be something happened.”

“Dahyun? What’s happening?” I whispered.

We barely hid ourselves when Dahyun and her boyfriend walked pass us. We then followed them.

We arrived at a penthouse. And I saw Jaein’s car parked there. And then I saw him crying while covering his mouth with his hand. ‘What happened to him?’

We decided to stay for the night at the nearest guest house. The guest house was right next to their penthouse. I walked to the balcony and saw Jaein was standing at the penthouse garden. He still standing there with a letter held tightly in his right hand. The other hand was covering his mouth. I saw him crying hard. I quietly sat down at the bal