Holding the warm disney princess mug in your hand, with the smell of chamomile and lavender coming from it, you two sat in silence. The silence between you and Jinyoung had always been comfortable, however this time you didn’t want there to be silence. You wanted him to talk about his feelings, you wanted to make him feel better... the way he effortlessly always made you feel better.

But how?

The clink of the mug on the coffee table broke you out of your thoughts.

Jinyoung shifted his body towards you, “Are you ready for bed?”

You froze.

Your mind has been occupied with Jinyoung and Halabeoji that you didn't think about the sleeping arrangement.

Were you guys gonna sleep together? Alone??? A-freakin-lone? It would be the first time... without sarang… But you two are not--

“Are you nervous? It’s not like it’s your first time sleeping here.” A lazy sly smirk slid onto his face.

“No! I’m not nervous! I do this all the time!” .. Wait, what? No.

“No. I mean, I DON’T do this all the time, but I’m not nervous… I-I--”

Jinyoung chuckled, “Don’t worry, I won’t let you do anything to me. I’m not that easy” He wiggled his index finger.

You felt your cheeks heat up as he stood up and took your hand and led you upstairs.

You both slid into bed under his fluffy white down comforters.

He turned off the lamp on his bed stand.

“Good Night.” Jinyoung said softly.

“Night.”

How could you sleep with Jinyoung being so close. You suddenly became aware of everything. You felt like you couldn’t move because you didn’t want to seem like you’re a fidgeter. You were even cautious of your breathing, inhaling and exhaling slowly and lightly in fear that he might've thought you’re a heavy breather. But who would worry about that? You would, that’s who. Every action seemed to be magnified by a million. You knew Jinyoung wasn’t sleeping either, because you knew from sleeping with your family that when people fell asleep, they tend to breathe a bit heavier and with Jinyoung, his breathing hasn’t deepened yet.

“Are you asleep?” You whispered after a few minutes of not being able to sleep and was staring at the the boring ceiling.

You felt the bed dipped down and Jinyoung turn his body to face you.

“No.” He whispered back

You looked over and you could slightly see him smiling… but even in the darkness you could sense the sadness within it.

You turned your body toward him and tucked your hands in between your head and pillow.

Your faces were so closed, but for some reason it didn’t make you feel nervous as it should’ve.

You two stared at each other in silence, unsure of what to say.

Living with a big family, sometimes you guys would lay on each other’s bed late at night and spill the deepest thoughts that normally wouldn’t be leaked in any other way. There was something about being in the dark with nothing but the white moonlight seeping through the window that made people let their guards down and let their raw feelings come to light. The darkness made the person you’re talking to hazy enough to seem as if they weren’t really there. It’s like you’re subconsciously talking to your own shadow.

You’re going to try one more time…

“How are you?” you whispered in a careful tone.

You saw him closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

He to his back and stared up at the ceiling.

You immediately felt bad for prying. You didn’t want him to feel pressured into telling you anything.

“Sorry I-“

“Halabeoji…” Jinyoung finally spoke up and you bit your lips to listen.

“…was always been there for me. Always. When my parents were going through some problems , he took us in so that they could work out their relationship without the kids having to deal with it and be in the middle. When Chorong got pregnant, our parents were trying to force us to get married, but to me, marriage is sacred, and I felt that just because we were having a baby, it didn’t mean we had to get married. I’m sure you can see how Halabeoji is very understanding; maybe because of all the books that he’s read, but unlike a typical elder, he’s not traditional. He tries to see everything from everyone’s perspective. After hearing my reasons for not wanting to get married, he understood and he talked to our parents. Being the elder, they listened to him. I had quit school and worked full time to support Chorong and Sarang, because that’s what everyone had told me to do. I was the man of the house. However it was Halabeoji who pushed and persuaded me to go back to school, because he believed education is important. He told me I could only benefit from it in the future. He offered to take care of Sarang so that both Chorong and I could go back to school.”

Jinyoung paused as your heart was overwhelmed with all the gratefulness for Halabeoji. He was such a selfless man.

When he spoke again, his voice was quieter this time as if something was tugging inside of him.

“He helped me so much and never asked for anything in return. I’ve been so busy taking up more shifts at work to save money and taking more classes so that I could finish school sooner. I did this so that he doesn’t have to worry about us anymore, and so that he could rest…”

He paused again

“What if…” His voice trailed off a bit before he could finish his sentence.

His voice barely now audible, “… I never told him thank you.”

With that, you just couldn’t contain your emotions anymore. You were sniffling and huffing as the pillow became wet, soaking up the tears that were escaping from your eyes.

Jinyoung whipped his head towards you, “Nora?”

“H-h-halabeoji…” saying his name made you cry even harder.

The thought of Jinyoung not being able thank Halabeoji made your heart ached. Like what Jinyoung said, what if…. what if…. oh man...you couldn’t even bear to think of it.  You never got to tell him thank you and returned the gratitude for all the kindness that he bestowed on you.

Jinyoung pulled you into his arms and you wrapped your arms around his waist as you cried into his chest.

“I-I-I’m s-s-orry” you muffled into his shirt in between breaths.

“I-I s-should be c-comforting y-you.”  You were supposed to make him feel better, but here he was trying to calm you down.

He pulled you away from you and looked into your eyes. You tried to focus on his, but your vision was blurred by your own tears.

“Do you want to go with me to check on him tomorrow?” He asked as he used his thumbs to wipe the tears from your face.

Unable to speak; all you could do was nod.

He leaned in gently kissed your tears and you closed your eyes letting the feel of his soft lips comfort you.

He pulled you in again and tucked your head under his chin as he rubbed small circles on your back and eventually your