"No! She will be living with me!" I hear my mom shout in her room.

 

"You can't even take care of yourself, let alone JiYoon!" My dad argues back.

 

They're really doing it. They're really getting a divorce. When I got home, I heard them fighting in their room. I don't even think that they know I got home already. I hear the door slam shut.

 

"Well, she'll decide." My father yells. The front door now slams shut. I guess my dad is going to a motel again.

 

I'm not even sad anymore. I'm numb. I feel nothing at all. I'm sitting down, hugging my knees, in the corner of my room. I can hear my mom weeping. My chest tightens up, and now I want to yell.

 

I get up and leave my room, leave my house.

 

***

 

I'm at a convenient store. I need something to hurt me. I need something to burn me. I'm here to buy another lighter. I also added other things so it doesn't feel weird purchasing just a lighter.

 

"Hey! You're Jungkook's friend!" I hear someone say as I'm paying for my things. I get my change and the bags, and I turn around to see who it was.

 

"Eonni?" I say, shocked at seeing that it was JungSoon. She smiles at me.

 

"Hi!" She says with a big smile. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you again this soon." I chuckle.

 

"How's Jungkook?" I ask. She goes to pay for her things.

 

"He's good." She answers. She finishes paying and looks at me.

 

"Wanna grab a bite?" She asks. I stand there for a while and then nod.

 

***

 

"I just wanted to ask about Jungkook." JungSoon says. We're sitting down at McDonald's.

 

"When you said that he had a tough reputation, and you didn't like him at first, what did you mean?" She asks, taking a sip from her drink. I breathe out.

 

"Well, he's known by everyone in school." I start off. "Since the first year, he's been starting fights with random guys, with the help of TaeHyung and Jimin. He's also had countless number of girlfriends, whose hearts he broke later on. And the first day of school, he was an to me. Sorry."

 

JungSoon sighs.

 

"But he's sweet to you now, right? I mean, he brought you to our house." She says.

 

"I though he was sweet. But he's still the same." I say standing up. "Sorry eonni. I need to go or my parents will be mad."

 

She smiles and nods, waving goodbye as I leave.

 

***

 

It was very awkward in art class. Jungkook was back to just slouching on his chair and napping. Our classmates noticed. I bet they thought we fought.

 

"JiYoon." Jungkook groans. I look over at him.

 

"Can you move your bag? It's in the way and I can't stretch out my legs." He says. I scoff and ignore him.

 

Now that I think about it, not being his friend is great. I can burn myself without worrying about him figuring out.

 

He kicks my bag towards me, and guess what falls out.

 

My lighter.

 

I quickly grab it, looking at Jungkook. His eyes are still closed.

 

I put it in my bag again, and keep it by my side.

 

"I told your sister everything." I say, hoping he'd at least talk to me after that. He opens one eye and looks at me.

 

"What?" He says.

 

"I told your sister yesterday about everything you've done in school since the first year." I say. "She asked. I answered."

 

He sits up on his seat, and the school bell rings. I grab my bag, put it on my back, and leave the room.

 

"Yah!" Jungkook shouts. As bad as I want to turn around and have him speak to me, I ignore him and keep walking.

 

"Yah!" He shouts louder. I really want to turn around. I don't know why but, I really want to talk to him.

 

He grabs my wrist and turns me to face him. He holds my wrist up in the air and holds it tight, making sure I can't escape from his grip.

 

"What did you tell her?" He says.

 

"I told her that you beat people up and you break girls' hearts." I answer. And then the couple comes up towards us.

 

"Hey! Jungkookie!" Jimin shouts, putting his arm around me. "What's going on here?"

 

"Nothing." Jungkook says, throwing my wrist down hard, having my fall down on my knees to the ground. I breathe hard.

 

I can see a crowd surround us.

 

"Get up." Jungkook says. I stay looking down at the floor, both my hands trying to grab onto it, even though it's flat ground.

 

I had an urge to grab my lighter and just burn myself right there. Burn myself bad, more worse than I already do. I wanted to scar myself with the burns. I started breathing harder and harder, trying so hard to not yell and grab the lighter.

 

"I said get up." Jungkook continues. I reach my hand towards the small pocket of my bag, and sneakily grab my lighter. I quickly through my hands near my side and get up. I look at Jungkook, tears forming in my eyes. Then, I run to the bathroom and lock myself up in a stall.

 

No one was in there, but if there was someone, they could hear me weep. I the lighter and held it under my left arm. I slowly brought the flame closer to my arm. Closer. Closer. Closer. My skin feeling hotter. Hotter. Hotter. Pain. More pain. I felt like screaming, from both the pain from the fire, and from Jungkook.

 

I move the fire to another spot on my arm. Then another. Then another. Burning every single part of my arm.

 

I finish. I get up. I walk out the stall and luckily no one was in the bathroom. I look at the mirror and see the monster I have became. My make-up was running. My eyes are puffed up with red. I started breaking down, seeing how much of a mess I became. And then, the door opens. Someone was coming in.

 

I quickly wiped my tears and ran out the bathroom, pushing the girl away. I ran towards the school gates and everyone was looking at me. I was covering my face with my arm so they can't see my tears, but you can hear me sobbing as I ran.

 

I got out the school and ran all the way home.

 

When I got home, I saw my dad sitting on the couch. His face was burring in his hands. He wasn't crying, he was sighing. But he looks up at me when I close the door.

 

"Honey, what happened?" He says. He stands up and walks over to me, giving me a hug. I don't answer him. I just start crying into his chest.

 

He rubs my back and combs my hair with his fingers. He brings me over to the couch and continues hugging me.

 

"Shh." He says.

 

"What's wrong?" He says. I shake my head. It will sound stupid to him. He doesn't ask anymore and continues comforting me.

 

***

 

A few hours later, after I calmed down, my mom and dad sat together with me in the living room. They gave me a decision to make.

 

Live with Dad.

 

Live with Mom.

 

I told them to give me time to think about it. They both nod and Dad says that I have exactly a week to think about it. They're already signing papers and going to court for the divorce. In about a week, Dad's keeping this house and Mom's moving out. I have to choose who to go with.

 

I stay in my room, sitting on my bed feeling very numb. I can't even feel sad. Jungkook. My parents divorce. Choosing who to live with. It's all too much. And now the school is probably laughing at me for having the "bad boy" pick on me.

 

Jungkook knows what I'm going through. Jungkook knows that I burn myself. Why is he acting so rude to me? Why did he suddenly change? I thought I liked him. I actually wanted to become a close friend with him. But no, I hate him. I sadly still hate him.

 

He was so nice to me. That kiss on the cheek made me believe that he changed. It made me believe that he actually has a soft spot in his heart. When he told me about his sister, it made me believe that he wanted me to feel better. He gave me his sister's sketchbook when I ran out of paper in mine. He gave me money when I used all mine to pay for his food. He threw away my lighter, hoping I'd never hurt myself again. He made me believe that he was actually nice. I guess not. Bad guys will always be bad.

 

I have to be stuck with him all year for art. I'm going to have to go over to his house just to work on projects, but it won't be the same. He's acting like that towards me for who knows why. I don't know how it'll be, working with him if he won't even talk to me normally.

 

***

 

I ditch art class this time. I'm sitting down on the grass, hugging my knees close to my chest. No one's around. It's perfect. Quiet.

 

I lift up my sleeve and stare at the burn marks on my arm. It's dark. It hurts when you touch it. But I don't mind it. I missed this pain.

 

The school bell rings and I stand up, fixing my skirt. Fixing my whole uniform actually. I reach into my bag to take out my phone and earphones, but someone quickly grabs both my wrists. I wince from the pain and bite my bottom lip.

 

I look up to see Jungkook. My eyes started to tear up and I bit down harder on my lip, because he gripped onto my wrists harder.

 

"JiYoon." He says. It sounded scary. I try to pull my wrists out of his grip but he held onto it tighter. It hurt and I winced louder and started to scream and freak out.

 

"Let go of me!" I shout at him, still trying to pull away. My eyes are closed and he's shaking my wrists.

 

"JiYoon!" He shouts. I shake my head and start sobbing. The pain was too much to bear.

 

"Kookie, what's going on?" I hear what I think is TaeHyung. Jungkook's tone in his voice changed completely.

 

"JiYoon! Because of you my sister is angry at me!" He shouts at me, pushing me, making me walk backwards. My back hits a wall and I cry even harder.

 

"Please let me go!" I keep shouting. I hate it. Everyone who is probably watching right now would think I'm crying because I'm scared of Jungkook, but that's not it. He's gripping onto the spots where I burned myself. His nails are even digging into my skin.

 

"Please." I beg him, looking at him. His eyes widened a bit, but quickly went back to normal. He pins my arms against the wall, and I wince more from the pain. I look around and I see people watching us. I look at TaeHyung and he's staring at me, and then looks at Jungkook.

 

I kept freaking out. I'm in so much pain. I'm breathing too hard. I'm crying too much. I'm freaking out more than I should be. My head started to hurt. I can hear Jungkook breathing heavily. I look at him and I calm down. My breathing slowed down. My vision goes to a blur. I fell down to the floor. I fainted.