FLASHBACK

BUSAN, 4 DECEMBER 2005

"Saeng-il chukha habnida,
Saeng-il chukha habnida ,
Sarang haneun Seokjin-ie,
Saeng-il chukha habnida~"

All gathered around the small dining table, the family of three sat next to each other as they clapped and sang along to Jin's birthday song. A pink homemade strawberry cake was sitting right in front of Jin and clasping hard onto his hands, he made his wish shortly after the song. His eyes fluttered open after he was done and puckering up his lips, he blew off the flames on the candles swiftly. 

"Woo-ri adeul-ah, saeng-il chukha hae", Nam Min Ji smiled as she leaned forward and pressed her lips gently against the forehead of her son. 

"Gamsahabnida eomma", the nine year old Jin thanked his mother before he climbed out of her embrace and ran to squish his dongsaeng's cheeks,

"And same to you Yi En-ah, I heard that you participated in the cake making process,"
"Ne, happy birthday hyung but I sure hope that the cake will taste fine. Eomma kept referring to the recipe on and off and I'm not sure if it's even edible,"

"Aish", the mother flicked the forehead of the younger son playfully, 

"You boys have got to put more faith in me", she said and then turning back to face Jin, she gestured for him to head into his room. 

"Anyway my son, I have hidden your present in your room and if you can find it within a minute, eomma shall bring you boys out for ice cream later as a bonus", she announced in excitement. 

Even at forty-four, Nam Min Ji was still like a little kid when it comes to her kids' birthdays. Her eyes were literally glistening with joy as she watched Jin scrambled out of his seat and charging into his room instantly upon hearing her words. She was about to tag along behind him when she caught the younger child sitting still at his own seat. 

"You don't want to join your hyung?"

The child shook his head and reached forward to dip his finger into the cake before stuffing it into his mouth. 

"Lame", he commented.

"Well, suit yourself then. But be sure to leave some cake for us. I have yet to try my masterpiece," 

The boy nodded his head and waving his hand for his mother to leave, he was glad to be left alone. Smiling to himself, he continued on scooping the cream off the cake and feeding himself with it when something which was lying by the edge of the table caught his attention. Cautiously, he hovered above the table and stretched his arm out for the foreign object. 

Upon closer examination, the boy realised that it was actually a box of matches. In his mind, he recalled his mother using it to light up the candle of his brother's cake not long ago. Hence, letting his curiosity kill him, he decided to give it a try as well. He the match skillfully along the side of the box and immediately, the yellow flames appeared and they flickered and danced with no thought, further intriguing him. Grinning to himself, the boy was satisfied with his accomplishment and he had wanted to show off his skills to his mother and brother. Thus, climbing down from the chair, he rushed himself and scooted off towards the direction of Jin's room.

However, the flame of his match had no idea of the greatness before it, no notion that it would become one of the greatest blazes. It was like a raindrop of yellow heat that crept up the wood, blackening it, charcoalising it before it scorched his fingertips. So in an instant, he dropped it and the flames leapt like an uncaged tiger into the night, a living wall of yellow flame. His eyes widened as the flame then spread across the living room.

In a matter of minutes, the alarm sounded and an odour of smoke filled the air. 

This alerted Nam Min Ji and heading out of the room rendered the yellow curling particles visible. Before any real fear took hold, she immediately scooped up the younger child and screamed for Jin to run along with her. Very soon, the entire family was out of the house and it was only when he was in her arms and he realized that the lifts weren't an option that his heart started to pound. The smoke thickened and as his mother proceeded down the corridor, the boy couldn't forget the scene which was unfolding before him. 

Right in front of his eyes, the apartment burned like a bonfire set with gasoline. The orange flames were garish against the brilliant paint, the black smoke making dark columns into the corridors. The once pink door was already burning, the paint bubbling and consumed in seconds by the intense heat. 

 With a look of distraught on his face, the boy was so scared that he shivered and could only speak nervously into his mother's ears before his world soon out. 

"Eomma, it was me,"

END OF FLASHBACK

"It was me. It was me all along", 

The desolation Mark felt was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland, the wind howled in his soul and wrapped icy tentacles around his heart so tightly that it almost stopped beating. He felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped his mind in swirling blackness.

Noisy sobs echoed into the woods and he only stopped when a hand found its way to his shoulder.

"Mark, are you alright?"

He wrenched his eyes away from the fire and looked at me. 

Right, I found my way to him eventually. Earlier on, I left Jin's side as soon as I saw Mark running away from the stage. I knew that something was up right away and at first, I had lost him along the way but his sobs led me back to him.

"It was me,"

His voice was quiet, mixing with the crackling of the embers before us and that was what he kept repeating. I took a step closer to him but he shunned me away.

"Don't get any closer to me. I'm a bad boy, I'm a bad son. I-i k-killed my own mother,"

Trembling with fear, Mark crouched down in the shadow. The night was cool but his blood was icy and his muscles were tense. Time passed by quickly in this shared silence and he had lost any sense of how long he'd been there, each second was an eternity praying that he would not have to face Jin. 

As I waited alongside with him, my legs began to cramp from crouching too long but I dare not even move to ease the pain. My heart hammered just by watching him behaving like this and my brain was short-circuiting with anxious thoughts. After a while, I could no longer hold it in that I decided to ask again. 

"Mark, what's wrong?"
"I killed my mother,"

His offhanded answers left me floundering for ways to keep the conversation going. 

"I don't get what you mean. Mark, you've got to share the entire story with me in order me to understand,"

Mark let out a big sigh, resigned to the fact that he can't talk his way out anymore. He drew a deep breath before he closed his eyes and announced softly,

"I was the one who started the fire back then,"

The guilt sat not only on his chest but also, inside his brain. What he had done, he could not undo. He knew that he could make amends in subtle ways, but what's lost could not be returned.

"I am responsible for the fire, for everyone losing their home, for the death of my mother, for the separation with my brother, and lastly, for not allowing you to see your father for the one last time", his eyes were drooping down in an utterly sad manner. I was a little thrown off by his last sentence, but I tried to act normal. 

"Go,"

He turned his head away to hide his tears and pointed me towards the campfire. 

"Leave me alone", he choked, barely holding back his tears.

I stood up from him and hesitated in my steps. 

"I really don't know how to face hyung and you now. So please, give me some time", he covered his face in his hands and repeated himself over and over again. 

As soon as I turned away from him and took a step forward, I wanted to go back and wrap my arms around Mark. But I couldn't. I couldn't walk up to him slowly and pull him closer to me, with my arms wrapped around him. All I could do was try and release my pent up emotions into the darkness. And even that was hard, but I just can't. As from the front, I could now see the man of my dreams slowly approaching us from afar.

He's the one who needs me, I reminded myself. 

Thus, stepping away from Mark, I rejoined Jin halfway back to the campsite.

"We won", he blurted out the good news right when he saw me.

"Hmm?"
"Bangtan Sonyeondan, we are the big winners from this camp and we will be putting up a real show for all in time to come. Mr Park said that the school will be sponsoring whatever props we may need and just to let you know first, we plan to hold it at the underground basement", he giggled excitedly.

"Chukha hae,"
"That's all?"

"Hmm?", I looked up at him with a confused look.

"Moon Gi-ssi, is everything alright?"

Jin had a look of concern as he held me and studied me up and down in case Mark had hurt me again. 

"Don't worry, I'm fine", I told him but he seemed uncertain with my answer. 

His eyes were wavering back and forth at the depressed looking Mark behind us and he frowned. 

"Then, what about him?"

Standing in front of Jin, I immediately covered his view of Mark. Although I felt bad from hiding this truth from Jin, I felt that I was oblique to do so. Both of them are equally important to me and now isn't quite the right time for any parties to get hurt. 

"He just need some alone time. Family stuff", I tried to brush off the matter quick but Jin held my hands in his suddenly. 

"Moon Gi-ah", he muttered softly.

"These past few days, anything you've gotten upset or excited about has always ended up being about him. Even though there's only the two of us, it feels like the three of us are dating", he mentioned solemnly while I gulped. 

"J-jin", he placed his finger on my lips and stopped me from talking.

"It's not that I'm upset with you or what, but sometimes, you make me feel insecure", he paused and exhaled hard,

"Perhaps, the one you actually like is Mark?"

-
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I've been so lost in constructing scenarios for the morning that I'm surprised to see how far I've come. I recognized some of the places from Google Map which was helping me to find my way there and very soon, I will reach the venue which we had agreed on meeting. For your information, a day has passed since we returned to Seoul. Everything was going on well with Jin until last night, I received a message from Mark. 

From: Stupid redhead 🚨 

Papa Tuan wants to meet you at XX Cafe at 7am tomorrow. Please show up as he've got something important to discuss with you.

I checked the venue stated on the screen once again. 

Already, the cafe is in sight. There is nothing slick about it, no fancy fonts or white etching upon the glass. 

For the entire morning, I have been telling myself that I'm not here to sit there and chat happily with him until the wee hours, and that I'm only here to see Papa Tuan. He'll already be in there, looking like he's been stood up, but he knew that I'd be late, so he'll wait. I inhaled deeply as my hand reached for the door. 

Suddenly, all my preparations fled my mind like scared children, my brain felt full of static like an old television set that's lost the signal and I stopped. Part of me was screaming to turn around and leave, but I knew that the past of my father was in there and I would like to find out more about it. 

Therefore, I eventually mustered up my courage and turned the door knob. 

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"Hyung, do you mind doing the laundry?", Jungkook asked as he looked up to check the time on the clock.

"You see, Taehyung and the rest are actually waiting for me-"
"I understand, just run along Kookie,"
"Asa~. Anyway, I'm done collecting from the other rooms except for noona's,"
"Okay, I get it,"

Jin ruffled his hair and picked up the pile of clothes from Jungkook's arms.

"Hurry up or you will be late,"

"Gomawoyo hyung and bye", Jungkook dashed down the steps as soon as he bid farewell to Jin. 

And chuckling to himself, Jin shook his head before making his way to Moon Gi's room. Pushing open the door, he led himself into her room and studied her place. He realised that for the weeks that he has been staying here, he has never enter Moon Gi's room before, so right now, he couldn't stop smiling to himself. 

Bending down, he stopped by at the corner of her room to pick up her soiled clothes. Stacking up neatly on the pile, he was about to leave but he found that he couldn't leave his steps as he was entirely awed by the design of her room, especially the photograph collage which took up the wall behind her bed. 

Burning with curiosity, Jin took a few steps towards the front to check out her works. He laughed at a few of them but when it came to a particular photo, he stiffened up at his spot and dropped the clothes from his arms. He reached out and carefully detaching the photo from the wall, he brought it close to his eyes. 

"Yi En-ah, what is this photo of you doing in her room?" 

His hands were all shaky as he stumbled back to rest on the nearby chair. But unknowingly, he came across  yet another shocking truth from the document which was lying openly on her desk. 

A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of his right eye and his mouth formed a rigid grimace. With the photo in one of his hand and the piece of document in the other, Jin tapped his foot furiously on the ground and stared out of the window. 

For on the paper, it read,

Name of employee: Kim Yi En (Mark Tuan) 

For all he knew, this fitfully sunny morning would now either see the dawn of his new life or snap his dreams into two.