Pairing : broken!Hanchul, Sichul, Hanmi (Hankyung Zhoumi)

Genre : Angst, Romance

Rating : Maybe PG-15 until NC-17 suitable, for language and implication of

Warning : Genderswitch girl!Heechul and Zhoumi, pregnant!Zhoumi.. Don't like don't read,okay.. ^^v

A little bit inspired by B2ST song-Say No (Sichul part)

Say..

--

“Do you still love me?”

“No”

“Good. Do you hate me?”

“Yes, before Siwon come. But now I had forgive you”

“You love Siwon more than you love me when we still as a lover?”

“No”

“That’s not good. So, you want to say that you love me more when we’re lover than you love Siwon as your boyfriend now?”

“No. I love both of you in different way but almost equal. I love you as my boyfriend before, and I love Siwon now as my boyfriend.”

“Sometimes you always made me confused, Chull.”

“That’s me. You know me, right?”

--

“I’m just curious, Chull. What the difference between me and Siwon in your eyes. I mean the quality as boyfriend, based the long relationship. You know, your relationship with Siwon just only two months, but you and me had together for almost one year”

“Hmm…I guess I love Siwon more than just a lover, a person who stay with me only for pleasure and having fun, like we do in past when we still lover. I love Siwon as person I imagined will spend his live with me, the person who will be the father of my children, the only one person who I want to see when I woke up every morning in my life and the last person I want see before I die. With you, I never thinking about future, I just think about now. But with Siwon, I always think about future, and the future always contain me and he. With you I’m happy like a teenage girl, with Siwon, I feel happiness as mature woman, and I love it. Not important how long time we spent, but the important thing is quality of the relationship”

 “Siwon really can change you, now you really wise. Chull, if I don’t made this mistake, are we still together?”

“Probably, but I think we will still broke up. I can’t be a replacement of Zhoumi. I always know, you never really love me. You always looking Zhoumi inside of me and always be like that. Don’t denied again Hankyung, I know it.”

“I think you right Chullie. I still love Zhoumi. Mianhae”

“Kim Heechul always right. Don’t say sorry, that half of my mistake too. I should go now, Siwon is waiting outside. Hope you happy. Don’t even dare made Zhoumi sad again”

“Hope you happy with Siwon too. I promise to make her happy”

I sit while remember everything. Everything moment which lead to this.

-Flashback-

I blame alcohol and broken up with Heechul as a cause of all this chaos, no, maybe good event happen in wrong time more suitable with my condition. I visited my usual bar that night, when I broke up with Heechul. “Am I frustrated?”. I don't know, I just want to release my misery. The misery that not as painful when Zhoumi leave me without reason. I felt tipsy, I can't think anything straight when I met with her again. "Zhoumi" her name rolled softly in my lips, after a years I never called that name again. The girl who has leave me before in China, the girl who never leave my head and my heart even when I still with Heechul, she is now in front of me, still amazing as before.

I remember, I invited her for drinking a cup of coffee in my house that night and the last thing I remembered, she laid on my bed, squirmed, yelled, and slapped my face. She tried to get rid of me but I don't budge. I still hovering her, grasped her hand above her head, kissing her hungrily. this, I love Heechul, but I wanting and missed Zhoumi damn much. The one and only person I love with all of my heart, the one and only reason I broke up with Heechul that night. It's not fair for Heechul, because I can't love her as much as I love Zhoumi. It's feel so wrong and so right in the same time.

The next morning, I woke up with the worst hangover I ever had. I glanced the other side of my bed, it's empty, she doesn't there. When I get up, I can see Zhoumi dressed up silently, sometimes a soft sobs escape from . Her back facing me, her hair damp. I can see red bruise in both of her wrist and bite mark in her shoulder before she wear her dress and her coats to covering all bruises. When she turned and start to walking out, I force myself to approaching her. When she see me, her eyes widened in fear and tears started streaming down. Her shaky forefinger pointing at me ''You're ing monster. Stay away from my life. I hate you!'' After said that, she stormed out. I felt pang in my heart after hear her word. I try my best to chased her, but my stupid hangover make me fainted. ''Mianhae, Mi. Please don't leave me again''. I’m sure, I will regretting this in all my life.

I can’t find Zhoumi anywhere, I try to searched her, but that’s useless. 2 weeks later, me and Heechul started to dating again, but I really can’t forget Zhoumi. Everything not going well between me and Heechul, we often fighting. We broke up –again- one week later. I still searching Zhoumi, and I heard news that Siwon start to dating Heechul. I felt something in my heart, I don’t know maybe I’m jealous. Jealous because I can’t love Heechul as much as Siwon do, Jealous because Siwon is the person who can made Heechul happy (more happy than when Heechul still with me), Jealous because I still can’t find Zhoumi, the one and only person I love. Jealous because I can’t made Zhoumi happy.

“She can’t drink much, She hates the fume of cigarettes. She hates being alone, so be with her always and make sure you always remember her birthday.” I remember I said that to Siwon when we met one day. Siwon just nodded his head and said sorry again to me. “It’s okay I guess since there’s not much left from our relationship. Stop apologize, Siwon. I’m not that hurt anyways. Just please be a better boyfriend from her” Siwon nod his head again, “I promise.” he said firmly. (I take that word from Say No-B2ST song).

One month has passed, and still not any sign of Zhoumi, she like disappeared in thin air. No trace, just nothing. Her frightened face, keep stay in my head like ghost that refuse leaving my sanity. I know, I’m really screwed up. My life already turned upside down when she stormed out from my room that morning. I swore I will regret this in rest of my life if I can't find her and asking her forgiveness and the important thing asking for her love again if she still willing to let me in to her life once again. Regret still chasing me in my bad dream and that made me never feel peace in my sleep every night.

When Henry came that night I had no idea that I will find her, he told me that Zhoumi is pregnant of my child. Half of myself doubt it, the half other shouting loudly through my skull 'yes, that's your baby, stupid, believe that or you will regret it again'. I think, what I need to do just come to her place, asking forgiveness, asking her for married me and everything will be fine. Ending happily for both of us. But like the old rule say, reality always more cruel than imagination.

That morning, when I came to Zhoumi apartment, I brought her favorite flower and I carry my hope too. She opened the door and after she know her visitor is me, she slammed the door in front of my face. She yelled to Henry, asking him to repel me out. I heard her cousin argued with her, and I heard Henry said about giving second chance for me. Zhoumi still don’t want budge. I feel my heart breaking. I leave her apartment, but the next day I still comeback and I still got the same treatment from her.

I do this 2 week straight, now I’m started more worry. Her pregnancy started more visible, she need someone to protect her, she need someone to accompany her visiting the doctor. I really want to do that and I’m really jealous with Henry, because until now only him who can accompany her. Her baby need a father although I doubt, am I can be a good father for that baby?.

Today I came again like usual. I expected she will slammed the door again, but now she let me in. She walked to the kitchen and I followed her. “Sit, we need to talk”. Oh, God in Heaven. Thank you so much, for revive again my dying hope, and I wish you don’t plan to crushing it again. I sit in the chair, I’m really nervous. Nervous made my clothes sticky with sweat. I feel the time is ticking really slow. Zhoumi still busy preparing something, “Here, drink this first.” She gave me a cup of ginger tea. I just stare her and stare my tea and stare her again, she smiled. “I hope, ginger tea still be your favorite, Han”

“What you really want, Han?. Why you doing this.” She asked softly. I stare her eyes, “I just want to fixing everything, Mi. Try to build again our relationship. I hope you will give me chance, Mi. Please.” I plead to her, I see her eyes a little bit hesitated. “I-I don’t know, Han. I’m just scared.” she whispered softly and tears start to rolling on her cheek. I sighed, this is my fault, definitely my fault. ''Mi, please. This is for our baby'' she stared me in disbelief eyes, ''You said, our baby?'' "Yes, that baby is my child, Mi" finally her defenses crumble , she sobbing, instinct I hugged her, and soothing her, "Mi, I still loving you even after you leave me. Please don't leave me again." after she stop crying, I kneeling in front of her, "Mi, would you want to marry, me?" I hold the ring, the ring that should I give to her a few years ago. "Yes" and here we are, ready to held the ceremony.

-Flashback end-

The door opened, “Hankyung gege, your ceremony started in 10 minutes, okay.” said Henry. “Yes, I’ll  be there” he nod his head and out from my room. I followed after him.

Hankyung pov end

--

Meanwhile, in ceremony hall.

“Siwon, you don't asking me, what I and Hankyung talking about inside that room?” Heechul asked curiously, because Siwon don’t asking any question after she out from Hankyung's room. “I respect your privacy Rella, if you don't want tell me about that, so I will wait until you ready telling that to me. Except, if that problem is reaaaly important, dangerous or urgent, of course I'll asking you.” answered Siwon while smiled to Heechul. “That's the reason why I love you more Siwon, and I'm sure about our relationship although our relationship only 2 months old. I love you.” Heechul smile and stare fondly. “I love you more, don’t forget that.” Siwon kiss Heechul lips and the ceremony is started. Only close friends and close relative who come to that ceremony. “I promise, one day, the beautiful bride who walk to altar with me, is you chul.” whispered Siwon and make Heechul blushing. She can imagine that clearly in her minds. “I'd love to, I'll wait till that day come, Siwon.” whispered Heechul, and Siwon just held they hand tightly.

-Fin-

I apologize for Hanchul fans, please do not hate me, because I made them broke up..Anyway, enjoy this..