Thinking of you

Pairing : Kyumin, eventually broken!Simin, Sichul

Genre : Angst

Rating : PG-13

Summary : He kiss my lips, I taste your mouth

Warning : bxb, suicide,

Inspired : Katy Perry song Thinking of you

~~

Today is another ordinary days for the other but not for Sungmin. Today is 3 years after Kyuhyun leaving him and make him drowning in sorrow. Today is supposedly his second anniversary with Siwon, his ex lover but still he couldn’t make Kyuhyun out from his mind and heart and let Siwon fill in Kyuhyun’s position when he still with Siwon and until he ended his relationship six months ago, Kyuhyun who still stay at his mind and heart. Kyuhyun is irreplaceable.

He was a joyful person when he still with Kyuhyun but now he like a person living under happy façade, smiling at lips, empty at eyes. Sungmin continued his life like before when he hasn’t met Kyuhyun and when they still together, pretending nothing happened with his fragile heart. Although he know everything is already different now.

He want ended his life but he know Kyuhyun still alive so he throw away his stupid thought because he afraid if he died now, maybe just maybe one day Kyuhyun will come back again to him and how can they together again if he died, right?.

Kyuhyun maybe not the perfect person in the world but in Sungmin’s eye he was definition of perfection and Siwon, well, he just friends who turn to be second best after Kyuhyun in Sungmin’s heart. “Min, please move on. Don’t disturb me again. We’re not couple anymore” Kyuhyun said that when Sungmin showed up in front of his apartment after 6 month Kyuhyun avoiding him. A pair of slender arm wrapped themselves at Kyuhyun’s waist and a man face perched at Kyuhyun's shoulder. Without said anything, Sungmin knew who he is. “I understand” whispered him before walk away.

Today also one year after he witnessing Siwon kissing another man. He didn’t angry because he know all of this was his fault. Siwon is the only one person who tried to make this relationship worked and Sungmin seem still holding at his reverie about Kyuhyun will come back again to him and didn’t care about Siwon’s feeling and because Siwon was his good friends so he stay at Sungmin side and suppressing his love for another man that obviously is not Sungmin only for protecting Sungmin’s feeling.

One random evening, Sungmin was talked about possibility of them for break up and Siwon just kiss him, preventing him said anything else and preventing him for broke up with him. Siwon is a fool, Sungmin is a fool too. Both of them suppressing their love because they afraid will hurting the fragile thing that called heart and continue pretending they were in love only for friend’s sake.

Siwon’s kisses always gentle although when he want it rough but Sungmin can felt hesitancy and insecurity in his kisses and he always reciprocate his kiss half heartedly. Siwon’s kisses different with Kyuhyun’s kisses. Kyuhyun’s kisses always full with passion and confident and Sungmin always reciprocate his kiss with same fervor. Kyuhyun’s kisses always taste as Kyuhyun’s original taste , but Siwon’s kisses always feels like Kyuhyun’s kisses in Sungmin’s mouth and never change although Siwon had kissed him hundred times.

Today is six month after their unsteady relationship reach the peak before crashing down and shattered and they broke up. It happened at one fateful night six month ago. Siwon in for last time inside Sungmin and shuddered when he reach his and finally honesty spilled from his mouth when he other name and not Sungmin’s. Siwon's eyes widened in shock but Sungmin lips stretched in understanding smile.

That night is the first time Siwon a name when they make love, previously he never said anything only grunt and growl as sign he was satisfied and reach the peak, maybe he’s afraid he will saying other name than Sungmin’s name itself. Not different with Sungmin who held back his tongue and lips for not screaming Kyuhyun’s name at top of his lung when he reach his peak as well. “Sung-Sungmin, I’m sorry” he said that after he pulled out from Sungmin and staring him with guilty look, “That’s not your fault. I’m your best friend and will be until forever. Go and chase your happiness, Heechul is your soul mate not me and you’re not my soul mate, Kyuhyun is my soul mate”. They shared one last kiss. Tears trickled down their cheek, make their kiss wet and salty but both of them can felt relief bloom at their heart when they know they will ended the fake show this night. The next day, Siwon move out from their shared apartment with thank you in every step he take before leaving the apartment completely, leaving Sungmin with empty bright smile behind.

Today Sungmin sat with blank expression in front of his television after watching news. The news told a plane crashed and all of the passenger become victim. The news displaying victim name and one name was “Cho Kyuhyun” whispered Sungmin and soon his breath stopped awhile when his lips trembling and tears fall down uncontrollably. Kyuhyun, his love of life, his definition of perfection, his everything in the world, his reason for survive (literally and figuratively) had gone, leaving this world forever and Sungmin thought, chance of Kyuhyun will come back and asking him for being his boyfriend again is zero percent.

Sungmin decided, this time is the right time to leaving this world too because he didn’t have reason for stay longer, his reason for stay in this world has gone. He downed half the bottle contents of his sleeping pills and soon he found himself slumped at couch, his eyes fixed to door as if Kyuhyun will walk through the door and take him away.

Someone opened his door and rushed to his slumped body. Frantically shook his body and calling someone for help with loud voice but everything seem so quiet and serene in Sungmin’s mind when he heaved his last breath and he leaving his sorrow with his lifeless body.

~~

Sungmin opened his eyes and saw someone stretched his hand to him. He took it and saw the owner is none other than Kyuhyun. “Kyu?” asked him unsure “Yes, Min. Let’s go to a place that no one can separate us. We will together, forever.” and they walk hand in hand to a place that white is the main color and border between reality and reverie is no longer exist.

-fin-

i'm frustrated sorry.. T_T.. comment if you liked