Chapter 41. Lost In You

Now I know that I've known lot of things at all

except the fact that I am yours 

and that you are mine

~your song (parokya)

She was in a daze but she let her thoughts remain to herself. The sight of two locks secured on that fence with the others surrounding it gave her an overwhelming feeling. The locks served their purpose— it gave her hope that her days of wondering are now over. Not just because of the man who locked his key into hers but also with her family. Her mother and her father. It gave her hope that the storm had passed and she was seeing the early morning with the beautiful sun and assuring her of better days to come. There was another lump in but she swallowed it in, especially when she felt his soft palm into hers urging her to turn to him. 

And so she did. And his beautiful smile welcomed her into him.

“And this is the key, in time I will give this to you.” Yong Hwa slipped the object on her palm that they were both holding on it. His eyes remained on her hand as he continued to speak like he was afraid that he would get another sad answer from her. “To decide if these locks should stay here and the key to be completely forgotten. Or if some things would still matter to you and keep you away from me.” 

Seo Hyun knew he was referring to their father but she listened for her heart didn't want her to say anything. If she defied its wishes, she would only cry.

He looked at her drawing a tender smile as if begging to give him her everything, “Finally, it must be something we should have done before.” 

She shook her head answering his own smile, “No... things happened because they were meant to happen.” Seo Hyun laid the key to his palm again and urged him to hold it, “Oppa, I just want to live every day. No more turning behind or looking ahead. Can we do that? Live for the moment?”

“Yes...” he nodded. Yong Hwa understood what she meant, “As long as that moment is with you... I can live with that.”

“That's great to hear, then.” She patted his closed fist and withdrew her hand from his. The day was almost done. It was colder up there but her coat secured her and kept her warm. The wind was making some strands of her hair play at the back of her head that she just held on to them by her shoulder. The sun, almost gone now, was replaced by those tiny lights that glimmered beneath them and those above shyly peeking away for they were a million light-years from them. The wind and the soft voices of the other people around them kept her company as he was stilled by the very same picture in front of them. 

Until he spoke, gentle and clear.

“Did you really go to the train station?”

“Yes, I was there...” She answered without looking at him instead, let her fingers play with their locks.

Yong Hwa continued to watch her afraid to peel his gaze off her face, “Then why didn't you go to me?”

“For the same reason we got separated.” A smile curled in her lips. There was bit of sadness to it that was perhaps because the pain of the past revisited.

He nodded, “I understand.”

Finally, Seo Hyun turned to him seeking his hand and enfolding it to hers, “I'm so sorry for hurting you.”

“It was not only me. You were hurt too.” He squeezed her hand tight.

“Perhaps we need those years to make us realize some things,” Seo Hyun said under her breath with her heart beating so fast as he looked at her that way.

“I know... Hyun, I have always been in love with you.”

Day Two

Seo Hyun was holding her hand when they reached the hospital. She held it tighter as they got closer to his bed. Hee Jun looked older, far older than his age. There was this twitch that unbelievably pained her chest and suddenly lost her sense of balance. If not for her daughter keeping her on her feet, she would have fallen onto the floor. His weak form was resting peacefully on a big bed with sheets covering half of his torso. The sight of the medical ventilator beside his bed finally gave way for her eyes to water.

“Mom, are you okay?”

She asked and Hyun Mi nodded keeping a forced smile while hurriedly wiping her eyes. It must be hard on him, all the years she kept Ju Hyun away from him or even not letting him explain his part of why they ended up as a broken family. Leaning on the bed, she reached out to touch his hand. He was sleeping and she thought it was better that way since she didn't know how to face him yet.

Yong Hwa stood behind them silently watching as Seo Hyun’s mother walked closer to the bed and took his hand. Seo Hyun grabbed the chair and let her sit for a while but both remained quiet as if too shy to say anything. He could not really understand how to feel seeing the three of them together like that. Somehow he thought must be feeling a little jealous but he scolded himself for being childish. Besides, that was what he wanted all along— what everybody wanted all along. After a few seconds, Seo Hyun turned to him and mouthed a thank you, her misty eyes telling him more than what her lips could say.

He made his way towards them, resting his hand by her waist. With a soft tug, he spoke, “Hyun, I think we should leave them for a while.” She looked at him and nodded with that melancholic smile that all he wanted to do was to grab her towards him and envelope her in an embrace. But it was not really a good thing to do. Yong Hwa motioned for her that they needed to leave and gently placed a hand on her mom's shoulder, “Imo, we need to get going now.”

Hyun Mi looked up to Yong Hwa and nodded, “Okay, you take care of yourselves...” Her daughter bended down to give her a hug and a peck on the cheek. “Try not to stay out late.”

“De, Umma,” Seo Hyun straightened then nodded kissing her one more time, “Take it easy, okay?”

“Yes,” she smiled motioning for them to go. When the door closed, Hyun Mi stood and crossed her arms on her chest. Now, it was only her and him again. That moment, she wanted to wake him and ask all those questions she was too scared to ask before. Her tears finally fell down her cheeks but her hands covered as if trying not to cry but it was too late. Slowly, she fell on her knees by the foot of his bed crying. Crying but without sound for she didn't want to wake him up nor make him see her tears— the pain of the past and the pain of how her pride ruined her family.

When Seo Hyun gave Yong Hwa up, it was the time she started thinking that she had probably done the greatest mistake of her life when she divorced her husband without listening to what he was trying to tell her before. But right that moment, she didn't know if he would be able to tell her what she needed to know so it was tearing her apart.

Hyun Mi gathered herself up and sat back on the chair and listened to his gentle breathing, “Hi... Hee— Yeobo,” she laughed quietly at herself. She did not expect herself to be calling him that again. “What happened to you? Look at you? I told you to take care of yourself, especially your heart,” she spoke as her hand soothed his arm, “You have to get better soon so that you can tell me everything you were trying to tell me before. I'm so sorry for turning deaf. I'm so sorry for not listening. I'm so sorry for stealing our daughter away from you...”

She cried again. That was all she could do.

~~~

Ji Son felt something was wrong with the two adults in front of him. It was really a good thing that they picked him up from the daycare center moments ago— together. But when they got to the restaurant beside the arcade and the food had been ordered, though it hasn't arrived yet, they fell quiet.

And that was strange, really strange.

So he looked at them and they looked at him but no one was speaking. Suddenly, his Yoona-ssi looked at his Appa and he looked at her too. They were mumbling something to each other with eyebrows raised and lips moving so softly as if they were sharing a secret. Finally, his Appa leaned closer to the table and rested his arms on it. He cleared his throat and she had a small smile on her lips so Ji Son did not blink at all waiting for what he was about to say.

Just as he was about to talk, the waiter came and brought in their food. His ice cream looked yummy that he completely forgot about that brief moment especially when he started digging in to it.

~~~

Yong Hwa slightly lurched on the sidewalk in front of her and laughed.

“What the?! Oppppa!!!” Seo Hyun grumbled while throwing a gentle fist on his arm. She was taken by surprise of that sudden act but it sure did steal her away from her reverie.

“Ya, I was just making you come down to earth,” he complained lacing his fingers on hers again and compelled her hand to sway along with his, “We should set aside sad thoughts for a while, okay?”

With a slight nod, her free hand held on to his arm and linked their sides closer, “I'm a little worried about Umma,” she revealed then nodded when he looked at her with brows furrowed, “Fine... this is our second day. Maybe I better focus on what you have prepared for today.”

“Of course!” He hissed with lips almost forming a boyish pout that elicited another soft laugh from her, “Just focus on being happy, yes?”

“Yes!” Seo Hyun exclaimed then puckered her lips before continuing, “So, what do you have for me today?”

“Hmmm...” Yong Hwa looked at her, drawing a face in deep thought, “Something from the list?”

She laughed, “That's a very nice clue, Oppa.” With that, she did not wait for him to give her a definite answer. Besides, he was good at giving surprises.

They made their way on to the main street and she wondered why they did not go to the parking lot. Suddenly, he hailed a taxi.

He opened the door for her, “Get in...” Yong Hwa softly ordered and grinned secretly at her confused expression. After they got settled, he told the driver their destination.

“Oppa, what happened to your car?”

“Huh? Nothing happened to it.” He tried to maintain a clueless expression, “Why? Should something happen to it?”

“Aigooo...” she sighed knowing he was poking fun at her by the way he was answering, “Why are we taking a taxi and heading to the train station?”

Yong Hwa crossed his arms by his chest and shook his head.

Seo Hyu rolled her eyes and laughed when he waved a finger at her telling her that there was no way he was going to tell her, “Aish, chincha, Oppa...” She crossed her arms to her chest, herself and directed her gaze towards the window. “You are just lazy to drive...”

He laughed out loud then trailed his voice softly, “Just wait...”

She nodded. His jokes were really a good way to distract her off the thoughts of her parents. Seo Hyun has been praying her dad to at least be in his lucid state when he wakes up so he could talk to her mother. Her mind was slowly slipping to a deep thought again until she felt his head falling on her shoulder as his hand took hers squeezing it lightly, “Thank you...”

“You're always saying that.” He looked up to her detaching his head from her but chuckled when she pulled it down again, “I must thank you, too.”

“You're welcome,” she playfully answered.

~~~

“Who are you?”

The vase almost fell off her hand. She was walking back to the window after washing it by the pantry when she heard his faint voice. Laying down the object down with care, she walked to him, “Hello, Hee Jun.”

“I-”

He was trying to sit up so she rushed to him and helped him up, “Careful.”

“Thank you,” he said when she placed a pillow by his head. “Where's Ju Hyun? Are you a new nurse?”

Hyun Mi nodded. She didn't really know how to reintroduce herself to him. “Ju Hyun went somewhere with Yong Hwa.” She fixed the covers before pulling the chair and taking her seat.

“Ahhh, when are they coming back?”

“I don't know yet.” He looked like he was in a calm mood. Her daughter told her that he can sometimes be aggressive and easily gets agitated.

“I'm glad you came,” he said with gentle eyes, “Ju Hyun told me there was someone who would see me today.”

“Yeah,” She smiled gently. “Do you want me to take care of you?”

“As long as you don't lock me up here.”

“They lock you up here?” A lump was forming on again. It felt like talking to a kid.

“Yes, some of those bad people. But Yong Hwa and Ju Hyun play with me.”

“Don't worry,” she reached out and soothed his hand, “We will ask your doctor if we can go out and walk around.”

He directed his gaze on the open window by his bedside, “I walk around and do some exercises. They are tiring me.”

Hyun Mi brushed stood and opened the fridge. It was her excuse to wipe the tears that were flowing.

“Will you be here later?”

She turned and found him looking at her. His eyes were melancholic, as if there were a million things he wanted to tell her. She swallowed hard then nodded, “Yes, I will be here...”

“Good, I think I need to sleep now.”

The glass of water in her hand remained untouched for a couple of seconds as she watched him turn to his side. After a few minutes, she listened to his deep breathing.

Almost half an hour had passed, she sat by his bedside watching him sleep again. She went to see his doctor and was updated with his condition. He said he would always have chest pains but they were not serious and it was becoming less frequent. Dementia has worsened considering that he was still young for it. She remembered it really run in his family— his father suffered the same fate. She shut her eyes tight remembering how he would always joke before that time would come he would not remember her anymore or those things they did together. Her tears flowed more upon recollection that she did promise him that every day she would remind him of how much they love each other.

They were so young then.

She knew that s