CHAPTER 35. HEALING

Tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you

Over again

~fall for you (secondhand serenade)

She folded the newspaper, blowing a soft sigh, as she diverted her gaze towards the open street. Only a few cars whizzed by along the one-way street as constant streams of passers-by saunter on the walkways. The image of Ji Son flashed in her mind as her lips curved in a tiny smile. It has been days since she last saw him-- her Cake. Yoona was obviously feeling the gap whenever he was not around. Ignoring her mind's suggestion of phoning his father, she decided to just go back to the office and try to find something that could occupy her mind.

A couple of hours later with two cups of coffee, a glass of pineapple juice, and some paper works left unfinished, Yoona stood and decided to take her lunch somewhere else. Somewhere she could let her mind rest from the thought of that little boy who wanted to marry her and his father who was making her feel confused. Somewhere she could probably stop her mind from imagining a future with a father-and-son tandem.

Shaking her head, she blew an air of disappointment with her mind's crazy suggestions. Skipping lunch was tempting moments ago but now food would be her perfect distraction. After instructing Shim Ji, she acknowledged her patrons who were lazying inside the shop and went out to eat somewhere.

Just as the door clang closed behind her, she recognized that broad back that was leaning forward looking absorbed on the newspaper in his hands.

“Manager...”

Ji Hwan gave her a slight bow that she ended up biting her lower lip and creasing her brows as the boy walked passed her. She would have wanted to remain incognito and his greeting made Si Won turned to where she was standing. With a little smile, she opted to go on walking.

“Ahhh... Yoona-ssi...”

Forcing herself to relax, she turned to find him pushing his seat behind to stand, “H-hi...”

“Hi...”

Si Won replied unconsciously massaging his nape and smiling like the way Cake does when he wanted another piece of blueberry cheesecake. Oh, man... she mumbled at the back of her mind, “Uhm... it's nice to see you here...”

“Yeah... uh--”

“Where's Cake-- Ji Son, I mean...” she grinned as he chuckled softly.

“He's in the daycare center.”

“Finally?”

“Yeah, finally... I bribed him a Cabi trip this weekend...”

It made her laugh, alright. Yoona shook her head, “Uh... lunch break? Coffee break?”

“Kinda... I'm on vacation leave.”

“You are?” Knowing how workaholic he is, vacation leave sounded surprising.

“Yeah, I decided to refurbish his room. It still looks the way it did when he we moved there. Uhm, except for the bigger bed.”

“Ahhh... that's good to hear,” she smiled nervously then decided that she needed to get away, “I... I think I should be going--”

“Is it rude if I ask where?” He sheepishly smiled.

“Lunch?” she mumbled.

“Lunch. Hmmm... I think I could use some too.”

Uh-oh.

“Do you mind if I tag along?”

Do you need to prolong this agony? Say yes, you mind Im Yoona! Say that you don't need company! Say anything but not a– “Uhm... no... I don't really mind.”

“Great!”

Oh man, this is trouble. Heart trouble...

~~~

When the door suddenly opened, she forced herself not to look as if she has not been anticipating his arrival. Instead she turned her neck slightly sideways and in her formal tone she greeted, “Good afternoon, Director Jung.” Seo Hyun was to drop her gaze back on the papers sprawled in front of her but she found herself cradling his stare as he walked along her corner with that familiar smile when he greeted her back. A rush of cold blood crept on her body up to her face and she tried to open but words failed her as she tried to pull her eyes off him. If he stood in front of her for a second… she could not really tell but they did lock glances again.

Ignoring the thump-thump in her chest, she whisked her mind back to the documents but her eyes would cunningly travel towards him. Yong Hwa was studying the first batch of documents she placed on his in-coming file rack and scribbling his signature or remarks on them then would transfer them to the out-going files. He did this for the next couple of minutes until he cleared his throat and asked for the rest of his schedule. She stood to give him a copy she made moments ago and read the contents marking down his comments in between reading. Afterwards, she walked closer to his table and took the outgoing documents to give to Mrs. Park. She rather moved in haste just to stop her obvious tensed feeling being so near him but before she could fully open the door, he called back softly so she stopped midway and rested her other hand on the doorjamb.

“Thanks for yesterday...”

That was all he said with that face that brought back some memories from before. With a slight bow, she pulled the door open and slipped off the room. Resting her back on it, she counted for a while before releasing some pent-up breaths. It was really a bad idea being in his room so she made up excuses just to stay longer outside until she realized that it was time for him to go to another meeting. The gods must be playing with her for she ended up meeting him by the hallway just outside his office and they did that little dance of walking on each other's way then ended up talking at the same time until he finally stopped to let her pass on the other side.

Seo Hyun could not understand if the whole thing should make her smile or scold herself for feeling like a love-sick teenager. Once again, she was alone in the room contemplating over her own revelation the other night. Her eyes were still puffy that even the other employees were prying what happened to her that night.

Finally, she said it. Though she was not really planning to say it that moment but maybe she needed that silence to accept that fact and let it out on her conscious mind that she, Seo Ju Hyun is still helplessly in love with him, whether or not he would reciprocate her feelings, it really didn’t matter anymore. It felt confusing, however, when the call ended. She might have pushed the button since she was all weak as she lay on her bed and held on to the phone talking to her 'you.'

Putting an elbow on the table, Seo Hyun darted her gaze on that empty seat slightly slanted on the side which was a clear indication that he just occupied it. She would still get all those butterfly effects she had back then whenever he would walk in the room and take his place inside his office. Mushy as it may sound, but that was probably what she felt when she realized that he has walked into her young heart back then. She clasped her hands together and recalled how her Yo~ng Oppa held it under the table on their first dinner date. She smiled but the ringing of the phone stole her away from her dream train.

It was the private phone ringing so she waited until it stopped because she could not really take his personal calls. Suddenly, it rang again that made her heart thumped in an odd way. What if it was an emergency? Seo Hyun stood and walked over to it and held out her hand for a second before retracting. Whether or not it was important she should not—

It rang again and by an unknown force, she found herself cradling the receiver on her hand. “Yo--” She listened as the person introduced himself as a staff of the medical institution. The call ended rather abruptly and she zoned out in a deep empty thought. She stood there for a moment until the busy tone brought her back to her senses. Putting the receiver back, she scrolled on the nearest piece of paper she could grab and walked lifelessly until she found herself running as fast as she could.

The taxi-ride felt like consuming her entire life as she prayed that it was not too late-- that she was not too late. Her eyes didn't even falter from looking straight ahead as she could feel those lumps slowly choking her. She doesn't want to cry and she shouldn't be crying but it was a moment when she was totally not in control of her emotions. All she could think about was getting there-- on time.

Her legs-- especially her calves, were terribly having cramps by the sudden run she just did. But it did not stop her until she stepped in front of his hospital room. She reached for the knob but it opened before she could and a nurse got out looking like she was hurrying and focused on her with a questioning look.

“Are you a family member?”

Seo Hyun nodded slowly as another two nurses went out so they moved away from the door. Voices were getting louder and orders and questions that she could not understand fill the air in the background. And without waiting for the woman to say another word, she stepped to go inside the room until she read her action and blocked Seo Hyun right away.

“Agassi, you cannot go in there!”

“But! My father!” She blurted out loud trying to push the woman away but she held her arms and with a gentle smile she shook her head.

“I'm so sorry, the doctors are doing what they can to help him so please, the only thing you can do for him is to wait and pray.”

With that, the nurse opted to go back to the room and locked it leaving her to wonder what was happening to him. Seo Hyun's mind was really blank and she could feel her whole body quivering. As another man sprinted, she attempted to take a step forward but he was fast enough to close the door that her tears finally found their way out. It felt like being ganged up by all of them. It felt like being fooled by the situation. She felt so helpless that all she could do was to cry and surrender to her tears. Seo Hyun walked to the side as if she was totally lifeless and fell on the ground with her knees bent. Embracing herself, her body felt like involuntarily swaying forward as if making herself stop from crying silently while her eyes never left the sight of that closed room.

~~~

Thankfully, the meeting finished earlier. Yong Hwa has been feeling restless for the couple of minutes inside the conference room that he really could not understand why so he went straight to his office. A rush of sudden cold breeze welcomed him on the emptiness and the unexplained feeling intensified when he saw the bright green sticky note on top of his table with her familiar .

Appa

As simple as that but he perfectly understood its meaning so he ran off. It only took him a few minutes to get to the hospital and ran as fast as he could up to his stepfather’s floor. His mind was painstakingly bringing him back to the night he found him unconscious in his room before his operation; he cried at the first thought that he was gone. Now, he has Seo Hyun to think of too. Yong Hwa knew deep inside that she still loves her father and the abandonment was just her excuse to hate him.

Finally, he reached his floor—he almost gasped at the sight of her. There she was squatting on the floor embracing her folded legs and swaying back and forth looking like a lost little girl. His eyes then wandered towards the closed door with all the faint voices inside. Seo Hyun slowly jerked up that their gazes met, his heart tugged when her lips quivered and those tear-stained eyes focused at him as if begging him to come closer which he did.

Yong Hwa found himself sitting on the floor pulling her into him.

She cried louder, the tears that she has been trying to stop seemed to flow out of their own will while he cradled her on his chest and rocked softly. Yong Hwa could feel his own heart rapidly throbbing in his chest but he tried to stay calm for her and found himself mumbling under his breath, “Shhhh... everything's going to be alright...”

“What if... it wouldn't?”

Yong Hwa closed his eyes when she held on to his shirt and burying herself deeper to him and mumbling those words that he could not even understand anymore. All he could glean was that pain and fear as her body trembled. He was scared and so was she. Too bad it was the worst way for her to find in her heart that deep longing for her father. But that moment Seo Hyun was his own little girl-- his baby, the woman he would go on loving stupidly, “Don't say that...”

“B-but...” she choked again then shook her head clutching his dress shirt way too hard on her closed fist, “No... oh... no God please... not yet... Not yet...”

He could feel his heart crushed as he listened to her gentle pleading. If only he was God, if only he could make things better for her. But he was not, all he could do was to wait with her and hold her that way. All he could do was to shut his eyes, kiss the crown of her head and let himself drown in her scent as he prayed for their father. Feeling the numbness on his legs, he adjusted himself to sit on the floor but he felt her pulling him closer.

“Don't leave me... oh, please don't leave me...”

She cried and his heart retracted with that begging, the words he would have wanted to hear from her in a different circumstance. He shook his head and gently bended closer that his lips brushed the side of her ear then reassured her in a soft voice, “No… I will never leave you, Hyu~n... never...”

That was a promise he once made on that fine afternoon they made the list, he may have been gone for eight years but his heart never left her. Yong Hwa held her until the nurses came out, one-by-one, looking relieved so he slowly guided her to stand and meet the doctor. “How is he?”

“He had a minor attack but his condition has now stabilized.”

He took a deep sigh of relief and the doctor smiled as he patted Yong Hwa’s shoulder, “Can she see him now?” He pressed her hand tight when the older man nodded and bid her gently, “Go see him… I’ll talk to Doctor Baek.” Seo Hyun looked up to him as if unsure of what to do, “Go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute… I promise…”

Yong Hwa smiled as he watched her walk with careful steps. If he would be there beside her, she might just depend on him—be like another reason not to face her feelings head on. Seo Hyun needed to be alone with her fears for her to be able to deal with them on her own. After the doctor explained his condition, he went to the room and found her sitting by his bedside. He was not sure if she was holding her appa’s hand but she was sitting close to him. She was silent, just staring at her sleeping father. His lips carved a gentle smile as he walked away and left them. He didn’t need to be there. Seo Hyun needed that space and time alone with the person who shadowed her life with pain.

She needed to face her own monster.

~~~

“Ju Hyuna... this is the way you swing the bat. Watch Appa.”

“Okay... Ahhh... but Appa, that's how I did it!”

“Well... yeah... yeah, but you need to step your foot a little closer, like this. See?”

“Ahhh...”

“And swing your arms... like this... and then... look at the pitcher.

“I will be the pitcher!”

“Okay, go ran along... okay stop! Hey, you are so far! I can't see you anymore!”

“Hahahaha! Appa! I'm here! Look at me! Look!”

Seo Hyun felt like she has ran for a mile or so as her eyes opened and was welcomed by that warmth on his smile—it made her smile back.

“Princess, why did you wake up?” He tried to lift a hand but failed to do so, “Go back to sleep... you look tired.”

She sat up and rubbed her eyes gently, “You recognize me?” Oddly, the question sounded funny even for her as her dad chuckled.

“How couldn't I? You have your mom's eyes.”

The memory of that answer came sweeping in her mind. He used to say that a lot even though other people would insist that she looked more like him than her. Suddenly, it felt like