im sorry for the long wait, but here you go......

Baekhyun was afraid of everything, he was afraid of society, he was afraid of him self. He was supposed to be in love with chanyeol and just live with it instead running away like a coward he always is, moreover he was suppose to not left chanyeol like that.

That day, the last day baekhyun stepped his foot in the ground of his hometown, baekhyun left early in the morning with both of his parents. He wasn’t supposed to leave that early in the morning, but he purposely left early than he was supposed to be just so he didn’t have to face chanyeol hurt expression. So he didn’t have to bid a farewell with the younger, so he can leave his heart for good with no trace of longing feelings, so he can move on with his own way and let chanyeol burden-free from his not really one sided love for the hyung.

Baekhyun well aware of all the consequences he might face in the future, like how he looks so less happy and lifeless for the past 3 years, how sometimes at night he would blankly staring at the pale ceiling on top his head with mind wildly wandering around a 12 years old little boy who smiles so bright as blinding as the sun is.

The past 3 years is a total tutor for baekhyun, both mentally and physically. He was no longer seeking for friends anymore because he thought making friends are simply not worth to do, only add more burdens to his fragile heart. That’s why, its such a miracle that jongdae still stick around him despite the lack concern from baekhyun and the whole one sided conversation between them like all the times. Sometimes baekhyun wonder why jongdae still keep up with his pathetic acts and his all-the-time-sad face but still, he’s thank full for it because he might not admit it in front of jongdae but he was thank full that the older are there for him, because without jongdae cheerful cheering for him he might not be able to survive the grey life he live for the past 3 years.

At some special dates or events, baekhyun would seated him self in his comfortable armchair, facing his opened balcony. He would bring a black box to his lap, caresses it carefully before opened it. Baekhyun would cry for some good hours in the silent as the wind wash away his face and lets the icy weather seeping through his skinning figure. Baekhyun sometimes would bring some colourful Polaroid in his hand closer to his aching chest just to remind him of the colourful life he had once, and kissed it sometimes when the pain is just too much to hold. Sometimes he would also chant some silent ‘I’m sorry’ in between his sobs, breathlessly. And if you listen closer and carefully enough you’ll also heard him chants ‘I miss you, hyung is sorry’ inaudibly in the most heart breaking way you could ever listen to.

He spent Christmas complete with his family around him in his not so tiny apartment, just like they’d always do every year. They would always do the same family tradition and have dinner together. But somehow its not the same anymore, there’s this one tiny space that left empty and made the whole Christmas incomplete and sadly baekhyun heart knew the answer already.

Because he used to never missed any single Christmas without the presence of the young boy who lived next door, next his old house.

Being a weak soul he is, baekhyun sometimes would cheated on his own promise to himself and stalked the owner of his love with his own way.

No, he never once ask about the younger condition to his parents, because to bring the topic about the young boy with large ears and large smile only made baekhyun’s wall wrecked and left his gaping heart ache in the most ugly way. He doesn’t want to break in front of his parents, and showing them his weak side is one thing he wants to stay away for the past 3 years, he just doesn’t want to make his beloved parents more worried about him than they already are, he doesn’t want to be a burden because he was so much a burden already.

In some lonely hour where jongdae claimed himself to actually going outside with his girlfriend, baekhyun would sneakily open his laptop, logging in to his fake facebook account and stalk the young dongsaeng all night.

Stalking the younger sometimes would bring relief to his worried heart, to know that the younger doing all fine and great being a basketball captain and all made baekhyun’s sigh in relief.

He was so happy to know that the younger is doing healthy and happy.

And sometimes stalking also brought him back to the ugly green feelings of jealousy to see the amount of chicks commenting and liking his uploaded picture.

And the amount of picture that he was tagged in with the younger being too close with a lot of girl is also not helping the ugly feelings in his heart that demanding to explode.

Because seeing the younger with so many girls is not okay, he admits that he wasn’t okay.

And sometimes in the end when the apartment get more quiet than it usually is and when the night sky is getting darker as the hour tick by, baekhyun would feels the same numb feeling comes back like a big wave hitting in his heart again, his heart would be in such an unbearable pain that its start to feel numb all over.

How he misses the younger in all every seconds he live.

Its January, the winter breaks are still on.

Baekhyun had decide to choke him self with drama marathon since early in the morning. Baekhyun usually hates to watch drama, because ‘my life is too much of a drama already’ he said. But it actually wasn’t only that, because when he watch drama and see how miserable the couple is, he can’t help but think back to the little boy that he missed so much.

Watching drama only some kind of a mock to him at how his and the little boy’s love is so much drama a like.

But now, since he’s alone at the apartment and feels like being melancholy all day, he decide to watch all the heart breaking drama he could find in jongdae’s drama collection.

The cold weather that comes with the winter season adds more the melancholy feelings to baekhyun’s fragile heart, he somehow feels a bit excited at how much pain he would receive today, strangely.

Sometimes baekhyun him self couldn’t believe at how his heart is stubbornly wont move on from the boy that used to be his sun few years ago, or maybe the boy still is.

When he could spent all his collage life to move on and find some hot chick to date, but here he is, moping in his apartment with the drama on television watching his miserable love life and not the other way around. Sometimes baekhyun also would envy the couple on the drama, because even those damns ed up couple in drama have their own happy ending while he sadly don’t have one.

Baekhyun keep sighing in the middle of watching the couple foolishly doing stupid things that only hurts themselves even more, and sometimes he would also laugh at that because how the situation in the drama is like his own situation, with him being the foolish one who done nothing but hurt his and his love’s feeling.

Its early in the afternoon, his eyes are a bit puffy with all the crying he has done today, thanks to the awfully sad drama and sad life he had. His eyes are heavy and drowsy from all the crying and the amount of drama he watches.

His couch under him, and the mountains of blanket on him are kind of alluring him to close his drowsy eyes to sleep.

But of course, of course when he was about to close his tired eyes, some moron outside his apartment have to knock oh so loudly on his door and force his eyes to open wide on shock immediately.

“arrghhh , just who the hell”

He curses at the annoying loud knock as he rubs his face hard against his slender palm. He stretch his arms open, relaxing his stiff muscle from sleeping on the couch since hours ago.

He lazily steps to his door, with the moron still loudly knocking like a mad man. He yawns few times before reaching the door.

“Who is-“

And just like that, as he was about to open the door, his words suddenly dead on his throat as the result of his suddenly dry throat, and his face strangely drained from its colour.

Because in front of him, standing a taller and handsomer version of the young boy who used to colour his life few years back then in his hometown. Baekhyun cant help but opening his eyes widely in disbelieve as his mouth is doing the same, opening and gaping widely like a stupid fish gaping for air.

“Surprise?”

Damn that’s y voice.

Baekhyun mind goes blank in instant, only the sound of the y voice of not-really-a-stranger voice ringing painfully in his ears, rough and deep. Just damn that y deep voice.

Bakhyun blinks his eyes few times in disbelieve, ‘NOOO THIS CANT BE HIM’ his mind screams, denying the fact that the stranger in front of him is so much look a like the boy he missed, or maybe its his broken brain playing trick on him, manipulating his eyes to blindly seeing the stranger he might never meet to looks so much like ‘him’, the ‘him’ he refuse to voice out the name.

But look at those painfully large ears! He can never mistake those ears to someone else’s because he knows that ears with all his heart.

And look at those plump lips! His eyes won’t ever mistake those lips because he taste that same lips like he addict on it few years back then.

And don’t forget those sharp almond eyes! Oh god its HIM!

Baekhyun want to scream and run away right here right now, but instead cooperating with him, his feet decide to do on his own freewill and stand frozen on the spot.

“How can- but you- h-how you promise”

And instead forming proper words, his stupid mouth decides to be against him and voice out incorrect words, stuttering.

His mind is a mess, yes. And he’s totally giving up on it.

“I’m not looking for you,

I’m coming for you”

 And as the words come out from those y lips, baekhyun shriek in high pitch like a female, and he push his limbs from his freewill and force it to run to his house, hiding from the stranger, or maybe also hiding from the cruel world that keep mocking him and his messed up love life.

But of course, the tall stranger, being tall and all, have an arm that strong enough and fast enough to grab his wrist before he can secure away from the ‘him’-look-like stranger.

“Nu-uh baek”

The stranger shakes his head, making his soft hair falling perfectly on his forehead and shaking in the way he shouldn’t find attractive. As he fail to notice the missed ‘hyung’ in the sentence.

“Not that fast”

The stranger continue with that same deep voice, and maybe he should stop to call him stranger because deep down his heart he actually knows already who is the tall person that currently standing before him and holding his wrist tightly on his grip is.

And yes, he can only stare dumbly and gulps.

After some chitchat and some proper catch up with him no longer gaping dumbly to the younger. And yes, he’s now already start to accept that the stranger is err... his next door neighbour back to his home town, and also an almost lover of his.

Even though it’s hard to believe, he found out that chanyeol is continue his high school in here, Seoul. The younger claim that he got scholarship from his basketball skill to continue his high school in Seoul, but deep down baekhyun secretly wish that it was just his excuse to meet him here, to meet baekhyun here in Seoul, and maybe his heart also secretly hoping really high that the younger still feeling the same as the younger used to feel towards him years ago.

Baekhyun sweats like crazy in discomfort and super worried as the same time when chanyeol finally drop the bombs, to which why he’s now here with two large luggages lying on baekhyun’s apartment cold floor.

“Mommy byun and mom agrees that it’s best for me to stay here, with you”

chanyeol say it carefully with a glint of high hopes in ever word, and his statement only send a wave of dizziness to his head. Baekhyun feels his heart cracks and his tummy drop, not only for the fact that chanyeol would be staying here with him or for the fact that his own mother is betraying him or the fact that chanyeol still call his mom, mommy.

So baekhyun do what he can only do in this odd situation that he never imagined would be happen any years soon, and muffle his grown to his pillow.

Busy with his pathetic grown, he doesn’t hear some audible steps to the wall right beside his room’s door.

And when a soft chuckle could be heard, baekhyun finally snaps out from his fake growling and faces his head right to the source of the beautiful chuckles.

His eyes widening so wide like its about to pops out from his head, because there on his plain pastel wall, is lay lots of framed pictures that looks so much like the guy who currently standing before it (but he looks chubbier in the framed picture), watching all the framed picture with amusement, chuckling like he just won a lottery.

“Oh baekhyun, we have a lot of make out to make up to”

The guy turns to face him, with that sick smirks that yet y on his face.

“Noooooooo!!!!!!”

Again, he fails to notice the miss presence of the ‘hyung’ part he suppose to hear from the younger.

im really sorry for not updating.

since its my last year in highschol i have less time to continue my story, final exams are near, and im so ed bc i still dont know what i want for collage.

i will trying my best to updet soon, im sorry.

enjoy <3