Chanyeol cried for hours in the byuns porch, curled in the corner of the porch, crying his heart out. He doesn’t care about anything right now; he doesn’t care about his neighbours throwing him strange look or pity look on him. His heart is aching and he cries because the pain is unbearable.

Chanyeol cant keep himself from not crying and hitting his aching heart furiously. He hates the pain, its too much to be handled by a twelve years old who know nothing but the love that feels so real and pure to the hyung who dare to leave him alone like this, he wants the pain to be gone.

“hyung.. h-how c-can..”

He whimpers in pain, now leaning his back to baekhyun’s door. The tears stop to fall, its dried and left a stain of tears on his cheeks. His eyes are awfully bloodshot, the handsome look he tried to build early in the morning just to amuse his hyung is gone, only an awful looking wreck chanyeol left.

His hyung that he loves with every sincerity in his young soul leave him, the hyung he trust so much with every bit of his heart leave him alone, the beautiful hyung he adore so much in all of his life leave him alone without saying any single good bye.

His parents aren’t around to comfort him. He use all his time to trail behind baekhyun and chase after him resulting him to not have any friends or company around to lean on when he feels in a wreck.

He is all-alone now, its feels like the world are purposely making fun of him, mocking him right in face as to why he dare to believe that what he had with baekhyun last night is real.

He cries in pain again at the crystal clear memory of last night flashed in his mind, he groans in pain, the tears comes out dry as he already run off stock of his lifetime tears.

He feels stupid for believing the loves he feel for the older are requited, because who was he’s kidding? He’s just a dumb twelve years old kid who shamelessly forgot who is he and stupidly chase after the bright star that he should have known is too far and too out of his reach to hold.

He reaches for where his heart placed, hitting it lightly. He stares at nothing but empty air in front of him with his mind that too far away wandering from his soul. He feels his body gone numb, he feels his lungs barely function, its hard to breathe, its like is leaving him and taking everything away from chanyeol with him, he takes all of his heart, he takes all place in chanyeol’s mind, he takes chanyeol breaths with him, he left chanyeol with nothing but numbs body and aching heart.

He’s been acting like a mad man for god knows how long, even the neighbours around already torn between calling the cops or not. He’s lifelessly leaning on the byuns door and spacing out at nothing, not having a care in the world, even the sounds of engine left unheard by his numbing ears.

“Oh my god chanyeol”

He hears a woman screams, but it seems like the sounds are too distance, he can’t make out whose voice belong to that.

He can hears the woman cry clearer, but it hurts his ear, its make his head more hurts, the voice calling his name only make him want to explode, and the hands that keep furiously shaking his body is not helping either.

In the end after chanyeol finally realize who is the woman who keeps crying in shoulder is, chanyeol tries to speak, voice hoarse and rough, his throat hurts so much, but his voice can’t be heard.

He look up to see the crying woman embracing him tightly, he doesn’t like the view, he feels guilty to make the woman crying like this, he tries to speak again this time, he tries harder so he can tell the woman to stop crying, because its only made his hurt even hurts than it already is.

“mommy byun”

chanyeol finally manage to voice out but before he can say anything his stupid numb body decide to give up on him, he fall in dark unconsciousness at the thought of his hyung beautiful smile.

Chanyeol wake up later on in his own bed, his vision is still blurry, his throat is really dry as a desert, he blinks his eyes few times, adjusting the light around just so he can see normally again.

“Oh yeollie!”

He hears his mom gasps as a two slim body hugs him from both his left and right side.

“Moms”

He smiles, referring moms to both of middle-aged woman who still hugging him for their dear life.

“im okay”

He tries to speak again, trying his bad to holding a groan because his hurting throat, the last thing he wants is to make the two women in his embrace to worried about him.

Mrs byun is the first one to break the hugs, followed by his own mother. Now that he can finally see all his surrounding, he feels guilty to the guts.

He can sees Mrs byun crying in both of her hands with Mr Byun comforting him by caressing her shoulder. His mother giving him a worried expression while his father give him an unreadable look but his tired face is visible in his feature.

“I’m okay, its okay”

He says a little louder this time, want to make them sure that he’s all fine. He try to sit up only to be pushed down softly by his supposed to be future mother in law.

“No you’re not, I’m sorry yeol, I’m sorry”

Mrs byun breaks in to crying mess, he can feel how guilty and hurts the woman is, so he bring the woman to his embrace, softly rubbing his back and telling her that his okay.

Seeing this scane Mr byun ushered all people to leave chanyeol and Mrs byun alone, knowing nothing to do, chanyeol parents comply as they make they way to the living room to discuss. Chanyeol parents know nothing of what is happening, all they know is Mrs byun crying on the phone ushered them to quickly come back.

After finally Mrs byun and chanyeol are left alone, Mrs byun take a deep breath, holding him self to cry anymore and let go the hug.

“yeol, baek left this for you”

The woman hiccups as her shaking hands bring a piece of Polaroid towards him, chanyeol frozen at the spot at the sight of the familiar Polaroid on his lap. Mrs byun take this as a clue for her to leave chanyeol alone, she get up from her seat in the bridge of chanyeol’s bed and peck chanyeol head lightly as another drop of tear fall out of her eyes to his stained cheek.

Chanyeol frozen for a moment, looking at the Polaroid like it was the strangest thing in the world. Few minutes’ passes as he stare confusingly to the object finally he have a courage to look closer to the Polaroid.

It’s the last picture they took from yesterday, he smiles bitterly at how beautiful baekhyun looks in the picture, he lay his head on chanyeol shoulder lovingly, his eyes closed as like he enjoys chanyeol presence really much, his smile is soft and sincere, and all of him is beautiful, he still looks awfully beautiful in the younger eyes even after the damage he cause to the younger’s heart.

Out of curiosity, chanyeol flips the Polaroid,

Only to be broken, sliced, and crushed to pieces again for the second time that day.

His supposed to be dried tears coming back like a wave, and falling smoothly on his cheek. His supposed to be numb body; feeling hurts as hell like a truck has crushed him.

He feels his world is shattered into pieces by the most beautiful creature he thought wouldn’t ever do.

He feels more dizzy, his mind is full with baekhyun, baekhyun sweet smile, baekhyun soft voice, baekhyun slender fingers, baekhyun tiny body, baekhyun short height, baekhyun beautiful eyes, baekhyun god-like face, baekhyun soft lips, baekhyun sweet kisses, that sadly he will never able to see anymore.

Don’t look for me,

You promise me to do as what a I say,

Don’t ever look for me. –hyung

Years passes so quickly since the beautiful hyung next door left his younger almost lover alone, chanyeol is already graduated from middle school now.

Since the day baekhyun left, chanyeol is not the same funny and playful chanyeol, he’s no longer a person with a kind heart, he become a boy with no heart now, what can he say? Baekhyun left and take away all of his heart.

Chanyeol life used to be centred on baekhyun, baekhyun only. Now he spent his hour to study and focusing in his basketball career in his middle school. One thing about him that stay the same is, he make no friends. He simply thought there’s nobody worth his time, but only his hyung.

Being in middle school, full of young girls who curious with the adventure of love, who too choked up with sappy lame drama they watch with their mother, who curious with what kisses is and how it feels like? Is it like how they always describe in romance novels or not?, and being a Casanova he is, a lot of girls chasing after him. But ironically being a heartless he is, the all girls are left ignored like they just some kind of dust that passed by the wind.

How to blame him? He has no heart anyway.

Even the years passes without his hyung presence, chanyeol try his best to keep his promise to his hyung even if he’s ripped apart inside.

He tries with all the best he can to hold himself for looking for his dearest hyung. Sometimes he feels like his hyung is no longer love him, he feels like his hyung is hating him, he can’t help but think so low about him self when it comes to his hyung because the hyung never once come back to his house, chanyeol waits for baekhyun in Christmas in hope that Santa would grant his wish and bring baekhyun back, but even after few lonely Christmas passes baekhyun still hadn’t come back.

Its Mrs and Mr Byun who visit baekhyun to wherever baekhyun is right now, never once the hyung step on his house just for the sake of his childhood memory, is like the hyung is erasing all of about the younger from his life.

Chanyeol always had to stop the strong urge to sneak to Mr and Mrs byun car when they’re about to visit baekhyun, but then he remember his last promise to the said hyun, the thought of his promise towards his hyung is enough to crush his strong carve to meet the person he promised to.

A few news about baekhyun wellbeing from Mrs byun is already satisfied him, knowing that his hyung is all fine without him is enough for him, even its really disappointing him and tearing him a part because his hyung can do all fine without him when he’s nothing but the opposite.

It’s a cold day in January, the snow is not yet to melts, and the sun still reluctant to show it shines.

There, lazily laying on the couch with mountains of blanket all over his tiny body baekhyun sips the warm chocolate from the cute winnie the pooh mug. It’s still a little late afternoon but his eyes already drowsy from the amount of drama he saw since early in the morning. His little apartment is silent, only the sound of the television that can be heard, the road across baekhyun’s apartment is empty, resulting the silent atmosphere without the rustling sound of the cars and public transportation.

Baekhyun drowsy eyes almost fully closed before a loud knock snap him up. He groans loudly and curse whoever is knocking on his door and disturb his sleep, but end up stand up opening the door anyway.

He rubs his eyes as he made his way towards the door, yawning on the way.

He yawns again as he open the door, about to snap to whomever who dare to disturb his beauty sleep

“Who is–“

But the moment he open the door, his words is dead on his throat, his eyes are widening in surprise and disbelieve.

The first time he notices is the cute familiar ears that stick out too much for his own liking, but it cant be ‘him’ right? Because the boy in front of him is a lot taller than the ‘him’ he used to know, but then it’s the same almond shaped eyes that always ogling dumbly at him.

“Surprise?”

The second he notices is the awfully deep voice that somehow sounds y in his ears; it couldn’t be ‘him’ right? Again, his mind denies. Because the last time he heard the ‘him’ he used to know doesn’t sounds like he smoke cigarette packs a day.

His jaw long drop down the floor, his mouth shamelessly gaping likes a fish, failing to form a word to respond.

“How can- but you- h-how you promise”

His words come out messily just like how his mind is; he can’t believe chanyeol is there, looking so tall and handsome knocking on his door in the cold weather of January.

“I’m not looking for you,

I’m coming for you”

The boy smirks evilly to him while all he can do is gulps.

yeayyy!! chanyeol's finally grow up!! /even only a bit/

enjoyy <3