The summer of 2015 had being one of the warmest in the history of Korea; many people couldn’t wait for autumn to march his way into Seoul and tone down the hot months that had hit hard that year.

It certainly was another hot summer night for everyone, except for one lonely figure that was seating in his apartment, looking outside the window; for him it was like if the cold winter had set already in his heart.

It had being almost one year since they had last spoken, not one of those simple greetings you exchanged between acquaintances, but a deep conversation that is reserved only to close friends.

Seven months had gone by since he had that fallout with Young Bae, but it was more than enough time to let Seung Hyun become a slave of his demons; it had being practically eating him alive, and now, the night before his enlistment, he had chosen to drown those voices with liquor, but deep down he knew this was his last chance to set things straight, he owe it to her to let her go and finally set her free.

He grabbed his phone and dialed the number he knew she hadn’t changed, he knew it was late, but he knew perfectly well that she was a night person; he could only hope she would pick up her phone.

After seconds that felt like minutes, he heard a voice on the other side of the line.

“Yeobseyo” she said in a cold tone.

“Hey Yun, minhae, I know I haven’t call you in a while, I know it’s pretty late, but you know that I’m enlisting tomorrow right?” he said stuttering with his words, not sure on how to continue talking now that he had her on the line.

“Ne, your omma told us over dinner tonight, she sounded worried about you, so my mom invited her over, since you refused to spend the night at her house” she simply replied.  

“Yes, well you of all people know why I didn’t go to her place” he said before taking a deep breath and began talking again “Actually, I called because I wanted to say that I am sorry and for that I am even more sorry, I don’t even know from where to begin” he said while blabbing over the phone.

“Seung Hyun is obvious you are drunk, I really don’t want to hear it” Yun said. She was in her bedroom pacing around; she had hesitated at first on whether to pick up or not, but she had a feeling this might be the last time they talked in a long time.

“No, I am not drunk, I mean it, I just want to set everything straight before I leave” he said and since he didn’t received an answer he decided to keep on talking.

“It’s funny; I always thought we were going to spend my last night before my enlistment together, like old times, you know, drinking soju and eating all the stuff you kept nagging me that weren’t healthy. But in the end, I screw up so badly, I hurt you in every possible way that existed and I know that words aren’t enough to make it up to you” he said while rolling in his hand the empty bottle of soju.

“You are mistaken, if you had reached out to me when I open up to you last year, I would had taken you back in a heartbeat; I still can ‘t believe how you seemed to forget how much you used to meant to me” Yun said, finally taking a seat on the floor, her back against the door.

“Used to?” Seung Hyun said, while a pang of pain went through his chest “I guess I deserve that, after all is being so long ever since I acted like a true friend to you. I remember us talking on the phone through the night, I can’t believe we found so many things to talk about back then, we never ran out of stuff to share with each other”

“That was a long time ago Seung Hyun, too long that now is just a memory”

A silenced broke between them; Seung Hyun felt his heart aching, her voice that used to be fill with warmness now felt hollow and eager to end the call.

“Have you being ok? Are you feeling any better?”

“I am hanging in there, but why do you even care?” she said, she felt he didn’t have the right to ask about her, not anymore.

“Because I still worry about you a lot, I am sorry that I couldn’t keep my promise to be by your side, but that doesn’t mean a part of me stop caring about what happen with you Yun” he said almost in a whisper.

“That’s not fair, you don’t get the chance to come out and say that to me now Seung Hyun” Yun said feeling a knot making its way through .  

“I know it’s not fair, I know I am an for taking so long to talk to you, but I feel that I can’t push this any longer, you don’t deserve this; I was such a coward for pushing you away without a proper explanation, without telling you the real reason on why I left your side. I am deeply sorry it took me so long to figure all of this out, I shouldn’t had lied to you about this”

“About what? What was so important that you rather throw our friendship away and gave me the cold shoulder over and over again? Was it really because I confessed to you that time?” Yun said, a part of her wanted to know, while another one wanted to throw away the phone, ignorance is bliss she once told herself, but not knowing had been eating her away all this years.

“No, not at all, actually I care so much for you, but there were circumstances that forced me to push you away, now they don’t matter, they aren’t relevant, I thought that back then  that it wouldn’t matter, but it did matter, losing you matter more than I thought it was going to be”

“What was so huge that made you do this to us? Is obvious you are hurt, what was so ing important that you did this?” she said raising her voice, not caring if her mom heard her.

“You know Yun, deep down you have always known… My mom and I, the way she push you on to be with me” Seung Hyun finally said, knowing how stupid that sounded now. For the last months, he had reached to the conclusion that it was stupid denying himself a chance of happiness just for not wanting to play along with his mom wishes; he actually ended up hurting himself even more that the damage his mom had frown upon him in his lifetime.

Silence… that’s what Seung Hyun got for a minute before he got an answer over the phone.

“You mean the reason you push me away, was because of your mom. COULD YOU BE AN EVEN BIGGER BASTARD SEUNG HYUN? IS NOT LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO DATE…” Yun yelled back to him, but stopped midsentence, something made click in her head and things began to make sense, everything just felt into place and then she knew; she could see it all now, the last piece of the puzzle had finally being put in its place.

“So now you get it” Seung Hyun said in his tone of voice that was only was reserved for her, one laced with love and nervousness, but now was fill also with a deep sadness “I never was indifferent to your feelings towards me, I have to be honest at first I didn’t even realize it myself, it took a long time but when I did saw it, that’s when I began to push you away, at first I was scared, but when I came to realize the deepness of my feelings towards you, that’s when I back away, I simply didn’t want to be a piece of her game.

 I know it was cowardly of me, now I see it, you would have understood, after all, you are Nam Soo Yun, who better was to understand me? We were great friends and for a while I fool myself into believe that I could go on without having you in my life, but after sending you off, everything became darkness for me, I felt empty, a part of me was missing, but I didn’t want to show her that she was right all along, that what my life was missing all along was you.

But I know that there is no way I won’t ever stop regretting making this stupid choice, I sacrificed us and whatever the future might had for us, not only as a possible couple, but I lost my best friend for my stupid pride, not that is of any use now” he said and let out a small sob that broke Yun into tears on the other side of the line.

“So now that I know all of this, what now? Should we simply act like nothing’s wrong? Now that I know all of this, what do you expect of me? To go back to what we used to have? Be happy that you have deeper feelings for me and beg you once again to be together?

 Since you are not asking for forgiveness, should I simply look the other way, ignoring all the pain you inflicted in me? Should I be grateful that I am now hearing your confession or am I supposed to laugh it all off and move on? Don’t you think that is way too selfish of you to ask for?” she said not caring about her voice giving away the fact that she was crying.

“I know that I cannot ask you that, I am not worthy of anything from you, I just thought you deserved to know the truth on what happen, on why I am not even worthy of getting the time from you anymore. I don’t expect for you to ever forgive me, hell, I know I won’t ever be able to forgive myself.

You don’t know how many nights I spend contemplating if I should had told you this, what difference would it make between us, since there is no longer an us. But then I remembered the courage it took you to come to me last year, opening up your heart, telling me all the suffering you endured on your own and adding on to that the pain I gave you.

That time all that I wanted to do was hold you and tell you that I was sorry, I wanted to drop to my knees and tell you that it should had being me the one carrying your pain and wounds, but I knew that you would never had believe me if I did, not after how I was acting towards you for such a long time” he said also crying, who cared if she heard him cry, what was there to care about now.

“You are wrong, if you had told me that back then, I am pretty sure I would had believe you, I used to trust you blindly, you meant the world to me, in a way, you were my world for a while, a reason to hold on to my sanity, knowing that I had you would had made things so much easier, I wouldn’t had struggle so much to come to terms with my feelings regarding you”

“Feelings? Do you still feel anything for me?” he said with the slimmest of hopes coming in his voice.

“Of course I do you jerk, I just didn’t liked you, I loved you, and do you think I would had fought so hard for someone I didn’t care so deeply about? And to be honest a part of me will always love you… but not in the way you think, there is a bigger part of me that can’t forgive you for all the things you did to me; but a small piece of my heart will always belong to my old friend, the chubby Choi Seung Hyun. But he is long gone and with him, that piece of my heart and I am no longer trying nor want to get it back”.

Seung Hyun felt like dying when she said those words, it felt like a dead sentence over his head, but what else was he expecting, redemption? Forgiveness? No, ever since he made the decision to talk to her he only intended to give her the chance to get her the closure he knew she deserved; he should atone for his sins on his own.

“Yun-ah, I am sorry, I know words will never be enough and I know my presence will only linger on the pain I inflicted you, so I hope that in the time I won’t be around, you will be able to forget me, to move on, to live free of my shadow. When I come back I won’t be looking for you, I know that I won’t be ever be worthy of being even one of your acquaintances, but I do hope that if some day we ran to each other, you will be well enough to return my greeting. Take care and please, be happy, if there is someone that deserves happiness is you. Sorry and goodbye” he said and ended the phone call.

He popped open another bottle of soju and began drinking once again, his heart felt torn into pieces, she had loved him as well as he had to her, he had probably blow out his only chance of happiness due to his own stubbornness.

He took a drink straight from the bottle, not even bothering on wiping the tears from his eyes, but he knew he had made the right choice, he was conscious of how much he owe it to her, it was too late for them, but if by his suffering he could bring peace of mind to her, there was nothing else he could ever asked for, let the pain she had endure pass on to him, let the scars she had become his, let him become a sinner looking for a path of redemption from now on.

Soo Yun remained on her bedroom floor, staring at her phone, trying to digest the conversation she just had, so many things were beginning to make sense in her head. She got up and open up her window, a small breeze hit her face and that’s when she felt it, despite the tears, the pain, the scars, the suffering, she had gotten it… after so many years, she had finally gotten the closure her heart had beg her all along and now the tears will soon stop flowing down and a new beginning will soon come to her heart. 

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a/n: is it weird I cried when I wrote this? I felt like it was such an emotional chapter... But finally SH after so long told SY the truth she deserved to hear. I would love to hear what you guys think about this update, was SY right the way she acted, should she had forgiven SH one more time or it was one time too many? How do you see SH now? 
I couldnt stop laughing at some of your reactions from my last update, especially creyes1978 hahahahahaha, girl yours was epic! But also, all of your reactions, the emotions that you have express, you guys don't have a clue how much they meant for me... 
I can't believe I am going to finish this story in just one more update, It felt like just yesterday it was my february and I decided to finally publish this story... 

until our last update in a couple of days... 

~sayurimei