“Aish, so cold!!! Where the hell are you Kang Daesung?” Soo Yun said rewrapping her purple scarf around her neck and rubbing her gloved hands together. It was a really cold February afternoon and she was leaning on a wall in front of the subway station entrance. The meteorologist had said that February of 2014 had being one of the coldest in the last 15 years and Soo Yun could feel it in her bones.

She was waiting for Daesung to grab a bite to eat; she was tired, and had begun her classes as a grad student since January since she will begin her rotations on March. That day she had being up in classes since 8am and it was now 5pm and she still hadn’t had the chance to grab a bite to eat in all day.

Soo Yun’s phone began ringing to R.O.D from this solo artist G-Dragon; she couldn’t help herself to fall in love with the album when she discovered it and now she had Bae and Jiyong fed up with the guy’s songs.  

”Yah! Where are you? I’m freezing my here you know?” she yelled annoyed.

“Mianhae Yunnie, I’m not going to be able to make it… We had a problem at school today and I’m waiting for some parents to arrive” Daesung said in an apologetic tone.

“Arasso, well there is nothing you can do, don’t worry. I’ll go grab a bite to eat and head home, but next time you are paying, you are lucky I have too much to study, so I can’t afford the time to get angry at you” she said ending the call, she really couldn’t get angry with Daesung, well almost none could, he was too nice and always caring for everyone.

She began walking, looking for a warm place to grab something to eat, when she spotted a stand on the side of the road. She walked in and ordered the ahjummoni some soup and tteutbokki, she was walking to the end of the tent about to take a seat when she bump into someone.

“I’m sorry” she said looking up and saw Seung Hyun rushing to leave the tent behind, he look her right in the eyes and immediately look away, leaving her alone, once again neglecting the fact that she was standing right there.

“This gesseki” Soo Yun said taking a seat while the ahjumma served her “Ahjummoni, can I ask you a question? Did the guy that just bumped into me right now have being here for long?”

“Aniyo, he had entered like 5minutes ago, he simply got up and left the money on the table even thought I only had delivered him his food and he hadn’t touched it, such a weird fellow” the ahjumma said placing the food on the table.

“Ne, he is one heck of a weirdo” Soo Yun said in a murmur and began eating.

Soo Yun had it with Seung Hyun acting up like that, especially after what had happened the last December. For her the search for answers had began to reach a limit between her wanting to know and her desire to suffocate Seung Hyun with a pillow for being such an .

A part of her was mad as hell for always having a soft spot for him, always giving him the benefit of the doubt, for acting civil when he didn’t deserve it, for not letting Bae know what he had done to her and allowing him to go all mortal combat on his .

She kept on pondering on all of this while she finish up her meal and began walking back to her place, now surrounded by the chill of the Seoul night, she took out her earplugs and began listening to some music, trying to focus only on it, trying to hush her mind.

She got on the bus and look out the windows, she could see couples walking, families going around, groups of friends laughing and she couldn’t help but wonder where had things gone wrong for her, in what moment had her life began to this much, sure she had her friends, but they had their lives to care for… and in a way, she felt like hers had being put on hold.

In the last year her only focus had being on finishing up her major and getting into grad school and learning to deal with whatever game Seung Hyun had being playing with her all this years.

“I mean look at the guys, all of them are already working, even the maknae managed to pull off a job, Ri and Bae have girlfriends and here I am still stuck studying and my love life for the last years has being dictated by a 5 year old idiot that has the amazing power to string me along” Soo Yun finally thought.

“I mean what have I ever done to the guy? I have asked the guys, I even talk to Jiyong last week when he asked me if something had happen between the gessekki and I and they all agree they didn’t knew what had happened with Seung Hyun.

 I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, because at first he was all chill regarding my confession, but now he is acting like if I had the plague and he has to avoid me by any means necessary”

She finally got home and after a shower she eyed her calendar… Only 3 days away from turning 26 and she still had the same issues as she had for the last 4 years.

She opened up her drawers and found next to her journal, the envelop full of letters she had written down for Seung Hyun but never manage to send out. This had became a habit of hers ever since the hospital incident, she had began writing down what she wanted to say to him to try to gather her thoughts, but at the end she only stash them away in her drawer.  

Yun began reading some of them, but got stuck in a specific one, the one she had written to him regarding her grandpa’s dead, that was the only one that she had actually first wrote down on her journal and carefully transcribed into a sheet of paper, she had being so close to send it out, but her fear stop her at the end.

Soo Yun took a deep breath and added another entry to her journal:

“It’s funny how I was reading the letter I wrote to you almost 1 year ago and I see that nothing has changed, except that it has turn for the worst.

Do you have any idea of how hurt I am right now? I even consider myself unworthy of anything.

I have cried myself to sleep so many times because of this mess, that I already lost count of them.

I mean I got jealous of a girl I just met that seem to be more close to you that what I am currently am.

That day that you switch seats at the restaurant the minute you saw me seating right next to you it was the last drop for my heart, that broke me down, and after that remembering what you did the night before and didn’t had to courage to tell me anything, well now every time I see you I feel another piece of my heart shattering and I have to use every ounce of my strength on my body to not allow even one tear to fall down from my eyes.

I’m going to keep on going, even if I feel like dying every time I see you, but I will keep on living, even thought I am broken, this won be the 1^st time I’ll pick the pieces of my heart up and put them back together in the broken space I used to call myself”

She put her journal down and wiped away the tear that had escape from her eyes, lying in her bed and turning the TV on.

She began flipping channels until she bump into one of her favorite movies, Memoirs of a Geisha, by now Soo Yun must have seen this movie over 100 times, but she could just not pass the chance to see it.  

She got right in the part when the protagonist was saying:

“At the temple there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it.”

That phrase was enough for Soo Yun to broke down to tears, that was right, no matter how much she tried to write down and organize her thoughts all that was left was the greatest emptiness she felt in her soul over the loss of her friend.

She was getting lost in remembrance, but the ringing on her phone began once again, so she tried to calm herself down before picking up, but as soon as she did all she got on the other side was:

“She broke up with me, I need you Yun. Can you come over?”

Before she knew it, she was already putting on her sweater and grabbing her bag, running out of her room, to go met him. 

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a/n: hello again! here is this week update... i know is short, by i was in a deadline with my thesis advance... T_T 
~sayurimei