Seung Hyun was rooming around his library, craving for something new to read and he remember that Daesung had given him a book as gift on his last birthday, but he couldn’t seem to find them.

He was about to give up, when his eyes stumble into the little bag stuffed on the side of the shelves.

“I really need to organize this place” he said taking out the book from the bag, “What? A crime mystery book? This better be good or Daesung is getting hit for making me waste my time”

With that he took a seat on his bed and began reading. He got so caught up with the lecture, that he didn’t realized how long he had being reading, until he read one single line that snap him back to reality.

“The scholar Zhou Dunyi said: I love the lotus because while growing from mud, it is unstained”

He remembered an old conversation he once had with Soo Yun, she was lying in this same  bed while he was seating on the floor next to her, while she was telling him that her name was written with the Chinese characters for perfect lotus blossom.  He had about it, saying that she didn’t do any honor to her name, but she simply had told him that one day he was going to remember her by the lotus flower.

“How could she predict something like that” Seung Hyun said and then he began to remember the last conversation he had shared with her; how much crap she had being through the years, being so sick and having so many family problems, but still, despite all the mud she went through; she remain herself, never changing, always positively smiling at life, unstained of all the crap that life had thrown at her, growing stronger than ever.

“And yet you had kept pushing her away Choi Seung Hyun and despite that, she kept fighting for you, for trying to rescuing our friendship all alone, while I just kept on ignoring her and everything she meant for me” he said out loud, putting the book down on the side of his bed and taking a deep breath “But why? Why did I stop caring about her? When did I stop caring for her?”

Before he could pounder any longer, he heard the bell ring and got up to see who was outside. To his surprise it was Dong Young Bae.

“Oh Bae, what’s up? Is being ages since you dropped by, come on in” he said opening the door and making way for his friend to come in.

Bae didn’t even bother to say hello, today he had set his mind in one mode and that was getting the truth out of his hyung. He sat down and waited for Seung Hyun to sat across him.

“Hyung, today I didn’t come here as your donsaeng, but as Soo Yun’s Oppa” he said in a serious tone that caught Seung Hyun off guard, after all, Young Bae had always being the peace maker of his friends, but he could feel that anger and disdain was dripping from his words.

“Is it true that a month ago you saw Soo Yun crying on the subway and didn’t do anything?”

“Ne, but why are you bringing that up now?” Seung Hyun said feeling confused at his donsaengs actions.

“Hyung, you really don’t care about her do you? How could you act like you don’t give a about someone that used to be so close to you that you referred to her as your little sister?” Bae said clenching his fists, trying to not take a swing at the person he had referred for almost half of his life as his hyung.

“Is not like I didn’t care, I just didn’t knew how to react, you know feelings aren’t my strongest suit, when I finally decided to say something she was already about to leave the place and that’s when she saw me”.

“And it didn’t occur to you that maybe you could tell me or any of the other guys that truly care about Soo Yun what you saw?” Young Bae said clenching his fists.

Seung Hyun simple looked down, he knew Bae was right, he was out of excuses.

“You know, for a long time I had tried to defend you and gave excuses to justify your behavior to Soo Yun, but not anymore, Choi Seung Hyun you are the biggest son of a I have encountered on my existence. Do you have any idea of all the times Soo Yun came to me crying, worried she had done something to hurt you and that was the reason you were pushing her away?”

Seung Hyun began to felt like an , he knew he had hurt her but he didn’t imagine the damage he had done was so deep, that he had gave her so much pain.

“You just kept on hurting her and you didn’t even know half the crap that Soo Yun has had to endure all by herself” Bae practically yelled to Seung Hyun.

Seung Hyun finally spoke up “I know, she has already told me all about it”.

“You are telling me you knew and you didn’t do about it?” Bae said and in an instant he got up and took a swing at Seung Hyun’s face, catching him completely off guard and throwing him to the floor due to the force of the impact.

“You might be my hyung but you are a motherer son of a , all she wanted was her friend and you treat her like , for me she is more valuable that anyone on this world, you never deserve her and I will never let a like you treat her like trash” he kept on saying while grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and punching him once again.

Seung Hyun couldn’t defend himself, he knew that Bae was 1000% right, but he still got angry that Young Bae was telling him all of this and shove him off, pushing him into the sofa.

“Yes I am a son of a , a mothering bastard, I know, but so what? Why is she so important to you that you come to hit me in her name?” he said while trying to stop the blood that was now pouring out from his nose.

“Why wouldn’t she be important in my life? She has being my best friend, she was the one that made me brake away from my shyness, and the one that help me find my true self. Nam Soo Yun is practically the reason I wake up every morning, making her smile makes me feel like I have earn the world” Bae took a deep breath before he finally said “She is the woman that I love and I am not going to let a bastard like you destroy the happiness she has fought so hard to build for herself”.

Seung Hyun felt that the last words that Young Bae uttered hurt him most that the punches he got to the face; he loved her, Young Bae loved Soo Yun, but why did those words sting him so much?

“I held back from beating your to pulp because of her, but not anymore, as far as I know you and I are no longer friends, I cannot be the friend of a coward that instead of helping out a friend in need, has only push her closer to the edge that I have desperately try over and over again to stop her from falling over; so get your ing act together, before you lose the remaining of your friends because of your selfishness” Young Bae said and walked out of the apartment, leaving a bleeding Seung Hyun standing dumb founded.

He walked in to his bathroom to try to see what damaged Bae had done, but he began to pounder in everything that had happen all over the years. 

His mom had always tried to set him up with Soo Yun, always pushing him to be together with her, in a way he could understand his mother’s wishes but he just didn’t want to play along the game his mom had set out for him without allowing him any freedom to make his own choices.

Deep down he had always being attracted to her, to her free spirit, her uniqueness and to her true beauty, but whenever he felt his feelings for her getting stronger he pushed her away, as much as he cared for her, he didn’t want to give his mom the satisfaction of dictating such an important decision in his life.

Soo Yun knew better than anyone, how much pain and suffering his mom had caused him, always comparing him to his father and making him feel like he was less of a person just because of his close resemblance to his dad. How many times her mom had hit him just because he had done something just like his father did?

He remembered the time he practically lived with Soo Yun and her family, he did it because he could barely afford rent, but he rather living in the streets that going back to the house where his mother constantly look at him like he was a piece of trash. He still could feel Soo Yun’s arms around him when he had come clean to her on why he hated living with her mom so much and her soothing words that became a balm to his torn heart.

Seung Hyun hated that his mom had chosen her, why couldn’t be someone else? Maybe then maybe, he wouldn’t be hating himself for the way he had pushed the only woman that had managed to pierce through his iron heart and that he wanted so many times to claim her as his.

But his stupid pride always stopped him, he was scare… scare that if one day he couldn’t control himself like that time at the club, he would end up in his mother’s hands forever. And despite how much he craved for her, he could never forgive himself for falling into his mother’s dictated path.

How could he tell her that? That the reason he had pushed her away all of this years, was because despite that he loved her, he was just a loser, a coward pretending to be though, not enough of a man to be honest with her.

How much did he regret not accepting her feelings when she had confessed, maybe instead of her picture on his nightstand, it will be her lying on his bed each day, wrapped around his arms, him saying that he loved her, instead of Young Bae.

Perhaps, if he had man up like she had told him and tell her the truth, they might figure out something together, but now it was too late, he had hurt her beyond repair and at the end he had not only lost his best friend but the woman that had stole his heart ever since he met her when he was only 18 years old. She had known him when he was still overweight, acting like an idiot and she still had shown him the brightest of smiles.

She had opened up her heart to him and he had trampled all over it. He had tried to forget her with so many women, but none could compare to her, they were just a cycle of girls and mistakes; they simply weren’t her, they weren’t his Soo Yun.

He closed the faucet after washing his face and despite knowing his face was going to swell up, he just kept on staring on his reflection, caught up in his memories, he knew the tears that were b down weren’t from the pain of the punch, it was the pain he had giving to his heart from his foolish actions.

He regretted so much the scars he had given her, but now there was nothing he could do, fighting for her meant coming clean and even so, it wasn’t a warranty that she would take him back, she had Bae after all.

There wasn’t a single day ever since the day he had went to the hospital with that bouquet of tulips that he hadn’t regret not following the plan he had put together in the train, actually he was going to confess that day, but minutes before he arrived he had gotten a phone call from his mother, urging him to go see her, referring to her like her future daughter in law, that completely discouraged him and the fact that Soo Yun acted so cold towards him, make him realize that he had missed his timing.

How many sleepless nights he had suffered after that? He had lost count a long time ago, wondering if there was a way that he could erase his regretful heart.

“WHY WERE YOU SUCH A MOTHERING COWARD? WHY DID YOUR MOTHER MATTER MORE THAN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, YOU IDIOT!” he yelled to his reflection and punch the mirror, breaking it into a million pieces, making his hand bleed.

He fell on his bathroom floor, broken, just like the mirror, knowing that he didn’t deserve her, that nothing he would say or do, could undone the fact that he had lost her forever. 

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A/N: Finally, the moment many of you had being waiting for... Bae kick SH ... ok no, lol... Finally we know the reason behind his behaviour, his coward, low life behaviour.... 
I am really dying to know your thoughts, did you expect that? Did you see Bae coming like that? OMG, he said he loved her!!! /squeals/ sorry, I know i wrote it, but you know I tend to fangirl over my own things, sorry >_< 

Only one week away to finish up, thank you all for the flood of comments and thank you silent readers! You guys are the best!

~sayurimei