No holding back

Should we act like nothing's wrong?

The night was getting chillier, but that didn’t seem to bother the couple. They kept on walking, Seung Hyun making almost all of the talking; he kept on sharing his future plans with Soo Yun.

She listened but at the same time she was struggling with her emotions, what should be her next move? That was the question that kept on pondering on her head.

She finally made up her mind and decided it was now or never, despite a part of her knew what the answer will be, but now there was no turning back, not anymore.

They stop by in front of her favorite pastry shop that was now close down and she took a deep breath before opening up to him and finally telling him the truth.

“Seung Hyun-ah, I need to tell you something” she said while fiddling with her hands.

“What? Are you cold? I told you, you should have put on warmer clothes, is not like we are in the middle of summer. But well after seeing what you wear to bed, there is no wonder you make poor clothing choices” he said stopping and turning to look her straight into her eyes, close enough so their breaths could be seen.

“Ani… how should I say this…” she said and looked down, but she felt his gaze on her and had to look up.

“Mwareba, you know you can tell me anything that might be bothering you, you are Yun and I’m your Oppa”

“Seung Hyun, the truth is… that I like you and I had being liking you for a while now. Look, I know that you don’t feel the same way as I do, but I still needed to tell you this, otherwise I don’t think I will be able to let you go” she said in one quick go, taking out all of her courage to finally confess.

She could see his eyes giving out a confused look and that’s when she confirmed what she just said, what she feared the most, he truly didn’t like her back.

“Soo Yun, I…” he began to said, looking for the right words to say to her at that moment, looking for a way to not hurt her, but how not to hurt someone who had crumble down in the past for a rejection from someone who meant the world to her.

Because if that was something that Seung Hyun had learned over time, was that Soo Yun might seem friendly and really approachable, but she had her heart surrounded by a wall and she always had her guard up, so she might have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few could be truly be call her friends and she protect those friends even more than her own life.

She always gave a strong appearance on the outside, but deep down he knew she will be suffering and bearing all the pain on her own, without anyone knowing and he had always being intrigued as to why.

“Ani, I already know you don’t have feelings for me. Remember? I know how to read you like an open book. But I really needed to get it out of my system if I want to move on, but you have to promise me one thing ok?”

He looked at her, puzzled by her behavior; most girls will be trying to hang on to their confessions, trying to make the other party change their minds, but not her.

“You better not change now that you know; you know how much I care about our friendship, so if you even dare to change in the slightest way, I swear to God, I will kill you in your sleep” she said putting on a serious face but holding on to a smirk, a smirk that truthfully was killing her to put on.

“Aren’t you one weird girl, first you confess and then you threaten to kill me?” he said trying to hold on his laughs.

“And you are pointing the obvious because…? I already told you, so don’t make me repeat myself” she said smiling and motion him to move, but this time she didn’t hold on to his arms and he didn’t try to grab a hold of her hand.

They began walking again, this time in complete silence, but after a while Seung Hyun finally spoke again.

“Soo Yun-ah, you know, you really mean a lot to me, but right now I can’t accept your heart. To be honest I didn’t even thought that you even like me. You don’t act like other girls when they have a crush, but what did you see in me?” he said being honestly curious.

“You seem to forget the main point here, I am not like other girls, I though you knew me better by now to know that. I don’t like exposing my feelings unnecessarily until I consider it necessary to either embrace the change of situations or to move on with my life. There is no need to holding back, even when you know the outcome might not be what you expected.

And don’t you think is a bit too much asking someone you just flat out rejected to give you a list of reasons of why they like you?” she said her voice breaking a bit in the end, but trying to sound as casual as always.

Seung Hyun knew it was wrong, but to be honest, that was the first time a girl had confessed to him, since it had always being the other way around. After a few minutes, he spoke up again.

“Soo Yun, you know, if in a few years, you and I are still single, we could try it out, you know, like you could be my backup and I could be yours. Who knows, I might go to you” he said in a mix of serious and joking tone.

“And settle with you? Thanks, but I think I shall pass on that golden ticket, thank you very much. I am not and shall never be someone second’s choice, so you better get that straight through that thick skull of yours” she said to him, feeling annoyed beyond repair, but deep down she felt hopeful that that maybe he saw her in a different light after all. At the end he didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either.

“Arasso, arasso, sorry, I just don’t know how to act. I mean you are Soo Yun, my donsaeng, is not like everyday your best friend confesses to you” he said scratching the back of his neck, he was awkward and he truly didn’t know what to say or do now.

“Yes, is not every day, because chances like this will never come back again, you either grab them or let them go. Is like a snowflake, there will never be two exactly the same, so once you see one, you know you will never get that chance ever again” she said with a flat tone and he knew that she was hurt, but couldn’t help to feel a deep blow with what she just told him.

Before they knew it, they were finally in front of her house; they said their goodbyes in cold way. Who could have imagined the turn of events by the way their day had started?

Soo Yun walked up to her bedroom and began to undress, getting ready to grab a bath, since it was the only way she could do right then to calm down.

“You did it Soo Yun, don’t fool yourself, you knew this was what was going to happen. But now everything is out in the open and now you can finally focus on letting him go” she said while soaking in the bathtub.

Seung Hyun on the other hand, took the long route back to his apartment.

But as he started walking, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had made the same mistakes as his brother did with her in the past.

“Did I lead her on? Well I did hold her hands a couple of times and hug her, but I mean she is Soo Yun, she knows I only see her as a donsaeng and that’s it.

For heaven’s sakes, I though she liked Young Bae all this time, since the two of them are so freaking close… I mean I even got jealous of how close the 2 of them where, having all their secrets and private talks, but wait, why did I get jealous, is good that she has more friends” were the thoughts that began to rush through his head.

“Besides, how can a girl just confess if she knows that she is going to be rejected? What the hell is wrong with her?”

He reached his apartment and didn’t even bother to take a shower, he simply lay down on his bed but couldn’t hold still that night, worried that she might be as upset as she was the night Dong Wook reject her.

I never thought that the attentions I gave her will make her fall for me, I mean I only acted like myself around her, I didn’t even try to flirt with her or anything of the sort. But, let’s be honest here, I did see her more attentive whenever she was with me and she was always ready to come to my side whenever I call her.

How could you be so blind Seung Hyun? She was giving you small signs and you even feed them through skin ship. But what is it about her touch that I need to be constantly around her? What is it about her that is making me feel this oppression inside?” he said and finally tried to catch some sleep, but the events of that night kept replaying in his mind over and over again. 

 

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a/n: i cant wait to hear your thoughts on this one... until next week

~sayurimei

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FannyChoi #1
Chapter 22: I came across your story years ago, with my old account. I was so intrigued and shocked to found a good quality fanfics like yours. The sadness, the chemistry and the ending are very realistic. And it’s even more touching that it’s based on your real life story. I too have a similar experience like this and I never gotten the closure that I deserve. But i’ve done my own revenge;) Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and thank you for surviving all the pain , trials & tribulations. No one ever warned us that adulthoods is a very painful journey. I really hope we can be friends in real life as well.
SyicaRayne
#2
wow was really great!
wtrmln_girl
#3
Chapter 38: Read it in one day, I liked it a lot it seems like the typical story from the beginning but no then it gives all but typical.
maryannxx
#4
Chapter 9: Silent readers? HAHA, I'm here ;))
ILovePitbull #5
Chapter 38: i really love it outhor-nim... it really reach my satisfaction that she ended up with yongbae than with seunghyun.. i cried T^T
cassiejon #6
Chapter 38: Thank you authornim, I'm sure your story touched many of your readers' hearts. I wish you good health, good luck and may the year ahead brings you more blessings, peace of mind, joy and happiness. Hope to see your story again in the future. Take care always.
halusiharu #7
Chapter 38: broken heart as ever. </////3


but thankyou for sharing! you're indeed tough dear :) see u on your next story, i hope it will lead to happy ending not just the story but for everyone. have a good time resting! till we meet again on the comment section on ur next story :p lots of love
CKings27 #8
Chapter 38: My Dearest Sayurimei,
Thank you for sharing your story and Welcoming us into your World.
I believe you have NOT help one but MANY w/your personal experience.

As I said it before it takes a person w/COURAGE to put one self out their for all the world to see and read.

You've help those to find solutions to their problems.

Learn to ask for help when needed. Learn to let those in who want to help. Learn when it's ok to let go and say goodbye. Learn to never regret but take it as a lesson learn.

But most IMPOTANTLY Learn to LIVE & NEVER give up on LOVE.
THANK YOU PROUD TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND : )
alyssasarah #9
Chapter 38: A realistic ending. I love the part about friend comes and goes in our lives. So true they will always be part of our memories. SY did the right thing, learning to put herself first and only then true love prevails. Great journey, author-nim. Looking forward to more great work from you.