Can i really let go?
Should we act like nothing's wrong?
Around 3 weeks had gone by after Soo Yun crisis and her mom had being discharged last week, after some major persuasion from Young Bae, Soo Yun came clean with her issues to her parents, her therapy and her last crisis.
Her dad was shocked to say the very least but her mom had a sudden change, she began paying more attention to her making sure she was eating properly and that her meds where in check, she truly became what Soo Yun needed at that time, a mom.
That afternoon Young Bae offered to pick Soo Yun after therapy and decided to take her to their favorite coffee shop, Beojkkoch café.
Never in a millions years, he would imagine he will enjoy seeing someone eating, but now every time he took Yun out to eat and she finished up her food a burst of joy pierced through his heart.
They were seating in their usual table, close to the back, near the wall of books Yun loved to ransack from time to time and Bae decided to ask her something that it had being bugging him for some days now.
"Yun, why didn’t you want the guys know?" He asked her while drinking his latte.
Soo Yun looked up to him, after biting down a whole grain blueberry muffin "Because not all people are as understanding as you are Oppa. They might say I was just going to take the easy way out instead of facing the problems, like if I hadn’t being doing that all this time...
They will think i just wanted to finish it all, instead of seeing it like it really was, a crisis.
I literally had a mental breakdown and wasn’t in my right mind, remember what Dr Kim said about it. I just cracked under too much pressure, that and the fact you promise to keep me in check were the only reasons i wasn’t admitted at the hospital at the end".
"You have a point there... I mean, otherwise you will just end up like your mom" he said while stealing a piece of his muffin.
"Yah! Get your own muffin!!!! You have a whole piece of cake in front of you and you steal mine" she said glaring at him "And yeah... I mean I admit it, that wasn’t one of my wisest decisions in life, but for once in almost a year and a half I just wanted to sleep, not feel anything and simply be, is not like I didn’t care about my life, but I just seriously didn’t give a about it at that moment, at that time all that I wanted was to rest, to stop having to pick myself from the ground everyday and put on a fake mask that everything was ok, I admit that maybe my better judgment betrayed me at that time"
"You think? Thank God I got there when I did” he said placing a piece of carrot cake on her plate like a peace offering.
"But you know why I stared at the pills for so long? Because something within me knew it wasn’t ok to do that, but another part just wanted to cease everything, to get a rest from fighting my inner devils for once" she said while grabbing the carrot cake with her fork and eating it in one go.
"I see..."
"Plus you have heard the whispers of my family regarding my mom’s mental health; if they had a clue of how mentally screw over I was, do you think they will show any sympathy? No, they'll just point their fingers at me telling me how ungrateful I am for having the chance of living and not using it and it , but many people act that way, they are so easily to judge when they have no idea of that might push a person to that bounder.
Well, I will like to see them coping with severe depression and all the other s I had dealt on a daily basis, plus my other health problems and see if for once they wouldn’t want to escape it all for at least a second, just to be able to feel truly alive for once" .
"I know, but you know us Yun, we aren’t like that, we are your family... but I will respect your wishes... but are you ok? You are looking a little pale there" he said seeing her sweating a bit and her usual red cheeks where colorless.
"My stupid kidneys are bothering me again since three days ago, yesterday I went to the Doctor and he send me some labs, I went earlier today to have them done and I’m..." Soo Yun was saying but she didn’t get to end her sentence before fainting in her seat.
", SooYun" Bae yelled and began panicking a bit, thankfully the coffee shop barista Min Ah saw it all and immediately dialed 119.
They were supposed to meet Daesung there and as we has about to get into the coffee shop he saw Soo Yun being rolled into the ambulance and Bae running with her stuff behind her.
"Hyung!!!!!" Daesung yelled at the top of his lungs and Bae look to his back and saw his dongsaeng
"Go for her mom, I’ll call you when we get to the ER" he said and throwing him his car keys.
Daesung nodded and run to pick them up and made way to Yun's place.
Bae was praying allthe ambulance ride while holding her hand.
They where 3 minutes away from the hospital when Yun opened up her eyes and yelled in pain.
"Yun what’s wrong? What is it?"
"ing kidneys" she said in almost a whisper and tears began rolling from her eyes due to the pain.
They got to the ER and while a nurse took Bae outside to get her clinical history, Yun was rolled up to get a battery of tests.
After a while the doctors finally let Bae see her, while waiting for her results.
"Yah, silly girl... do you enjoy making your Oppa have heart attacks so often? If you were in such pain, you should have said so instead of enduring it. Remember, no secrets" he said while brushing her hair away from her face.
"Mian Oppa, I seriously thought I could manage it. I think I’ll have to marry you someday so I can spend my life thanking you, I owe you so freaking much already" she said while pouting.
"Wow those pain meds are good... I should record this to tease you later on" he said while smiling at her.
Soon her mom entered followed by Daesung and Bae let both of them know what happened.
The doctors soon came and reveal they had to admit her for further testing, but everything was pointing out to a severe kidney infection.
"Damn kidneys" was what came out from Soo Yun's mom mouth and everyone couldn’t help but to laugh about it.
Soo Yun was on her 3rd day of being admitted at the hospital, it was reveal her infection was resistant to multiple antibiotics so the only way to treat her was at the hospital. And boy she was bored to dead.
Miraculously her Dad had stepped it up and got her a double room and she was lucky enough that her roommate was discharged the night she got admitted so practically she had the room to herself.
Her mom practically move in with her to the hospital, but all the guys took turns so her mom could also get some rest, go home and shower.
All, including Eun Bi, especially since her Dad was one of the chair members of the hospital board, so that had come with a better treatment from the nurses care, the perks of having friends with connections in high places Soo Yun though. But there was only one usual face missing.
Soo Yun was walking down the hall with her IV drip when she saw someone walking her way with a large bouquet of violet tulips, her favorite flowers. She almost fell on her when she saw the person holding the flowers, Choi Seung Hyun.
"Yun jongmal mianhaeyo that it took me so long to get here, I was on Busan on a business trip. I got here 2hrs ago on the KTX, drop my bags and came here, how are you feeling?" He said with his strong deep voice but this time had an apologetic undertone.
"Really is a fact... I need to get seriously ill for you to show your face in front of me Seung Hyun-ah" she said, while her inner battle of mix feelings was having a field day inside of her.
"Sorry... I wish I had a better excuse but I don't have one" he said while they walked into her room and she sat down on the bed.
"Don't worry, from what I saw you have your hands full with that long haired girl" she said with resentment, placing the flowers in the vase Eun Bi had brought in the night before.
"Wait, when did you saw me with Yuri-sshi? Don’t tell me it was really you a few weeks ago?”he said and finally began paying attention to his friend, indeed now her hair was way more shorter than her usual and now she had it dyed back to her natural black jet color, despite the fact she had always wear it in chocolate color ever since she entered university.
The length short black hair, only make her face features more visible, her face showed signs of how weak she actually was and how much weight she had truly lost since they both had seeing each other for the last time.
“I guess you did saw me that day then” she said letting out a whisper “So Yuri-sshi, that’s her name, good catch Seung Hyun, she has killer legs”
“I saw you, but I didn’t think it was you, you looked so…”
“Different, sick, kind of out of this world?” she said while playing with her bed covers and then the glimpse of her scars catch her eye, she had forgotten covering them up that day, the only ones aware of them where Bae and her parents, so she had being using wrist bands to cover them up.
“I was going to say tired but yeah, I think you kind of summarize everything there” he said letting down a sigh and plopping himself on the chair next to her, given her a chance to grab the wrist band and sliding it up her left hand, just in time to cover her scars.
“Did you also hurt your hand?” he said in concern about to grab her wrist.
“Ne, when I fainted at the coffee shop, nothing major, that’s why my IV is placed on my right arm” she said changing the subject as quickly as possible.
“I see… Look Yun, I’m sorry about how things have turn out between us this past few months, I seriously don’t know what has gotten into me, regarding us… it was just too much and you know how slow I can be regarding feelings and that stuff” he said to her.
“What feelings?” she said but immediately regretting asking him.
“Your feelings, my own feelings… look, I have to admit it, after you confessed I tried not to get it to my head, but then all of them other things in your life happened and I didn’t want to be there and confuse you with me being attentive or such, so it could lead on your feelings towards me” he said looking straight into the floor, knowing how stupid the reasons were now that he was saying them out loud.
“Wow, you really think you are the last bottle of water in the desert right Choi Seung Hyun? If someone could ever do that to me would be Bae Oppa, because if someone deserves the title of almost boyfriend would be him. Nurture my feelings for you? Seriously are you mental? Do you need me to schedule an appointment with a therapist for that narcissistic tendency of yours there?”
“You didn’t hold back there, didn’t you?” he said feeling like being er punch right in his face.
“Sorry your highness, should I? Didn’t I make myself clear ages ago, I confessed in order to let go and then you went all drama queen on the matter and forgot your role as my best friend? What the hell happen to us? Sometimes I regret I gave you too much credit that night by thinking you were grown up enough to deal with that.
I needed my best friend Seung Hyun, the one I knew since I was on high school, and you just flee, after all the crap I endure, do you think I deserve it?” she said feeling a tingle in the corner of her eyes, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much it was hurting her saying those words.
“I am still here Soo Yun…”
“You are too late… please leave, thanks for the flowers, I’m glad you remembered that tulips were my favorites. I’m tired, but thanks for stopping by” she said turning her back to him, lying down on her bed.
Seung Hyun took a deep breath, knowing she was right, he was too late. He stand up and made his way to exit the room “Even if I’m too late, I’m still your friend Yun, remember that…”
Soo Yun listened as he closed the door to her room and finally let a few tears roll down on her cheeks.
“Are you Choi Seung Hyun, still my friend? Or do I now carry you inside of me, like an like an irremovable mark, not being able to leave behind the wounds from the past, that they mix with the memories of a day that now remains as a print in my soul. Can I really let go of all of this and just be friends again with you?” she said to herself and heard the door being opened again, announcing the return of her mom to her side and the fact the she was once again alone with her thoughts about Choi Seung Hyun.
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A/n: hello! Wow your response to last weeks updates was amazing, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this story, i know the chapters were emotionally draining for some of you /hugs/
What do you think of SY behaviour towards SH? Did he deserve it or not?
Thanks for your amazing support, having you around (even you silent readers, i know you are out there), really does bring a lot of comfort and happiness to me.
until next time,
~sayurimei
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