Chqapter 18 –

 

It’s now 2:15 am and the bigbang’s loft is at its most quiet state for a while. No one’s in the kitchen mumbling and cursing while he waits for the milk in the microwave to get heated; nobody’s in the bathroom fighting with all his might to not barf as he struggles to change a soiled diaper; nobody’s walking back and forth in the living room trying to sway a little boy to sleep….nothing….just complete silence.

 

The only things that you can be hear were just faint sounds of coffee cups gently being place on the table, scribbling, someone cutting and slurping of coffee…

 

Right in the middle of the kitchen, sitting around their table were YoungBae, DaeSung and SeungHyun….all were focused in their own worlds. Too focused in fact that they seemed to appear as if they’re a bunch of seniors preparing for the annual college exam.

 

“KYAAAA!” SeungHyun finally snapped and put down the pair of scissor and what appear to be Japanese paper in her hand. Daesung looked at him in confusion but SeungHyun just gritted his teeth, rolled his eyes and pulled the hanging piece of white paper on Dae’s hair. “I HAD ENOUGH!!!” SeungHyun stood up and threw the piece of red star he was cutting.

 

“Hyung!!! We only have a few more pieces to do…” Daesung pointed at the mess in the middle of the table. YoungBae continue to ignore them, he was too busy tracing something in a workbook.

 

“I finished school without even doing a single project nor homework ok!” SeungHyun tossed the scissor on the table, YoungBae raised his eyebrow and stopped writing.

 

“And you’re proud of that hyung?” youngbae asked

 

“well….” SeungHyun pouted as he thinks of a better retort, “I…I am! So I don’t see the point why we’ve been doing Jiyong’s daycare work for him!”

 

“we’re doing this because in two days will be Jiyong’s play and also his deadline with Teddy hyung…but we can’t saw Jiyong in half right? He needs to focus on his real work while ---“

 

“’while we are stuck here in the middle of the wee hours of the morning cutting Christmas collage and you YoungBae finishing his hanggul workbook!?” SeungHyun pushed back the chair and finally decided the he had enough. “I’m going bed.”

 

“Hyung!!!!” Dae tried to call back SeungHyun, “Aish, it’s not I’m doing this cause I’m having fun…can’t he at least bear with us!?!”

 

“Umm…you can sleep if you want to now Dae.” YoungBae raised his eyebrow, waiting for his dongsaeng’s reply.

 

“AH! AWESOME HYUNG! YEAH I…WELL YOU KNOW…I HAD TO DRIVE JIYONG HYUNG TOMORROW! GOODNIGHT!” and with that Daesung stormed out of the kitchen and the next thing YoungBae can hear was just the clicking sound of Dae’s door closing.

 

“what the f---“ YoungBae mouth was left open and he leaned away from the table to stretch--- “I was just testing you Dae tsk.” YoungBae stood up and went to their kitchen to get himself a drink… “Shouldn’t they be home now?” YoungBae pulled out his phone, “They’re taking too much time in the recording huh….” YoungBae started typing a message to maknae.

 

---------back in the studio--------------

 

“WILL YOU FREAKING LISTEN BETTER ON THE MUSIC MAKNAE!” Jiyong was sitting on the control table and eyes glaring on SeungRi.

 

SeungRi yawned again for the nth time, it’s nearly 2:30 am and he knows he should be sleeping right now….and more so Jiyong.

 

“I am listening hyung---“ SeungRi tried to massage the bridge of his nose and sipped his coffee….

 

“NO YOU ARE NOT!!!” Jiyong kicked rather violently and got himself in a tight situation when he felt he was starting to fall off the table.

 

“YA!” SeungRi grabbed him quickly and pulled to hug, “HYUNG!”

 

“ sorry….aish!!! my head’s feeling light now…” Jiyong placed his hand against his forehead.

 

“cause it’s 2:30 am already hyung we should be going home now and not doing this----“

 

“but my deadline ri!!! I…I can’t afford to miss it!” Jiyong started panicking, “ I need some smoke right now.”

 

“you can’t smoke just use this---“ SeungRi pulled out the pacifier and placed it against Jiyong’s lips, who quickly started nibbling it. SeungRi smiled a little as he watches Jiyong’s eyes focus on somewhere he doesn’t know….the look panic in baby jiyong’s face seemed adorable, way different when he’s in his true self. “aish….” SeungRi carried Jiyong and sat on the black sofa inside the recording studio. “Jiyong, you’re still 24, if you keep panicking like this you’ll end up wrinkly and ugly.”

 

“What? EXCUSE ME…between you and me, you’re the one who looks ugly and old.” Jiyong rolled his eyes.

 

“whatever hyung, what I’m saying is….chill~~~ we can’t do anything about your deadline, the music sound great and besides no matter what we come up with tonight, I’m sure teddy hyung or choice hyung will just botched it up with their synthesizers or whatever….no need to be perfect all the time.” SeungRi started bouncing Jiyong up and down gently on his knee.

 

“what are you doing???” Jiyong looked at SeungRi legs with one eyebrow raised.

 

“Huh? Umm have you played the horse game before when you were a kid???” SeungRi stopped moving then swayed his legs from left to right--- “How about motorcycle? Bumby road game? Aish! Jiyong---“

 

“What?! I barely had my memory of my childhood…all were…almost all were me being stuck in a studio or in a training room either dancing’til my body feels as if I’m breaking apart, singing like my throat can never utter another sound…..” Jiyong stopped and looked at his hands, “or worse…scrubbing the wooden floor and mirror until I feel as if the soap and chemicals I used were already seeping in my blood.” Jiyong just stared at his fingers and slowly remembers everything. “It was rough Ri…”

 

SeungRi stared at Jiyong’s tiny hands as well, trying to understand the deepness of Jiyong’s complexes, he always felt like being a child in Gwangju was already hard…but at least the hardships he went through was something out of his own liking…

 

SeungRi slept inside the train station countless of times, he endured attending training days without a meal or being mocked as talentless…but he endured all of this because he wants to. He gave up his childhood experiences of playing hide and seek or the experience of a teenage rebellion of trying to sneak in magazine in a school…he missed a lot of normal teenage experiences like proms and such but he never felt regret about it because HE WANTED to sacrifice them because he wants something bigger…he wants to be a star…

 

But in Jiyong’s case…it’s totally different.

 

Jiyong never experience a normal hide and seek game, he never attended a normal school trip…a prom…a school dance or play…not because he chose not to (like in Ri’s case) but because his career demands him to. Jiyong had always woken up with the idea of what he should be in the future…the perfect kwon Jiyong. The pefect Gdragon…the perfect idol…

 

But no matter how reality turned out, and he’s lucky he indeed achieve such at a young age…moments like this makes Jiyong see how much he had miss…just because of a “dream”. Whether it was his or not..he doesn’t even want to think about it anymore.

 

SeungRi took Jiyong hands, enclosing it within his long finger. Jiyong looked up with his teary eyes and saw how deep SeungRi was looking at him.

 

“I’m sorry hyung…I didn’t mean for my silliness to affect this way---“

 

“No…it’s ok…somehow…” Jiyong looked at his tiny backpack that was left behind and then towards his reflection. “I’m slightly happy being like what I am right now…tiny me…I’m able to experience things all over again…like playing tricks with you all, hide and seek….crying and not caring if anyone sees me…like a second chance to at relieve some childhood frustration I have.” Jiyong forced a smile, he was then surprised when SeungRi hugged. “unf---you’re warm Ri…”

 

“hehe, am I?” SeungRi asked. “Jiyong hyung, I know I don’t have any idea how you are exactly feeling right now…the pressure and all…but Jiyong you don’t have to be perfect all the time---give yourself a break.”

 

“I want to be perfect---“ Jiyong leaned away, “extra perfect in fact…”

 

“why?”

 

“not because of me….I want to whip up that song because…because for you 4….you, Dae, SeungHyun…YoungBae…I want our songs to be flawless, because it’s not just for me, but for you guys….for bigbang. I have messed up so much and I…I at least can make up to you guys for it.” Jiyong said eagerly.

 

“Aish but why do you have to be all like strict on me like right now you’ve been pushing me for 2 hours now! You only took 30 minutes with SeungHyun hyung.” SeungRi pouted, Jiyong’s tiny hand pulled his chin to look at him. “what?”

 

“I push you the most because I know you have the most potential.”

 

“Aish you’re rounding up my head again Jiyong hyung.” SeungRi smirked.

 

“Duh, I know whatever I will say will come back haunting me---and I mean you will forever rub it on my face but---“ Jiyong took a deep breath… “You were able to make VVIP album in 7 days right? Without my help until the last few minutes…then you help in dance and choreograph your own shows…you carry the group in variety and you somehow even at the cost of your image…makes us your hyungs look great…and…..I am rough on you in the booth because I know you will never held it against me, to you I show my truest self…to you I show how weak and frustrated I can be….maybe it gets to you in a wrong way, but…I’m lost---“ Jiyong blinked a couple of times making the both of them laugh their hearts out.

 

“Hyung you’re weird---“ SeungRi wiped his eyes dry…

 

“I guess I am---“ Jiyong leaned at SeungRi chest and when the two finally calmed down.

 

“So umm--- time to finish the song or what?” SeungRi stood up and started walking towards the booth, but when he bent to placed Jiyong on the producer’s chair Jiyong didn’t let go and was instead clinging tightly on his neck. “Hyung???”

 

“Umm.. I think I have a better idea…” Jiyong looked at his bag and pointed at it. “can you get that for me..”

 

SeungRi gently straightened up and swung Jiyong to get a better grip. He pulled out the blue doraemon bag and opened it.

 

“There take out that folded paper….” Jiyong instructed SeungRi and the maknae did as he was told.

 

“Eh? Hyung?” SeungRi chuckled when he realized what he was holding in his hand and Jiyong quickly rested his tiny face on SeungRi’s neck.

 

“Don’t laugh…aigoo….” Jiyong blushed in embarrassment, but somehow SeungRi’s neck scent calmed him down. He leaned away and looked at the paper. “I think the song making can wait, can you practice my daycare Christmas script with me? Like run lines or something---“

 

SeungRi’s expression cannot be put in words as he once again sat back on the black sofa with Jiyong on his lap, head against his chest…SeungRi opened the tiny notebook and looked down at Jiyong.. “Are you sure? This is just a school play…nothing big…”

 

“Oh come on Ri!” Jiyong protested, “You know I at acting…I tend..I tend to overact and they say I always give out a cute aura..”

 

“Well you are cute hyung---“ SeungRi bit a few pieces of Jiyong’s hair, accidentally pulling off some “haha sorry…”

 

“OUCH!!!” Jiyong rubbed his head where the prickling sensation of his roots radiates from. “Come on Ri…I need your help…the play’s in two days and I…I have no idea what to do and I’m freaking out! I also…” Jiyong stopped and pulled down the notebook to get a better view of SeungRi, “remember I never had a lot of childhood experiences?”

 

“yeah?” SeungRi tilted his head and savor Jiyong’s puppy dog eyes.

 

“I never had a schoolplay…I want to do good…no wait I want to do great! Help me?” Jiyong clasped his hands together and batted his wonderful eye lashes, as if a little kid begging his daddy to get him a new toy.

 

SeungRi chuckled then scratched his head, “shouldn’t you be asking SeungHyun hyung the great Bigbang actor to do this instead of me?”

 

“Ya! Who was the one who keeps on bragging that he’s the first among us to do a serious play or acting huh???? Aren’t you the one maknae…come on…teach me…I want you and not SeungHyun hyung.” Jiyong hugged SeungRi tighter this time and with eyes watery and big like puss in boots in shrek.

 

“Aish, fine..if you go training under me then you might end up being the best damn romeo and then that youjin girl will not be able to keep her hands off you! Are you sure you want this?” SeungRi haughtily smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

 

“Eh! I don’t care about that Youjin, I want to do great about this play because as I said…I am doing this because I want to experience at least one school play for myself and….I want to show YOU I can act too…” Jiyong blushed and looked down. “You’re gonna watch right?”

 

“I don’t know, I have to check on my schedule…”

 

“MAKNAE!!!” Jiyong violently shook his body on top of SeungRi’s lap. “FINE IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA BE THERE….I’LL JUST GO AND CONTINUE DATING THAT YOUJIN AND LET HER DRAW ON MY FACE…AH I’LL EVEN ASK HER TO WRITE YOUJIN YONGGIE FOREVER!”

 

“DON’T YOU DARE!” SeungRi glared.

 

“anyways come to think of it…this is my FIRST EXPERIENCE AGAIN OF A CHILDHOOD PUPPY LOVE…haha! I wanna enjoy this one too---“ Jiyong intentionally ignored SeungRi..

 

“what the!? KWON JIYONG!” SeungRi felt his temple nerves twitch

 

“whoa? Is my maknae getting jealous huh?” Jiyong beamed at how red SeungRI became…

 

“No I’m not!” SeungRi tried to look away but Jiyong started pinching and piking his face “STOP IT HYUNG!”

 

“You’re getting jealous! Ah admit it! Hahaha!” Jiyong kept on pushing.

 

“SHUT UP HYUNG!!!” SeungRi cried out while Jiyong continued pinching his beet red color face nonstop…

 

==================5:16AM==========

 

“Yawwwn…~~~~” YoungBae stepped outside of his room, suddenly awoken by his thirst. He hugged himself and made sure his jacket’s covering him well as he makes his way into the dark hallway towards the kitchen when he noticed a flickering light coming from their living. “hmmm, someone’s up?” youngbae squinted his eyes to guard from the glaring light of the tv.

 

YoungBae was finally able to reach the end of the hallway and looked at whoever was sitting on the couch, he thought it would SeungHyun being hit with his insomnia once again, but to his surprise…it was none other than SeungRi.

 

“Whoa? What time have you guys been back?” YoungBae asked as he walks over the kitchen and fetches himself a glass of water. SeungRi was busy drinking his coffee and the television on the lowest volume audible volume (that actually YoungBae had a hard time hearing himself) and was busy still doing something.

 

“ssshhh…” SeungRi gestured YoungBae to come closer in order to talk, YoungBae approached them and saw that SeungRi was pointing at Jiyong who was deep in sleep and head on SeungRi’s lap. “around before 4am…” SeungRi whispered. YoungBae pouted and used his mouth to gesture for SeungRi to make way, so SeungRi gently carried the sleeping Jiyong and made a few space for YoungBae to squeeze in on his other side. “give me that---“ SeungRi pointed at YoungBae left and YoungBae handed him the cotton baby blanket. SeungRi covered Jiyong and when the little boy started wrinkling his face and was about to cry, SeungRi quickly hushed him and fed him his pacifier.

 

“4am? Whoa..that’s too late …or early…whatever, why are you still up?” YoungBae’s eyes were focused whatever SeungRi was doing and then smirked, “I finished until page 12…” YoungBae put one of his arm over the maknae’s shoulder and grabbed the remote.

 

“yup, I’m already at page 26….how many hangul characters does a daycare kid had to finish!?!?” SeungRi cursed at the workbook that he was doing for Jiyong. The two of them laughed and YoungBae started changing channels while the maknae continued finishing the workbook.

 

“Something’s in the dvd what are you watching maknae ?” YoungBae joked, SeungRi just smirked.

 

“Jiyong hyung and I were watching romeo and Juliet…you know hyung, he likes to approach things as if everything is a science and systemic. I just told him to be a good romeo he needs to remember how to express love, but our little O.C. leader here wants to do ‘research’ as he calls it and rented a bunch of romeo and Juliet dvds…so that’s why how he ended up sleeping here. He only managed to watch until the first dance and after that our baby here drop dead like wood on my lap…” SeungRi chuckled and put down the workbook. He looked down at Jiyong and started fixing Jiyong’s hair, watching as the pacifier move up and down.

 

“Ri?” YoungBae  “You do know that this----“ YoungBae pointed at Jiyong’s body, “Jiyong being a baby is not permanent right? We NEED to fix him…this situation is not what is normal right? You’re not forgetting that right?”

 

“I am not forgetting and yes…I know.” SeungRi’s eyes were still fix at Jiyong.

 

“We NEED to put an end to him being a baby…” YoungBae turned off the tv, noticing how the maknae was still brushing Jiyong’s hair.

 

“I know.”

 

“and when Jiyong’s back to normal…you…you can’t go and continue hugging him like that, kissing him…giving him baths…Jiyong’s 24 years old Ri and not that kid…when he’s back to being his old self…back in his old body, SeungRi you cannot continue doing these things right? He’s our leader and you’re our maknae…ok?” YoungBae felt the heavy atmosphere that suddenly filled the room. SeungRi stopped brushing Jiyong hair and turned his head to face the blank space in front of him. SeungRi can feel YoungBae’s piercing eyes that’s why he intentionally avoided it.

 

“Yes hyung I know.” SeungRi answered.

 

“Good.” YoungBae was not totally convinced but he had no plans to dwell more on the topic since it’s nearly 6am.  YoungBae tapped SeungRi’s knee as if reminding him to ‘fix yourself’. “I have to go and sleep now…I’ll take your coffee cup in the kitchen now ok? It’s cold already anyways.”

 

SeungRi nodded but was still feeling numb. YoungBae sighed and just decided to ignore how affected SeungRi was with his words. He feels it’s not yet the time to nag SeungRi. With a last wave and gentle rubbing of Jiyong’s head, YoungBae bid SeungRi goodnight.

 

After a few more minutes, Jiyong suddenly started moving and his eye flickered and open…He turned quickly and pulled his pacifier out of his mouth. “Whoa I fell asleep!!!!!” Jiyong sat up and turned to SeungRi who was busy with his eyes covered. “eh? SeungRi? Maknae??” Jiyong crawled towards SeungRi and on top of SeungRi’s lap…he gently pulled SeungRi’s hand off of the maknae’s face and was surprised to see Ri’s eyes glisten with tears… “Whoa? Maknae you’re crying…”

 

SeungRi sniffed and swallowed his sob, he quickly gathered himself together and pointed at the tv. “The movie---it was so beautiful it made me cry…” SeungRi replied.

 

“what! Awe men…I missed the movie…sorry Ri, I was the one who dragged you to watch it and I ended up sleeping on you.” Jiyong dabbed his tiny hands over SeungRi’s face, “aish stop crying you idiot! I’m sure the movie’s sad but not THAT sad…if it is then I’ll pass I don’t want to watch it anymore!”

 

SeungRi chuckled despite his tears kept on falling.

 

“wah! Ri stop crying you’re gonna make me cry too!! Aish! WE ARE NOT WATCHING THAT AGAIN!” Jiyong cursed as he still tries to wipe SeungRi’s tears when suddenly he was pulled into a hug. “eh maknae…what are you doing???”

 

“nothing...the movie was just damn touching.”

 

“Aish!!!” Jiyong stoped struggling and just leaned his head on SeungRi’s chest. “Well you better stop being touched by the movie cause it’s nearly 6:15am…we need to sleep you know…I have daycare at 9am…”

 

“oh yeah…let’s go…” SeungRi coughed and lifted Jiyong.

 

“Ri…” Jiyong looked up at SeungRi who was busy avoiding his eyes. “can I tell you something…”

 

“Sure…” SeungRi opened his bedroom door and put Jiyong gently on the bed. He lay there next time him and Jiyong quickly crawled underneath the comforter and hugged SeungRi like a log. “call me cheesy but…I’ll miss this…”

 

“huh?” SeungRi wrinkled his face and watched Jiyong yawing and eyes half open.

 

“I’ll miss being a baby when we’re done with this whole twilight zone experience…”

 

“you’ll miss being spoiled by everyone huh?” SeungRi felt like a masochist to himself pretending to sarcastically reply to Jiyong.

 

“yeah..but I’ll miss this most…you’re a good daddy or mommy ri…you take care of me so well…tsk…aish, when you have a girlfriend of your own, I’ll know you’ll treat her like a baby like how you do to me…oh man….just the thought of it makes me jealous…tsk…” Jiyong hugged SeungRi tighter, his heart beating too fast, Jiyong paused and took a few second to analyze if he’s cold like what SeungRi explained before…but no he’s not…he’s complete warm but then how come does his heart’s beating to fast as ifit wants to race out of his chest….and also it hurts at the same time.

 

“you’re thinking too much Ji…” SeungRi pulled Jiyong closer, holding back another round of tears threatening to fall from his eyes…

 

“I swear I’ll be jealous of that day you’ll have a gf…”

 

“Then I won’t have one.” SeungRi smirked

 

“and I can be your baby forever.” Jiyong joked back.

 

“yeah…whatever.” SeungRi closed his eyes, it hurts knowing that at least in his side it was real…that he’ll be fine to treat Jiyong like this forever; and his pain was not helped when a warm dab of Jiyong’s lips touched his jaw for a split second and was followed by Jiyong humming himself to sleep.

 

“and when Jiyong’s back to normal…you…you can’t go and continue hugging him like that, kissing him…giving him baths…Jiyong’s 24 years old Ri and not that kid…when he’s back to being his old self…back in his old body, SeungRi you cannot continue doing these things right? He’s our leader and you’re our maknae…ok?”

 

YoungBae’s words kept searing in his conscience and SeungRi feels Jiyong play around beside him trying to find his sleeping position…

 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Jiyong asked with eyes filled with concern, SeungRi faintly smile and rubbed his thumb against chin.

 

“I am…” SeungRi lied.

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Hey lovely subs/reader and commenters!!! Ok so while being feverish this whole day T^T but was still stuck in the coffee shop studying, I can't help but be inspired to write another update as a Christmas gift to you all...although this chapter is filled with equal amounts of fluffy love and sad gri moments..but i heeded your request for a gri moment gallore =) hope you love it. Oh and I am really sorry for any typos since i don't check my work anymore after typing them and posting it immediately (sorry but my schedule is really tight and errm I don't want to hassle anyone to beta my work and aish just sorry if my words/spelling or grammar are wrong so please forgive me.)

how's christmas coming to you all? :) I wish you all happy holidays! and the next update will probably after this 25 :) hope i can squeeze it in again. THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS AND SUBS! LOVE YOU ALL!!