Chapter 13 -Tiring but...

The west side of the park looked really vacant. It was as if nearly eerie already added how the leafless tree branches swung from left to right and the swings moving on its own. Yes, the cold winter weather have obviously turned this joyful place to an abandoned one, except for two long feet that dangles on top of one of the old slides.

“There goes your Christmas gift.” SeungRi’s nasal voice can be heard as he mumbles inside the yellow drum on top of the swing. Call it weird but after walking back and forth for almost 10 minutes and dilly dallying on what to do, he ended up here…back placed against the cold slide floor and facing the blank yellow plastic tube above. He took a deep breath and noticed his fingers are already starting to shiver. He didn’t plan to actually make this abandoned slide as his personal brooding ground, but after figuring out that his friends are either too busy Christmas shopping or promoting, then he also doesn’t want to go back to SeungHyun and the rest without suffering the wrath of Jiyong’s temper flare…he figured this single tube is better.

Like what did I do? I’m always nice, I know I get to your nerves but why do I always have to endure this?  SeungRi kept on thinking, then also why do we have to endure this anyways? Why do we have to understand you? Can’t you see we’re having a hard time too?

“Aish!” SeungRi quickly sat up straight. ~bang~ “Ouch!! !” he gave the innocent tube a hard punch as he rubs his now throbbing head.

But he’s Jiyong and I’m SeungRi, I should know that he never meant what he said…he’s THAT…he’s a jerk but he loves us, and…he trusts me the most in the group…he expects for me to be the one who should understand him….so therefore, does that equate me being a bad maknae?

SeungRi lowers his head, it’s getting tiring…emotionally dragging trying to both understand Jiyong, wanting to make Jiyong happy, wanting to satisfy him…he loves it anyways, he loves seeing Jiyong smile at him and whenever he does things that makes Jiyong put an arm on him and presses it as if telling him how proud his hyung of him drives him to the best high he can get. Better than alcohol, better than an award…even sometimes creepy enough that he feels that when Jiyong’s around it’s better than having a girl around. But no matter how Jiyong’s feelings for him makes him push more…it doesn’t help whenever the reason that inspires him to do his best is also the source of his downfall.

SeungRi’s never the confident one, and Jiyong knows that. He had a lot of insecurities that he only showed to Jiyong. Jiyong’s the one who only pointed out that his upfront personality is just a shell he made to fool not the public but more himself; and Jiyong was a man of his word that he kept his side of the bargain, revealing his true nature that (if Jiyong’s being honest) only SeungRi knows.

He knows Jiyong’s foul mouth is just a ploy to hide anger at himself, he knows Jiyong’s weakness about his pride, that Jiyong will never say sorry to the point that Jiyong lost a lot of friends just because of this.

Jiyong hates himself, and SeungRi’s the one who only knows this.

“The reason I work hard maknae, I push myself to be loved by everybody is not because I’m hungry for attention…but my soul’s hungry to see why I exist…when they say they love me, it keeps me sane that I’m not as ty as how those people who left me behind tells me.”

Those were the exact words that SeungRi heard Jiyong said one night years ago, during those years when Bigbang used to be six members…before Jiyong went home drunk that night, SeungRi always thought Jiyong’s the perfect junior, that he’s the epitome of what a trainee should be. But after accidentally seeing Jiyong get punched by YG himself one afternoon, it all changed. Jiyong’s doing the repetitious life as a trainee not because he wants it…but because all his life he felt he was programmed to do it.

SeungRi have never thought of bringing up the topic again, never thinks of asking Jiyong if he’s being an idol now because he wants to or because he felt he was programmed to.

It only became apparent again one night when Jiyong came home, eyes swollen and ran to his bedroom…Jiyong was not good in words but the way he wailed all night at with Ji’s face on his back spoke a million of words. The next day Ri found out Jiyong was charged with plaigiarism and his concert is being investigated.

“HOW COULD YOU BE? YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HYUNG WHO THOUGHT OF THE CONCEPT!” SeungRi slammed his laptop closed, but Jiyong was just facing the wall, eyes blankly staring at the white paint. Ri leaned over and wiped the nearly dried tears off of his hyung’s face…he knows Jiyong will not answer…cause he’s the one who asked the question…he’s lee seunghyun therefore it is expected for him to know the answers even before asking them.

He carefully wrapped his arms around Jiyong’s body, pulling his hyung nearer…and the wake Jiyong’s shoulders quiver signaled that another round of tear fest is coming, but SeungRi didn’t even try to calm Jiyong down…he knows him too well. He knows Jiyong needs to let it out…no advise needed, no comfort…but what Jiyong needs is for the person he thinks understands him the most to just hug him..be there for him…

They are all puppet of YG…but what makes him feel ty about this is that…the vulnerable hyung he now have in his arms feels like the world him again…and his own Geopetto  left him to be eaten by wolves and now SeungRi’s the good old trusty little cricket to help him feel things will be better.

Moments like this are the one that binds them together. The true meaning of their looks at one another that puzzles the other three…

Moments that makes SeungRi feel everything’s ok…that all the hardships are worth it. The beyond this world of idols filled with opportunistic newbies or cunning old timers there’s one man that is real and it is them to one another.

BUT AGAIN…IT IS DAMN TIRING!

“It’s like whenever I move forward…Jiyong does this weird thing again and sabotages everything…why?” SeungRi ask the doodled cartoon on the plastic tube wall…he finds this funny but what the hell, he needs someone to talk to.

“Ah yeah right was I too sensitive?” SeungRi  asked the drawing, and started rubbing his thumb on the smug smile of the figure as he curses after his conscience just won’t give up on him. He started swaying his dangled legs and rubbing his hands together to generate heat. “I should go home any minute now huh….”

~ring….ring…ring…~

SeungRi scrunched up his forehead as he looks for his phone and checked who it was…

“Oh TOP-hyung!! What’s up?” SeungRi answered wiping his slowly running nose. “What? When was that? When I got something for my birthday….” SeungRi tilted his head as he started wondering if he even went to buy something in Bean Pole for his birthday. “But I didn’t get any stuffs from that store since Jiyong hyung said it’ll make him look bad cause people will think he won’t get anything from that store….what!? 80% DICSOUNT?! WHEN’S THE DEADLINE??? …TODAY?!?”

SeungRi was starting to be confused, how can he suddenly be too lucky to get an 80% discount in Bean Pole all of the sudden…besides shouldn’t be the guy to inform him is Jiyong since duh he’s the spoke person in the first place. “Are you sure?...They called you? I WANNA TALK TO JIYONG HYUNG!”

==========on the other line ==========

“You want to what???” SeungHyun eyes opened widely and his heart thumping, Daesung was nibbling on his thumb while YoungBae was busy running around the park looking for Jiyong and asking random passerby, a few VIPs who got start struck and froze on the spot before they can react properly. SeungHyun pointed at Daesung asking for help, Dae went closer and with an inquiring eyes…. “You want to talk to Jiyong?” SeungHyun repeated not because of confirming it to SeungRi but just to inform Dae, Dae panicked and started to walk back and forth.

Oh maknae’s gonna kill us… Dae panicked, they really messed up this time…BIG TIME.

“Wait….” SeungHyun gave Dae a worried look and gestured for him to play along.. “Da---daesunggie….Daesung!” SeungHyun bit his lips…

Dae first was confused with what his hyung wants but then slowly caught up.

“Aaaah….hyung!” Dae replied in a hushed voice as if he was meters away.

“SeungRi wants to talk to Ji….tell him that!” SeungHyun felt guilty lying but maknae’s the type to overreact in things like this, if an Arashi signed album went missing when they left Nagoya (thanks to SeungHyun’s playful prank of hiding it and ending with losing it in the end) a few months ago can make the maknae buy a ticket to Japan just to purchase a new one and stalk his idols to have it signed again…how much more if Jiyong’s the one missing. All hell will definitely break lose.

“KEEP MAKNAE OUT OF THIS FOR NOW!” this was YoungBae’s executive decision and the two have no plans of not following him. “FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DISTRACT HIM!” YoungBae flared up as he quickly started looking for Jiyong…

“But how?” SeungHyun asked…

“I don’t know! Figure it out, find things to distract him, a date, a party…a discount to a mall whatever!”

So that is why the two ended up calling maknae and telling him he won a discount spree in bean pole…while in fact, it is at the expense of SeungHyun’s credit.

“Wait let me ask Jiyong…” DaeSung nervously asked, “Ji---jiyong hyung…..~~~ ma-maknae wants to talk to you!” DaeSung cracked his voice and started coughing to lighten his tone when---

“no don’t want to-“ YoungBae came out from nowhere…if anyone can pull off a Jiyong voice it was him, a surprising talent that he got after years of friendship with the guy. YoungBae was curious why the two guys are doing a weird monologue but they seem to have more on the plate that his curiosity is the least important thing right now.

“Ok…I’ll pass it on him…yes…ok…have fun shopping…” SeungHyun puts down the phone, his heart sunk with weak knee sat on the swing. He was purposely trying to avoid YoungBae’s glares at him… “This is messed up.” SeungHyun rubbed his face “Well maknae bought it…he wants to tell Jiyong that he’ll go there and he wants to buy things with him….and that…he’s sorry.”

“Aish, why is it so easy for maknae say sorry to Jiyong but not to us!?!” Dae asked randomly.

“You are worried about that?!? Don’t we have a bigger problem right now!” YoungBae barked at the two, his lower lip red after biting it numerous times. “I had no luck looking for him….. We need to tell YG-sshi about this.”

“NO!” Dae and SeungHyun screamed. “ANYTHING BUT THAT!” Dae begged.

“Fine can you pull Jiyong out of your magical cap!?! We all know that if we report this to the police, it’ll be like spilling out the beans in public!” YoungBae cursed and then quickly asked for forgiveness from God “I didn’t meant to say that.”

“Wait what if we let out Gaho look for him?” SeungHyun pointed out. “I know it’s stupid but I’m desperate here!”

“one more time….20 more minutes….let’s look for one last time and if we won’t see him, let’s call the boss.” YoungBae turned around and pointed--- “Dae go north, hyung you’re in east and I’ll go back and forth west and south.”

The two nodded and followed… “Jiyong where are you!!!” YoungBae whispered to himself…

========back in SeungRi’s place=============

“whoa? This one’s nice----“ SeungRi smirked as he started mobile browsing Bean Pole’s website, checking out outfits he can purchase… “wow Jiyong hyung might want this….oh and this one too….ah I better get this one,yeah….he’ll like this…ah he won’t like this on me---“

SeungRi paused and got startled by the realization, all of the marked objects he promised to purchase were all either “Jiyong will wanna have this…..oh and Jiyong and I can share this” idea written on it.

“AISH!!!” SeungRi stopped walking and bent down, resting his head between his knees… “even if I’m mad I’m still thinking about him!” he frustratingly closed his eyes and took a deep breathe….

“let---let me go!”

“Why do I even bother getting clothes he’ll like…whenever he tries them it also meant “let me have it” “ SeungRi talked to himself.

“get of me!”

“You’re a pretty much talker for a little kid….ouch! why kick my knee! You little---“

“LET GO!”

“What the hell!?!?” SeungHyun’s eyes popped open to check out where on earth was the commotion about. He stood up and saw beyond the bush an old man jumping up and down cursing on the top of his lungs and a meter away from him was a 4x4 swaying little boy....LITTLE BOY?!?

SeungRi had to do a double take and even blinked at least 10 times in a light speed when he figured out who was the 4x4 wielding kid… “JIYONG!” SeungRi shouted and started running towards the boy was hitting the old guy again making the stranger ran for his money. “JIYONG!”

“YAH!” Jiyong blindly swung the 4x4 on the man approaching him, “GET AWAY S!” Jiyong shouted o the top of his lungs when the wood hit the fast approaching man.

“!” SeungRi shouted when the wood made strong contact on his lower jaw and he fell on the ground squirming in pain and he can swear he saw stars.

“Se---seungriya!!” Jiyong was shocked to see his maknae wriggle on the ground like a fish out of water. Jiyong threw the 4x4 aside and ran towards his maknae, “oh my God I’m sorry…”

“oouuuuchhh----“ SeungRi cried out with tears on his eyes and slowly he looked at Jiyong, obviously paled and tiny finger running on this swollen and bleeding jaw. “hyung---“

“I’m sorry---“ Jiyong cried…