20 If
Complex Simplicity
[Yonghwa's POV]
I put Sora on my bed carefully, don't want her to wake up from her sleep. I know she needs a good rest tonight so she can clear her mind.
After all the kisses, I was the one who decided to stop the exploding passion from her. I hugged her tight, telling her to calm herself down and told her that I would stay with her.
Within minutes, she fell asleep, still with tears escaped from her eyes. This is one of the reason why I know she is really desperate and confused with her own feeling.
When I walked pass the other members who were watching a variety show together, they asked me about what happened to her but I assured them that she's only sleeping. Minhyuk gave me a questioning look but I ignored it.
Sora doesn't look good even in her sleep. She looks uncomfortably sad.
I embrace her hand gently, putting it near my lips, "Sora..."
I love her. I really do. I love her that I want her to be happy...
but it's all wrong.
Her happiness is only temporary when she is with me. When I'm not there with her, there is nothing left for her about me. It's nothing but an illusion that can fade away.
I noticed it when I saw her tears for Yoseob. She cried because she really loved Yoseob. She didn't want Yoseob to leave her yet she couldn't say it.
Love is not all about happy smiles. I know it very well. Her tears are proof of her love for Yoseob, a feeling that she never have for me.
There is spark between us. It's true and real but it's not love. It's not something she shares with Yoseob.
I walked too far from the line. The longer I stay like this, the more I will make Sora confused, the more I will hurt Yoseob's feeling, and the more I will torture my own heart.
For hours I only stare at her beautiful face in silence, thinking about how to put the end of everything.
When it's past midnight already, I feel her fingers move and she opens her eyes slowly, focusing on my eyes, "Yonghwa..."
"Hey," I smile sadly to her.
[Sora's POV]
I am standing in the middle of nowhere. Everything is clouded by white fog.
Ah, I'm dreaming, right?
I must be really tired that I fell asleep. I remember that I was with Yonghwa on the rooftop. I was really desperate that I wanted to forget about everything.
"For you," I hear a familiar voice behind me. I immediately turn and see Yoseob with a cotton candy. "Cheer up."
"Can you take a picture of me and Sora?" he gives his phone to Doojoon who just appeared from no where. He puts his left arm on my shoulder, pulling me close to him.
This is when I went to the amusement park for the first time with BEAST. Right before I left them to Paris for the first time.
Both Yoseob and Doojoon suddenly vanish to the thin air and I'm standing in the middle of the crowd now. A wide stage appears and Yoseob is standing on the stage with a microphone.
"I know someone who really loves chocolate," Yoseob says to the audiences. "At first I thought that chocolate was a sweet dessert but I learned somehow that chocolate was originally bitter. Looks like I only knew milk chocolate before. But then I realize that love feels the same."
I gasp. This is when he confessed to me at Japan United Cube Concert.
"Love is sweet, people said, and I agree. But I can feel that love can be bitter sometimes. Just like people said that life is actually simple, but it can be complicated as the time goes by," Yoseob smiles softly to me.
The scene changes again and Yoseob is standing right next to me. He takes a bouquet I'm holding and kisses my forehead, "You'll be alright. We're together now. Everything's going to be fine. You'll see."
He lowers his lips and whispers, "Saengil chukkahamnida, Sora."
Right when his lips almost touch mine, everything around us changes. We are standing on the rooftop alone. He kisses my forehead once again, "Then you're going to stay forever with me."
"I love you."
Yoseob suddenly bends down on his knee and shows me a beautiful diamond ring, "Kim Sora, will you marry me?"
I can feel a single tear escapes from my eyes and I finally wake up from my sleep. I open my eyes and realize that I'm laying down on a bed.
I turn my head slightly and find Yonghwa is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at me with his loving eyes, "Yonghwa..."
"Hey," Yonghwa smiles to me, holding my hand gently. "You're awake."
"What time is it?" I ask him slowly, trying to gain my consciousness back.
"It's midnight," he answers me with a calm smile. "You fell asleep on the rooftop so I decided to bring you to my room because it's really cold up there."
Midnight already?
"Sora," he calls me and I turn to look at him. "How do you feel now?"
I reach out my hand to touch his cheek but before my fingers reach him, he stops me by holding it gently. He shakes his head, "Sora, don't."
He looks deep into my eyes, "You love Yoseob."
[Yonghwa's POV]
When Sora wants to touch my face, I quickly stop her because I'm afraid my heart will be wavering again if I feel her warmth.
"Sora, don't," I look at her with sincere love. "You love Yoseob."
It's obvious for everyone to know that she loves Yoseob. Maybe, just maybe, she does have a feeling for me but it's nothing compared to her love for Yoseob.
I don't want her to love me just because she's mad at Yoseob. I don't want her to let go of her true happiness because of a second of bliss with me.
I want her to be happy truly.
"I love you, Sora," I start to tell her what's in my heart. "I really do but I know you love Yoseob. You can't even deny it. You're just confused with your own feeling right now. He loves you more than everything, Sora."
She holds her breath for seconds before asks me, "If you really love, why do you give up?"
"Maybe I am your soulmate, Sora, but that's all," I clear my throat awkwardly. "Maybe you feel love from me. Maybe I want to be loved by you. Maybe that's all we can have from each other."
My heart aches really bad when I say the words. Nevertheless, I continue again, "As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Remember what we read when we're in Japan?"
She doesn't react but I know she is listening. I tighten my embrace on her hand, "Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level. I understand you, Sora. Because I understand, because I love you... I know you're meant to be with Yoseob."
Sora drops her gaze and starts to cry. I loosen my grip on her so she can wipe away her tears by herself.
"I'm sorry, Yonghwa...," she says between her cries. "I am really the worst. I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," I pat her head, forcing a smile. "Call him if you want to. I don't think he's already sleeping now."
I help her to stand up from the bed and walk her back to her apartment. When she has opened the door, she turns to look at me with sad eyes.
"Stop giving me that look," I chuckle and ruffle her hair. "Give me a smile, okay?"
"Yonghwa, I-" she tries to apologize again but I quickly cut her words by a hug.
"I love you, Sora," I confess my feeling once again but this time I don't think about whether she will return my feeling or not.
I just want her to know.
I kiss her forehead and then pull away from her, "I can make sure that is the last one."
She bows to me with tears roll down on her cheeks. She straighten up her body and smiles to me, a sad but sincere smile, "Thank you, Yonghwa."
I nod with rapid heartbeat, "Go. Call him. Tell me the good news in the morning."
Sora closes the door and I return to my room. I throw myself on bed and stare at my guitar which is leaning against the wall. The sudden memory of me and Sora on the rooftop, when I sang her for the first time, crosses my mind.
I can't believe within only weeks my feeling has grown this deep for her.
Maybe we are soulmates. Soulmates that don't mean to be together in the end.
In the middle of the night, I cry.
[Sora's POV]
Yonghwa never did a mistake. He only loves me. He loves me despite the fact that I already love Yoseob.
I am the one who betrayed Yoseob with my desperation over love. I should be the one who held the responsibility of my own feeling.
I stare at my phone screen, hesitating whether I should call Yoseob or not because it's midnight already.
That's when a new tweet appears in my timeline when I'm checking Twitter. A tweet that mentioned my username.
"If it wasn't for you, I won't stay."
For the first time, Yoseob mentioned me in his tweet.
He hasn't slept yet.
And I know he wants to talk with me.
__________
Author's Note:
Dear readers, I can assure you that I don't hate Yonghwa.
In fact I love him.
Thinking from another view, I don't really think that it's all Yonghwa's fault.
I tried to put myself in Sora's shoes and, vice versa, I think I can understand. ^^
Thank you for reading. :)
__________
Author's Note:
Dear readers, I can assure you that I don't hate Yonghwa.
In fact I love him.
Thinking from another view, I don't really think that it's all Yonghwa's fault.
I tried to put myself in Sora's shoes and, vice versa, I think I can understand. ^^
Thank you for reading. :)
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