VI

It was a silent night. There was not much sounds except from clock on the wall. It kept tickling which made Jongin realized he actually realized time kept going on. But still, it didn't make him move from his current position.

Jongin was sitting on couch, right beside Soojung who already fallen askeep. His head leaned to the couch as he silently watching the girl sleeping. Something made him realized he was actually amaze by the beauty of this girl. He just realized, right after they arrived in his place, Soojung asked him to use bathroom for fiveteen minutes.

Five minutes later, she walked out of the bathroom with fresh face. There was no make up anymore. So thats why, he kinda love the moment to watch her face secretly. It was hard to study on her face when she awake, since she didn't let him to do that.

The man’s hand slowly moved to Soojung, really really slowly. He was doubting his action, actually, but then he decided to kept going. He slowly touched Soojung’s bare face, like it was a fragile thing that could break if he hold it too tight.

He tucked her hair behind her ears. It was soft. Everything about her were so soft. Her hair, her skin, even her ear—though he just slightly touch it—made him think Soojung was a person who care about her healthiness so much.

Her mind recalling back the moment when he started open the secret box he had for almost three years. Her frowning eyebrows, he still remember it.

“What is this? Wait, isn't it a woman’s scraf?” Jongin could only nodded, “Things inside here were belongs to her. She used to wear this when we’re still dating.”

“And you still keep it? How stupid!”

Jongin smiled, “I know. But these things are so precious to me. They screamed every little piece about her.”

“But it’s just make you remember about her and hard to stop thinking about her.”

“That’s why, I chose to put it inside my wardrobe. I never open it until now, I bring it here.”

Jongin knew it was so stupid to kept stuffs about his ex himself. He also knew, his action was actually so uneccessary.

“Some things were actually mine from her, but she denied to take them back. The others were things I gave to her, and she gave it back to me the day after we broke up. She visited my place, and she just gave them without any regret,”

“You know, the face like you don't have any regret or even sad about sad things. She came with flat tone and flat face. No expression at all, and that day was actually the day when I realized I was so broken, and feeling so stupid. She didn't even look sad after we broke up, yet there was I, felt like I fell into pieces,”

“We dated for more than two years, and I’ve knew her before than that. We were schoolmates, along with Seulgi. I was so close to her since two weeks after school, oh I still remember that, and we’re becoming really close since then.”

Soojung touched a beautiful dark grey colored scraf and took it slowly from the box. She could imagine how Jongin help his ex to wear it around her neck during winter, and his ex will murmuring a ‘thank you’ shyly.

“It was all my fault since the beginning. She cheated on me when I hardly manage my time to meet her. I always put my work as my priority above her, and as much as she tried to understand that, she couldnt help but feeling lonely. I barely had time with her and probably that’s why she found someone else as my subtitute.”

“Do..you..perhaps...mad at yourself?”

“Of course, Why wouldn’t I? I was the only reason she turned out like that, I know that. But I was so stupid back then, I blamed everything on her, I close my eyes and still believes I was the victim,”

“I didn't know how much she needs me that time, and I wasn't there when she needs me the most. I always blaming my self since then. I don't have guts to talk with her saying sorry. I just life alone since that nightmare came, and that’s a sign I feel guilty all the time.”

For the first time, Soojung really lost her words. Not because she was shy, or because she embarrassed. She nearly cried because she heard Jongin’s story. How she could imagine how bad Jongin back then, how lonely hix ex was when he is not around her, Soojung could understand it. If she was his ex, she might feeling the same way too.

“I really don't know whats going on with her life, after we broke up and even now. I don't have gut to find news about her. I have no idea how is she now, but still, I have things feeling she doesn't life well and she has hard times. Thats why, I always feeling guilty whenever I think about her.”

The man beside her finally broke into tears. His head bowed down and his shoulders kept shaking as he cried in silence. He didn't make sound, but that’s just break Soojung’s heart even more. She knew how hard it is to cry soundlessly, because she always like that too.

“Jongin-ah,” she called him. Her hand moved a bit, then slow but sure touched his shoulder. She patted the man’s shoulder slowly, giving courage to him because she knew that was he need the most for now

“It wasn't your entirely fault, stop blaming yourself, eoh?” she said, with a weak smile she kept patting the man’s shoulder. “Everything happens for a reason, have you heard that? I was your fault, but you shouldn’t blame yourself and fell into deepest guilty you’ve ever had,”

“Things made you both become like this, not fully your fault, not fully hers either. You shouldn’t think too much, it just hurts you even more.”

As much as Jongin wanted to nod and agree with her, he couldn’t do that. His tears kept running on his cheek like a poor man, and he didn't try to stop that.

When it was almost thirty minutes room filled with nothing but Jongin’s sobs, he stopped crying and took a deep breathe. He looked up and found Soojung already sat beside him with unreadable face. She hugged her knee and looked blank to the wall.

“Feeling better?” she asked, though her head didn't move an inch.

Jongin nodded as a reply, “Do you want drink something?” he heard her ask again. Before he could reply, Soojung already stood up and walk to the kitchen.

Jongin smiled unknowingly, recalling memory how understanding Soojung is. After giving some advice, she just kept silent beside him. No words came out from , no nagging, or even saying things I wanna go home it’s late already. No.

She just sat there, and wait him to stop.

“Let’s order pizza, what do you think?” Jongin asked after minutes passed.

They were currently sitting in couch, watching television in silence. The box closed with its top and both of them didn't even bother to talk about it again. When Jongin asked her such a question, she turned her head and frowning.

She didn't think its the right time to say ‘do you want me to get fat to eat such things at night?’

She frowned because she confused. “Are you still hungry?” she asked back.

Jongin nodded shyly, “Crying always make me hungry.”

“Ugh, whatever. Just do it if you feel like so.”

He smiled again when he remember he found her already falling asleep on the couch after he came back from his room to put back the box and take his phone. Her eyes closed, her head falling down and her hair hide half of her face. He didn't remember she said she is sleepy or such, nor he saw her yawn.

She just..falling asleep.

Jongin rubbed her cheek for the last time, “Sorry for making you sleep in my place again,” he whispered before he took her body and bring it to the guest room.

**

The sun shines behind Jongin’s room’s curtain made Jongin moves his body to the opposite side. He blinked his eyes slowly, then tried to sleep again. Though, a low sounds could be heard by him. At first Jongin try to not be bothered by it.

But it only lasted in five seconds. On the next secon