XXXII

Adele - Hello

Bastille - Oblivion

On the next morning, she woke up on familar bed that she hadn’t touch for a while. It clearly wasn't hers, but she aware where she was now. Soojung stared at the ceiling quietly and she noticed how things didn't changed inside this room, everything remained the same. She wondered if she could turn back time before she met him, everything was normal back then.

Too normal for her, even. No heartbreak, no broken promises, no worries, she could live peacefully without new people around her. She didn't have to meet Sehun, or Jongin, or even her sister..

She turned to the right side and found Jongin was hiding under blanket, looked at her in silence. None of them tried to start the conversation but it felt comfortable. Weird, of course. Soojung didn't know when was the exactly her eyes went teary.

If she could turn back time before she met him, she wouldn’t feel any heartbreak. But that was also mean she couldn’t understand what love is.

“Jongin..” his name finally out from in low tone. She was about to cry because memories of meeting her sister last night attacked her mind again.

“Good morning.”

That sounded so soft and smooth as if Jongin knew her mood was going down at the moment.

“I didn't want to go to office for today,” she whispered. 

“It’s fine, you can stay here as long as you want,” Jongin’s hand came out and grabbed hers slowly; with small moves he squeezed it rather sweetly. “Don't you feel tired cry out all the tears you have? You’ve been crying since last night.”

Soojung stared at the dark brown eyes she hadn’t see for weeks and she found herself were drowning again in those beautiful eyes. She somehow didn't remember much about last night, the memories were blur, but she remembered some of their conversation.

“Go.”

“I’m staying.”

Soojung closed her eyes, “I don't want to look weak crying too much in front of you.” She heard him sigh, “I have left you alone once and I’m not going to do it again. Just let me here, let me stay.”

“I won’t do anything, Jung Soojung,” his voice sounded likethe best thing in the world, and the way he called her full name made her heart fluttered.

So she looked away; ignore the stares he gave to her. Soojung’s eyes were stuck at the sky, looking up with teary eyes and soon turned into silent tears. There wasn't much sounds around them, it was rather silent and peaceful. Soojung felt thankful there was no one around her except.. him.

And she heard him say should they go home, she said she didn't want to. Soojung stayed silent even after Jongin pushed her to go home—because it was late, very late—but she followed him when he said something about his place.

Then as much as she remembered, Soojung fell asleep during their way to his place.

And they both ended up on the same bed again, just like the first time they met. Jongin stayed still, his eyes were looking at her with unreadable look and he didn't move even an inch. Her eyes moved slowly and she noticed there were two bolsters between them as barriers.

“What time is it?” was dry—she started to wonder if her eyes were really puffy and red.

“It’s almost nine AM.”

“And you’re still here,” she said in doubt. “Aren’t you going to work?”

She didn't hear the answer—even though she had guessed the answer he would give—instead he heard him said, “Are you hungry?”

“Are you?” she asked back.

“I am,” he replied while smiling sheepishly. “But that’s fine, I can wait.”

“Mhhm,” Soojung muttered. She wondered if he felt awkward at the moment, because she honestly did. They were not in good terms ever since break up even haven’t talked since God knows when. But she missed him, out of everything, she missed his presence next to her.

“There are.. so many things to talk..” she started, “So many things to discuss between us.”

His eyes changed for seconds but the soft looks he had went back after that. He smiled as he squeezed her hand again, “The only reason I take you here not to talk about.. us,” he said rather carefully—because he noticed how her face change the moment he said it—“You’re sad, do you know how much it hurts me? I made enough damage on you so I decide by myself I won’t leave you alone, the most when you’re feeling blue

“You can stay here because I want you to. We can talk about us later.. until you’re no longer feeling sad. I can wait even it takes forever.”

Her eyes were once again teary, “I’m sorry. I am sorry for hurting and leaving you, I—I’m sorry I didn't listen to you, I don't even let you explain. I let my ego take control on me and make me being selfish person. I realize that.. how much I need you around me, to take care of me. I realize no matter how hard  I try to push you away, I will always feel regret, because I didn't let you talk.. at all.”

Soojung was now sobbing, letting out all the feelings she tried to hide for the past month. She wasn't feel bad at first but now she is, real hard. And she didn't care how ugly she look right now in front of him. Soojung didn't care how her pride broke in front of him, the one that she abadoned for a long time.

“I am really sorry, Jongin. I just want you to know I feel regret and all,” she shut her rather tightly as Jongin wordlessly watched her crying and pulled her into his hug.

“It’s fine, it is really fine, Soojung. Uljimma.”

They sat across each other, with proper breakfast that they both prepared together. Jongin stared at the delicious-looking pancakes she made and sighed, “This is not how I treat my guest.”

“You prepared these breads and the juices, remember? Come on, let’s just eat. I’m hungry!”

Jongin’s lips pressed into a thin smile that so him as he watched her taking breads for herself. He ignored her words and crossed his hands together on the table. Slowly, he straightened his body and watched her eat.

“You said earlier you’re hungry,” Soojung said without moving her eyes from her fork.

“I think I’ll be full just by watching you eat.” He noticed how her face turned red but then Soojung shook her head to his cheesy words. “Stop all the non-sense and go eat!”

Soojung finally took a glance at Jongin and he was agreeing to her, nodded then start to eat his late breakfast too. They ate in comfortable silence, and it seemed none of them wanted to break the silence. It somehow felt weird and relief to spend a morning together again, after so many drama happened between them.

“I’m glad I have healthy breakfast after a while,” Soojung said when she had last bite of pancake. “I don't remember I have juices for breakfast.”

“Me too,” Jongin admitted. “I always skipped breakfast after..” his words hang in the air, “you know.”

She cleared . Ever since her confession in his bedroom, none of them brought the topic about them. She guessed it was for the best, because she actually feeling weird to talk it in sober—more like because she ashamed of herself. “Anyway, how did you know I was in that restaurant last night?”

He looked up and remained silent. “How..?” he repeated and she nodded. Jongin looked down again to avoid eye contact with her as he spoke fastly, “I ask Seulgi to follow you.”

Soojung, for the first time in this morning, looked lost, “Neh?”

Jongin rubbed his neck awkwardly. This wasn't something he want to do, but he had no excuse and it would be weird if he making up lies since he was the one who approached her and took her with him. “Yeah, you hear me.”

“But.. why?”

Their eyes finally met again, “Because she said you have an appointment with Sehun, even you let yourself skipped half of your workday to prepare. Do you think I will think it is just a casual meeting between of you?”

Soojung couldn’t say a thing as she heard him being blunt.

“Don't be like that,” Soojung heard him speak uncomfortably, “I’m just saying the truth because I know hiding my feeling won’t bring any good. So don't look at me like that.”

Her face was unreadable but then Soojung sighed rather calmly. She slowly nodded, “Arraseo. I’m sorry.”

“Yah, stop saying sorry. I should be the one who say that since it was me who stalked you and.. found out something happened last night.”

“It’s fine.. I don't even notice she’d appeared last night,” Soojung sighed again. “It’s weird, isn't it? She came all of sudden, looking all healthy and wealthy. She looked like she’s living finely,” Soojung put one of her hands on the table as a support and dropped her face, looking all gloomy,