The Change

♦♦♦

It must have been one of the worst weekends Minseok had in a long time. Not only was his mind occupied with what he had learnt about Jongdae for his whole way back home on Friday, but at one point he even considered telling his parents the truth. But this idea disappeared quickly after it had appeared. Minseok knew he could not do it. And when he entered his house, he felt even worse. He saw his mother happily cooking in the kitchen, quietly singing one of her favourite songs. For the first time in years he had heard this song. He saw his father sitting in his favourite armchair, an old book in his hands. For the first time in years he saw him doing something else than work. It was weird, how peaceful and normal his house suddenly became. But he also knew that this normality was because of Chung. He had finally met one of his parents expectations. At least that's what they thought. "I cannot ruin this for them." he thought as he entered the kitchen and was greeted with a warm hug. Seeing how happy his mother was, Minseok felt quilty. As If he had done something terrible. And maybe he had. After all he lied to her, to them. And not only. He lied to everyone around him. Saturday came and to the boy's surprise and discomfort he found out that his mother had invited the Choi family to dinner. He started wondering whether he should or shouldn't tell Chung about Jongdae but after all decided against it, remembering she didn't even know it was Jongdae he had a crush on. And maybe she didn't have to know. After all, at some point it would only may cause more confusion and problems. The dinner was going quite well until suddenly Minseok fingured he was just invited to the wedding. A wedding that was supposed to be in a few weeks times If he got that right. He didn't know If he would be able to carry this for such a long time. It'd been only a few days up to this point and he already had great doubts about this whole idea. But he said yes. It wouldn't look good If he said no, would it? He kept on silently watching his mother talking to Mrs. Choi and his father discussing something with Chung's father when he felt something warm on his knee. He looked down and realised Chung had put her hand there. He quickly moved his eyes up and was met with hers. "Are you alright?" She asked, linking her hand with his. He kept his eyes on them for a few moments before simply nodding and sending her a light smile. She replied with the same and rested her head on his shoulder. Minseok felt a wave of a weird feeling covering his body, which made him think. She is his best friend. She'd done it thousands of times. Why is this time different? Why does he feel so uncomfortable? "Oh, look at them dear, aren't they just adorable?" "They are, indeed. I am happy that Minseok had found someone like Chung." As he heard this little exchange of opinions between his and Chung's mother, he felt like screaming.

- What the hell is going on, Minseok? - Chung asked later that evening when they were sitting in his room. Well, Minseok was sitting, Chung was walking around, nervously.

- Nothing, Chung, it's just... - He sighed, feeling defeated.

- Stop being such a baby, Minseok! - She raised her voice.

- What? - He glanced at her, surprised."I'm not being a baby..."

- Of course you are! Look at you! Get yourself together if you want this to work! If you want us to work!

- Then maybe don't put me in such situations, alright!? A freakign wedding?! Couldn't you tell me earlier! - He rose up to his feet, now facing his friend.

- I didn't because I knew you would say no! I'm sorry my mum brought that up, okay? What's done is done! And this refers to the whole situation!

They were starring at each other for a few momeents before Minseok spoke.

- We were best friends. You were everything I had. And now you expect me to treat you like a girlfriend. Touch you, kiss you, smile around you as if I was freaking lovedrunk. But I can't, Chung. I can't!

He saw her clench her hands into fists.

- Because I am your best friend as you put it, I came up with this idea to save your freaking , Minseok. If you hate it that much we can just go down and tell your parents the truth right now. Just go to them and tell them finally that you're gay! - She raised her voice a bit at the end, anger visible on the face. Minseok quickly covered with his hand, his heartbeat getting faster, adrenaline rushing through his vains. Did they hear it?

- Keep your voice down, please - He whispered, as once again his mind was filled with the happy sounds of his mother's favourite song. I can't do it to her, I can't. He thought of all these things, he thought about his mother, his father, how proud they were of him, how his father was boasting about him trying to get to the best university in the country, how he already was in one of the best colleges in South Korea. These were not his dreams, but the guilt he felt for being who he is made him willing to make his parents dreams come true before his. And at the end he spared a single thought on Jongdae. Was he really worth it? Minseok knew, he probably was. But still, he couldn't let his feelings take over him. He had to meet the expectations.

-No, I won't! And I advise you - she put a finger on his chest - make up your mind on what do you want, Min. Eaither you start acting like we're a freaking couple and buy you time, before your parents marry you to whoever comes first, or we end this freaking play right now and you tell your parents the truth. Make up your mind, princess. - With that, she turned around leaving his room. 

Neither that night nor the next one did Minseok get a good sleep. His toughts were occupied with Jongdae and how he thinks Minseok hates him. He did not wish for the other boy to think that. Not when it's so far from truth. For half a night Minseok would get out of bed, grab his phone, wanting to call Baekhyun, and then put it down, going back to bed. It would repeat a few times until Minseok finally realised it was past midnight. Baekhyun would probably answer his call but what then? It is not normal to call someone in the middle of a night just to get a stranger's number. Minseok and Jongdae weren't strangers. But he wasn't close to the boy the way Baek was. It would be too weird. He couldn't do that. So he laid down, staring blankly at the dark ceiling above him, as if it was able to give him answers to his whole existance. But after all it was just a ceiling. And after all, there were no guidelines for Minseok. Because after all there was no way anything could help me.

The sun was starting to rise when Minseok finally put his mind in peace and left to his dreamland. Unfortunately, a few hours later, that felt more like only a few minutes, he was woken up by his mother. Hardly ever had his mother made her way up to his room to wake him up, so the boy found it rather surprising, when he felt a warm and soft hand on his cheek and heard a calm whisper close to his ear. "Minseok,darling, are you alright?" She asked, smoothing his hair. He smiled a bit, missing her touch. "Yes, mother" He whispered in a weak voice, tired. "Minseok, are you ill? Why are you so pale? Do you have a fever?" She moved her hand towards the boy's forehead. "No mother, I do not but... May I please stay in bed today?" He asked, not looking at her, keeping his gaze at the pillow. She looked worried, but just nodded her head. "Of course. Just call If you need anything." With that, she left the room and never came back again. Something has changed about his mother. She looked happy. Since he told her he's in a relationship, she looked happy. He couldn't disappoint her right now. He feared where the lies may take him, but what matter for him now was his mother happiness. "You're too soft hearted, kid. Always putting other's happiness before yours." A small voice inside his head said, but he decided not to listen to it. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to be what everyone expect him to be.

I need to talk to Chung tomorrow.

And yet again, his night was deprived of sleep, as all he could think about was how Jongdae thought he hated him.

♦♦♦

Annyeonghasaeyo!

As promised, this week's update is here :)

Thank you to anyone who's subscribed so far it means a lot to me!

Thank you as well to those few people who commented :) 

I hope with time more of you will be willing to share your thoughts on this story.

Please,  look forward to the next update and supporr this story!

Best wishes,

badblood