Unspoken truth

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The clock was showing 2am, the movies had ended long ago, now only black and white stripes were visible on the TV screen. Sehun was peacefuly sleeping on a couch, hair ruffled, normally annoyed expression replaced with the one of child. Baekhyun was lying on the floor, almost invisible under a big, fluffly blanket he was covered with. But even though he was deffinately warm, from time to time he would shiver, or yaup, nightmares haunting him. Jongdae was half asleep, rolled in a ball at the end of the other couch, his face covered by messy strands of hair, lips half parted. He looks so peaceful, Minseok thought. He was sitting in between the three of the boys, on the same couch as Jongdae. Knees brought up to his chin, hands tightly wrapped around them. Since the boys fell asleep, Minseok did only two things. Firstly, he was blankly staring at the TV screen, until his eyes started hurting from the blinding light. Then he shifted his head left, rested his cheek on the knees and watched Jongdae. It must have been already thirty minutes as Minseok was sitting there, observing the younger. How his chest would rise and fall, air coming and leaving his lungs through his half closed lips, lightly the longest strands of his hair; how his eyelids would move, indicating he was dreaming. I wish he dreamt of me, Minseok would think then, a sigh escaping his mouth. Minseok found it fascinating, watching the boy. He started thinking of all his every day gestures, he remembered Jongdae's nervous tic of rolling and ruffling the menu back when they were at the cafe; the way he always bit on his lower lip while looking for answers on history tests. He went back in thoughts to the time he found Jongdae ill in his house and when he took care of him and he felt a slight twitching in his hand, the place Jongdae caught him and held. It was nice. Minseok wished he could hold him like that more often. Smiling slightly, Minseok realised that just then, sitting on a couch in his living room in the middle of the night, he fell in love with watching Jongdae. 

Jongdae shivered and brought his hands tighter to his arms, as if trying to heat himself up. Minseok got up, took off his sweatshirt and covered Jongdae with it. The younger seemed to have instantly relaxed and Minseok smiled. First the scarf, now this, he really looks good it my stuff, Minseok thought and chuckled, but what the hell am I even doing? He collected the dirty dishes from the coffee table and went to the kitchen where he started washing. For some reason tiredness didn't want to come and Minseok felt angry. He wished he could just fall asleep to stop thinking. With hot water streaming down his hands he once again got carried away in his own thoughts. I kissed him. Why the did I do it?! Why? Why?! WHY?! He kept asking himself, suddenly regretting his actions. Why are you so stupid Minseok. Why the are you so pathetic?! ing coward. You made a mess and you cannot even face it like a man. All you can do is just things up. Always. And now you had to bring others into it. you. You should've stayed in that ing place, being a toy boy and an attraction like in a circus seemes to be the only thing you're good at. The thoughts kept coming, screaming at him. He couldn't bear it. He felt as if he wasn't worth... worth anything. I know I'm not. And I'll never be. Minseok felt hot tears gathering in his eyes. He threw the dishes into the sink, splashing water in all directions, and rested his hands on the edged of the cupboard, breathing heavily. He wanted to scream. He was mad, angry, furious.

-What am I doing?- He whispered to himself, his knees becoming weaker. He slid down and rested his back against the wall. After a moment, he started laughing hysterically. - I am ing going mad.- Hiding his face in his hands he tried to calm down. After a few moments fe felt something warm around his shoulders. Raisig his eyes, he was met with Jongdae's glare. The younger was kneeling down next to him, saddnes written on his face. A shadow of a smile appeared on his lips and Minseok felt the other's hands rubbing his back. - You probably shouldn't be doing this.- The older whispered, looking at his hands. Jongdae sat comfortably next to him and nodded his head.

-I know. I probably shouldn't even be here. I should be ing mad at you.- Jongdae responded but his voice seemed to be deprived from any emotions.

-Should? And you're not?- Minseok chuckled lightly.

-I am. You have no idea how much I wanna... I don't even know what.- He exhaled.- Hyung, tell me what is going on.- When Minseok was to open his mouth, Jongdae cut him short once again.- Don't you even dare tell me I promised not to ask. I am not asking, hyung. I am demanding. - Minseok looked up from his hands and looked left at Jongdae. Even though his face remained unchanged, only tiredness fighting its way on it, there was a storm in his eyes, and for the first time Minseok felt, like he saw a different side of Jongdae. The always cheerful but silent boy, was not on the edge, and it was Minseok's fault. Another minutes passed, and Minseok didn't seem anywhere near answering. Jongdae took a deep breath, feeling irritated.

-I swear Minseok if it's some stupid joke or a bet...

-Jongdae! It's not, it's not I swear! - he cut the younger short, his eyes quickly making their way up to the other's face, pleading for faith. -I have already told you .. why do you keep on asking?- he mumbled.

After a short moment of silence, Jongdae whispered, not looking at Minseok anymore. - Because straight guys dont go around kissing .... other guys.

Minseok's eyes turned towards the floor, breath hitched. Because it was a tough situation for Minseok, coming in terms with who he is, as he never felt comfortable with it and no one ever let him do so, he felt ashamed. Ashamed of himself. He wanted to feel good, he was exhausted of always feeling as if he was wrong, as if he had done something terrible. But kissing Jongdae didn't feel bad or wrong. Minseok felt something heavy forming in his chest, tearing his heart into pieces, making him being unable to breathe. Maybe it is time to let go? he thought to himself, wanting nothing more but for the weird pain to go away. He gathered all the courage he could find in him and hoping he will not regret it later he softly whispered the oh- so unwanted sentence. -Who... who told you I was straight? - having said that, he felt his eyes burning, tears threatening to fall. He clunched his fists, angry with himself, angry with feeling so insecure and weak. This is not who he was supposed to be.

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Jongdae's eyes widened in schock, his mouth falling open. This is not what he expected to hear. He felt dizzy. He isn't straigth? He isn't ?! Kim Minseok... do I honestly have a chance? Oh my god... His mind turned into a full speed mode and Jongdae himself couldn't wrap his head around all the thoughts going through his mind. He felt extatic. At least until he saw in what state Minseok was. A deep frown appeared on his forehead as he observed the boy for a moment. And then he remembered. Chung.

-Hyung...- he whispered unsurely.- Hyung what exactly does it mean? Then what... what about Chung noona?

-She knows. There's no need to care about that. She knows everything.- He whispered and Jongdae felt even more confused. With every word this hyung says, I am only feeling more and more confused, what the hell? What are they hiding?! -I will... I will tell you once... but please.. don't ask know. I beg you, Jongdae.- He pleaded, his voice breaking.

-Alright. Alright, hyung. I won't. Come on.- He said, wrapping his arm around Minseok's shoulders.- Let's get you to bed or..

-No.- Minseok stated, resting his head on Jongdae's shoulder.- Let's stay here for a few more moments, okay?- He asked, making himself comfortable.

Jongdae just nodded, not really getting why, but as he promised, he didn't intend to ask any questions. Instead, he just wrested his cheek on the older's soft hair and smiled, closing his eyes and inhaling his scent.

-Jongdae?- He heard the other whisper after some time. Instead of answering he just murmured.- Can you tell me something about yourself?

Jongdae's eyes flew open.- What exactly?- He asked unsurely.

-Anything... I like... I really like listening to your voice.- Minseok whispered shyly, almost inauibly, his cheeks turning red.

-Oh.- Was all Jongdae said, but inside he felt like screaming. He tightened his grip around the other's small body and rested his head against his again, after which he started talking. And he talked and talked, about nothing in particular. Jongdae didn't like talking about himself so very quickly he changed the topic, but Minseok didn't really mind. For the first time in forever, he felt good and happy. Genuinely happy. With his head pressed against Jongdae's chest, he could hear the older's heart beat, his breath lightly his hair, his arm wrapped around his shoulder.Minseok whished they could stay like this forever. He wished he could feel this way forever. Happy. Yes, Minseok felt happiness. A smile appeared on his face. -Why are you smiling, hyung? Did I say something funny?- Jongdae asked suddenly, pulling Minseok out of his thoughts.

-Oh, no, it's just... I don't remember when was the last time I felt what I feel right now.- He admitted.

-That is?- Jongdae raised an eyebrow looking down at his hyung.

-Happy.- Minseok whispered and looked up at Jongdae, who seemed very confused by what he has just said. He looks adorable, Minseok thought, another smile making it's way on his lips. 

Jongdae was staring down at the boy. The boy with the most beautiful eyes Jongdae had seen. It's been long since he saw him smiling, smiling a smile that would reach his eyes. And it was then, when he was the most beautiful. Jongdae felt sad after hearing what Minseok had said. Why wouldn't he feel happy? he wondered, trying to read anything out from the other's eyes, but it was impossible. I will make you happy, hyung. I promise. He made this silent promise as another smile crept onto Minseok's lips. Ach, those lips...

-I shouldn't have kissed you.- Minseok suddenly said, his eyes never leaving Jongdae's. Wait, what? Jongdae pouted, not understanding his hyung's words. Minseok chuckled. - Stop pouting, Jongdae. Stop.- He said quietly, but his hand made its way up and Jongdae felt a light, soft touch on his jaw. A very shy touch. Then it started moving, until it touched his lips.-Because now.- He continued.- I only want to do it again.

Jongdae's heart skipped and banged against his chest. - Then do it. - He responded, without giving it another thought. The older's hand went higher, cupping around Jongdae's cheek. The younger automatically leaned into the touch.

-I can't, Jongdae.- He whispered, remembering how he promised himself he'd do it only once. But his promise was broken the moment he felt Jogdae's hot breath ghosting above his lips.

-The let me kiss you.- Jongdae's hot breath hitting the older's bare skin made him go insane. Forgetting about anything, he just nodded. Jongdae grabbed Minseok's wrist, holding it tightly pressed against his cheek, his other hand leaving the older's shoulder and wrapping around his waist. Pulling up a bit, Minseok rested his free hand on Jongdae's check, his fingertips brushing against the bare skin of the younger's collarbone. Jongdae let go of his wrist and placing both hands on the smaller's waist he pulled him up a bit. Minseok threw his leg on the other side of Jongdae's and seated himself on the younger's legs. Not even for a moment did they look away from each other's eyes. Jongdae leaned forward and slowly placed his lips against the other's. Minseok immidiately responded and they started moving their lips together. This time, the kiss was different. There was no need to rush. They had all the time in the world. Jongdae moved his hand up to Minseok's neck and pressed on it, bringing the smaller closer. Minseok's hand left the warm spot on the younger's cheeck and he burried it into the other's soft hair. It feels good, Minseok thought, a small smile appearing on his lips. He felt Jongdae's tongue brushing against his lips, asking for permission. Minseok clenched his hands into fists, folding the younger's shirt and opened his mouth slightly. He enjoyed it. It was... it was so different to all the times before. And it felt right. And it hurt Minseok the most. That it all felt just right. He wrapped his both hands around the younger's neck, never wanting to let him go.

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Hello!

So, what do you think? Does it look alright? Probably way better then the previous version of this chapter rgiht? I hope so!

I don't really know what to say... Sorry it took so long, I just had lots of problem writing this one, as it kind of shapes the following chapters, and I would really love to get down to business with Xiuchen now... 

Huh, so what are your thoughts on it?

I'll just hope you liked it.

Thank you to all you beautiful people that sunscribed to this! It means the world to me!

Best wishes,

badblood.