Jongdae

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Minseok wasn’t lucky. Neither that day nor any other that week. The only person he could talk to was Jongdae. He didn’t want to talk to Chung, his parents despised him and Baekhyun was treating him like air. Additionaly, he seemed to always keep Sehun by his side, which meant Minseok’s access to the youngest was limited.

Minseok let out a heavy sigh, buring his head further into Jongdae’s shoulder. The younger tightened his grip around his waist, his hand playing with the older’s chestnut hair.

-Are you alright, hyung?- he whispered, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere.

The sky outside was getting dark, last colors visible at the horizon, painting the sky pink and orange. Through the open window they could here soft noises of a busy street in the distance as well as a concert of crickets. The room was dark, no lights on, both of them buried under many blankets on Jongdae’s bed.

-Right now, I am.- Minseok replied, inhaling the other’s sweet scent.-But I should be going home…

-No. You’re not going anywhere, hyung. I won’t let you.- Jongdae quickly pulled one blanket further, covering their heads. Minseok chuckled and caressed the younger’s cheek. Jongdae smiled, as the other’s hand touched his face.- I really like it, you know.- He whispered, covering Minseok’s hand with his. Even though it was dark and they weren’t able to see each other face’s, Jongdae somehow knew Minseok was confused.- I really like it, when you do it. Touch me.- He said, words almost inaudioble, as he started leaning closer, until he felt Minseok’s hot breath on his lips.- I love it.- He confessed against the older’s mouth, a little smirk making its way on his lips as he planted a soft kiss on the other boy’s soft lips.

-I wish we could stay here forever.- Minseok murmured, a smile on his lips, his eyes closed, as their lips parted.

-We can. Whatever you want. I will tell Seul to bring us food and drinks.- He laughed, and it was Minseok’s favourite melody. But then something hit him. He straightened his back and got up, taking the blaket off of them. Jongdae gave him a questioning look but followed up.- Hyung? Is everything alright?

-Jongdae… may I… may I ask you something?- Minseok whispered unsure. Jongdae tilted his head to the side but nodded.- Who is Seul to you?

After the question was asked, silence fell upon them. There was no sound of crickets, no street noise coming from the outside. Even their breaths seemed to stop.

-She’s my aunt.

Minseok was carefully watching the younger’s face and expression, looking for any changes. He seemed to become uneasy and nervous. – What about your parents?- Minseok continued.

-What about them?- Jongdae replied with a question and the older knew, he hit the spot.

-Hmm… I’ve happened to be here quite a lot lately and I’ve never seen anyone apart from you and Seul sii…

-They’re…. not around.- The boy hissed and turned around, sitting at the edge of the bed. Minseok frowned and was looking at him for a few moments.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t…- he started but never got to finish.

-Just cut it, alright?!- Jongdae raised his voice a bit, his hands turning into fists.- I don’t wanna talk about it.- He added, his voice already calm again.

It was the first time Minseok heard Jongdae raise his voice and it got him by surprise. He slowly got up from his spot and moved towards the younger. He wrapped his arms around him tightly giving him a back hug.

-I’m sorry.- he whispered, gently biting Jongdae’s earlobe. He felt the younger shiver and smirked.

-Do you… do you want to… meet my parents?- Jongdae asked quietly, his voice shaking. 

♦♦♦

Minseok was confused, but as he had promised earlier, he didn’t ask any questions. That was Jongdae’s condition. For him not to ask anything, until they reach their destination. They were now in a middle of a graveyard, a few street lights lighting the main road a few meters away from them, but most of the light was coming from a various candles covering the stones. It was silent, too silent from Minseok’s liking and he started to feel uneasy. What a weird shortcut, he thought as he was looking around, beautiful, but weird.

Being too occupied with admiring the surrounding, Minseok didn’t realize they suddenly stopped. When he bumped into the younger he quickly mumbled an apology and once again scanned the space around them.

-We’re here.- Jongdae mumbled quietly, looking at one of the graves.

Minseok gulped, his face going pale. His eyes grew bigger as he looked between his companion and the grave. It was a beautiful light stone with a few candles lighting it up and one white flower, almost dead. When Minseok’s eyes landed on an attached picture he held his breath. It’s the same…, he realized as he recognized the familiar picture. It was the same he had seen in the living room of Jongdae’s house when he went there the first time.

Park Ji Yeon

Kim Jong Hyuk

Minseok was shocked. Out of all things, this was probably the last one he would expect. He felt wrong for jumping into assumptions and always guessing Jongdae’s life was perfect. All this time he was walking around, bothering Jongdae and being a crybaby, he should’ve been a boy-… no, I should’ve been a friend…a friend…, he corrected himself, not letting his thoughts take him away. He did not know what it was exactly that Jongdae and him had, but he didn’t feel in place to call them boyfriends. Not with how terrible he felt that moment.

He looked at Jongdae and he felt another wave of shock hit him. The boy was standing there, at his parents’ grave, with a blank expression on his face. Minseok tilted his head and wondered. Thinking that maybe the boy needs a minute, he looked around and saw white flowers growing around a big oak a few graves away from them. When he turned to rush towards them, he felt a tight grip on his wrist.

-I didn’t bring you here, so you could leave me now.- Jongdae whispered.- Please, don’t leave.

Minseok took the younger hand in his and looked him in the eyes.- I’m not leaving, Jongdae. I will be back in a minute. Don’t worry.- He smile reassuringly and the grip weakened. He made his way towards the flowers and picked one, very smiliar one to the dying one on the grave. Having come back, he replaced the flowers and threw the old one away.

-Thank you.- Jongdae whispered, again.

-Told you I would come back.- Minseok chuckled, trying to lighten the mood at least a bit.

-For the flower.- the boy explained, kneeling on the ground.- They deserve the best, but Seul is busy and she finds less and less time to visit, while I’m not coming here at all, and all the rest… they just seem to have forgotten…- His head dropped down, hair covered his eyes, throwing long shadows on his face, and hands started to shake.

-Do you… Do you want to talk, Jongdae?- Minseok asked softly, kneeling down beside the boy and taking the younger’s hand in his.

Jongdae took a deep breath and turned his head to look at the older.- Yes, please.

♦♦♦

It was a terrible autumn day. It had been raining since early morning, a strong wind came in the afternoon and when it was nearing evening, a storm hunged in the air as well.

Jongdae was standing by the window in one of the classroom dialing his father for the seventh time. “Where are you, appa?”, he repeated the question as soon as his father picked up the phone. “Jongdae, you’re on our way, don’t worry.” “But you’ve already said it like ten thousand times, appa! Each time you say you’re on your way! I’ll be my turn in a bit and you’re not here!,” Jongdae felt tears coming to his eyes as a wave of anger, sadness and disappointment washed over him,”you promised, appa. You promised you’d be here tonight!.” The man on the other side sighed, “Jongdae, I know I promised and I will keep my promise. No matter what, alright? Appa always keeps his promises, doesn’t he? By the time you’ll walk up the stage, you’ll be already sitting in the audience.” “You’re right, appa. Just hurry up,” he said and ended the conversation. He never heard his father saying he loved him. Time passed and it was almost his time to go on stage and give his performance. His teacher came to pick him up and assisted him all the way up to the backstage. “Good luck, Jongdae. Go there and give your best.,” she smiled and pushed him a little. Jongdae walked up the stairs and stood in the middle of the stage. He looked around and saw two empty seats. His parents didn’t make it. “I hope something bad happens to him for this,” he thought and the music started playing. But it wasn’t his best performance. Something was off but he didn’t know what. When he finished, he bowed to the audience and walked down. It was then that he saw two policemen enter the big hall and walk up to his teacher. They whispered something and the woman turned around and looked at Jongdae. She looked pale and terrified. She came up to Jongdae and knelt in front of him, taking his small hands in hers. “Jongdae, I need to tell you something…”

When she finished, Jongdae looked up at the men in uniforms and whispered “I’m sorry. Please, don’t take me! I didn’t meant to!,” and he started running away. He wasn’t fast and the men were taller so they caught him quickly. He started screaming, convinced they came to take him and put him in prison. After all, it was all his fault. He wished for something bad to happen to his parents. He killed them.

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-First, they put me with my uncle, my mother’s half-brother. But I’ve been nothing but a burden. So he gave me to my father’s cousin. But it was the same. They all had their own lives and no one needed a depressed fourteen year old child to look after. It was when I finally ended at my grandmother’s that everyone started paying attention to me. And you know why?- Jongdae looked at Minseok for the first time since he started his story. The older shook his head, listening carefully.- Because they found out I was the only one to responsible for what my parents left. House, money… everything they had, was mine. And everyone wanted some of it if not whole. Even my grandmother. Who would’ve thought of an old lady, a grandmother to be that vicious. She was ready to do anything to receive the money. I was trapped. So I just ran away. Well, that wasn’t successful as well, but at least the authorities looked into the matter. I was so angry at everyone back then, at the whole world, I felt as if the anger was eating me out, so I had nothing stopping me from telling them everything that happened to me. How I was treated by my uncle, how I was just randomly handed to my aunt and how I ended up at my grandma’s. I told them everything they told me, how they tried to make me give them my parents’ money, how all they cared about was the materialistic items that remained after my parents. It was basically my mother’s side of a family and then I understand why she never wanted to have much contact with them. It had always been me, mum and dad. My father’s parents died when I was little and his sister lived in the States, so I’ve never knew the meaning of a big family and I was sometimes mad at my mum that she didn’t allow me to meet with the others. But now I know why was that.

After that Seul came to take care of me. Yet another thing I’ve ruined. She had a perfect life in the States, school, friends, a boyfriend. They broke up when she moved back to Korea. She lost her brother, her boyfriend, her life. We had a taugh beginnings, we didn’t know each other well, but at least she really took care of me. I didn’t know it back then and I didn’t feel it but she told me I might have been depressed and she sent me to a specialist. Looking at it now I am grateful for that. If it wasn’t for her and Chanyeol who had always been there for me, I don’t know where I would be know…- Jongdae took a deep breath. He suddenly realized he had been practically crushing Minseok’s kand by now so he quickly let it go, blushing a bit. But the older didn’t mind. He was looking at Jongdae with sadness in his eyes. He didn’t know that Jongdae. The only Jongdae he knew was the happy, kinda clumsy but protective one. He didn’t know anything else. He didn’t know anything about him. And he felt bad for it.

-What… what exactly happened to them?- He asked slowly, not knowing how far he can push.

-I was being such a little piece of that my father appearently decided to take a shortcut. It was raining, there was a strong wind and a storm. It was November so the it was already dark outside. They were crossing a bridge, there was a really narrow bridge there, just for one car. They were driving really fast, and I don’t know, either my father or the other driver didn’t see each other. They crushed and my parents car ended up in the river….- Jongdae was talking faster and faster, getting more and more nervous. Minseok quickly sat closer to him and wrapped his arms around the younger, trying to calm him down.

-Shhhh, it’s okay, Jongdae.- He whispered to his ear.- You do realize now, that it was not your fault, do you?- Minseok looked at the younger, and his lips turned down even more. He does not realize it. – Look at me. Look at me, Jongdae.- Minseok ordered and the boy in front of him slowly raised his gaze.- You cannot think this way. You were not responsible for their death. It was an accident, do you hear me?

-If only I hadn’t calledl them… If only I hadn’t been so persistant… they would never have taken that shortcut. They would be alive, Minseok. It was because I was being a stupid little brat!

-No, you wer….

-I was. Everyone knows it. And you now what is even worse?- He asked, but Minseok felt it was more of a rethorical question.- I’ve never cried. Not only did I kill them, but I’ve never even wasted one tear on them… what kind of a son does it make me?- His voice was shaking and Misneok felt it was on the edge of breaking down.

-Not crying over someone’s death doesn’t make you less of a person, Jongdae. It doesn’t turn you into a villan, it means nothing, you know? There are many people and many reasons….

-I have my reason.- the boy whispered.

-And what is it?

-I’m afraid… I’m afraid that If I start crying I may never stop.- He confessed.

The silence fell upon them and Jongdae turned to face the grave. It’s been so long since he told anyone this story. Apart from his family members and Chanyeol no one knew about this. There was people at school, like his music teacher, who knew he had been through a lot, but that was it. No one else. He felt a kind of relieve after telling Minseok. As if a great burden was taken off of his shoulders. But it unlocked unwated feeling, and the place they were sitting in didn’t help. Jongdae was wondering what made him come here with the older. He looked at the picture of him and his parents and a small, almost invisible smile appeared on his lips. Maybe because he makes me feel like you did, he thought to himself, he makes me feel happy. And I haven’t felt that way for such a long time. –I’m so sorry- he whispered, looking at the grave and felt something wet on his cheek. Scared, he quickly blinked, trying to push tears back, not wanting to cry and wanting Minseok to see him cry. He didn’t want to be weak. But it was harder than before, to push his feelings aside. When he was about to get up, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him and lock him in a hug.

-Even if it would take forever,- Minseok whispered softy to his ear,- you should let it go, Jongdae. You don’t need to keep it all inside. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like screaming, scream. And I’ll be here, holding you, as long as it takes.

As Minseok said it, he leant against the stone behind them. Jongdae wrapped his hands around Minseok’s waist and rested his head on the other’s chest. He took a deep breath and before he knew it, there were tears running down his cheeks, onto the older’s sweater. As he started shaking, Minseok tighted his grip and kissed him at the top of his head, trying to whisper soothing words to him.

Jongdae knew he felt right. As he let the tears flow, now he felt as if they were to never stop coming.

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Hello people!

Long time no see!

Okay, I know it's a crappy "sad" chapter and i don't know why I wrote this because the weather outside is too beautiful for a graveyard setting but I think no one us was given enough information about Jongdae in this story and it's high time we finally learnt some more about the characters, right? So here you have it!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter after the long break I've taken but please don't expect another update very soon since I still have 2 exams to take and one I will probably have to retake ;/ But I will not take a break as long as this one so no worries :)

Oh, and WELCOME to all my new subscribers! Thank you so much for deciding to follow this story! It makes me very happy and I hope you are enjoying it! :)

Best wishes,

badblood.