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Once the discharged papers were settled, I walked out of the hospital. Behind me were EXO and Xue. She just suddenly appeared when I was leaving. She stood next to Kris and held his arm. He looked at her and smiled a little. I away from them. I shouldn’t have turned back, I never should. I picked up my pace, using whatever strength I had left, I walked to the main road and waited for a cab.

I heard soft laughter’s behind me and I hung my head.

What did I do to deserve this? All these pain and hurt.

I seriously contemplated on taking my life again. This time, the pain was so much more than 5 years ago, it was killing me from the inside out. I closed my eyes and listened. Happy chattering, bright laughter’s, birds chirping, sounds of vehicles zooming by, the smell of fumes in the air and the slightly cold weather. I took a step forward with my eyes still closed. I stepped off the pavement onto the road. Opening my eyes, cars zoom past me, some honking but I remained there.

“Rin?” I heard someone call out. His voice was familiar. It brought me warmth inside, something that I missed dearly. “Mei mei!” I turned around and saw Daeryong and Soryong running towards me. “It’s really you!!” Soryong pulled up onto the pavement as an oncoming car honked at me. He hugged me tightly.

“Are you okay? What made you do that huh? That is DANGEROUS! What WERE you thinking?”

“Ge.” He pulled away and looked at me. “What are you doing here?”

“We are posted to china for work. I didn’t expect to see you here and certainly not on the road like that.” He looked down at me. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“Let me greet her too.” Daeryong pushed him a bit and hugged me. “We missed you so much. Even though you were only working 2 hours away from us.”

“I miss you too.” I said softly.

“You lost weight! You are no longer squishy...I miss the old you. It’s been so long.” He pulled back but his arms are still around me. “Now, tell us what’s going on.”

“I….I don’t know.” I looked down and leaned onto Soryong. “I don’t want to live anymore.” he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

“We are here for you, don’t say that.” He rubbed circles around my back. Being in his embrace, their embrace brought me some comfort. Though I couldn’t feel it.

“They are coming here.” Daeryong spoke up and immediately, I was pulled behind them, with Soryong’s arm wrapped protectively around me.

“Hyung.” I heard Jonging and Sehun’s voices in unison. “What are you doing here?”

“We were working. But guess what? We found her standing on the road full of moving vehicles. Anyone care to explain?”

“What?” Lay let out a small shout. I could tell that he was worried.

“Anyone?” Daeryong asked again but no one said anything.

“What did you guys do to our sister?” They asked rather harshly. “Why is she losing weight and looking so sick? She doesn’t even have strength left. She was definitely not like this when she started working for you all.”

“Why aren’t you guys replying?” Soryong raised his voice a little.

“Gege, stop. I’m fine just tired.” I grip onto Daeryong's arm. “I want to go home.” He turn to me.

“We shouldn't have accepted them as clients. You have never look so terrible in all your years of work. If I knew that it will turn out like this, I wouldn’t let uncle accept it!”

“It’s okay, I've resigned already. I just want to go home with you. I’ll….I’ll explain everything.” I whispered the last part.

“Do you want to come to our place?” I nodded.

“But Rin-“

“No buts. Jongin, I trusted her with you and looked what happened. Have you been taking care of her liked you promised?”

“Her flight leaves in another day. Tomorrow there is a D&D my father organised. It would be nice if she could come. My mother wants to see her.” Lay said as he came forward a bit.

“No-“

“I'll go. But I want to stay with them today.” I looked up at Lay. “Please Yixing, just for one day.”

“Okay. I'll pack your stuff and place it one side. Just give me a call tomorrow I'll come fetch you.” He sighed and patted my head gently. “Rest well mei, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thank you.” Daeryong said to Lay. “I can see that you actually cared for her. I want to thank you.”

“I treat her like my own sister. It hurts me to see her like this.” I reached out and held his hand for a while.

“See you tomorrow.” He nodded.

“Let’s go.” Daeryong held out his hand and I placed mine in his. He held onto me tightly and I leaned onto his shoulder while walking. Soryong was on my other side. We grabbed a cab and went to their apartment. It wasn’t big, but it was just right for 2 guys, a cosy and homely apartment.

“Go and seat. I’ll get you something to drink.” I sat of the sofa and stared at the wall opposite me. It was a blank white wall. My life was once filled with colours, it was full of life. Now it is being reduced to nothing, just like the white wall. Boring plain white.

It was empty. Just like me.

No matter how much I try to fill up that emptiness inside, to fill up my empty life back to what it was before. Even with people helping me, nothing will happen. My life has changed. It won’t go back to what it was before.

“Here.” they passed me a cup of green tea. Soryong sat by my side while Daeryong dragged a chair and sat in front of me. “You ready?”

I took a sip of my drink and stared ahead.

“I found them. My real family.”

“When?” Daeryong asked. “How?”

“2 days ago. I found out through my dreams.”

“I don’t understand.” Soryong held my hand. “Through dreams?”

“You know that I’ve been having dreams right? Those nightmares.” they nodded.

“I found out what they are.” I looked at them. “They are incidents of my past lives. I’ve been killed over and over again, time after time. The reason to why I’m being killed, I don’t know.”

“The dreams escalated when I started working with them. At first I didn’t know why. I lost sleep every night. Then I met someone, she helped me through my time there. She told me things that I needed to know, things about the dreams and my family. Then things started to happen to me and I changed.” I paused and looked at them. They looked a bit speechless, a bit confused.

“As I began to change, I realised why this was happening to me. I was bounded by fate. I was scared but I accepted it.”

“Rin. Bounded by fate, what do you mean by that?”

“You can say that I’m cursed. It’s not me but him. If something happens to him, I’ll experience it too. He takes something, I lose something, a give and take situation.”

“What do you lose?” they looked at me with worry.

“My emotions.” I saw something flash in Daeryong’s eyes. I didn’t know if they believed in these kind of curses but from the way he and Soryong were reacting, I guessed that they do believe in it.

“I’ve lost a few, not much left.” I said calmly. “I can’t feel anger and things related to it, and the most recent is happiness. One more left to go before I go.”

“What?!”

“I’ll die. I know that I don’t have much time left. My body is already showing signs.”

“NO! You won’t die. Don’t believe it!” he stood up and shouted. “You will be okay!”

“I can’t feel. You are holding my hand now but I can’t feel your touch. I can’t feel physical touch. Only emotional pain.”

“What about your family? Don’t you want to see them?”

“I’ve already seen them. I’m glad I’m related to them, they are nice people.” I looked up. “I’m Chinese just like you. I have an older brother, he was by my side all this time I didn’t know until I went to his house here. I had dreams or more like my memories from when I was younger came back. Then I saw their family portrait, they had a picture of me when I was younger. I know my name, my real name.”

“So you are saying that your real brother and that someone’s from EXO? They are the ones you are staying with right now.” I nodded.

“I’m glad that he is my brother. If it were the other members, I might not have liked it but he treats me nicely. He looks out for me and treats me like a sister. His parents, my parents are nice too.”

“It’s him isn’t it? The one who told you to call him, Lay?” Soryong asked.

“Yixing. Zhang Yi Xing right?” Daeryong asked me and I nodded.

“My name is Zhang Yi Ning. I’m his sister.” They didn’t say anything. Both had their heads down, it was too much information at one time for them. Even if they can handle that amount, it will still come in a form of shock to them.

“Do they know about you?” I shook my head.

“I don’t intend on letting them know.” they look up at me in disbelieve. “Not when I don’t have much time left. They have been searching, waiting and believing that I’m still alive, that I’m waiting for them for the past 16 years. Even if they know who I am right now, what can they do? Of course they may be happy but….” I sighed. “I may leave any time. I don’t want bring them be sad again. It hurts me to see them like that.”

I thought about it for a long time, carefully and objectively. I wouldn’t want to send them to heaven then back to hell all at once. Not when I’ve seen how Lay has reacted to me fainting. We have this bond, siblings bond that makes us attached to one another. He had this obligation to take care of me because I was his sister. I didn’t hate it, I loved that we were related, to have a brother who is so caring, always looking out for you and making sure you are safe is what all girls would want. Not only does he take care of people well, he also gives his best in his work.

I loved him. I loved my brother.

I loved everything about him and I’m not willing to let his world crumble down just like that. I am going to protect him, even if it causes my life. I made up my mind, nothing will change it.

“Then who is the one who made you like this?” Soryong asked. “Is he near you?” I remained silent.

“He is in the group isn’t he? Which one?” Daeryong asked again.

“Gege, it’s okay.”

“What do you mean it’s okay? You are in pain because of HIM. Why should he be-be….happy when you are like this?”

“I love him.” they froze.

“I love him so much it hurts. Just seeing him, hearing his voice, being close to him, it hurts so much.” I grabbed my shirt and closed my eyes. “Seeing him changing, becoming more human makes me happy but sad because he isn’t changing because of me but someone else. Please, don’t do anything to him.” I begged them, as tears filled my eyes.

It hurts just being with EXO. Seeing them around Xue, caring for her. I was a bit jealous that she was getting all the attention, but most of all, I felt betrayed. They were my friends. But now they were hers. All because of her change. Whatever that happened in Busan that made her change, was for her own benefit. She loves attention. She is spoilt and wants everything her way. I knew that the members didn’t really like her that much at first because of her personality. But then when she suddenly change, she became nicer and stopped wanting her way, they became intrigued. When people change suddenly, it’s by human nature that others are curious by the sudden change and take interest in it. That happened to Jongin and Sehun as well as the others. They wanted to know more about her. Then as they got to know more, they find that she wasn’t that bad they take notice of her more. Bit by bit, they grew onto her and that brings them to where they are right now.

They are happy with her, a part of me is happy for them. But I’m also worried for them. They don’t know the truth, they are just willing to do anything for her, they don’t realise what she is doing. It was all an act. She didn’t change at all, but put on an act. And the worse thing is they didn’t know about it.

They had a clue at all.

She had them in the palm of her hands. Playing with them, making use of them. It disgust me how she can change instantly when were are alone, just me and her to a different person when a member comes near us. She acts pitiful and always hurt to gather their attention while I get glares and stares. I always became the bad person when I didn’t do anything at all.

It .

That feeling of being suspected or framed for not doing anything was painful. At some point in time, I gave up, nothing I said or did would make them think otherwise about me. I stopped talking back or explaining. I became her scraped goat.

“Don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want anyone else to know about it unless I tell them about it myself.”

“Mei,-“

“I’ll be fine, I’m getting used to it already. Promise me you won’t tell them, especially Yixing, I don’t want him to be hurt.”

“If that is what you want, I guess we don’t have a choice but to respect your decision.” Daeryong squatted in front on me and took the cup out of my hands and replaced it with his. “Whatever happens, we will be with you, no matter what. You will forever be our little sister. We will protect you.” I looked at him with tear filled eyes and nodded slowly. He wrapped his arms around me and so did Soryong.

“It’s okay, cry if it will make you feel better.” Soryong whispered in my ear and it spilled form the rims of my eyes. The tears that I’ve been holding back, the pain, everything came out. I sobbed in their arms and they didn’t let go of me, they hugged me tighter. They didn’t like skin ship, especially with each other but this time even though they are touching, they didn’t pull away.

“It’s going to be okay. Everything will be alright. Don’t worry about it.”

To have someone comforting me was the best thing ever. It reminded me that there people who cares and worry about me. At some point in time, I forgot to be grateful for the things I had. I was caught up in the storm that I forgot about the rainbow that comes after it. Instead of counting the misfortunes I had, I should be counting my blessings. I’ve been blessed with twin brothers who love me and protect me, a girlfriend and guy friend who will stand up for me no matter what, my foster parents who taught me things that made me what I am today, a sister who held me and comforted me in times of needs, a biological brother who is caring and kind, and biological parents who gave me life.

I was thankful and grateful to all of them. Without them, I would not have pulled through and hanged on. I cried until I had no strength left. My whole body weight was resting on Daeryong who was in front of me. I didn’t have any energy left. Soryong pulled away and Daeryong lifted me up into his arms, I rested my head on his shoulder as he carried me to their room. He carefully laid me on the bed and tucked me in. I looked at him through heavy lidded eyes and fatigue hit me. He pushed my fringe away and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“I’ll wake you up when dinner is ready. You need all the strength you can get. Rest well Se Rin.” He left me in the room and my eyes closed.

A delicious scent entered my nose and I open my eyes as my stomach growled. Slowly, I sat up and looked around the room. It looked almost the same as their room back in Korea. I got out of bed and made my way outside.

Soryong was setting the table while Daeryong was dishing out the food. It’s been so long since I woke up to food being prepared for me. To see them in the kitchen was enough to make me full. I missed hanging out with them.

“You woke up?” I was dragged out of my thoughts and saw Soryong smiling at me. “Come here.” he pulled me over and made me sit down. “For dinner, your favourite Soondubu chige!”

They then place the last plate of food and sat down opposite me. I took a taste of the stew and I nodded.

“It taste the same, as always. I missed it.” I drank more and they smiled. As we ate, we talked. We have missed out 6 months of our lives together so it was time to catch up. They were posted to china to look up a group and it’s been 3 months since they arrived.

“How long are you going to stay here?”

“Another month or so. So far, we have gotten all the details and their movements so it should be time to go back. We have to check with uncle.”

“I’ll be taking a break from work, uncle knows about it. Going on a holiday.”

“Where?”

“Not so sure yet, there are a few places I wanted to go. I’ll have to see if Yongju eonnie and Hun oppa wants to come along.” I looked up from my food.

“You searched the database didn’t you? Yoojung told me that someone was in the system but she couldn’t find out who. There was no trace at all. The only person who wouldn’t leave a trace would be you.”

“Yeah, I wanted to see her. If the database didn’t have it, I was planning to hack the government to find her which I didn’t.” they just shook their head in disbelieve.

“When are you meeting her?”

“When I reach Korea. She will pick me up from the airport. As for oppa, I’m not too sure.”

“Say hi to them for us. It’s been so long since we saw them.”

“I will.” I picked up my dishes and went to the sink.

“We will do the dishes.”

“No, I’ll do it. Since you guys made dinner, it’s the least I can do.” I washed the dishes and after that, we talked more in the living room.

“It’s late, you have something on tomorrow right?” I nodded. “Go and rest.” He caressed my cheeks. “Be the most beautiful girl there.” He smiled and went to their room to brush up. I climbed into their bed and rest my head on the pillow. Soryong climbed into bed after me laid beside me. He made sure that I was cover well and looked at me.

“Don’t give up. No matter how hard it is, don’t give up hope.”

“I won’t.” I whispered.

I wouldn’t, I can’t afford to. Not when there are people cheering me on.

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I hope this chapter clears up somethings like  Jongin, Sehun and the others sudden change towards Rin as well as her thoughts about it.

Enjoy!