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I sat up in bed flipping through a magazine. Next to me was a stack of books and magazine that Sehun and Jongin brought for me, to keep me entertained. They were the best friends one could have. After the therapy session, they stayed with me all day, making sure I was all right. I sighed and put down the magazine. I wanted answers to why these things, these dreams, why are they occurring to me. So many questions that remained unanswered.

There was a knock on the door and I looked up. The door opened and Dr Park came in.

“How are you feeling?” he pulled the chair and sat next to me. I closed the magazine and placed it aside.

“Much better.”

“Are you ready for the results?” I took in a deep breath and nodded.

“From my analysis, it seem that the dreams you are having are your past memories. They are memories from your previous life.” He looked at me. “You were seeing what you did in your previous life. And from what Dr Song told me, you not only have one dream but a few. It could be your different lives from different periods that you have lived through.”

I remained silent, I didn’t know what to say. These dreams that were tormenting me were scenes from my past lives? Majority of all the dreams were about me dying. Yes, I do have some nice dreams, the one with me and a guy but it always ended up pointless. In the end I’ll die or he will die. It’s either me or him.

“But the thing I can’t comprehend would be you feeling the pain and experiencing the same things as your dreams. I searched through books and the internet. I don’t have an answer to that. It’s a mystery to me. this has never happened before in medical history.”

I looked down as I processed the information. If what he said was true, I died countless times and each time I experience it, it hurts.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you the answers you want.” He said softly and I looked up.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault, there has to be a reason to why I’m having these dreams.” I smiled. “At least one question is down.”

“Tell you what, why don’t you write down what you dream. From there you can analyse it. It might give you some answers.”

“I’ll do that.”

“For now, I’ll assign you some medications which includes some sleeping pills. I don’t want you to take them often, only when you really can’t sleep. Don’t rely on them too much.” He warned me before standing up.

“When can I be discharged?”

“Tomorrow. Your injuries aren’t that bad, all you need is some rest. Take good care of yourself.”

“Thank you, Dr Park.” He smiled before leaving the room.

‘Analysing my dreams.’ I thought and it sort of made sense. There may have been some sort of clues as to why I’m seeing these dreams. I wanted to know the reason.

The next day I was discharged. Jongin came to pick me up and settled the check out. We went to have a light brunch before heading back. We entered the house with him holding onto my arm in one hand and bags in the other. Even though I was a still a bit tired and weak, I could walk on my own without any support. He insisted on holding onto me in case I slip and fall, making me feel like an eighty year old grandmother.

“Hey, welcome back.” I looked up after taking off my shoes.

“Hi.” I said softly. He came over to my other side and held my arm as I slip off my other shoe.

“How are you feeling? Better?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” I looked at him and he smiled. “Sorry for troubling you all.”

“Don’t say that. When a friend is in need, we will lend a helping hand. You are our friend so don’t feel bad or anything.” He showed me his lovely smile.

I didn’t know what to say. They were really the best friends one could find. Jongin really found a group of friends that were really precious. I wasn’t close to them but they treated me like family, which I am touched and thankful for.

“Go and rest okay? You look kind of pale.” Baekhyun took the bags from Jongin’s hands and headed upstairs.

“Go and replenish your energy. You need it.” Chanyeol smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’ll make you some food so when you wake up later, you can eat.” D.O said as he turned to the kitchen. I just stood there. They were treating me so well even after I blew up in their faces a few days ago. I didn’t talk to them, I even ignored them when they called me. But now they were talking to me like nothing happened at all. It made me feel a bit bad for my sudden outburst that day.

“Let’s go.” Jongin said softly as he nudged me and I nodded. We made our way up to my room and met Lay at the hallway. None of us spoke and the air around us turned awkward.

“Y-Your back.” He stuttered and rubbed his neck slowly looking down. Slowly, he looked back at me and I could tell from his eyes that he was worried.

‘At least one of them took note.’

“Go in.” Jongin whispered as he opened the door and I took one last look at Lay before going in. he helped me to my bed and made sure I was tucked into bed before sitting down on a nearby chair.

“Rest a while okay? I’ll be here.” I looked at him and could tell he was tired.

“I’ll be fine. You go and rest.” He shook his head.

“No. what if your heart stop halfway? I’m not taking the risk-”

“I’ll be fine.” I assured him and smiled. “Just wake me up when the food is done.”

“But-“

“No buts.” I cut him off. He wanted to say something else but seeing the look on my face, he purse his lips together. I was stubborn and he knows it. I want change my mind once I set my mind to it.

“Okay. But if you have another dream, call me.” he pointed to my phone on the side table and I smiled. He got up and bend down, kissing me on my forehead and turned around. At the door, he stopped and looked at me. I shooed him away and he smiled before closing the door behind him.

I was alone again.

I lay down on the bed and got comfortable. I stared at the ceiling for a long time before my eyes started to close.

“Hey, I missed you.” his deep voice made my stomach flip. His arms instantly wrapped around my waist and I leaned back against his chest. I couldn’t help but smile at how well we fitted with each other, I wasn’t tall, just slightly above average. My head reach up to just slightly below his chin, between his neck and chin, allowing him to rest his head on mine.

“We just saw each other yesterday.” I touched his arm and I could see him smile even though he was behind me.

“I know. One day away from you is like a year.” I giggled at his cheesiness and smacked him lightly on the arm. He tighten his grip around me as we watched the sunset. He loosen his grip slightly and turned me around to face him. I looked up at him, I tried to make out his face but all I could tell was that he had a sharp nose and really lovely eyes. I could see my reflection in them as well as how much he adored me. I smiled at him and he smiled, the brightest smile I had ever seen.

“I love the way you smile. It makes me go crazy.” He said softly.

“I love your eyes.” his hand then reached out and cupped my cheeks and he gazed at me.

“I love you, Ning.” He leaned in closer and I slowly closed my eyes.

“I love you too-“ before I could finish my sentences, he was pulled back away from me and I open my eyes in shock. That was the last I saw him, being dragged away with fear spread across his face.

“-Fan!” I woke up calling out his name. I didn’t understand, why am I seeing these? I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was tall and good looking. He called me by another name, a Chinese name if I’m not wrong.

Ning.

Was that my name in my previous life? It sounded Chinese which is strange because I’m Korean. His name was also Chinese.

‘Why am I having my past memories in Chinese?’ Questions began to fill my head. ‘Fan. Was that his name?’

“Are you okay?” I saw Lay walking in looking worried. He went to my side and touched my forehead which was soaked in perspiration. He went to the drawer and took out a towel and dapped away the droplets of water. I looked up at him as I caught my breath and he must have noticed that I was looking at him. He stopped and looked at me in the eye, there was something about him that makes me feel comfortable and safe. It made me feel like as long as I’m with him, I won’t be in any danger.

“You okay?” He asked one more time and I nodded. Not breaking his eye contact. He pulled the chair and sat next to me.

“I heard some noises from outside and I took a peak. I hope you don’t mind, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I-I’m fine.” I said and he touched my forehead again.

“No fever, but you broke out in cold sweat.” He then held my wrist and took my pulse. “It’s a bit to the fast side but it’s slowing down.” He put my hand down. “There is nothing wrong, just that you are really tired.”

“How did you do that?”

He smiled. “I studied medicine, both western and eastern.” That was something new, I never heard him talk about himself much. I nodded in understanding and I calmed down quite a bit.

“So, did you have a nightmare?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, you were talking in your dreams. You were calling out a name.” I looked at him.

“Did you hear the name?” he looked at me in the eye. There was a minute of silence before he spoke.

“No, all I heard was murmurings.” I was a little disappointed, I wanted to know if I really called out his name. “Don’t think about it too much okay?” he place his hand on my shoulder and smiled, I couldn’t help but smile and nodded back.

“Dinner is ready.” He said and stood up. “Do you need help going down?”

“I’m good.” I remove the blanket and set my feet onto the floor. “I maybe tired and out of energy but I’m still fit.” I stood up slowly and looked at him. “I don’t want to be a burden to people. I want to depend on myself.”

“Okay. Ladies first.” He pointed to the door and I walked out with him following behind.

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I felt awkward to be in the same room as the others, except these few, Jongin, Sehun, the K members and surprisingly, Lay. I didn’t talk or make eye contact with the others especially Kris. Throughout diner, I felt that someone was watching me. I looked up to find him, looking at me. I held his gaze for 5 seconds before looking away. I didn’t want to talk to him, ever since the argument, things has been awkward.

I played with my food a bit before placing down my chopsticks.

“Hey, why aren’t you eating?” Sehun asked, looking worried. “Do you want to eat something else?”

“I-it’s fine, I don’t really have an appetite.” I look down at my bowl of rice. Today’s dinner was stir fried beef. There was dwenjang chige as well, made by Chanyeol. There were a variety of side dishes. One could say that it was an appetizing meal. I didn’t have much of an appetite since I was just discharged and to add on, the super awkward atmosphere is making me uncomfortable.

“You need to eat something.” Jongin placed a piece of beef on my bowl. I sighed knowing that if I don’t eat, he will force it down my throat. We were similar, both equally stubborn. I picked up my chopsticks and place the piece of beef in my mouth. He smiled and I chewed slowly.

“Ah! I almost forgot.” D.O rushed into the kitchen and brought out a pot. “I made this just now.” he placed it in the middle of the table, he took off the cover and the room filled with a delicious scent. All eyes were on it.

“Stir fried spicy chicken.” He smiled proudly at his dish and the others began to dig in, complimenting him along the way.

“Try it Rin.” he urged me to try and with his anticipated look, I couldn’t say no. it looked really good, making my mouth water but I didn’t want to try it. I was torn between whether to try or not. I thought about how he cooked up a meal for all of us and decided to just try a small piece.

‘A small piece should be okay.’ I picked up my chopsticks and took a small piece. Similarly, Lay also took a small piece and our chopsticks met. I looked up at him and he gave a small smile. I looked at Jongin and he smiled. He seemed to have forgotten about my weakness. I took in a deep breath and place the meat in my mouth.

I have to say it was delicious, the combination of the meat and sauces was amazing. I could feel the temperature rise and I started to perspire. I swallowed and before I could reach for the cup of water in front of me, I started coughing. Tears welled up and I coughed really hard. I reached out for water when I heard someone else coughing.

Lay was coughing as well, his face was red and he drown water down his throat.

“Here.” Suho who was sitting opposite me passed me a cup of water which I gladly took and drank. The cold water slid down my throat, cooling off the slight hotness in the throat. But it wasn’t helping much. I placed the cup down and pushed my chair backwards. I ran to the fridge and looked of one thing which I knew would help. Milk.

I reached out to grab it only to touch someone else’s hand. We turned and looked at each other.

“You can have it first.” He said as he coughed. I quickly took it and not bothering to pour it into a cup, I uncapped the bottle and gulp down the milk. I quickly passed him the bottle and he did the same. I felt so much better.

“Are you okay?” I looked at Suho then realised that everyone was eyeing me.

“Yeah. Sorry, I can’t handle spicy food.”

“How can I forget?” Jongin suddenly gasped. “Rin, I’m sorry, I kind of forgot.” I shook my head and smiled. I could still feel the heat on my face and knew that my face was red.

“Hyung can’t take spicy food as well.” I turned and looked at Lay who had finished the bottle of milk. His face was red, most probably like mine. I couldn’t help but laugh softly. He looked at me before starting to laugh, we were similar I have to say.

“I think I have enough for today.” I turned and looked as Suho. “I’ll go and rest now.” he nodded and I bowed before making my way to my room.

I went to my desk and sat down. I was still tired but I didn’t have much sleep, not with these dreams haunting me. I took a glance at the plastic bag on the desk. My medicines. I was about to reach out for it but stopped halfway.

‘No, I can’t rely on this.’ I thought and pulled my hand back.  I knew once I rely on it, I would have to rely on it forever.

“Why?” I asked out loud. It was frustrating, not knowing why these is happening to me.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you.” I turned and saw her standing there.

“It’s not your fault.” I sighed.

“I’m sorry.” Then it suddenly hit me. Why was she apologising to me when she has nothing to do with my dreams? Unless she knows about it.

“Do you know why I’m having these dreams?” I looked at her she didn’t say anything. “Do you know the reason?”

“I can’t tell you right now.” she said softly. “You will know it soon.” she looked strained. It was like she was debating whether to tell me or not.

“I understand.” I smiled slightly. “I’ll bear with it, like what I have been doing for the past few years.” I was determined. “With or without medicine.”

I made up my mind.

I needed to know the reason and I’ll do anything and everything to get to the bottom of this. Little did I know, someone outside overheard me talking.

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Over the next few days, I was slowly recovering. I was still tired but I’m more or less back to normal. Kris was acting awkward around me and I avoided him and the other M members with the exception of Lay. I got to know him better and I found out that we were very much similar. We had similar hobbies and we loved the favourite food. Our habits were also similar that at one point I was starting to freak out. Not wanting to think too much of it, I brushed it off as a coincidence.

Slowly, he became someone I could talk to when Jongin or Sehun wasn’t around. I even talked to him about things I don’t talk about when I’m with the boys. He would listen calmly and carefully, giving me all his attention. He would then advise me or give his opinions. He was a deep thinker and a bit sentimental. But every word he says actually made sense.

I started going back to my job slowly. Whenever Xue goes out, another member from K will follow me, making sure I didn’t strained myself. Soon a week passed and I looked at my calendar. Today was the 20th of June.

‘Tomorrow.’

I touched the star I placed on the calendar and sighed. I needed to ask if I could have a day off. I dreaded the need to ask for permission. Usually I just need to inform my uncle but this time because I was working I needed to inform my employer. It was 9:49PM when I made my way to his room. Taking in a deep breathe, I knocked on the door hoping this will go smoothly.

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Thanks for reading:)