December 4, I was at the stadium parking lot with my dancer friend Gun Young waiting for the concert to start. I was wearing my winter clothes with a large scarf covering half of my face and a beanie. I can’t take chances.  A scandal is the last thing I want to happen for Dara and me right now.

I called Angel to inform her that I am already outside. She was very ecstatic to hear it and asked me to see her backstage which I declined. I can almost see her nose crinkled and forehead creased but I explained it to her and she understood. How I wish I can show her support before the concert too but that’s too dangerous. A little wrong move from us will definitely steer up gossip.

At exactly 8:00pm, Gun Young got out of his car and went in. He called me when the lights were off. I hurriedly entered the venue and seated beside him at the side aisle. Earlier today, I read some of last night’s concert feedbacks so I am pretty excited for tonight. I am also quite intrigued on Jinusean and Dara’s collaboration. I heard that my Angel was not only beautiful but hot and y too. There were also comments that I didn’t like which I am looking forward to confirm myself.

The show started with a bang. It was overwhelming watching Angel live on stage. She looked strong and fierce but her cuteness was still visible. I was enjoying the show. I was practically laughing my out when Big Bang covered “I am the Best.” I can’t believe Seung Hyun aka TOP can dance like that. He was hilarious.

Then it was time for JinuSean’s “Tell Me”. I knew it was the song they will sing with Dara, so I was anxiously waiting for her to come out and there she was ... just like a Goddess that descended for heaven. My girlfriend’s oozing with hotness and is very beautiful. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s mesmerizing. Her fans are screaming, and waving her light stick. I can see fan boys drooling at her. “Aish... why did she have to wear that dress. It’s too short.” I thought; when I suddenly noticed Jinu being touchy with my girlfriend. It can’t be. It must be part of the choreography; I pacified myself and continue enjoying their performance.

When it was time for the encore, all YG artists came out. Fans were screaming for more. Definitely, it was a success. YG surpassed everyone’s expectations once again. I can see that everybody was smiling and happy with the show tonight.

As I looked back on stage, I can’t believe my eyes. Jinu was flirting with my girl again. What the hell is he doing? Is he one of Dara’s fan boys too? I can see admiration on Jiyong and Taeyang’s eyes too when they’re trying to sneaked a glimpse on her; and there’s Seungri, drapping his arms on my Angel’s shoulders. What irate me more is that Dara's smiling and enjoying everything. Is she blushing? I growled under my breath as I watched them, murderous intentions running through my head.  I was practically shaking with jealousy and sending them deadly glares that I didn’t noticed Gun Young talking to me.

“Hyung, are you alright?” he asked.

“Hyung...” Gun Young tapped my arms to get my attention.

“Huh...”

“What happened to you? Your eyes looked like it’s going to pop out.”

I kept mum and stared back to my rivals. It was a known fact that Seungri and Taeyang admired Dara; and I know for sure that Jiyong has a thing for her too. But Jinu, are you kidding me? This is the first time I’ve seen it. I didn’t expect this coming. So, what I read about last night’s show was true; even their fans suspected something.

“Hyung....”

“What!!!!” I bawled at my friend.

“Mianhe..” I said as soon as I realized what I did.

“What is wrong with you?  I just said that we need to go now before the lights .” He uttered.

 “Oh... let’s go.” I agreed without hesitation and went out right away without looking back, feeling stuffed.

As soon as Gun Young entered his car I said “let’s go...”

“Boh?? Aren’t you going to see noona?”

“No need. Let’s go now...fans are coming out.” I said flatly.

I was silent the whole ride to my friend’s restaurant, where I left my car. My mind and emotions were in turmoil; trying to figure out what I just saw. I understand that it’s for the show but what’s with those flirty glances and smiles. It can’t be. I must be mistaken. My thoughts then drifted to their late night rehearsals. They’re practically together almost every day for weeks. Did something happen that I didn’t know? Is Dara hiding something from me?

“Hyung!!! Earth to you...” Gun Young hit my arms.

“Yah~ what was that for?”

“I have been trying to call your attention for a while now. You’re phone had been ringing for I don’t know how long. It’s starting to irritate me. Will you just answer it.” He ranted.

I looked at my phone to check who called. Three missed calls from Dara. Staring at it and contemplating on whether I should call her back. What will I say to her? I know that I should be understanding and supportive but I can’t control myself. Jealousy is eating me up. I can’t think rationally right now. I don’t understand myself anymore. Then I heard my phone ring again; Gun Young turned to look at me with a glare so I decided to answer it.

“Oh....” I answered.

“Joongie, where are you? I have been calling you.” I heard my girlfriend said.

“We’re on our way home. Congratulations.” I said stoically.

“Aren’t you going to see me?”Disappointment was evident in her voice.

“No. It’s getting late. Besides, you still have an after party to go too.”

“Ani... I am not going to joined them. I want to see you.” She insisted.

“I’m tired Dara.” I flatly replied.

“Baby, are you alright? Are you sick?” she asked worriedly.

“I’m fine....I have to go. Bye.” I said as I hanged up.

I know I’ve hurt her and I hated myself for doing this to her. But, what I can I do? I can’t help feeling this way. Yes, I am jealous. Those guys get to spend more time with her than me. There’s a big possibility that feelings will be developed and they can show their affections for her openly while I have to hide mine. Moreover, Dara can be so trustful and oblivious sometimes; that I feared she will be taken advantage.

With the state of mind I have right now, I really don’t want to see her. I might erupt in front of her and will hurt her more. I should contain myself first and sort out everything. I’ve never been this insecure and possessive before. I’ve always been confident with myself with my past relationships but with Dara, everything’s so different and new. I can’t control myself and I want to keep her close to me as possible. I don’t understand myself anymore. Why am I like this? I am Kim Jae Joong, for goodness sake.

When we arrived at Bum Story, I invited Gun Young for a little drink but he declined stating that he had an early practice tomorrow so he needed to get some rest. I thank him and hopped out of his car and went straight to mine.

I get myself a whisky as soon as I entered my apartment. I needed it for tonight. I need to flash all this feelings out of my system. It’s draining me. After two glasses, I changed and went to bed but I was having a hard time sleeping.  It was probably 4am when I finally dozed off.