I typed a fast reply to Yuri and tossed my phone on the couch. She wanted me to go out with her but I had no energy for that. As usual.

I had fallen back into the abyss of emotions that made me want to sink in to the mattress of my bed. To close my eyes and let sleep take me away for a couple of hours. The fact that it seemed to come and go was exhausting enough. The waves of depression and then the anxiety as a nice little bonus when it came to school work. My mother wouldn’t stop bothering me. My friends wouldn’t stop bothering me. I just wanted to be not bothered. Was that too much to ask for?

I ran my fingers along my keychain, deep in thought.

The doorbell rang and startled me.

I was practicing inside my head for the simple sentence I would say to either Jessica or Yuri – whoever would be behind that door. Or them both if I was so freaking lucky. My back tingled with cold sweat and my head emptied within a millisecond. The door was ajar and I didn’t see neither of my two bestfriends. Instead I saw Tiffany. I stood frozen in front of her, she put her hand on the door to push it open a little more so she could step in.

‘’Taeyeon.’’ She spoke my name. I let her close the door and pull me to the living room. I didn’t have time to dwell in how much I had missed her voice. Or anything about her. She moved so quickly and I had nothing in me to stop her. How could I? The light was brighter in the room and I saw her more clearly. A bruise adorned her face and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Why was she here? And what the hell had happened to her?

‘’Taeyeon,’’ she repeated again. ‘’I came here to tell you everything. I’ll explain it all. If you don’t want to hear it then that’s okay. But I have to try.’’

Tiffany waited for a response and I found it hard to form any kind of sentence to say back to her. So I just nodded. We sat down, it felt familiar with how she was talking and I just listened. She explained it all from the beginning to the end which had been just two days ago. She told me how she quit her job and what happened afterwards. And after that she just took a very deep breath before giving me a small smile.

‘’And I think you can tell what happened to me.’’ Tiffany spoke softly. She touched her bruised cheek and I felt my heart sink all the way to my feet.

‘’I’m taking him to court with an assault charge. It’s the best and only option I have.’’ She looked away from me. To avoid my stare.

‘’I- I don’t really know what to say.’’

‘’You don’t have to.’’ She nodded understandingly. ‘’But you deserve to know the truth. That I didn’t leave because of you or what you did. Or because I wanted to. I saw no other choice and knowing how dangerous Shim was, I didn’t- I couldn’t have you involved in that. I am so sorry I put you through that. My heart ached for you every single day since I’ve last seen you. You deserve so much better than this but damn it, I love you and I can’t not try to get you back.’’

I closed my eyes and felt that wave of relief wash over me. I was still hurt but I sensed the sincerity in her voice, every word she spoke, she didn’t come here to tell me lies or give me stupid excuses. And that was such a relief.

‘’I’m sorry he did this to you. To us...’’ I couldn’t look at her. ‘’I wish I could have done something to stop it. To see and know you were hurt like that honestly kills me.’’

‘’I’m okay. It’s over now.’’

__

I let Tiffany stay over a little longer, my stomach still filled with butterflies not from excitement but from being nervous. And I could tell she was feeling the same way even though she was way better at dealing with it. We ate, we talked and we stared. Even if I was nervous I could still stare directly into her eyes without any discomfort. I still saw the person I had fallen in love with and as hours passed by, I just yearned to be in her personal space again. As close as possible and just have that warmth wash over me.

We laughed too. It was weird and felt like a dream. I had to secretly pinch my arm when she was in the bathroom just to be sure. I think I had spaced out for too long when I felt a warm hand on my cheek. Tiffany turned my face to look at her and gave me a nervous smile. Her hand trembled against my skin. She had sat down closer to me this time.

‘’Taeyeon...’’

I knew she was trying. I grabbed her hand and nodded. She leaned in quick and kissed me. Our hands were on each other instantly. I dug my fingers into her back, running them up and down as our kisses became more and more frantic.

Tiffany pushed me down and grabbed my hands, pushing them down into the mattress above my head and hovered over me. She cracked a tiny mischievous smile and leaned down for a kiss. I was so over the moon with how she was making me feel in that moment that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Tiffany’s hot breath touched my neck and she murmured my name quietly.

Her lips brushed up to my jaw and then right into the tender spot in my neck. I fought that little nagging voice in my head that was conflicting with my emotions because I just wanted her.

Her hips ground into mine adding fuel to the fire inside of me. I grabbed at her hips and she let out a pleased sound.

One by one, her hands left mine and she moved to straddle me. Her hands slid up inside my shirt and I watched her face as her lips parted in a sigh. The black eye was now staring at me and all I could think of was her getting beat up. I took a deep breath and put my hands on top of hers to halt her movements.

Tiffany raised her brows and I sank into the mattress from the way she looked at me.

‘’What’s wrong?’’

‘’It’s just...I want you but-’’

‘’Tell me.’’

‘’Can I be honest?’’ I asked carefully. I took her hands out of my shirt and held them. She gave a nod.

‘’Seeing your face and that black eye kind of-’’

‘’-ruins the mood?’’

I shook my head and opened my mouth to explain but she shook