Updating at 3 am T_T I've become nocturnal again.

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Love you all<3

I had a hard time looking at Yuri without feeling some kind of guilt in my heart. It was difficult to act like nothing happened, especially when Jessica had stopped behaving like a kid with super tantrums – I took it as a sign that she had finally figured everything out and I guessed she must have spent more time with Sooyoung. My worst fear was that Jessica was dating her for real.

The whole drama scene with Tiffany a few days ago never left my brain and neither did she anyway. It was starting to become too much for me. Too much to handle when I had other things to worry about. I had witnessed another side of her and I didn't know what to think of it. Before I would have been excited to find out more about her but this time it wasn't like that.

Who would want to see someone on their worst times like that? It was very strange and I had no idea I would get into a situation where I'd see Tiffany at her worst. Maybe I should feel privileged but I honestly didn't. It felt strange and like the whole night had been just a mere creation of my imagination.

Tiffany seemed to be avoiding me instead of spending time with me like she interpreted we would and we only sent friendly texts to each other during the day. I didn't like it but I figured I couldn't do much about it unless she took the initiative. Perhaps it was better that I would give her some time and space.

''I think I know you feel Yul,'' I admitted out loud. I stretched my legs on the floor and crossed them back up after shifting on the cushion.

''Hm?''

''About Sica. I'm in the same situation with Tiffany. I saw her cry over a guy and I got friendzoned by her.''

Yuri's lips curled up a little. ''Weird isn't it?''

I grunted.

''The difference is that I've been in the 'situation' for years now,'' she said. A waiter came by and served our sodas on the table.

I shook my head in disbelief. Yuri knew it better than I did. ''What did we do to deserve this Yul?''

''I have no idea Taeng.''

''I felt so bad when I saw her cry Yul. I feel like she's avoiding me now, what if she doesn't want to see me again?''

Yuri sighed. ''I doubt it Taeng. Don't worry about it too much, you were there for her and I'm sure she appreciates that. Maybe she just feels a little embarrassed because she bawled in front of you.''

''But why,'' I frowned at the image of a crying Tiffany that had pretty much imprinted in my brain. ''That's normal. Everyone cries.''

''Well put yourself in her position. Crying your eyes out in front of her.''

I sighed.

''Exactly,'' Yuri retorted. ''Don't worry about it.''

She flipped the meat on the grill and I stared at the wall, zoning out the voices of the other people in the restaurant. How could I not worry about it? I felt like the more I thought I was getting closer to Tiffany, the more I was drifting away from her in reality. Maybe it was just meant to be, we lived in two different worlds and we were in different timings in our lives. I still had a long way to go where she was now. We had nothing in common. The list just goes on. From a realistic point of view, my chances were same as nothing.

''Here,'' Yuri started piling up the prepared food on my plate.

''Thanks Yul.'' I smiled at her and she returned the gesture as she put more food on the grill to cook. Especially at that moment guilt was already eating me up, seeing how well Yuri always treated me and there I was, keeping something from her that I knew she would want to know.

I was already hiding Yuri's secret from Jessica and now I was hiding Jessica's secret from Yuri. Can things just get any more complicated than that?

''I'm thinking we should interriogate Sica again,'' she suddenly said, putting piece of meat in . ''I feel like she could be hiding something, all that raging and everything.''

I gulped. There it was. That damned guilt again.

''Could be the stress, I mean we just had exams all week,'' I reasoned out. I was surprised how quickly I was able to speak that lie out to her. My own best friend.

Yuri hummed. ''Could be. But she cried a lot,'' she furrowed her brows. ''I remember one night she kept mumbling about being confused and things not making any sense to her. I wonder what was that about.''

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and sighed.

Forgive me Yuri...

''I think it's the stress. You know Sica doesn't handle it well.''

''Right...'' Yuri just shrugged and I let out another sigh, barely audible.

I struggled with the thought of screaming at Jessica and make her tell Yuri so that I wouldn't have to keep any secrets. Maybe if she told Yuri about her uncertainty of being straight, Yuri would confess and that problem would be finally solved. That was all I could hope for, not just for their sake, but mine as well.

I tried my best to act normally when we arrived at Sooyoung's place for that party she promised to have once she finished that important paper she was working on, but I feared that there would be interactions between her and Jessica. I doubted Sooyoung knew, well because Yuri never let anyone know about her little secret except for me.

So that would give her no reason to hold back and do whatever she wanted with Jessica even if Yuri was around.

''Gotta find Sica,'' Yuri mumbled. ''Where did Sooyoung find all these sleazy people...?''

We walked through the people and spotted our beloved friend fixing a drink at the dinner table that had been brought to the living room.

''Hey!'' Yuri waved eagerly at Jessica along with a smile. Jessica raised her cup and asked if we wanted a drink through hand gestures.

They went about using hand gestures and signs that I definitely did not understand, watching how Jessica then magically managed to walk up to us with three cups. And apparently with the right drinks too.

''There,'' she handed me a cup. ''Just soda for you because we can't have you getting drunk before the food is served,'' she handed another cup for Yuri. ''And some rum and coke for you.''

I rolled my eyes as they both snickered. ''So funny Sica. I should splash this on your face.''

''Try me Taeng. I'll have you on that floor in under five seconds.''

Yuri and Jessica bumped their plastic cups as they giggled.

''I'm out of here...'' I groaned and walked away from them. I spotted Sooyoung in the kitchen and lazily waved a 'hi' to her as I made my way to the balcony. I opened the door and walked closer to the railing.

I was glad that they were still acting the same way they always do, but that fear of everything going wrong tonight still lingered. I was so worried about Yuri. So freaking worried.

''Sooyoung's getting ready to grill the meat. Do you want pork or beef?'' Yuri popped her head through the gap of the door.

''Beef.'' I replied. Yuri nodded and closed the door. I breathed deeply and watched down at the random cars passing by on the street. Headlights flickering and the darkness slowly creeping up over the city.

I heard the door open again but and I didn't bother to look to see who it was.

''Taeng,'' I felt a hand on my shoulder. ''Why are you here by yourself?''

I recognized the voice to be Jessica's. She slowly walked next to me and leaned on the railing. I looked behind me to make sure we were alone and that the door was closed.

''I...I can't do it Sica...'' I sighed. I needed to talk to her about the problem I was struggling with. ''I look at Yuri and I feel so guilty. Why are you making me do this?''

She glanced over at me and frowned. ''You don't have to anymore...''

I raised a brow. ''What do you mean?''

''Look, I realized something,'' she began. ''I thought I liked Sooyoung but it wasn't that. I just felt special somehow when she paid attention to me like that. She brought me to dinners and treated me nicely instead like those guys did, trying to have physical contact with me every damn second.''

Jessica tapped the railing with her fingers and wet her lips. ''It was just silly infatuation. I liked the way I was being treated, and I confused it with liking her. I'm not seeing her anymore, and even if we have dinner again in the future, I'm drawing the line at being only friends with her.''

I fought the urge to bite down on my tongue. Didn't Yuri do all those things as well? Pay attention to her, take care of her, be there whenever she needed. Deal with her mood swings, approach her when she was ready to kill everyone that went near to her. How could she not see that? How could she notice Sooyoung but not Yuri? Was she really that oblivious?

''I'm so sorry for doing that to you Taeng,'' she said. I knew I was in no place to be angry at Jessica but I couldn't help it. This had been going on for years. Just standing by as my best friend kept getting hurt because my other, oblivious and blind friend wouldn't notice her.

''It's fine,'' I breathed out. ''Atleast you figured it out.''

She laughed a little. ''Yeah...''

''So you don't like girls anymore? Is that it?''

Jessica blushed. ''That...that's still unknown to me. I'm confused, but I think it might be just curiosity.''

''Did you tell Sooyoung about this?''

''Ah no,''