Nothing changed no matter how hard I tried to change something. And even if I did manage to change something, it would be reversed the next day. My life seemed to be only about finishing up my studies as soon as possible and nothing more. Often I thought to myself, where is the excitement? Where is the thrill of life and all those other things people usually dreamt of?

I contorted my face in pain from sitting in a lecture that has been going on for two hours already. Two very long hours.

Slide after slide, my eyes began to lose their focus and I looked down at my notepad. I hadn't written down any notes from the last four slides.

''I'm gonna die,'' I whispered.

The person next to me let out a quiet whimper.

''Don't talk to me about dying or I'll break down too.''

I looked at my best friend and see the suffering expression on her face. I snorted and she stepped on my foot, causing me to jump up in my seat. I coughed and stay quiet to try to regain my focus on what the professor is saying. But my mind is too tired.

My sanity was probably long gone. Day by day, same routines, same people everyday.

Then I asked myself, who with a sane mind would stare at a mannequin in a store? Admire it, feel somewhat attracted to it or quietly wishing so hard that it would become a real person?

That was me, Kim Taeyeon.

Reality had hit me hard, my love life was non-existent and seeing couples everywhere was just too much. Maybe I expected too much out of growing up into an adult, maybe I started to expect too much from life that it became boring instead of exciting. Was that what everyone expected?

It was all happening in my head though. And it scared me just a little bit, how that pretty mannequin in that clothing store worked as my ideal type for some strange reason.

It was raining but I had brought my umbrella with me. So there I stood, examining the mannequin, the pink blazer and skin tight jeans really looked great.

Damn.

Though I wondered if that kind of outfit would ever look as good on me.

My phone rang and I answered it without taking my eyes off the window.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Tae, you coming over?"

"Oh yeah, I'm on my way."

I heard a laugh from the other end of the line. "Looking at that doll again?"

"Not your business."

I had regretted telling Yuri about the mannequin thing, but I needed to tell someone. It was all blurted out in front of bottles of alcohol one saturday evening and that's when my best friend had started her endless teasing.

"Can you please hurry? Sica is already here too."

"Sica huh?" I in return.

"Get over here and leave that doll alone before I come and kick your ."

"Okay okay. Coming..." with a deep sigh, Yuri ended the call and I began walking towards her apartment.

I was greeted by Jessica when the door to Yuri's apartment opened and I scrunched up my nose when the smell of fried chicken reached my nostrils.

''Let me guess, Sooyoung is here too?'' I asked in a quiet tone. Jessica snorted and rolled her eyes.

''Yup. Yuri got hungry and the next thing I know is that we have enough fried chicken to feed the whole neighborhood.''

I laughed and followed her to the kitchen.

''Taeng!'' Sooyoung greeted me first. I looked around and didn't see Yuri anywhere.

''Hey,'' I said and took a seat next to Sooyoung. ''Where's Yul?''

And just in cue my best friend walked in to the kitchen and smiled at me.

''Hey Taeng. Took you long enough,''

I rolled my eyes.

''You hungry?''

''A little.''

''Sit. Eat.''

I complied and in a matter of seconds we were already consumed in a conversation. Kwon Yuri, my best friend since seventh grade who has been there for me through the ups and downs. Yuri was chill, down to earth and maybe a bit hot tempered (not always) but she knew how to stay inside the boundaries. Most importantly, she was the person I could confide in and whom I could trust my life with.

Then there was Jung Jessica who had become our close friend since high school. Ever since it had been just us three, rolling together through high school to the same university, though with different majors.

I considered them as my family. Like a second family.

After I got accepted into university, I soon realized I would depend on those two more than I could ever imagine. And in return they would depend on me as well.

Somewhere in our journey from teenagers to adults, Yuri happened to fall hopelessly in love with Jessica, while the latter was kept in oblivion and she made me swear I would stay hush hush about it. And ever since I have been the bystander of witnessing Yuri's many many heartbreaks that were caused by Jessica without being able to do anything else but be there for her.

In a way, it made me see love differently. Unrequited love, perhaps. I didn't know. Maybe Jessica felt the same way for her, maybe not. I never asked and because I swore to Yuri that I would never tell Jessica, I would probably never find out.

They were complicated but that was them. No one else would be able to understand them like they understand each other. And I chose not to interfere because I respected my best friends stupid decision.

The summer season.

More pink.

I wondered what would her name be if she was real? How would her voice sound like or how she would laugh or smile.

I hurriedly walked past the store and continued off to the campus.

Another day, same old crap. I had a dream of the mannequin and I can't stop replaying it in my head over and over again. I slowly started to grow impatient because it's not real. Real like I am, living and breathing. It exists and so do I but it's just not real. Why can't it be? I asked that question from myself everyday. I prayed for some kind of a miracle. Perhaps I would even sell my soul to the devil itself to grant my wish.

''Taeng, you seriously need to go on dates or something,'' Yuri said before she shoved a handful of chips in .

''Find me someone and I'll go.'' I sighed and turned the page of the book I was reading. The loud rustling of the bag of chips in the quiet library was all I heard and Yuri's kind-of-loud chewing. My ideal type was so far fetched that I doubted anyone could ever exceed to that and I'd be left alone with a dozen of cats to keep me company.

I chuckled at the thought, trying to picture myself being that way.

Yuri raised a brow. ''It doesn't work that way...you need go out, do things and maybe you'll meet someone.''

''Right.''

''Seriously. You're so desperate you're looking at that mannequin like it's the love of your life.''

I groaned and she giggled.

''Sorry.''

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