And now I don't know why

She wouldn't say goodbye 

But then it seems that I had seen it in her eyes

And it might not be wise 

I'd still have to try

With all the love I have inside...

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Unknown Time (Your POV) [Unknown Place]

Where am I? All I see is a room that's all white with nothing different in sight. As I walk around looking for something or someone to explain what I'm doing here, I realize that it seems like I really am alone in this abnormal world. Am I dead? Is this heaven? It's more bland than I thought... Maybe this is hell?

Person: "This is neither heaven nor hell."

Looking for the mysterious voice that emerged from nowhere I ran around trying to trace back where the voice came from. Unable to track the location of the voice's origin, I gave up my search and decided to try to talk to the voice in search of answers.

You: "Who are you?"

Person: "I am everything and I am nothing."

You: "God?"

Person: "Some say that, others deny my very existence."

So, I must really be dead if I'm talking to God. The last thing I remember is me saying goodbye to Suzy, Keito, the other Yakuza, and Jessica. Everything went black after that, so I really am dead, but how come I'm not in heaven or hell? What is this place?

You: "Where am I?"

Person: "You are in a world between that of the living and that of the dead. You are not dead, but you are a tortured soul that is in need of guidance."

You: "In need of guidance?"

Just then, the white room changes its form completely and I'm taken into some sort of hallway. Walking around, I tried to contact the person, but recieved no reply. Continuing my search, I passed by a set of chairs in front of the ER and saw two familiar people. Sitting, I saw Jessica crying and Sunny hugging on to her trying to console her, at least that's what it looked like from my perspective. 

You: "Jessica! Sunny!"

No matter how much I tried, they just wouldn't notice me. Losing my patience, I reached forward and tried to grab hold of both of them. When I did, my hand simply passed through them and I fell back in my surprise. As I got back up, I looked at the patient name in front of the ER and saw that I was the person in there.

Person: "You cannot touch them or talk to them."

You: "Why not!?"

Person: "Because you are merely a spirit that was sent here."

You: "Then why am I here?"

Person: "Look at your fiancee, she's in deep sorrow and depression right now. If it were not for her child, she would have taken her own life already. She's in a state of utter devestation and barely has the will power to continue her own life, let alone support the new one in her womb."

You: "Why is she like that?"

Person: "Because of you."

You: "Why me? What did I do?"

Suddenly, the hospital hallway once again changed and I was taken to the white room once again. Jessica appeared in front of me and I quickly went over to try to hug her. When I closed the distance between us, I saw her expression change and the next thing I know I recieved a hard slap to the cheek.

Jessica: "Oppa! You're hopeless!"    

You: "What do you mean?"

Jessica: "I'm hurting because of you! We're hurting because of you!"

You: "How? What did I do?"

Jessica: "You said you were a changed man!"

You: "I am!"

Jessica: "Liar."

She began to run away from me and I chased after her trying to understand what she was trying to say. As I chased after her, I saw the world change itself once again. The place became dark and I was suddenly surrounded by numerous people in hooded cloaks. Trapped, I felt a sudden pain in my chest. Reaching for where it hurt, I felt a hole and looked down to see a bullet hole with blood coming out of it. Looking at the wound, I also saw the numerous scars all across my body. While distracted by my wounds, I saw all the people take of their hoods and saw that they were all people that I had met over the course of my life. 

Keito: "Do you know why you're bleeding?"

You: "Why?"

Tiffany: "Think oppa. Why are you bleeding?"

You: "I don't know why..."

Sunny: "Yes you do, you've always known why."

You: "What is it!? What has led to this!?"

Yuri: "Ego."

You: "Ego? What does that have to do with my wounds?"

Michelle: "Your ego cut you till you bled."

You: "What do you mean?"

Once again, the world changed and all those in the cloaks disappeared. I found myself in a graveyard, but I realized that this was the cemetery that my grandfather was buried in. Knowing only one place in this entire area, I made my way for his grave. When I got there, I saw none other than my own grandfather standing over a grave, but not his own. When I read the name on the tombstone, it was my own.

Grandfather: "I warned you didn't I?"

You: "Of what?"

Grandfather: "Your pride, I told you that you were too prideful."

You: "You did."

Grandfather: "Did you listen?"

You: "I did."

Grandfather: "You listened, that you did. You also let your ego get the better of you."

You: "How?"

Grandfather: "Why else would you seek revenge? Was it not because you didn't want to be lessened by any man? Didn't you let your judgement be clouded by a false sense of superiority? That you believed you needed to avenge yourself because you needed to feed your ego? Did you not beleve that you were better than any man? That if you were in a situation where death was imminent you would surprisingly live?"

You: "I don't know..."

As we talked, I didn't realize that three cars had pulled up to the grave site and nine people walked out. They all had their faces covered and wore all black, but one of them was carrying a baby in their arms. When the people removed their veils, I saw that it was none other than SNSD and the woman carrying the child was Jessica. I saw Jessica then go with the baby right up to the tombstone and gave it a kiss. 

Jessica: "Happy death anniversary oppa... I love you... Caesar, look at your father's grave. Wave hi to appa Caesar, it will make appa very happy."

My boy, my boy, he had to grow up without a father. He had to face the world without a male figure to look up to, he was going to go into a cruel world with only half the guidance. My son, he had to face a hardship even I never had to go through, his life was only beginning and it was already worse than my own. 

Grandfather: "I warned you didn't I?"

You: "You did."

Grandfather: "Now look, because your ego led you to hate your father and brother, your child must grow up without a father. Your hate only led to their pain."

You: "Why?"

I found myself I again taken to the dark room where I was surrounded by people and bleeding on the floor. This time, however, I felt like the mass of people had come closer and tightened around me. Still bleeding, I found myself trying to figure out a way to stop the bleeding. 

Seohyun: "Hate led to that wound, and now it won't heal."

You: "Why won't it?"

Nick: "Because hate leaves scars that will never heal. And you, have lived in hatred most of your life."

You: "What do you mean?"

Keito: "You've always hated the world, you always felt like it owed you something."

Yoona: "You feel as if the world was lesser than you. You fed your ego with lies and false beliefs."

You: "But where would I be without the ego that taught me to withstand the world? How could you ask me to let go of my hate when it gave me everything a man desires?"

Hyoyeon: "You always have too much to say."

In an instant, I found myself transported to an alley way in some city. Looking down the alley, I saw two figures walking side-by-side, a woman and a boy in what looked like his early teens. As they walked by, I saw that the woman was Jessica and I assumed the boy was Caesar. Passing by me as if I were not there, they continued on their way. Suddenly, three burly looking men came out of nowhere and attacked them. In an attempt to save my family, I tried to fight for them, they couldn't defend themselves and I was the only one who could do anything. When I tried, my punches merely passed through the men and I could only watch as the two people I loved most were beaten and had their belongings taken from them. I quickly went to both of their sides and tried to communicate with them. Reaching for my son, he began to move and budge as he lay bleeding and I could only kneel on the bloody floor as I tried to get their attention.

You: "Jessica! Caesar!"

Caesar: "This is all... your fault..."

You: "How? I tried, son. I tried so much to protect both of you!"

Caesar: "You betrayed us both with your own selfish greed... Our blood is on your hands..."

You: "No! I didn't! I want to protect you both!"

Caesar: "We're like this... because of you..."

Trying to deny his statement, I realized that my hands were soaked in blood. Their blood. I lost it, all I could do was cry and cry harder. I had realized the fault in my ways, that I had truly been wrong all this time, that acting the way I have always have would only lead to hurting those that mattered most to me. As I cried, I didn't realize that I had been placed inside some sort of castle and was sitting on a throne. When I recovered my composure, I saw a single person in a cloak and hood in front of me. When they took off their hood, I saw that it was Jessica.

You: "Jessica... I want to protect you... the both of you..."

Jessica: "It's too late oppa, you always placed yourself as a royal amongst commoners. Now, your lack of humility has led to everything you've seen."

You: "There has to be a way... Let me take the pain... Not you two..."

Jessica: "Someone must pay for your actions, and it is me and Caesar."

You: "No, let me... Anything to save both of you..."

Jessica: "You musn't 'lower' yourself to the level of normal people. Long live the king..."

She placed a crown on my head and the world reverted to that of the crowd of people around me. Once again, I was wounded and my blood was all over the floor and everyone began to talk to me. Before they could begin, I could feel several sharp things around my head and touched the crown she had placed on my head. Feeling the crown, it was made of thorns. 

Taeyeon: "If you really want to protect them, there is only one way."

You: "How? How do I ensure their safety?"

Suzy: "Sacrifice."

You: "Then please, take me. Sacrifice me so that they may never have to face the cruel world."

Yoona: "For your egotism and greed, you must pay in the ultimate form."

You: "How?"

Keito: "Death."

I bent my head over and offered myself to them, as a symbol of my surrender. If only for the safety of my child and Jessica, I was willing to give it all up. While I stay slumped on my knees, I didn't realize that the room had changed once again to the white room and I was once again all by myself.

Person: "Raise your head, child."

Hearing the voice, I raised my head wondering where the others had gone. The voice once again was coming from everywhere and I didn't have the energy to search for it.

You: "Please, let me suffer for them. Let me take the burden."

Person: "Is that your final descision?"

You: "Yes, that's what I want to do."

Person: "I cannot allow that."

You: "Why not!?"

Person: "You cannot sacrifice the dead."

You: "So I really am dead?"

Person: "You can say that. In place of the person you used to be, perhaps, now, a new person has come forth. In effect, your old self may have died, but I'm confident that you have been reborn. Have you?"

You: "I'm a changed man. I now understand the fault in my ways. I just want to be there to be with them, I want to be able to protect my family."

Person: "So be it."

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3:00 a.m (Your POV). [Hospital, Seoul]

I'm breathing? Wait, I can feel the sensation in by body. I think I can finally open my eyes. As I open my eyes, I see that there are two people sleeping on the couch in the room. The hospital room is pretty large, I wonder who's over there on the couch? My eyes are still adjusting to the light, so I can't really see anything.

You: "Who's there?"

Still not able to see properly, I wasn't able to tell if there was any response from the people. Guessing that they might not be awake, I decided to keep trying.

You: "Hey! Who's there?"

My eyes finally adjusted and I saw the two people walking towards me. They were none other than Taeyeon and Tiffany. As they realized that I was finally awake, I saw a shine in their faces. Glad to see them, I gave them as much of a smile as I could manage.

You: "Girls, we have to stop meeting this way..."

Taeyeon: "Oppa!"

Tiffany: "Well, we wouldn't need to if you weren't so close to dying every other week."

You: "How long have I been out?"

Taeyeon: "Two days. The doctor said that they did everything to help your wound, but they weren't able to tell if you were going to make it. They said that it was all up to you wether you had the will to live."

You: "I did."

Tiffany: "That's great to hear."

You: "Where are they?"

Tiffany: "Who?"

You: "Jessica and my child of course!"

Taeyeon: "Oppa..."

You: "What?"

Tiffany: "Tae you need to tell him, he needs to know."

You: "Know what?"

Taeyeon: "We don't know where she is..."

You: "What do you mean?"

Taeyeon: "After the night where they brought you in, she cried all night. We tried to console her, but she was convinced that you were going to die. No one could get through to her and she eventually just stopped talking to everyone. When we checked on her in the morning, she was gone..."

You: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE!?"

Tiffany: "Oppa, you looked so happy to be alive just a second ago. Now, you look like you're trying to kill somebody."

You: "HOW CAN I STAY CALM!?"

Taeyeon: "We understand how you feel, but I think you need to calm down and think of what to do."

You: "There's only one thing to do..."

Tiffany: "What?"

You: "Chase after her of course!"

Taeyeon: "How?"

You: "One of you brought a laptop, right? Let me use it."

Tiffany went over to her bag and pulled out her laptop. Giving it to me, I sat up in my bed and went on the internet. Still having my connections, I remembered that one of my old friends had given me a program to track the activity of a person's bank account. Using this, I was able to access Jessica's accounts and began looking for evidence. Eventually, I found a recent purchase of a plane ticket.

You: "I think I might have an idea of where she is."

Taeyeon: "How?"

You: "I... tracked her bank account..."

Tiffany: "That's very weird..."

Taeyeon: "Where is she?"

You: "Shanghai..."

Taeyeon: "I think her family owns a business there. So, they must have a place for her to stay. She probably ran there to get away from the pressure."

Tiffany: "Are you going after her?"

You: "Of course."

Taeyeon: "I'll go with you."

You and Tiffany: "WHAT!?"

Taeyeon: "We need to find her as soon as possible and two people looking are better than one. Anyways, I'm not that busy until our next comeback. So, I'll be able to help oppa as he goes off trying to find Jessica." 

You: "Thank you, Taeyeon."

Taeyeon: "She's one of my sisters oppa, it's only right that SNSD helps you too."

Tiffany: "And I'll keep you two informed of what happens here."

Two Days Later (Your POV) [Condo, Seoul]

I just got discharged from the hospital yesterday. According to the doctor, my life was only in danger because I had lost a lot of blood. Apparently, none of my vital organs were hit, but the bullet was a mere 4 inches from hitting my heart. Now, it's 2 in the morning and I'm looking over my balcony thinking about where Jessica could be. Taeyeon and I are going to Shanghai in the morning and we'll start our search over there. Still thinking, I heard someone ring the doorbell. Since Keito had left for Japan while I was out, I know it wasn't him. It must be one of the girls. However, I recieved a pleasant surprise.

You: "Suzy?"

Out of nowhere she pulled me in for a kiss and for some reason I reacted to it. In fact, I almost whole-heartedly returned the kiss. 

This is wrong.

But it feels so right.

I'm about to be a married man, this is wrong.

But this is the sweet taste of sin. 

Regaining my composure, I managed to pull away from her. 

Suzy: "Why'd you stop?"

You: "Why'd you do it in the first place?"

Suzy: "Because I love you! That's why!"

You: "I love Jessica, don't be crazy."

Suzy: "Why is it always her? She's always hurt you and yet you keep chasing after her! WHY!?"

You: "Because I need to..."

Suzy: "Were you going to say goodbye? How long will you be gone?"

You: "Not too long. A few months, maybe."

Suzy: "I'm better for you. I can make your life happier."

You: "No."

Suzy: "If I had a child, if I were pregnant, like her. Would you still leave?"

You: "Yes."

Suzy: "Oppa, don't you remember that night? Don't you think there was something real? Don't you feel like we had a deep connection then? Just give me a chance."

You: "Not now."

I began walking away from her and she pulled me in to her. I couldn't face her now, not with all the things going on with my life. 

Suzy: "Look at me. Please, look at me. However long it takes, I'll wait. I'll wait forever for you."

She then walked out of the doorway. That should have left it at that, that should have been it. However, I felt a supernatural force telling me to go back and chase after her. Why was I faltering like this? For some reason, a side of me wanted to return those feelings. No, I'm going to be a father soon, I musn't make stupid mistakes. 

But she had a point.

All I ever met while I was with Jessica was pain.

No, stop these thoughts. You were willing to sacrifice your life for her and your child just a few days ago. What are you thinking doubting your love for her?

I'm being realistic. 

Suzy, why'd you have to do this now? Why would you make me have doubts?

Should I give you a chance?

Who knows? Maybe your love will make me forget all that I wish not to remember?

No, I need a drink and some sleep.

That's what I need.

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I just can't let it die

Cause her hearts just like mine

She holds her pain inside

So, if you ask me why she wouldn't say goodbye

I know somewhere inside

There is a special light, still shining bright

And even on the darkest night

We can't deny

So, if she's somewhere near me

I hope to God she hears me

There's no one else that makes me feel so alive

I hoped she'd never leave me

Please God, you must believe me

I've searched the universe and found myself within her eyes...