Of Insecurities

Seeking for Certainty
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“That’s your tenth glass for the night, Myungsoo,” Hoya exclaimed. “What’s the problem?”

Myungsoo drank another shot of liquor in one gulp before replying, “That model of yours…”

“Sehun?”

“Yeah,” Myungsoo nodded. “I hate that guy.”

“Why?” Hoya asked. “He’s been a good friend to Suzy.”

Myungsoo chuckled bitterly before saying, “Well, apparently, he doesn’t want to be Suzy’s friend. That Oh Sehun is courting her now.”

It wasn’t a big surprise for Hoya that Sehun would develop feelings for Suzy sooner or later, since the two had been spending a great amount of time together. Truthfully speaking, he also regarded Suzy as beautiful and admirable, but Hoya didn’t pursue her for two reasons: he doesn’t want to be Myungsoo’s rival and he was in love with someone else.

Hoya flinched when Myungsoo, too drunk, suddenly dropped his head on the table and cried, “I’m scared, Howon. I’m afraid that Suzy would leave me.”

“Suzy has put through a lot of things for you, Myung,” Hoya replied with sincerity. “She stayed even after your marriage. The insecurities you’re dealing with now, Suzy started dealing with them a year ago.”

When Myungsoo suddenly raised his head, Hoya thought that he was about to say something serious, but instead, the former started puking all that he had drunk.

Grunting, Hoya said, “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

He pulled his phone dialing Suzy’s number, and as she picked up, he immediately asked, “Hey. Suj. Are you home?”

“No, I’m still at the office,” Suzy answered.

“It’s already late. You’re still working?”

“Yeah. There are some paper works I need to finish today.”

“Is Sehun with you?”

“Yes. He’s with me. Why?”

If I tell her that Myungsoo’s wasted right now, Sehun would know about it and he could use it to his advantage. Besides, she’s occupied too, Hoya shook his head. “Nothing, Su. I’m just worried about you. Keep safe.”

“Thank you, oppa,” Hoya could feel her smiling at the other end. “You too.”

Hoya then glanced at Myungsoo again before groaning, “Guess I have to take you to your wife, huh.”

 

 

Myungsoo ditched his next class as he saw that the rain started pouring down. Knowing that Suzy might be having tremendous stress on graduating, he immediately drove towards his former school, expecting her to be drenched in the rain. But then, he found himself squinting at the sight of her in the waiting shed, laughing alongside her classmate, Jaebum.

He stood still as he watched her give eye smiles to the male. He would’ve let it pass if it wasn’t the same male who, he remembers, in the past, has tried to get close to Suzy. He noticed too, how Jaebum’s gaze towards her was always full of admiration. Myungso perfectly knew that if not for him, Jaebum would have made a move towards Suzy a long time ago.

Just then, Suzy noticed his presence and waved at him. Myungsoo in turn, gave her a small smile as he walked towards them. Suzy bid farewell to the other male as she met Myungsoo halfway.

“Hey, are you missing the school?” Suzy asked at his sudden visit.

“More on missing you,” Myungsoo smirked.

“Tss,” Suzy hissed and playfully threw him a punch at the shoulder.

Myungsoo chuckled, before saying, “I was actually worried that you would be crying in the rain again.”

“For what reason?”

“I don’t know. Graduation stress?”

“I’m good,” Suzy grinned. “Jaebum’s a great thesis partner.”

“Ah,” Myungsoo shortly sighed and nodded. Suzy smiled again at him, and Myungsoo did let it pass, at least at that time, thinking that their relationship could be purely academic.

If it wasn’t for him always accompanying Suzy, he knew that Im Jaebum would have courted her a long time ago. Granting that he already graduated, and Suzy was stuck with Jaebum not just in the same year, but also in the same class, Myungsoo scoffed at the idea that Jaebum was using the opportunity.

When Suzy’s inbox and call logs were filled more of Jaebum’s name than him, Myungsoo became alarmed. They were having a stroll back home when he held her hand while her other hand clasped her phone. Taking a peek at her screen, he bit back a scoff at seeing Jaebum’s name once again.

“I don’t like that guy,” Myungsoo blurted out.

“Hmmm?” Suzy hummed.

“I said, I don’t like you hanging out with Jaebum,” he firmly repeated.

“But he’s my thesis partner—wait. Are you jealous?” Suzy asked wide-eyed.

He covered his face with his palm, trying to hide his blush from embarrassment, but when Suzy had chuckled, he knew that she had already noticed. She instantly hugged his waist, grinning at him as she asked in a soft voice,

“Don’t you trust me, Soo?”

“Of course, I do!” Myungsoo answered and he glanced at her before adding, “It’s him that I don’t trust.”

“He can’t sway me as long as I’m in love with you,” she assured him before planting a quick peck on his lips.

But Myungsoo felt that there was a need for Jaebum to be slapped in the face to know that he doesn’t stand a chance with Suzy. Thus, when Suzy informed him that they were at a café, celebrating the success of their thesis, Myungsoo presented to fetch her once they’re done. Funny thing was he just arrived in the right time.

“T-There’s something I wanted to tell for a long time, Suzy.”

Myungsoo saw how Jaebum sheepishly scratched his already red ears, and he rolled his eyes at the sight of another male planning to confess to his girlfriend.

“I-I l-like-“

Even before Jaebum could finish his sentence, he had cut him in by walking in the scene and standing near Suzy.

“Oh. Hey, Soo!” Suzy greeted.

“Hi, Su,” Myungsoo smirked at their endearment.

Suzy t

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[Seeking for Certainty 01/01/16] UPDATED

Comments

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gyuhyeon #1
Chapter 34: 2021 and I'm here to bawl my eyes out. Thank youuu
gyuhyeon #2
Back to this story after years, I'm so sad so many beautiful stories about suzy are deleted :(((
Markzy4ever #3
TashiLhamo129 #4
Chapter 35: Jaka nim, thank you so much for this story. I loved it so much and I have never felt such emotions for a long time...U made me realise how important it is to love yet that love must be pure and certain. Seeking for certainty is such a powerful love story and I learned that life will always throw u back and forth, you just need to be certain of who u meet and who to trust. But first of all, you gotta trust yourself and believe in ur innate strength that no matter what, u can stand up on ur own. Thank you once again. ?❣️??
Washingtowndc
#5
Chapter 35: Taehyung, despite his parents state, i mean his father's gone and his mom is psychologically ill and barely remember him, he is still the sweetest and full of love for his parents omg i hope he grow well :") *sobs* haha thanks author for this great story
arnicutie #6
Chapter 35: I can hear my heart breaking..this is a superb story..I just wish that Myungsoo did not die and find his own happiness that was deprived from him..whether with Suzy or with someone else..but kudos to you..i hope to read more stories from you..
Exozy_88
#7
Chapter 35: Can't stop Crying !! Oh ghoooood :(((
lucidhoney10
#8
Chapter 35: Okay first I'm not really into angst and I loved the fact that you aren't ending this in the most tragic way.
Confession, I am more rooting for Sehun and Suzy than Myungsoo and Suzy. Okay, I probably the minority here but I have my own reason for rooting on Hunzy.
Yes, sehun and suzy started the wrong way. Sehun started it wrong. He court her not because he loved her, it's started with a kind of dumb revenge which shouldn't be existed. So why do I still am rooting for them even between all of the lies? Because Sehun is courageous enough to choose Suzy over anyone else. Call it selfish, but I think it was form of courage. The only coward thing he did after fully realising his feeling towards her was that he didn't let Suzy know the true story before Soojung did. If only he is brave enough to spill the bean, perhaps Suzy will be a bit less hurted. After all, knowing the truth from the one you love will be a lot better than to have another tell you how you actually had been toyed all this while added with nothing but confirmation from those who held your heart that what other told you was somehow true.
Then why am I not rooting for Myungsoo? Simple because he wasted his chance. He could've runaway from his family even before the engagement yet he don't. He could've reject the option to marry Soojung (even runaway from the wedding is always an option) yet he didn't. He always had the chance to choose Suzy over everything else yet he hadn't. Even if he had been written as someone who loves her unconditionally; someone who is willing to sacrifice himself for her, it still didn't hide the fact that he is not courageous enough to pursue their forever.
If they said that Soojung and Sehun's love were selfish, then what were theirs? Myungsoo and Suzy also practiced that selfish love; a kind of selfish love which actually way worst than the one Soojung and Sehun had.
However, this is good for my not so "angsty lover" taste. I am thankful that you write this. Sorry for the long comments!
Markzy4ever #9
Chapter 35: Authornim I love you and your fics. I almost cried while reading this fic. Anyway I'm happy that it's a happy ending for hunzy