Of Gains and Losses

Seeking for Certainty
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Since that day at the doorsteps, Soojung’s married life has changed. He already started eating with her, and sometimes, he would cook for the two of them too. Furthermore, he had also gone back to sleeping on their bed and sharing a room with her. Whatever her sister planned for that night, she knew that it was a failure for it brought her nothing but the Myungsoo she desired to have.

A smile played on her lips as she watched him browse through his laptop while they were on their bed. He seemed to notice her stares because he then glanced at her and asked, “Why are you not sleeping yet?”

“Ah,” he then gasped. “Is the laptop too bright? Should I transfer somewhere else?”

“Ani,” Soojung gently shook her head. She then edged closer towards him and asked, “What are you doing?”

Myungsoo’s lips then lifted onto a bright smile as he showed her a website. Seeing the excitement in his face, Soojung sat up and looked at his screen. With a grin, Myungsoo then informed her, “I’m shopping for baby’s clothes.”

“Your cart’s full of boy’s clothes though,” Soojung noticed.

“Ahh,” Myungsoo sheepishly scratched the back of his neck and Soojung found herself back in that fateful night when she turned sixteen. It was the same simple gesture but she cannot help but still find it adorable. Shyly, Myungsoo asked, “Isn’t there anything we could do to make it a boy?”

“Of course, there’s none,” she replied with a chuckle.

“Ahh. That’s right,” he pouted.

If Soojung only had the courage, she would have kissed him by now.

But Myungsoo’s gaze on the screen softened as he said, “But it’d be wonderful too if it’s a girl. I bet she’d look beautiful.”

Then his eyes fell on her and Soojung could swear that she could melt under his loving gaze. Soojung could not find any words to say because she just wanted to prolong that moment in which his eyes were on hers and hers only. She waited long for this when his words were no longer cold but sounded like a serenade – when his presence wasn’t just in flesh but all of him. Everything made it seem like he already belongs to her.

Myungsoo’s chuckle then broke the silence they were in and he playfully ruffled her hair as he said, “Let’s just go to sleep. It’s not good for you to stay awake late.”

“Hmm,” she merely nodded.

He beamed again and Soojung wished for the nth time that his smiles for her would last forever.

 

 

“The cakes here look delectable,” Suzy mumbled to herself as she stared at the pastry glass display case of a famous café in Seoul. She her lower lip and whispered, “I’ll buy here next time.”

But as she stood up, she found a girl too familiar also looking at the display case; the woman then, felt her stares. When Soojung’s and Suzy’s gazes met, there was silence between the two of them but the tension was already gone. Suzy didn’t know much about the woman in front of her besides the fact that she’s Myungsoo’s wife and she genuinely loves him but when her gaze fell on Soojung’s protruded belly, a genuine smile slowly formed on Suzy’s lips.

Unexpectedly, Soojung politely bowed for a greeting and Suzy found her smile growing bigger as the innocent aura that Soojung gave made her feel that Myungsoo was in good hands. Suzy awkwardly waved her hand as she mumbled, “Hi.”

Soojung just smiled and Suzy adored the beauty of the girl.

“Buying?” she shortly asked.

“Hmmm,” Soojung nodded.

“There must be an occasion, right?” she asked again and she doesn’t even know why she was making their conversation longer.

But Soojung shook her head and with hesitation, she answered, “I… I’m on my way to his office and I’m planning to bring him something sweet.”

Suzy need not ask who Soojung was pertaining to because she simply knew. She was beginning to be consumed in a trance which was quickly halted when someone in the counter shouted her name with the coffee she ordered in his hands. Soojung watched as Suzy took her coffee and she was expecting the girl to leave right away after hearing her words.

“Buy something chocolate,” Suzy suddenly said. With a smile, she added, “I’m sure he’d love it… and it would be extra special because you got it for him.”

It was now Suzy’s turn to bow in courtesy as she bid farewell. As she exited the shop, she could hear Soojung’s faint voice ordering for a chocolate tiramisu meltdown cake. Suzy then looked back. She watched as Soojung caressed her belly with a contented smile on her lips as she excitedly waited for her order. Then for the second time, a thoughtful and genuine smile spread on Suzy’s lips.

 

 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Our beloved Sehunnie, happy birthday to you!”

Bora, Key, Jia, Howon, and Suzy clapped and sang before Sehun blew his candles. Afterwards, they clapped again and proceeded on handing him his gifts. Bora gave him complete episodes of America’s Next Top Model which also featured male models and everyone teased Bora about being so stingy but the girl insisted that it was the thought that counted. Jia gave him perfume which everyone expected because the girl would always buy perfume as a present. Howon gave him shoes while Key gave him a set of hair dye, being reminded of how his hair looked on their first meeting.

“Why are you all staring at me?” Suzy asked.

“Where’s your gift?” Key asked.

“I… I was the one who bought the cake!” Suzy argued. “Isn’t that a gift already?”

“See? It’s her who’s stingy!” Bora pointed at Suzy while defending herself.

“How did I become stingy? I also spent some money on that cake. That’s quite expensive already,” Suzy retorted but others just frowned and shook their heads in disapproval. She was about to argue more but Sehun spoke.

“Ani. It’s okay. I was not expecting anything anyways,” he smiled but Suzy could swear that there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes. However, his small party continued as they played games and ate the cake. To everyone’s dismay, Suzy forbid alcohol because they still had work tomorrow but they still parted ways with genuine smiles and everyone wished Sehun a happy birthday once more.

As they walked towards the train station, Sehun nudged Suzy and asked, “Yah. You really didn’t buy a gift, did you?”

“What happened with ‘I was not expecting anything anyways’?” Suzy asked back as she made face.

“I just did that so that you wouldn’t get caught up with the situation,” Sehun replied. He then held out his palm as he said, “But where’s my gift?”

“It’s not yet done,” she mumbled.

“Not yet done? Are you preparing something hand-made?” Sehun questioned with a grin.

Trying to get away from what she said, “Forget it. I’d just make it up to you on your next birthday, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay,” Sehun shook his head and blocked her path as he held out his palm once more and demanded, “Gift.”

Suzy then slapped his hand and said, “Fine. What do you want? Let’s just buy on our way.”

But when Suzy started walking once more, she noticed how Sehun didn’t follow so she looked back at him and Sehun finally replied, “Can… you grant me a wish instead?”

“Okay. What’s your wish?” Suzy asked without giving it much thought.

There was a long silence and she noticed how Sehun suddenly became nervous, taking small careful steps towards h

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[Seeking for Certainty 01/01/16] UPDATED

Comments

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gyuhyeon #1
Chapter 34: 2021 and I'm here to bawl my eyes out. Thank youuu
gyuhyeon #2
Back to this story after years, I'm so sad so many beautiful stories about suzy are deleted :(((
Markzy4ever #3
TashiLhamo129 #4
Chapter 35: Jaka nim, thank you so much for this story. I loved it so much and I have never felt such emotions for a long time...U made me realise how important it is to love yet that love must be pure and certain. Seeking for certainty is such a powerful love story and I learned that life will always throw u back and forth, you just need to be certain of who u meet and who to trust. But first of all, you gotta trust yourself and believe in ur innate strength that no matter what, u can stand up on ur own. Thank you once again. ?❣️??
Washingtowndc
#5
Chapter 35: Taehyung, despite his parents state, i mean his father's gone and his mom is psychologically ill and barely remember him, he is still the sweetest and full of love for his parents omg i hope he grow well :") *sobs* haha thanks author for this great story
arnicutie #6
Chapter 35: I can hear my heart breaking..this is a superb story..I just wish that Myungsoo did not die and find his own happiness that was deprived from him..whether with Suzy or with someone else..but kudos to you..i hope to read more stories from you..
Exozy_88
#7
Chapter 35: Can't stop Crying !! Oh ghoooood :(((
lucidhoney10
#8
Chapter 35: Okay first I'm not really into angst and I loved the fact that you aren't ending this in the most tragic way.
Confession, I am more rooting for Sehun and Suzy than Myungsoo and Suzy. Okay, I probably the minority here but I have my own reason for rooting on Hunzy.
Yes, sehun and suzy started the wrong way. Sehun started it wrong. He court her not because he loved her, it's started with a kind of dumb revenge which shouldn't be existed. So why do I still am rooting for them even between all of the lies? Because Sehun is courageous enough to choose Suzy over anyone else. Call it selfish, but I think it was form of courage. The only coward thing he did after fully realising his feeling towards her was that he didn't let Suzy know the true story before Soojung did. If only he is brave enough to spill the bean, perhaps Suzy will be a bit less hurted. After all, knowing the truth from the one you love will be a lot better than to have another tell you how you actually had been toyed all this while added with nothing but confirmation from those who held your heart that what other told you was somehow true.
Then why am I not rooting for Myungsoo? Simple because he wasted his chance. He could've runaway from his family even before the engagement yet he don't. He could've reject the option to marry Soojung (even runaway from the wedding is always an option) yet he didn't. He always had the chance to choose Suzy over everything else yet he hadn't. Even if he had been written as someone who loves her unconditionally; someone who is willing to sacrifice himself for her, it still didn't hide the fact that he is not courageous enough to pursue their forever.
If they said that Soojung and Sehun's love were selfish, then what were theirs? Myungsoo and Suzy also practiced that selfish love; a kind of selfish love which actually way worst than the one Soojung and Sehun had.
However, this is good for my not so "angsty lover" taste. I am thankful that you write this. Sorry for the long comments!
Markzy4ever #9
Chapter 35: Authornim I love you and your fics. I almost cried while reading this fic. Anyway I'm happy that it's a happy ending for hunzy