Of Gains and Losses
Seeking for CertaintySince that day at the doorsteps, Soojung’s married life has changed. He already started eating with her, and sometimes, he would cook for the two of them too. Furthermore, he had also gone back to sleeping on their bed and sharing a room with her. Whatever her sister planned for that night, she knew that it was a failure for it brought her nothing but the Myungsoo she desired to have.
A smile played on her lips as she watched him browse through his laptop while they were on their bed. He seemed to notice her stares because he then glanced at her and asked, “Why are you not sleeping yet?”
“Ah,” he then gasped. “Is the laptop too bright? Should I transfer somewhere else?”
“Ani,” Soojung gently shook her head. She then edged closer towards him and asked, “What are you doing?”
Myungsoo’s lips then lifted onto a bright smile as he showed her a website. Seeing the excitement in his face, Soojung sat up and looked at his screen. With a grin, Myungsoo then informed her, “I’m shopping for baby’s clothes.”
“Your cart’s full of boy’s clothes though,” Soojung noticed.
“Ahh,” Myungsoo sheepishly scratched the back of his neck and Soojung found herself back in that fateful night when she turned sixteen. It was the same simple gesture but she cannot help but still find it adorable. Shyly, Myungsoo asked, “Isn’t there anything we could do to make it a boy?”
“Of course, there’s none,” she replied with a chuckle.
“Ahh. That’s right,” he pouted.
If Soojung only had the courage, she would have kissed him by now.
But Myungsoo’s gaze on the screen softened as he said, “But it’d be wonderful too if it’s a girl. I bet she’d look beautiful.”
Then his eyes fell on her and Soojung could swear that she could melt under his loving gaze. Soojung could not find any words to say because she just wanted to prolong that moment in which his eyes were on hers and hers only. She waited long for this when his words were no longer cold but sounded like a serenade – when his presence wasn’t just in flesh but all of him. Everything made it seem like he already belongs to her.
Myungsoo’s chuckle then broke the silence they were in and he playfully ruffled her hair as he said, “Let’s just go to sleep. It’s not good for you to stay awake late.”
“Hmm,” she merely nodded.
He beamed again and Soojung wished for the nth time that his smiles for her would last forever.
“The cakes here look delectable,” Suzy mumbled to herself as she stared at the pastry glass display case of a famous café in Seoul. She her lower lip and whispered, “I’ll buy here next time.”
But as she stood up, she found a girl too familiar also looking at the display case; the woman then, felt her stares. When Soojung’s and Suzy’s gazes met, there was silence between the two of them but the tension was already gone. Suzy didn’t know much about the woman in front of her besides the fact that she’s Myungsoo’s wife and she genuinely loves him but when her gaze fell on Soojung’s protruded belly, a genuine smile slowly formed on Suzy’s lips.
Unexpectedly, Soojung politely bowed for a greeting and Suzy found her smile growing bigger as the innocent aura that Soojung gave made her feel that Myungsoo was in good hands. Suzy awkwardly waved her hand as she mumbled, “Hi.”
Soojung just smiled and Suzy adored the beauty of the girl.
“Buying?” she shortly asked.
“Hmmm,” Soojung nodded.
“There must be an occasion, right?” she asked again and she doesn’t even know why she was making their conversation longer.
But Soojung shook her head and with hesitation, she answered, “I… I’m on my way to his office and I’m planning to bring him something sweet.”
Suzy need not ask who Soojung was pertaining to because she simply knew. She was beginning to be consumed in a trance which was quickly halted when someone in the counter shouted her name with the coffee she ordered in his hands. Soojung watched as Suzy took her coffee and she was expecting the girl to leave right away after hearing her words.
“Buy something chocolate,” Suzy suddenly said. With a smile, she added, “I’m sure he’d love it… and it would be extra special because you got it for him.”
It was now Suzy’s turn to bow in courtesy as she bid farewell. As she exited the shop, she could hear Soojung’s faint voice ordering for a chocolate tiramisu meltdown cake. Suzy then looked back. She watched as Soojung caressed her belly with a contented smile on her lips as she excitedly waited for her order. Then for the second time, a thoughtful and genuine smile spread on Suzy’s lips.
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Our beloved Sehunnie, happy birthday to you!”
Bora, Key, Jia, Howon, and Suzy clapped and sang before Sehun blew his candles. Afterwards, they clapped again and proceeded on handing him his gifts. Bora gave him complete episodes of America’s Next Top Model which also featured male models and everyone teased Bora about being so stingy but the girl insisted that it was the thought that counted. Jia gave him perfume which everyone expected because the girl would always buy perfume as a present. Howon gave him shoes while Key gave him a set of hair dye, being reminded of how his hair looked on their first meeting.
“Why are you all staring at me?” Suzy asked.
“Where’s your gift?” Key asked.
“I… I was the one who bought the cake!” Suzy argued. “Isn’t that a gift already?”
“See? It’s her who’s stingy!” Bora pointed at Suzy while defending herself.
“How did I become stingy? I also spent some money on that cake. That’s quite expensive already,” Suzy retorted but others just frowned and shook their heads in disapproval. She was about to argue more but Sehun spoke.
“Ani. It’s okay. I was not expecting anything anyways,” he smiled but Suzy could swear that there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes. However, his small party continued as they played games and ate the cake. To everyone’s dismay, Suzy forbid alcohol because they still had work tomorrow but they still parted ways with genuine smiles and everyone wished Sehun a happy birthday once more.
As they walked towards the train station, Sehun nudged Suzy and asked, “Yah. You really didn’t buy a gift, did you?”
“What happened with ‘I was not expecting anything anyways’?” Suzy asked back as she made face.
“I just did that so that you wouldn’t get caught up with the situation,” Sehun replied. He then held out his palm as he said, “But where’s my gift?”
“It’s not yet done,” she mumbled.
“Not yet done? Are you preparing something hand-made?” Sehun questioned with a grin.
Trying to get away from what she said, “Forget it. I’d just make it up to you on your next birthday, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay,” Sehun shook his head and blocked her path as he held out his palm once more and demanded, “Gift.”
Suzy then slapped his hand and said, “Fine. What do you want? Let’s just buy on our way.”
But when Suzy started walking once more, she noticed how Sehun didn’t follow so she looked back at him and Sehun finally replied, “Can… you grant me a wish instead?”
“Okay. What’s your wish?” Suzy asked without giving it much thought.
There was a long silence and she noticed how Sehun suddenly became nervous, taking small careful steps towards h
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