Dara was thinking that she was born in the wrong period or maybe even on the wrong planet. Not living in the life in full alignment with her truth. Because if she was, she would be somewhere else. World feels suffocating like she was consistently stop breathing. The place is where she doesn’t want to be anymore. Pain, guilt and bad memories tightening her chest and that is why she’s afraid that maybe sooner or later she might faint.

But thank god, she felt something warm pulling her out from her whirl wind like mind.

Dara look at that thing that’s suddenly gives her warmth and she found out that Jiyong put his coat over her shoulder. “I’m not sure of the reason why you don’t want to be here but by just looking into your face… you look scared.” He said while looking down at her, his right arm was wrapping around her shoulder and his eyes looking at her are so warm but it didn’t help what she feels at the moment.

“Ohayo Guzaimasu.” One of the crew OF Kozue greeted them. “How may I help you Sir, Ma’am?” he asked urbanely. Jiyong nodded at him. “We have reservations here.” He tactfully answered.

“Under what name Sir?”

“Kwon.”

The crew smiled. “This way Mr. Kwon.” He gestured his hand letting Jiyong and Dara to have their way. But Dara hesitate to step forward, even her feet don’t want to be there either. She wanted to run away, she wanted to leave, she doesn’t want to see that person anymore.

“Dara…” Jiyong called her name with a warning tone. “Get along.” He said and before Dara refused, Jiyong already pushed her back with his hand that was wrapping to her shoulder a moment ago.

Dara can’t do anything but complied. The fact that she doesn’t want to make a scene in that place was the one stopping her to talk back at him or run away from there right now. The crew left after getting their meals, ordering six Japanese courses with assorted sashimi. Their table was located near the transparent glass walls where you can perch on a view from the fortieth floor of the building. And that is the essence of coming up on the top floor. For you to see the west part of the city from there and it was breathtaking. It is very stunning to see the huge view of the city that glimmers with street lamps and car lights, looking like stars from the night sky in the distance. A very beautiful setting to indulge wholeheartedly, except for Sandara Park who was still in her high level of anxiety. She can’t stop herself worrying. She doesn’t want to be seen, she doesn’t want to be there.

“So what can you say?” Jiyong asked but she was too busy to torment herself to answer. Her lips won’t move and either her brain won’t function.

After a minute their meal was served to their table. Jiyong started eating while Dara was surprisingly had lost her appetite.

Jiyong sighed while looking at her. “You really don’t want to eat?” he asked, and looks like his patient is going to abandon him any sooner. “Tell me, what’s your problem?” He entailed.

“I don’t think I can eat.” Dara said almost whisper, head was low, hair falling to cover the sides of her face.

“You should eat.” Jiyong said before he drinks his wine.

“I’m not hungry.” She replied.

Jiyong tightened his grip on his glass of wine as he put it back to its place. “Okay fine.” He uttered with a hard tone in his voice. Dara looked up and saw him wiping his lips with a napkin. “Let’s go now. I don’t think I’ll enjoy eating with you here.” He said, disgusted. He dropped the napkin on the top of the table and stood up. Dara startled at his sudden action. He's angry. She quickly followed him as he strides away until they reached the front door of the elevator. She somehow felt relieved that their leaving but at the same time she’s worried that his angry.

Jiyong pressed the down button and waited for the elevator to go up. Dara guiltily placed herself beside him and sheepishly mumbled. “I’m sorry.” But Jiyong didn’t budge, his angry and she felt guilty. She just realized that his doing this because of what happened during lunch time. That he wants to make it up to her because maybe he felt she was disappointed that he didn’t get a chance to eat with her on lunch time a while ago.

When the elevator dinged and slowly opened, Dara inhaled a sharp breath when a pair of eyes locked on her. Her body froze and it feels like time has stopped. Shocked envelopes her with fear, the moment she has been avoiding for years is now here, already happening and she doesn’t know how to face it for she was not ready for it ever since. It’s like a bad dream haunting her right now.

“Mr. Kim.” Jiyong mentioned the name and tears suddenly threatening to fall out of Dara’s eyes after hearing it.

The guy shifted his eyes to Jiyong and nodded. He stepped out from the elevator and his oozing intimidating aura automatically spread all over the place, making it felt cold. It’s like he can stop the time with his presence. All the crews behind bowed their heads to welcome him.

“Mr. Kwon, it’s nice to see you here.” He said in business-like tone while he offered a shake of hand at Jiyong. He knows Kwon Jiyong.

“We just have our dinner here.” Jiyong replied with full respect.

“Oh really? With whom?” Mr. Kim asked.

“Well…with her--” Jiyong glance at Dara from his side but he was surprised that she was not there anymore. He turned around and found her hiding behind him. “What are doing there?” Jiyong hold her arm and he winced as he felt that her skin was cold as ice. He furrowed his eyes at her as he put her back beside him. “I’m with her….Ms. Sandara Park.” Jiyong introduced, returning in conversation, while also worried how Dara’s skin felt cold against his palm a while ago.

Mr. Kim raised his right eyebrow. “And she’s your…?”

There’s a second of paused before Jiyong answered. “Secretary.” he lied. The intimidating guy nodded in response with a small smile on his face. “Having dinner with your Secretary now Mr. Kwon?” his voice sounds suspicious and for the first time Jiyong can’t open his mouth to defend himself. Having dinner with your secretary at this kind of place is really un-defensive. Mr. Kim chuckled when Jiyong has no words to say about it. “Anyways, Nice meeting you Ms. Park.” He said shifting his eyes on Dara and the sound of his voice is so deafening for her, it gives chills throughout her body.

“I’m Kim Jaejoong.” He introduced himself, extending his right arm for a shake in front of her but Dara didn’t move. She was just staring at him in perplexity. Frozen in her spot and confused about the guy she has known for years acting like they just met for the first time. But who is she to complain about it anyway, it is her fault after all. Why it turned out like this.

“Dara.” Jiyong called her name to get her attention. He finally noticed Dara’s uncomfortable situation. Seeing her pale face while looking at the guy in front of them gives him a hint that there’s something she's struggling about.

Jiyong cleared his throat before he spoke. “Mr. Kim, I think we need to go now.” he said, and he had no idea how thankful Dara was for saving her from that freezing state. Because that sarcastic small smile on Jaejoong’s lips was causing her pain, a pain from the tight feeling round her chest, like her heart is sagging down into an empty frosty pit of darkens. What Dara felt before is coming back like a rolling thunder chasing the wind.

Jaejoong nodded and then finally put down his right hand after Dara didn’t take it for a shake. “Okay. I hope to see you gain Mr. Kwon.” He uttered and glanced back at Dara. “You too……….Dara.” The tone of his voice gives shivers down to Dara’s spine, because the way her name came out from his mouth was disclosing something deep that is like an icy wind that will whipped out your flesh.

***.

The drive was quiet but there’s a teetering emotion coming from the girl besides Kwon Jiyong. After they left Kozue, she never talked. He glanced at her, and she was spacing out while wearing a pale despairing, wistful face of hers. Her head was tilted resting against the window and her plaintive and rueful eyes are focus ahead. Which scared Jiyong, so he tried to talk to her before she faint on her seat. “Do you want something to eat?” he soothingly asked but he didn’t receive an answer. He wondered if she even heard him talked. “You didn’t eat anything. Remember you’re pregnant you need to eat even if you don’t want to. You need to feed the baby inside you or else…”

“..or else he’ll die….or us both” She continued his sentence in a low voice which stunned Jiyong. Then after, a moment of silence casted them and in that moment both are disturbed by their own reveries.

They arrived at Nonagon after fifteen minutes, and a bunch of food welcomed them at the kitchen. Dara glanced at Jiyong behind her.

“I texted Seungri to deliver food in here and of course your shopping bags.” He said while walking towards the fridge. “You should eat before you go to sleep. Here, drink this.” He gave her a glass of milk and she gladly and quietly accepted it. She sat at the bar stool and put the glass of milk in the table. “Drink it. It’s not for display.” He sternly said.

Dara thinned her lips, she was not in the mood to eat or to put anything inside right now because she was too weak for that.

Jiyong pushed a plate in front of her. Though the baked salmon look delicious it’s not enough to bring back her appetite. Jiyong groaned and glared at her. “Don’t just stare at it Dara. Eat it.” He impatiently said.

“I don’t think I can swallow anything right now.” she weakly muttered. “I just want to go to bed.”

“You’re not going to bed unless you eat.”

“Jiyong please.” She beg looking straight into his eyes. Jiyong shut his eyes in frustration, can’t take what she looks like in the moment. Her upper eyelids are already dropping, her lips are dry, and she was still pale.

“Dara look at yourself. You didn’t eat anything and I think you’re going to faint at any moment and it’s scaring me.”

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay! And whatever the reason is, I don’t care about it. I just need you to eat and make yourself better!” his voice unexpectedly rose. He just lost his patience. “Now eat.” He sharply said. “I’m not asking you to do it for me. Do it for the baby.”

Dara sighed realizing that what she actually feels is affecting the life inside her also. So she unwantedly took the glass of milk in front of her and drinks it. She forced herself to gulp the liquid and it felt like it wanted to go out from already.

“Eat at least half of this.” Jiyong pointed at the salmon that was waiting to be eaten in the plate. Dara took a one whole minute before she complied and started to eat. And every food she was swallowing is a torture for it was like a broken glass that was cutting up down to . It hurts her so much to see the guy she used to love before but what hurts her the most was the fact that it is her fault why she was hurt right now. Why he was acting he didn’t know her. Why he’s acting their past never even happened. It is her fault why they turned out like this, like strangers after everything take place between them years ago. The guilt is still haunting her and feels like forever.

Then suddenly, Dara felt someone wiping her cheek. She look up and found out Jiyong was wiping her tears with his thumb. She didn’t know she was crying. She was lost on her thoughts that she didn’t notice that her tears were already streaming down her cheeks.

“Do you know him?” Jiyong finally asked. He can’t hold it anymore because he wanted to know. “Kim Jaejoong? Do you know him?”

Dara nodded while his hand was still in her face that somehow soothes her. It’s warm. “Tell me.” He said.

Dara looked down and started fidgeting her fingers. “Jaejoong is my ex-boyfriend.”

His eyes blinked at her. “I see.” He uttered putting down his hand to the table and listen to her.

“It was during high school. I was a freshman back then and he was in his third year. I met him at the library asking him where to find some history book that I needed and he lead me the way.” Dara smiled at the memory. “And I already like him that time because he’s a gentleman. He picked up the book for me and helps me with my history report. He’s smart. We became friends but our friendship didn’t last long.”

Jiyong tilted his head in perplexed, he wants to ask ‘why’ but he refrained himself and let her say whatever she wanted to say.

Dara glanced at Jiyong and he seems waiting. This is the first time she’ll going to tell her love story ever. And she can’t believe that the person who was going to hear it first was the person she loves at the present. She smiles at the thought. Jiyong raised his eyebrow at her, totally lost about the different kinds of expression Dara was giving him. She was crying then a moment later she was smiling. Jiyong continued staring at her in puzzled but Dara brush it away and went on in her story.

“Our friendship didn’t last long because before my freshman year ends, we took the next level of our relationship. And….We are crazy……crazy about each other, Iike we’re always together, together.” Dara looked at her hands. “I actually didn’t get a chance to have friends because I’m always with him all the time. Because all I know is him. Because him alone make me feel that I am alive. He’s all I have since my father was always not around. You know my story about my father right?” Dara looked up again at Jiyong and he nodded in response. A realization then hit her that the only person who actually knows about her story is this guy in front of her. Kwon Jiyong. It’s funny that he’s the only person she felt comfortable with to talk about her miserable past. Now she was telling him her worst untold love story.

“Jaejoong gave everything to me, the love and care that I miss to receive since I was a child. I felt it with him that's why he became my everything. I feel complete with him and that is what I am to him as well. Having each other is what we live for.”

“Wow.” Jiyong quietly said, stunned on her words. He didn’t expect that other than having a terrible life with her father she still has this kind of hidden story behind those eyes. “You look happy with him back then. I’m curious what happen that his acting like he doesn’t know you a while ago.” He honestly said. Dara giggled, it somehow makes her giddy that Jiyong is interested in that part of her life. “Well, our relationship didn’t last long…..because my father found out.”

Jiyong furrowed. “You hide your relationship with Jeajoong to your father?”

“Yes.”

“For what reason?”

Dara paused for a moment and she grips the hem of her shirt. “Because I know my father won’t accept him.”

Jiyong tilted his head. "Huh? I thought your father would love to have a rich son in law."

“It’s true but Jaejoong doesn’t have a life he has now before that’s why my father thinks he’s useless. That having a relationship with him was pointless.” Dara explained. “You know my father, he doesn’t like people who has nothing to contribute to his wealth. So he was against us. And the toughest part was, Jaejoong tried to fight for what we have…..Love. He fought for it, he endured everything my father did to him but unfortunately it didn’t last long…..” Dara hang her head low once again as she spoke. “….and it is because of me.” She bit her lip suppressing the tears to fall. “It was hard to move forward when someone blocking your way. So I left him even if he’s the man I wanted to spend my life with. I left him because I don’t want to see him having a hard time, because I know myself that no matter what happens we can’t win my father. It will just make everything worst if we fight for what we have. It will just ruin his life, will ruin him. So I ended it, thinking it’s the best way I can do for him. But I think he sees the sacrifice I did for him differently…. that’s why he hates me now.”

Jiyong straightened his back and blew a breath. He took a moment to think before he speaks “I know how it feels.” He uttered, relating himself to the situation that Jaejoong have been through. “It’s hard being left behind when all you do is being there for the one you love. It’s hard and it’s painful. But all you can do is let the pain to take over you because restraining it will be the cause of losing your mind or worst….. your death.” Dara balled her fist while listening to Jiyong who sounds like his talking in behalf of Jaejoong right now. “That’s why you can’t blame him why he acted that way. You left him hanging before, you left him when he’s willing to give you everything, you left him when he was ready to sacrifice everything. Imagine how hard it is for him to wake up one day that the person he decided to give his whole life with left him nothing but pain and broken heart.” Dara bit her inner lip to keep from crying out. Conscience is streaming down her veins, giving her hard time to breathe. “But I know what you feel too.” He said to console her. Then he held her hand with his, and caressed it with his thumb. Dara then stiffened, that was unexpected. “You left him for his own good. You left him because you loved him so much that you don’t want to ruin him.” Dara looked up to him with her wet eyes. “I actually admire you for letting him go no matter how much you love him….because letting go the one you love is much harder than the feeling of being left behind.” He said as he wince because of the pain occurred on his chest. Dara notice it so she removed her hand below his hand and put it above his and caressed it too. Returning the comfort he gave him a while ago. She can now see why Jiyong was talking like this. It is because he knows well the feeling of how painful it was to be left behind and how hard it is to let go. She somehow felt sorry for him that he experienced those worst feeling that a human can have in one same moment of his life.  His eyes are full of sadness locked with her eyes which is deep of conscience and regrets. They stare at each other for a while, both absorbing the feeling of their broken hearts. The only difference is Jiyong is dealing with the pain that is hard to let go until now while Dara was dealing with the pain that suddenly comes back after a long time.

Dara sighed, then her eyes landed to their hands holding each other. Comforting each other. She somehow wishes to stop the time. She wanted it that way longer, so longer, or even so much longer. Guilt might stab her later but she wants to refuse to talk about her problem with Jaejoong right now because it hurts. She just want a moment with the guy she currently love but if Jaejoong topic will keep them stay like this, talking and holding each other hands for a while. She’ll take the pain.

“How do you know Jaejoong by the way?” Dara asked trying to make their conversation longer as she wants to stay like that forever. Holding each other’s hands.

“We took same course during college. We sometimes have the same class but we’re not that close.” He answered.

“Why?” she asked.

“Like you, I’m too busy falling in love that I already forgot to make friends.”

Dara smiled but he doesn’t or his face is just naturally impressively unresponsive but as usual she doesn’t care much! As long as their hands are still together.

“Do you think Jaejoong hates me?” Dara hopes he’ll not notice how she was trying to make it longer to talk to him with these slightly random questions she was throwing.

“Maybe.” Dara watched him talked. “There’s a reason why he’s acting like that.” He answered.

She nodded. “You’re right. Jaejoong don’t’ think I left him because I loved him. He thought I left because I don’t love him enough for giving him up.”

“His just waiting for you to speak out. He needs your words Dara. Just like how badly I need Bom’s words before. Girls should know that guys also need reasons and they also need to hear it.”

“You think…..talking to him will make everything okay?”

“All I know that talking and letting out what you really feels help a lot. It will fix everything or it will finish everything.”

“I want to fix everything.” Dara mumbled as she stared at him. She doesn’t mean to fix everything about her and Jaejoong. She meant about them. She wants to say to him what she really feels and fix everything between her and Jiyong but it’s too hard to do when he don’t want what she wants to happen.

“Talk to him.” He said unknowingly. “If you want to fix it with him, say what you really feel.” Dara somehow felt disappointed on his answer. He doesn’t look affected by the thing that she wanted to fix something with Jaejoong. She actually wants to see at least a little jealousy at him right now. But it doesn’t even show and it upset her.

“What if he doesn’t want to fix it? What if he wants to finish it?” Dara said quietly as the pain stink inside his heart because that question is not for Jaejoong but for him.

“At least something happened.” He said. “If you don’t take the risk to fix it what do you think could have happen?” he looked straight to her eyes and Dara does the same. “Nothing. What you wanted to say will be buried until your death and regret will hunt you everyday of your life.”

“Is this the reason why you’re always honest? Even if it will hurt someone?” Dara thought of how open Jiyong was about his not liking of having her pregnant and all.

“Is this about me or you?” Jiyong cocked his head while looking at her in furrowed eyes.

Dara looked away and she can’t believe herself that she’s the one who’s going to be the first one to remove her hands against him. She stood up and cleared . “I’m going to bed now.” she said and left him in the kitchen.

Dara was scared.

Scared that when she tells him what she feels about him it will finish everything.

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YES IM BACK! Sorry for waiting for this chap so long.

Urgh I hope it's still worth it. And yes this story is all about pain.

HEHEHEHE so hope you guys deal with it. ^_*

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