The hand around my wrist tightened. “Kris? Is everything alright?” I asked the man beside me concerned. He seemed to snap out of whichever trance he was in and let go of my hand. “Yeah everything is fine.”  He forced a smile on his face. I looked questioningly at Luhan who again showed a knowing smile. As always I was left confused. They both could understand each other blindly but what about me?

I sighed, my appetite lost. I started picking at my food. I didn’t know why it bothered me that they could understand each other even if they didn’t utter a word. I guess I was just jealous, jealous that I never had such a bond. I had never someone who could understand me even if I didn’t say a word. No one was there to catch me when I fell, whenever I fell, I hit the ground hard and had to get on my feet by myself. Yet Kris seemed to have so many people around him that showed him how to love, how to trust people, yeah, I knew that he hadn’t have the brightest past but who could help me?

The mood for a ‘romantic’ movie night was ruined. I just wanted to crawl back in my bed and sleep. “I’m full.” I said while standing up and leaving without looking back. I didn’t want to have this foul mood. I didn’t want to go back to my shell that didn’t allow anyone to approach me. But I just couldn’t help it. There was always this feeling of not belonging anywhere, not being accepted and it hurt.

I shut the door behind me and made my way to the balcony. I needed air. I needed to breathe freely. My thoughts suffocated me. I took in a cold breeze, feeling how my mind and nerves started to calm down. I stood there in silence, looking at the wide horizon. ‘Hey mum, dad. What should I do? I feel lonely. I didn’t know that I could feel like this, you know? I was always alone, well not that alone but I guess you know what I mean. I feel helpless you know, I’m afraid. I’m afraid to be left alone again. I really learned to love this people around the house. But what if I’m not worthy enough to be loved? What if they have enough of me and leave me? Mum, dad it would break my heart.’ I could feel a lonely tear making its way down my cheek.

“Nara?” I heard Kris’ voice calling me. I quickly wiped the tear away and took a deep breath to regain my composure. “I’m at the balcony.” I shouted back. Some seconds I’m joined by Kris. Silence engulfed us but I didn’t mind, it was better than talking at that moment.

But I should have known that Kris didn’t share my opinion. “What’s wrong?” He silently whispered beside me. It sent shiver down my spine. “Nothing” I forced a smile on my tired face. “Don’t lie.” He faced me with a stern expression. I sighed. “I’ve been just thinking a lot, nothing to worry about.” It was a lie. I wanted someone to worry, worry about me. “What were you thinking about? I do worry since you left so suddenly without a word.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil the mood. I really looked forward to watching a movie with you but somehow my mood turned sour.” “Please just talk with me. I want to understand you. You have so many mood swings, it’s like being on a rollercoaster.” I furrowed my eyebrows. Was it really that bad? Did I make it hard for people to stay by my side? Insecurities started to eat me up again when I suddenly felt a hand grabbing mine. Startled I looked up at Kris who wore a small smile. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s always fun to be around you, you’re interesting and I like getting to know each site of you." The words made my heart jump wildly, a small blush crept on my cheeks. “Thank you.” I silently mumbled. When my hand was squeezed briefly I knew that the words were heard.

“Say, to you like Luhan?” Confused I glanced at Kris beside me. “Yeah I like him, he is somewhat like a brother I guess? Or a creepy friend.” I had to smile. “I see.” Somehow I got the feeling that he didn’t mean like as just a friend but more likely to be in love with Luhan. “I’m not in love with him, if that’s what you are wondering about.” “Hmm.” He hummed in acknowledgement. “But why are you so shy around him suddenly?” My cheeks were tinted red again. “That’s… I.. I saw him and Sehun kissing and I don’t know I thought I saw something that I shouldn’t have.” He looked at me with surprise written on his face. “Well, I don’t know why they haven’t told you that they are together to be honest. I think they are, or at least Luhan, afraid that you would reject him for whom he is. I reassured him that you don’t mind same relationships but he just didn’t want to lose you so he told us all to keep it a secret. You know, he really came to like you. He is usually quite uptight when he meets people for the first time. I think you know what I mean. He doesn’t want to show weakness but that’s just normal with his past. So just talk to him and don’t reject him. He would blame him for a long time.”

It made me kind of sad to hear that. I would never abandon Luhan just because he loves a guy, on top of that when it’s Sehun one of the sweetest person I got to know. I wanted Luhan to be able to tell me everything, though it might have been a bit selfish since I didn’t even talk about myself much.

“I would never reject him. He is a dear friend. I don’t want to let him go.” “I know that but you have to tell it Luhan as well or else he will be all whiny and we all have to deal with it.” A chuckle escaped Kris after saying these words.

It was weird, just minutes ago I had felt awful but Kris could lift my spirit in such a small time. “Thanks, I really needed to hear this.” I smiled gratefully, a real smile. “No problem. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. There is also so many other people around the house you can go to, everyone came to like you so much. You just have to see that you are not alone.”

Before I could control it tears were streaming down my cheeks. Why did he know what words I wanted to hear so badly? I could feel fingers brushing my cheeks while tears were wiped away and seconds later I was engulfed in warmth, strong arms tightly holding me in a comforting hug. It was great. It was warm. I wished I could stay like that forever.

‘Hey mum, dad, this man might have taken the wrong option to bring me to him but I’m happy that he took me away. I’m happy that he showed me how to love so can you please be happy for me?’

I thought while my hands slung around Kris’ waist and I tightly grabbed the fabric of his shirt.

Finally an update. I'm really sorry that it took me that long but a lot is going on in my life.

I hope you understand. Oh and I also hope you like this chapter ^^

Thank you so much to everyone who supports this story you don't know how much it means to me.

I love you all <3