http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hBTRfCbBkQ&feature=related

---------------

You looked out the window. The meadow was filled with green grasses and bright coloured flowers. You were far away from Gongchan. Though you were forced to, you had to do this to get better. You couldn't walk nor speak due to the strong treatment. You rolled your wheelchair and headed to a room. A little girl with two ponytails smiled at your presence.

"Unnie~!" She sang.

You gave a warm smile as she sat down on your lap.

"How are you today, unnie?" She asked.

You nodded as if you're telling her that you're fine. She played with the doll. She took one male doll and pretended that she was the female one.

"Unnie, have you experienced first love?" She looked at you with her puppy eyes.

Your heart stopped at that question, you wanted to say yes, but your lips won't budge. You nodded.

She grew excited, "What's his name!"

*Gongchan.* You gulped. You hated yourself for not being able to say his name. Luckily, the girl took a notebook and a mini bunny pencil and handed it to you, "Write his name." You wrote down slowly. Your eyes were teary. You added a little note below his name. It said: He is first and my last love.

The girl stared in awed. You pinched her cheeks, trying hard not to cry in front of an innocent kid. She yawned and you patted her til she fell sleep. You rolled the wheelchair back to your room and reached for your phone. You scrolled the contacts until you saw Kikwang's name.  You pressed onto the message button. It's been 2 years since you had touched your phone.

To: Kikwang oppa ^-^
From: ~~~~~~~

Oppa, how are you? Did you tell mum about me? If you are thinking why I didn't contact you for 2 years, blame the treatment. I bet you'll be shocked if you see me in this state. Don't worry, I'll be able to walk and speak in 2 months time. Oppa, you know I miss you and Mum and.. Gongchan, right? I'll see you soon.

Love,

Your silly dongsaeng.

Kikwang teared up reading that message you sent him. He wanted to teleport to where you are with Gongchan. Let you hugged him till you are able to speak. 2 months. It's long. Gongchan hadn't been speaking for 2 years ever since you left him with a little white lie. The whole gang was silent and awkward whenever they see each other. It's always been you who connected them and taught them what's life.

You sobbed a little. You couldn't wait to get out of this mini clinic at this pleasant countryside and run to Gongchan. Pulling him into a tight embrace. *It kills me, when I'm not with you.*

-------------------