Pilsook's POV

 

"All you need to do is become diligent. Okay?" the professor said assuring me that it is possible to lose 30kg in just 200 days. I look at her full of hope. This is it! My chance to change Jason's answer.

 

"Become more diligent..", I repeat trying to engrave it into my brains.

 

"First, diligently follow the diet plan I come up with for you", she said explaining.

 

I suddenly felt nervous but I make sure to take down notes as we get into details. 

 

"Eat breakfast like a queen, have lunch like a peasant, and dine like a beggar"

 

I gulp just imagining it, I feel like I'm already starving. Can I do it? No!! I must do it. I circle down my notes and put a must-do written in red beside the circle.

 

We then went to the exercise regime. I know I'm a bit lazy with exercise just thinking about it makes my head hurt. But I'm gonna focus.

 

"Jump roping is a very effective form of exercise. With your frame, just 30 minutes of jump roping will help you shed 200-kilo calories"

 

All right jumping rope, I take note of it in my notebook.

 

"Shall we start?", the professor suddenly ask taking me by surprise.

 

"Just try it? Can you?" I see in her eyes that she has doubt. But I use to do this before when I was younger I can jump 100 times with this. 

 

"Ahh, okay. I'll give it a try", I pick up the jumping rope feeling all confident. I did the 1st one with ease makes me a bit proud. I another one and then two more and slowly I started to feel out of breath. I feel heavier every jump and after 5 I finally missed one and collapse on the floor.

 

"Diligent and determination", she repeated and put something on her note. I wonder what is that.

 

After class, she handed me my diet plan. "We must follow this very strictly if you really want to lose 30kg in 200 days. Very strictly. Understand?"

 

"Yes, thank you. I can do it!", I told her placing my fist in front of my face.

 

"Hwaiting!", she said mimicking me before walking away as if nothing happens.

 

I came home after making a copy of my new diet plan and exercise regimen. I feel refresh and brand new. This is it! This is my big break, my new start, a new Pilsook will emerge. Wait for me, Jason. Muahahaha!

 

"Eomma, Appa?!", I called out as I walked into our house feeling all giddy.

 

"Oh, Pilsook why?", they came rushing thinking it was an emergency. My dad even slightly slips on the floor.

 

"Ohh~~ please be careful", I said as I assisted him up.

 

"What is it? What's the emergency?" He said all alert.

 

"Oh, there is no emergency", I told feeling a bit shy as I shake both of my hands in front of my face assuring them everything is alright and smiling brightly.

 

"Here", I handed them both a copy of my diet plan.

 

"What is this?", my dad look at it very confused scratching the top of his head.

 

"My new diet plan made by my professor", I beam out.

 

"What?!" Did your professor ask you to lose weight? Should I talk to her?"

 

"No, I decided I need to lose weight. I have to"

 

The things I do for Jason, I told myself.

 

"Alright?"

 

"Why are you giving it to us?", mom suddenly asks as she reads through it.

 

"Help me, I can't do this on my own. You need to make sure I follow it especially the diet one. I have to follow this really STRICTLY", I then said emphasizing the last word.

 

"No more snacks for me", I told them cheerfully and both of them look at me really worried.

 

My Dad stares at me as if I'm a stranger and mom asks the question that he is probably thinking as well.

 

"Can you really do it? This is not the first time you try dieting. You remember.. "

 

"Shhh--This time is different. I'm really gonna do it. I can do it", I assure them with full of determination as I clench my fist.

 

"Okay, then I shall get rid of all the snacks", my mom then said still side-eyeing me, checking.

 

Ohh!! no!!! Shall I at least take one bite for my last night? I was slightly getting tempted. Just tonight, just one bite. I saw my mom waiting. I know she has her doubts about whether I can pull this off. I must prove her wrong. 

 

No, Pilsook. Control yourself. I took a deep breath and look away.

 

"Right, get rid of all the snacks. I'm just going upstairs to my room"

 

"Alright, if you say so", My mom said and proceed to do that as I run to my room locking the doors.

 

I plug in my earphones to drown the noise of the wrappers of the snacks in the pantry. Goodbye! Snacks I wonder when can I taste you again.

 

I felt like crying but this is it. This is my choice. I look at the Jason doll staring back at me. 

 

Ughh!! Enough Pilsook stop thinking about food. Think of Jayson. Think of your 200 days promise. I close my eyes and started daydreaming of what could happen after 200 days as I held the doll in my right hand. Will his answer really change? I can't help but feel giddy and nervous at the same time. I wonder what he's been up to. He is probably busy preparing in moving to a dorm or something.

 

Ugh! I'm gonna miss him. I already do. But in the meantime, I'll just root for him as I work on myself. That's right! I can do this.

 

The first two weeks I was full of energy and determined to really follow through. But that determination slowly fades. This is no joke.

 

The diet is crazy I can't eat or drink. I feel so dizzy that I collapse multiple times. My family and friends are getting really worried about me.

 

Every time I collapse on the floor I told myself I can do it. I must do it and Jason's face will flash inside my head and I slowly stood up. But the time came when Jason's face can no longer make me continue. My knees gave in and I literally felt like dying.

 

I've been starving myself. I have even worn my shoes out from walking everywhere. My body aches all over. I feel so exhausted. I'm on the verge of really wanting to give up.

 

Do I really have to go through this to be like by someone? Why can't this world just accept me for who I am? Why do I have to suffer like this?

 

I cry on the floor feeling defeated and hopeless and then a hand appears above me.

 

Samdong was standing there offering his hands for me to grab with a tired smile on his face. 

 

I took it and he pulled me up with ease. He handed me a bottle of water and sat down beside me.

 

"Are you alright?" He asked sounding really worried.

 

"I— I'm not sure if I can do this anymore", I started tearing up again. "I feel like dying. Like really dying"

 

He put one hand on my shoulder tapping me lightly.

 

"Is your reason for doing this worth dying for? If not then stop", my tears stop falling as I stare at him.

 

"If you have the right reason for doing this giving up will never be an option"

 

"I-"

 

My reason..

 

I was speechless for a moment as I look at Samdong and notice the bruises on his knees and arms. He has been practicing really hard lately alongside Hyemi wanting to prove himself to prove his talent. And there are still some students who keep on picking on them. But I have never seen him complain. I have never seen him in the state of giving up. 

 

How does he do that? 

 

He must have gotten it worse being bullied and discriminated against by both students and professors. But he still manages to smiles and continues.

 

"You, what are your reason? Why are you working so hard despite all the fallbacks, bullying, and discrimination you get?" I can't help but ask. "Is it Hyemi?"

 

Samdong can't help it but innocently smile as I mention her name. Sometimes I felt like he and I are on the same boat. He followed Hyemi all the way here to Kirin and like me, he's been struggling ever since being an outcast and all and the fact that Hyemi won't even like him back. That must be torture. 

 

"Well, I can't deny that Hyemi is one of the reasons. She actually made me realize what my dream is. But I think it is more because I believe in my dream. I think that fuels me up to continue no matter what"

 

I look at Samdong as his eyes glisten talking about his dream. It makes me feel envious. It makes me go back to the real reason why I went to Kirin in the first place. Why do I keep giving up on it? Why did I forget? 

 

— 

Jason's POV

 

"Sorry, I'm a bit busy", Pilsook replies back after some time.

 

Ugh!! I really want to go to the karaoke with her. We can bring Nick with us so it won't be that awkward.

 

We've been practicing the same steps for days now it's getting pretty boring. I just want to get out of here.

 

"Where are you going? Practice starts in 10 mins"

 

"I just need fresh air", I told Baekhee as I walk out of the practice room.

 

I've been ditching practice every then and now but I don't really get in trouble about it since I get the steps more easily that's why it's never been a problem. I'm natural and no one can argue on that.

 

As I spend my days preparing for my debut Kim Pilsook became harder and harder to reach. I thought it's going to be the other way around but it doesn't seem like that. And somehow I'm a bit annoyed and worried.

 

Is she ignoring me? 

 

"Sorry, I'm a bit busy", that's the usual reply I get from her, and it really makes me sad. 

 

I browse my phone and saw a photo of her and I can't help but smile at her cuteness. Her fluffy cheeks, sweet personality, and mesmerizing voice.

 

I missed it. Why is my day felt so empty without Ms. Sushi?

 

What could she be doing that she's much busier than me?

 

Days passed and somehow my schedule also became full pack. Shootings, commercials, interviews, shows, and recordings. Everyone has been complimenting me on how I was born for this making the president really proud. I got more commercial and show offers that it's started getting exhausting that I just can't wait but get back to school and have some rest.

 

That is why when the day finally arrives I can't hide my excitement.

 

Our return to Kirin after debuting as group K. I wonder what if a lot of things change at school or is still the same. I haven't really gotten any news since we surrender our phone to our road manager.

 

I just got mine back and I'm pretty disappointed to see only 2 messages from Kim Pilsook.

 

Hope you are doing well and good luck on your debut.

 

Congratulations on your debut.

 

That's it! No more messages from her. Didn't she saw my commercials? My interviews? We are like everywhere.

 

Woohh! Breathe Jason don't get rilled up. Maybe she's just busy with school. That's right! Schoolwork can be pretty tough especially for her and the other two. I hope no one was picking on her while I was gone.

 

We are already on our way to Kirin and I look at the other members in the car. It seems like I'm not the only one who is nervous and excited to return to school. 

 

I can't say that I didn't expect the crowd cause I did. We did rise to popularity in a short amount of time but I didn't expect our return to Kirin will be this big as I saw a lot of media people gather around the gate as well.

 

We were greeted by a lot of fans and classmates as well. We gave them big smiles as told by the president. And finally was able to breathe once we were inside the campus away from the prying eyes of the people we barely know. 

 

It feels good to be back. I'm actually feeling giddy and excited to see Pilsook and share with her my journey. The people I've met the shows I went to only to find that their room empty and Jinguk was standing there by the door looking so disappointed, as well.

 

"What are you doing here?", he asked.

 

"What?" I was taken by surprise. Right? Why did I decide to look for her first I'm sure I got other friends. But yeah nothing can beat Ms. Sushi so I decided to go with the truth "I just wanted to catch up with my friends. And you?"

 

"Me too", he said looking back at the empty classroom. He sighs "Where are they anyway?"

 

Honestly, I didn't expect that she wouldn't be part of the welcoming crowd. Maybe she's busy practicing somewhere.

 

We both went our own way and I decided to stop by my locker to check. Glancing here and there. She's probably in here somewhere. I just have to look at places where we use to hang out. 

 

One of those places is in front of my locker. And bingo! She was here. 

 

I can't help smile when I saw the welcome note on the lollipop. I knew it! She hasn't forgotten I'm glad.

 

But where is she? I look around still can't find my cute little sushi. The next stop will probably be the cafeteria or the library. 

 

I was about to go my way to look for Kim Pilsook staring at the lollipop I was holding. I surely miss this sweet. I do get a lot of sweet treats from my fans but this is another level. I don't know it gives me a comforting feeling. 

 

"Long time no see", that sweet voice. I stop in my tracks and turn around. I saw a girl who I believe just walk by me awhile ago. I haven't seen her before but why is her voice so familiar. I look at her confuse.

 

"Has it been about 200 days?", she asked.

 

200 days? No way? I feel my jaw drop. Wait?! This voice, that smile. 

 

I slowly approach her still in shock.

 

"You..", I look at her name tag to make sure I'm not mistaken. "You can't be Phil-sookie?"

 

She looks up at me smiling brightly. This girl is none other than Kim Pilsook. She did it! She really did. 

 

~o0o~