February 28, 2014

When Seul-ki arrived at Seoul station, alone and weary after crying pretty much during the whole journey, she sat down on the bench just outside the station. She was just staring ahead, not really looking at anything as she thought about Myungsoo's words. She cursed herself, remembering about the joke she did about how lucky he was that he could name his kids as Kim Junsu and Kim Jaejoong; forgetting that she was married to Kim Sunggyu.

Along with the feeling of regret, there was also a huge relief in her heart, though she can't really explain about it. Probably it was the best for them but she couldn't deny that she felt sad because Myungsoo said they weren't going to be friends anymore. However she knew she should stop being selfish and act more maturely about the whole situation. She knew Myungsoo was right about how she has to stop running away. But at that moment, she just didn't know where she should be heading because although she wanted to just go back to Sunggyu, she felt like it wasn't the best thing to do at that moment.

Maybe she needed more time to think; she thought as she stood up and began walking away, heading towards nowhere. As she was walking, she began to think about the first time she had met Sunggyu, and how she thought that he was nothing compared to her Kim Jaejoong and she dreaded every single thought that she was going to marry him. She admitted that the more she looked at him, the more she thought that he was really attractive, and her face would become hot whenever he was close to her and her heart would beat a little faster.

But does that mean I love him? And when Sunggyu-sshi kissed me, does it mean he loves me?

Maybe she did love him. Because her heart was in pain just thinking about him at that moment and she wanted to see him badly, and was hoping that he was there somewhere; not realising that he was just behind her, at some distant, watching her walking slowly among the crowd.

Sunggyu was watching with his eyes dreamy as he stared at how Seul-ki was walking with her head down, slowly, with her backpack dropping down to her behind, looking heavy. He was only a few steps behind her, and she didn't even have the slightest idea that he was there but it was fine to him. He didn't want to be noticed just yet. He couldn't deny that he was surprised when Myungsoo gave him a call saying that Seul-ki would be arriving at Seoul Station and he should pick her up when she does. He tried to ask more but Myungsoo coldly hung up, and it made him little angry but he knew well that Myungsoo, too couldn't help but get tangled in the whole situation. However, the moment he saw her appearing at the station, he knew that he shouldn't just jump at her. Somehow he felt he would just scare her away. Therefore, Sunggyu decided to wait, and wait, until Seul-ki look at him properly.

She stopped by a convenience store, but she was only looking from outside, gulping a little with a rather miserable look in her face. Sunggyu stopped short and watched as she looked like she was about to cry before she took out her purse. Then, he saw her eyes widened as she peered inside her purse; Myungsoo had left her some big cash for her secretly, knowing that she was penniless. Her eyes watered a little, and she promised herself that it was the last time that she was letting him do anything good to her. Sniffing, she entered the store and bought herself some warm buns and chocolate milk.

She ate her buns slowly, and went on walking until she reached the park where she sat down on another bench.  Sunggyu was standing in a distant, squeezing his eyes to watch a young man who was suddenly taking his seat next to her. Then, his mouth fell open when the man started to talk to her and Seul-ki was scratching her cheek and looking uncomfortable as she nodded and shook her head. Sunggyu craned his ears to hear what they were talking about but failed to even pick up the slightest sound. Then, as he was about to make his way to get closer to them, she stood up and bowed politely and walked away hurriedly. Sunggyu began to make his move as well, but not before stopping by the bench and glared with his thinned eyes at the man who looked at him questioningly.

He went on trailing after her, but she stopped suddenly and squatted down to pat a stray cat. He quickly hid behind a wall and peered carefully so that she wouldn't notice him. Then Sunggyu watched in horror as she picked up the cat to see if it was a male or female and made a face when she started talking to the cat.

"Are you hungry? I only have this bun. Will you eat it?" She said, and pinched some of the bun and gave it to the cat that ate it hungrily.  "I have to apologize to Junsu again for feeding random things to cat... How will I go to heaven at this rate...? Meow, meow? Meoww!"

Sunggyu cupped his mouth to stop himself from laughing but his amusement turned to horror when Seul-ki started to eat the leftover bun after she was done feeding the cat. He thought that he had some hygiene lesson to teach her when she comes home and the thought left him smiling dreamily as she watched her watching the cat with a sad smile on her face. Then she patted the cat for another time and went on walking and Sunggyu let her walk for a few steps away before he went after her.

Obviously, she became hungry just after walking a few distant and at that moment, she realised that she had stopped in front of a public bathhouse. She looked up to read the signboard and took out her purse again and took a look at the money inside, making a contemplating face whether to go in or not. Sighing, she put away her purse and began to walk away, and Sunggyu was almost caught when she suddenly turned back and entered the bathhouse. Sunggyu who had to literally turn away like lightning was breathing rapidly because he was so surprised as he sat down on his heels, trying to calm his heart down.

"You're so good at giving me heart attacks, Lee Seul-ki." He muttered, breathing more calmly. He wondered if Seul-ki had noticed him but knowing her, she most probably didn't, he sighed. Slowly, he got up and looked around to make sure she wasn't around and entered the bathhouse. Of course it was almost impossible for him to look around for her, because she might have entered the women's section and so, he decided to take a bath as well.

As he was bathing, he wondered what Seul-ki was doing on the other side of the wall. Probably she was swimming in the tub and got scolded by the older women. He laughed out loud when he thought of that, shaking his head, not noticing that some men were looking at him strangely; a lonely man suddenly erupting into a laugh, of course anyone looking would think he had lost his mind. And then he thought about how on the other side of the wall, Seul-ki was probably not wearing anything....

God, Kim Sunggyu, what are you thinking! He scolded himself and ducked under the water to hide his embarrassment over his own erted thought. But since the water was really hot, he quickly came to the surface again, screaming incoherently. His eyes watered and sniffing, he crawled out of the tub and grabbed his towel to leave the bath. After he was done changing into the given clothes, he peeked into the open area to see if Seul-ki was anywhere and after confirming that she wasn't, he quickly sat by near a family to make himself less noticeable and he fixed his gaze at the entrance to make sure he wouldn't miss her when she appears.

She appeared almost an hour later, and Sunggyu was already getting sleepy before he snapped out of his sleepiness and hid his face by dropping his head. Seul-ki's face was reddish and she was looking around like a lost child with the ram towel on her head and a basket of boiled eggs in her arm. Sunggyu couldn't help but to think that she looked rather cute and his face was burning a little thinking over the erted thing he was thinking before. She went to vending machine to buy herself a bottle of cold milk tea and smiling sheepishly, she exited to the karaoke room.

Sunggyu waited for a minute before he stood up and went after her, grumbling because there were all sort of people singing all sort of songs with all sort of voice. He made a face and peeked into every room to find Seul-ki and when he finally did, he saw her frantically looking for a song by scrolling up and down the list of songs and obviously, when a song started playing, it was TVXQ's. She cleared and stood up rigidly and took a deep breath and Sunggyu waited with a sort of anticipation.

"RISING!!!" "I CRY UNDER MY SKIN. KADKALDAKDAIKDHWQDHQi. YOU FALL DOWN. AADJALDADBQJ. NOOO!! AKSNDLAKJNDKJDNQ. NOOOO!! AJSKAD:ASDA."

Sunggyu's mouth fell open and Seul-ki was rapping rapidly but he was wondering what sort of language she was rapping to before he finally realised that she was singing in Japanese. He laughed without sound in disbelieved, and he couldn't take his eyes off her when she started imitating the dance moves in a sort of awful and embarrassing way. And during Changmin's high note, she squeezed out her voice but it came out like a dog yelping and he knew she was embarrassed when she continued with rather shy voice afterwards. Then the second song started, and Sunggyu was relieved that it was a ballad song this time.

I can’t read your feelings since you try not to meet eyes with me,

Because I feel like a lost child, I just wait.

Truthfully, I know what you’re going to say,

But I can feel that it’s not your whole heart; your tears tell me

Don’t say goodbye,

I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,

I can hear you heart; You still just want me,

You can’t hide it, you can’t lie...

- Don't Say Goodbye, TVXQ.

Sunggyu smiled to himself, listening to Seul-ki trying to lower her voice to match the very low key of the song but more so at the lyrics she was singing. He thought at that moment, he should probably rush in and tell her to stop singing and look at him properly but Sunggyu was not without bitter feelings himself. He was still feeling rather disappointed in her after witnessing her with Myungsoo outside the hospital. He wanted to ask her why she didn't look for him when she needed to cry; why she didn't talk to him when she needed to say something. He realised then that Seul-ki didn't