November 17, 2013

"Ahbuji, you lied to me? Yah... I only agreed to marry Lee Seul-ki because you said Halmeoni was dying from her illness!" Sunggyu said, totally losing his mind as he stares at his father. Not anyone said a word until Halmeoni called out for his name, and Sunggyu began to regret his words at that moment, when he saw how Halmeoni was faking a smile.

"Halmeoni, I-"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't make such lie but I guess you can say I was a bit desperate to make sure they get married, Mrs. Lee." Mr. Kim said quickly, with his face serious.
"Why is that?" Seul-ki asked but Halmeoni held her hand tightly and shook her head.
"You have done so much, accepting Seul-ki as your daughter-in-law and even taking me in," Halmeoni said, her face grim, "...what reason do I need, really? I am only thankful that you are sincere in accepting her." She ended her sentence with a smile, but her eyes were a bit glassy.
"Mrs. Lee..."
"Don't worry too much, about it. I know." Halmeoni said, nodding to Mr. Kim. "Don't worry, Sunggyu, I am okay." Halmeoni said, looking at Sunggyu then, who looked down at that moment. "I am more than glad that you're taking a good care of my Seul-ki." She was smiling widely, as she squeezed Seul-ki's hand and heaved a heavy breath. "I am a little tired now, so I'll be going to bed now. Goodnight, everyone." Halmeoni got up and left for her room, after flashing another wide smile to everyone. 

"Ahbuji, what did you do that for?" Sunggyu asked, once a few seconds had passed.
"Kim Sunggyu." Mr. Kim stressed, tilting his head to gesture at Seul-ki.
"Seul-ki, I-"
"I will go and see how Halmeoni is doing." She announced and got up, before Sunggyu managed to grab her hand and he watched in despair as she half-ran to Halmeoni's room.

" Ahbuji, I need explanations. Why would you go to such extend to make me marry Seul-ki?"
Mr. Kim sighed as he looked down at the fruit bowl for a moment but instead of saying anything, he stood up and left the living room, ignoring Sunggyu who kept on calling out for him.
" Eomonim."
" Your father has a good reason for it." His mother said, letting out a small sigh.
"Eomonim, you know about it, too?" Instead of answering him, his mother too left him, leaving him baffled.

Seul-ki silently opened the door to Halmeoni's room, to find her sitting up on her bed, while patting her pillow.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice a bit raspy. Seul-ki closed the door and walked briskly up to Halmeoni, and sat down on her bed when Halmeoni lied down and faced the wall, away from her.
"Can I sleep here..."
"Your husband is waiting for you, Seul-ki. Don't make him wait for you."
" I don't want to..."
" Seul-ki. It's okay for you to disobey me but never do that to your husband."
"What is there to obey about?" She snapped, and frowned and said bitterly, "He only married me because he thought I am pitiful and because of Halmeoni."
" Lee Seul-ki!"
"Why?! It's the truth, isn't it?"
" Then, what if that was the truth? What would you do?" Halmeoni asked, quietly while sitting up and stared at her, feeling sad when she saw how Seul-ki was looking distraught and her eyes were glassy.

"It's just so shameful..." She said, bitterly, and a drop of tear ran down her cheek which she quickly wiped away.

"What is?" Halmeoni asked kindly, though she couldn't deny that she was feeling the same.

"Are we that pitiable?" Seul-ki asked, her voice quivering, and she bit her lip and looked at Halmeoni, and she made no effort to wipe her cheeks again. "Is this marriage an act of charity?"

"Seul-ki, don't say that... Mr. Kim has a good reason for it."

"Why wouldn't Halmeoni hear what he has to say?"

"Because I don't need it." Halmeoni said, her own eyes becoming a bit watery. "Who are we to say too much, Seul-ki? If not for you're married, I wouldn't know what to do..."

"Is Halmeoni saying that I can't take care of myself? That I need some charity to support my life?" She asked, loudly, and sobbed hard. "Halmeoni, I can take care of myself! And I can take care of Halmeoni as well! Why couldn't you trust me? Why did you want me to marry into this family?"

"I know that you can take care of yourself, and I do not doubt that you can take care of me, but Seul-ki-ah, listen to me, I just need some assurance and this family is the only one that I can be sure to be provide that for you... I just want to see you happy."

"Why are you so sure that I will be happy?" She asked, in grief.

"Seul-ki?" Halmeoni held her face and tried to make her look at her but Seul-ki was just hanging her gaze down. "Is there something wrong?"

"Sunggyu-sshi... Because he married me out of kindness, how can he fully love me...?"

"Seul-ki-ah..." Halmeoni grabbed her shoulders and embraced her and Seul-ki started wailing and sobbing harder that Halmeoni couldn't help but to cry as well. "Did something happen, um? Seul-ki-ah, don't cry, shh..."

"Sunggyu-sshi is nice... but...  he doesn't love me. He can never love me... It's impossible... That is why it hurts... so much..." She cried, silently but Halmeoni heard every word that she uttered, making her tear up more.

"Don't say that... You and Sunggyu just need time to learn to love each other, right?"

"What if by time, we just grow apart? What if things won't work out?"

"Seul-ki..."

"Halmeoni..." She pushed her away slowly and gulped the choking feeling while staring at her grandmother. "What if he leaves me?"

"He wouldn't..."

"He would... I am not even a befitting wife for him..."

"Is that what Sunggyu has been saying to you?" Seul-ki looked down on Halmeoni's lap and took a few seconds before she shook her head. "Then, why would you think so?"

"Because I feel so..."

"Seul-ki, how would you know of things if you refuse to hear what he has to say?"

"Isn't Halmeoni doing the same then? Halmeoni refused to hear Mr. Kim's reasoning, didn't you?"

"That is because I don't need a reason for wanting my grandchild to be happy. And Mr. Kim has helped me a lot for me to question his kindness. But you, Seul-ki, you need to ask Sunggyu if that is what he's really thinking of you..."

"I'm scared..." She sobbed with a small voice. "Halmeoni, I'm scared..."

"I know. I know." Halmeoni said, and put Seul-ki's face between her palms and she started to wipe Seul-ki's tears away from her face but her tears were endless and it made her sighed. "Seul-ki, no matter what, I'll always be here for you, for as long as my age can carry me, I will be by your side."

"Even if Sunggyu-sshi leaves me...?"

Halmeoni's heart became heavier that it was at that moment and as she studied the sad eyes of her only grandchild, she nodded and pulled Seul-ki into her embrace again and patted her back endlessly.

"You know that I love you, don't you?" Seul-ki nodded and hugged Halmeoni, and shed more tears. They stayed in that position for a while before Halmeoni pulled away and held Seul-ki's face again. "But you need to find out the answers first, right?" Seul-ki made no response and it made Halmeoni frowned a little.

"Seul-ki-ah."

"Yes?"

"Do you know why at weddings, the groom gives the bride's family one of the wooden geese?" Seul-ki shook her head and sniffed. "Because, wild geese will keep the same partner for the rest of their lives. Even when one dies, the other will not seek a new one for life. So that wooden goose is a promise from Sunggyu, that he will happily spend his life together with his bride." Seul-ki was still silent but her sobbing and tears had ceased a lot, much to Halmeoni's relief. "Do you like Sunggyu?" Seul-ki reddened a little as she avoided Halmeoni's gaze and the latter only smiled faintly and patted her head and cheek lightly. "Then, do take care of each other." Seul-ki nodded lightly and sniffed more and looked up to Halmeoni rather shyly. "Now go back to your husband."

"Halmeoni..." She protested but Halmeoni shook her head and thus she had to obey and got up and looked at her miserably. "Let me tuck Halmeoni in bed."

"What?" Halmeoni laughed.

"Just let me!" She said, and knelt down by the bed and when Halmeoni lay down, she pulled up the blanket up to Halmeoni's stomach and then without warning, she put her head on her chest and held Halmeoni tight. "I love you, Halmeoni... Don't leave me, please."

"Seul-ki-ah... I am old... One day I will have to leave you..."

"But you have to live for another 100 years..." She said, in a small voice.

"I will try hard, okay? Here, stop crying... Shh..." Halmeoni said, but she started crying as well, "You have Sunggyu now. He will live longer and be with you..."

"I love Sunggyu-sshi but I love Halmeoni too. Don't leave me... If everyone leaves me, where do I go?"

"Yes, yes..." Halmeoni patted her back and stared up the ceiling, trying to stop her tears. "There, there. Stop crying, will you? Sunggyu will be worried if he sees you like this. Seul-ki." Seul-ki got up and showed her teary face and sniffing, she pulled up the blanket up to Halmeoni's chest but she made no attempt to get up.

"I will see Halmeoni to sleep." She said, pouting, and Halmeoni sighed and smiled a little as she closed her eyes and she gave up.

"Seul-ki, sing me that song you were always singing whenever you can't sleep at night."

"Which song?"

"That song of your Kim Jaejoong that you were always singing."

Seul-ki beamed when Halmeoni said that and laughed a little. "My Kim Jaejoong!"

"You're someone's wife now." Halmeoni said, making a face even when she was closing her eyes.

"I know..." Seul-ki replied and pouted again before she leaned her back against the bed's side, facing away from Halmeoni. "Okay, here I go..." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Midoyo chonnune banhandanun marur midoyo~ Gudaeyegen anirago marhaejiman~ Narur gyongsorhage baraburggabwa gamchwowassur bbunijyo~"

I believe...I believe that one can fall in love at first sight

Though I told you that it wasn't possible

I only hid this thought from you because I was afraid

That you would look at me as if I was careless and hasty.

To tell the truth, ever since I met you

I only lived with thoughts of you.

There was only one thing on my mind

From when I woke up in the morning

Till when I went to bed at night.

I believe in you...

I will send all my feelings for you through the the way I look at you.

Do you know how my heart feels?

How I want to keep the feelings I have for you hidden?

Even the fearful feelings for when you might leave me one day.

Seul-ki ended the chorus with her voice a bit hushed as she thought about the lyrics as she was thinking a lot about Sunggyu. Slowly she turned to look at Halmeoni to find her looking peaceful with her eyes closed and smiling to herself, she got up and left the room. She spent a minute standing in front of the door, thinking what she should do next but she didn't manage to think of anything. Sighing, she walked to the living room to go up to Sunggyu's room but she stopped when she saw Mr. Kim sitting alone at the coffee table again.

"Mr. Kim..." She mouthed, and went up to him and managed a faint smile.

Mr. Kim looked up at her and returned the smile. "Will you sit down and talk to me?" Seul-ki was only looking down before she nodded timidly and walked up to sit opposite of him. "I'm sure you must have been shocked to hear what Sunggyu said tonight..."

"I'm just glad that Halmeoni isn't sick..."

"I was so childish to come up with that idea, so I must apologize..."

"No, it's okay... But, Mr. Kim... Why did you go to that extent to make Sunggyu-sshi marry me...?"

Mr. Kim smiled a little as he looked at her with a meaningful gaze. "Seul-ki, do you remember when you first moved to this neighbourhood?"

Seul-ki tilted her head and looked at him strangely. "I was only 5..."

"You were in kindergarten. You were so small, like this." He said, measuring a height in the air with his hand while smiling. "Your hair was always in a ponytail."

"Mr. Kim knew me when I was little?" Seul-ki asked, surprised as she stared at him.

"Yes, I did..." He said, and stared back at her meaningfully.

Mr. Kim was hustling through the mad crowd when he was getting off the train that evening, as usual. He sighed when someone bumped into him hard but just walked away without even apologizing. He fixed his coat and walked towards the exit to swipe his monthly pass and went out of the train station. He breathed in the chilly evening air and puffed a little and made his way to wal