Dec 28, 2013

"God, why did I marry a girl like you."

"Yah, Kim Sunggyu!" Myungsoo stepped up to him to face the older man and grabbed the front of his shirt, with such an angry face that Seul-ki has never seen. "Take that back."

Sunggyu stared back, just as angrily but he didn't manage to say anything when Seul-ki tried to peel off Myungsoo's grip, desperately. Her face was pale, and she was trying hard but neither Myungsoo nor Sunggyu gave up their stance. Sunggyu took the chance to grab Myungsoo's shirt in return and she was even more devastated, when Sunggyu raised his fist.

"No! Sunggyu-sshi, no!" She wailed, and pushed him away, with all her might, that Sunggyu almost stumbled backwards. She literally stopped breathing once both the males were separated, and she watched Sunggyu's face changing from disbelieved to cynical when he laughed sinisterly. "Sunggyu-sshi..." She called out, but her voice was too small, too weak to be heard by him and she could only watch him walking away, rubbing the back of his neck in pure anger and she dropped to her heels, and tried to breathe.

"Lee Seul, the hell were you thinking?" Myungsoo said loudly, looking from her to Sunggyu who then disappeared at a corner. She wasn't answering him, so he went on, "Why did you do that for?"

"Then what should I do? Let Sunggyu-sshi punch you?!" She shouted breathlessly, to the ground.

"If that resolves things, then yes!" He answered.

"How will that resolve things? Myungsoo will only get hurt!"

"Why should you care about that?!"

"Because I do care about Myungsoo!"

"More so than you do for Kim Sunggyu?!" Seul-ki paused her breathing again and her tears were threatening to fall but before she could even answer or even cry, Myungsoo hauled her up to her feet. "You know the answer well, Lee Seul." He said, calmly and looked down at her shivering lips and he let go of her arm quickly. "Go. Go after him." Seul-ki stared at him but her eyes were blinking uncontrollably. "GO!"

Seul-ki staggered away, still looking undecided but it didn't even take her three seconds before she made her move and went after Sunggyu. Myungsoo, left alone there in the park watched her running away, and disappearing at the same corner and taking a deep breath, he sat down on the bench and threw back his head. He closed his eyes and released the air that he held in but as soon as he did, he felt the suffocation in his throat and chest, which was threatening to water his eyes.

Seul-ki reached their apartment in no time, but apparently, Sunggyu was already home before her and at that moment, it felt like it took forever for her just to walk to the front of his room. She swallowed down the block in and knocked on the door.

"Sunggyu-sshi...?"

There was no answer but she was sure that he was somewhere in the room, listening to her so she went on, "I'm... sorry for what I did... I was wrong. I... Sunggyu-sshi, Myungsoo and I, there is nothing between us! We're just friends! I know that you don't like me hanging around with him, so I won't anymore... I won't talk to him or go out with him or text him or anything! I promise you... Sunggyu-sshi... you trust me, don't you..?"

Sunggyu was sitting on the bed, facing the door, listening to every word she was uttering. He was still angry, and bewildered and he felt that she had betrayed him; betrayed his perception about her. He thought Seul-ki was different, that everything of her was his and his alone and that he'd be her first in everything but when he considered Myungsoo, he began to have unnecessary thoughts.

"Sunggyu-sshi... I'm sorry."

He stared at the door for a long time, waiting for her to call him again and when she did, he felt a tug near his heart. But he waited too long to make a move and Seul-ki has stopped calling out for him and thus, he switched off the lamp and buried his face under the pillow; Seul-ki's pillow and the smell of her hair filled his nose, and made his heart ached badly.

Seul-ki plopped down onto the floor, right in front of the door, and she looked up, at the knob, waiting for it to be turned. And there she waited, unknowing of the passing hours and the coldness that was etching into her limbs; into her heart.

She woke up, cold and stiff, and upon confirming the time, she got up, washed her face and started cooking, without really thinking of anything. She cooked everything swiftly, and served them on the table as usual and when the door to Sunggyu's room opened, she broke out into a smile. Sunggyu, without even giving her a glance, walked up to the entrance, without tying his necktie, and put on his shoes and he turned the handle of the door. "Sunggyu-sshi, I made you-" BAM. The door was closed before her face and she looked down on the floor, and her smile faded away slowly, "breakfast... So, let's eat... together."

Myungsoo was nowhere to be found on the campus that day; not that Seul-ki was looking for him. She only sat at the park for 10 minutes before she went off to sit in the library, spacing out while holding out a book. Figuring that she needed to study for her finals, she sat up straight and tried to read some notes, but most of the time, she was too distracted. She went home early and prepared ingredients to cook, making an effort to prepare more dishes for dinner. Somehow, cooking took her mind off the problems she was having and it lifted her heart a little. As she was stirring the soup, she was thinking of ways to apologize to Sunggyu again, practising in her mind, hoping to not get it wrong. But Sunggyu was late that night, and she was dozing off at the table and was barely able to keep her eyes open. When she finally dozed off with her head on the table, she woke up startled and realised it was  10.30p.m and Sunggyu had just came back from work, looking fixated with trying to untie his necktie.

"Sunggyu-sshi." She stood up, and tried to smile when he turned to look at her. "Did you eat dinner? I can heat the-"

"I already ate with my friends." He said, curtly, and walked into his room and shut the door.

Slowly, she picked the bowls and plates one by one, transferred them into some containers and put them away in the refrigerator. She washed the kitchen a little, and retreated to her room. She sat in the middle of the room, not even able to smile at her posters like usual and walked on her knees to retrieve a box from one of the drawers in the corner. She took out a box, and placed it on the floor carefully. Before she opened the lid, she ran her fingers across the surface, feeling the carvings on it, admiring it a little and she smiled feebly, as she took out Halmeoni's silk handkerchief. She put it aside and took out something, wrapped in a black silk; her marriage paper, the Honseo.

She remembered vividly, how Dongwoo came to her house that night, wearing squid mask and scared off Yu-rim and how Myungsoo was only silent, his face tight and finally, Halmeoni's words:

Keep that properly Seul-ki-ah.

 She caressed the black silk and untied it, and read Sunggyu's name on it, along with the purpose of sending it; asking for her hand for marriage and it felt a little sad as she knew well that probably it was not Sunggyu who had written it, but some other people.  She the name for a while, and tied it back and put away the box again. Then, with the Honseo in her fingers, she crawled to her futon, and embraced the little black silk gently so it wouldn't crumple. Of course she couldn't spoil it; it was the paper that represents her dedication to only one husband and she was to keep it forever. Before she fell to sleep, she prayed that when she died, it would be that very black silk in her fingers that would be buried with her.

The same sad routine repeated the next day, and Sunggyu went to work without a word or even a bite of the breakfast she made. Seul-ki could only watched him went out of the door, watching his back; the one that had carried her before and probably Sunggyu was right about how she was heavy because at that moment, her heart was getting heavier than it was before. She left for uni after 5 minutes, and rode the crowded train, suffocating and wishing that he was there.

Seul-ki was waiting at the park near the apartment, at the very same bench that Myungsoo was sitting the other day. Although she was a bit relenting, she finally agreed to meet him upon his request over his text. In her heart, she was afraid to hear what Myungsoo has to say, and she was afraid of what she might do once she hears it. Sunggyu was still not talking to her, or even eating at home. They were sleeping separately again, and it seemed that his anger hadn't even lessen a little. To make things worse, she didn't know of what to actually do and thinking about where this would lead their marriage to, made her heart ached badly.

"Lee Seul."

She looked up to see Myungsoo, draped all in black and watched him sitting down beside her, but he was only staring straight ahead. She looked at his side profile and felt her heart sinking a little as she too, diverted her gaze elsewhere.

"Thank you for meeting me."

"It's nothing..."

"How are you?"

"Okay..."

"Have you two made up?" She said nothing and so he went on, "You were such an idiot, Lee Seul. What were you thinking, really?"

"I can't just let Myungsoo gets hurt..."

"Why would I get hurt?" He asked, and to her surprise, he was laughing a little. "Are you thinking too much? I can take one or two punch without a bruise, you know."

"I'm not talking about that..."

"Then what?"

"That... Wouldn't Myungsoo feel hurt... inside?"

"Inside? My heart?" He watched her nodding solemnly. "Why would I?"

"Because..." She felt herself choking a little that she couldn't go on for a few seconds. "Wouldn't you?"

"Lee Seul." He said, with a clear voice and it made her turned to look at his face. Without breathing, he watched her sad face; her cheeks that were turning red because of the weather, and he found himself looking at her lips, longingly. "Do you really care so much about me?"

"Of course I do." She said, furrowing a little. "Myungsoo is-"

"Your best friend." He interjected and watched her face getting more despair and it made him smiled weakly. "For caring so much for me, I really need to thank you, Lee Seul-ah." He took a deep breath and sighed it out as he looked up the night sky. "But really, you don't need to think too much about me."

She looked up to look at his face before gulping a little. "Sunggyu-sshi was saying some really awful things about you the other night... And all this while, I kept on telling you things about Sunggyu-sshi, without caring for how you might feel about it. And I still can't believe he'd actually ask you things about me... That is just... too much."

"What is wrong with him asking those things?" He asked, and when her face changed, he went on, "I told you didn't I, I only want to make you happy. You see, Lee Seul, as much as you are insecure in this marriage, that Kim Sunggyu too, is feeling the same."

"Sunggyu-sshi told you that?"

He nodded. "That was why he asked for my help. But I didn't tell him everything of course. I only gave him suggestions of what you might want."

"But how does Myungsoo know all that?"

"You're joking me? You think I'd ever forget how you were planning your marriage with Kim Jaejoong? Fancy dinner, and asking him to give you a copy of his album before releasing it to public, and having him sing