2012-2013

Just like that, after a few brief dome concerts in Osaka, we were off to Hong Kong for the MAMA awards. After all the fun of having a short vacation in Vegas and the fiasco that was starting a twitter account and getting ignored by the hyungs, it was time to dress up for awards already. We were going to be in Hong Kong again about two weeks later for our tour, but for now I was simply overjoyed that we each got our own hotel rooms for awards season. I was especially grateful for being given the room key to the hotel's best suite because of a staff mishap. It almost felt like another vacation right after Vegas, though this time it actually was for work reasons, and we were aiming for a very dramatic performance on stage. Recieving awards we cared less about; it was all about the show for us.

That said, because we wanted a good show, Jiyong especially was stressing among us because he was also nominated for his recent solo music. He had his own stage to worry about and he wanted to dye his hair backstage "just for fun," he said. He didn't even have his platinum blonde locks for a week. So of course I let him be. I was a very spoiled maknae at this point, and having my own suite without the hyungs being given the same priviledge was plenty enough to shut me up. Of course I kept the room to myself.

Our performance went off without a hitch, thankfully, so we were free to celebrate and attend the after parties while I personally didn't have to worry about Jiyong griping at me for messing up. I'm sure Jiyong would have said the performance still wasn't perfect enough to his standards, but what was done was done. The MAMA after party was particularly wild as I watched my drunken band members, especially Daesung hyung, present parts of themselves that I hadn't thought I'd seen before. I only had a few glasses of champagne and figured I should be a good maknae for the night and maybe share my suite, but it didn't take long for Seunghyun to call it a night, linking an arm around Daesung and leading him quietly out of the club. It wasn't much longer after that when I was ready to leave myself, so I indiscretely backed away from the club lights towards the exit door, as I noticed Jiyong and Youngbae were still having a good time. I let them be.

But of course when morning came, the hyungs wouldn't let me be as somehow they had discovered my special suite and decided I was the person to complain to about their hangovers.

"Yah! Your fans are just as bad as you about keeping secrets," Jiyong groaned from outside the suite's door in the late afternoon. When I opened the door, he kept a beanie over his very obvious bed hair. I couldn't help but to bark into bouts of laughter upon seeing his own self-induced agony. It occurred to me too late that angering him was too easy though.

"Maknae!" he exclaimed, hitting a shoulder causing me to back up into the room as he continued to force his way in with me. Youngbae came from nowhere, or so it seemed from my perspective since he was far behind Jiyong in the hallway, inviting himself in with each push.

"You idiot, writing about your special room on your little online diary," he sighed with one final push. "Your fans ratted you out."

"Hyung!" I pouted as Youngbae pounced onto my king-sized mattress as if it were a swimming pool. Jiyong, meanwhile, had taken to finding the suite's mini refrigerator and digging out an over-priced carbonated beverage before drinking it dry. He mouthed," you're paying for this" and I rolled my eyes.

"Man, you missed out on some crazy after you left," Youngbae started, catching a bottled water from Jiyong's direction. He too wasted no time downing the drink. I kept my expression blank. Jiyong was seemingly distracted for awhile and made his way to the rest room. The door closed with a soft click, and then Youngbae was studying me as I chanced a worried glance towards the door.

"How's Daesung?" I asked casually. Youngbae just smiled with a wave of his hand. "Oh he'll be fine, you know. He's laughing so hard at the stuff we're saying he did. But anyway."

He sat up on the mattress then and pulled out his phone. With a swipe of his thumb against the touch screen and a of his lips, he kept his words simple.

"Your birthday is what, two weeks away?"

"Oh."

Youngbae raised a brow questioningly. "What? Its not like you to not be making a big deal out of it. Jiyong brought it up last night and I thought I would ask if you wanted anything."

What a thing to say. Did I want anything? I mean sure, I had friends everywhere and I always had the hyungs to celebrate with. So I was sure I was getting gifts whether I wanted anything in particular or not. Youngbae watched me try to think of something and shook his head.

"Really? Nothing? Women? Oh come on, maknae. Where did Gwangju's finest go?"

I laughed then, crossing my arms and bowing my head in embarrassment. He smiled as I did so before throwing a pillow my way and telling me not to be loud because he still had a headache. I rolled my eyes and snorted.

"I think Jiyong's planning something for you, though be warned it might be a prank. He babbled on last night when we got back to the hotel. I don't know what he's thinking this time."

"Really? Now I'm worried," I sighed. "If you don't know, then wow."

"Hey, he doesn't tell me everything."

"I know." I had pleasure in saying so.

He smirked before slipping his phone back into a pocket of his jeans.

"Seungriyah, he loves you," he said quietly, out of the blue. I picked up the pillow that had been thrown my way and fluffed it up in my arms.

"I know," I smiled.

---------

Our next concert was in Tokyo, so it was a little easier to breathe now that we were back in my second home. We had a few hours to relax after we checked into the hotel before we had to do anything important, so I asked a noona to borrow a laptop. site jokes aside, I took it back to the room I shared with the manager and looked up our fan sites for fun. The next thing I knew, a familiar deep voice echoed through the halls half laughing and half brewing with annoyance. I had recently found a fan art where Seunghyun had the head of a frog and thought it was cute, so I posted it on my twitter account and had a good laugh about it.

"Who thought it was a good idea to give maknae the wifi code?" Seunghyun laughed outside my door. "Manager, was it you? You're in there, right?"

Manager gave me a look,peeping his head out from the bathroom by the doorway, expression half smug because he just knew I was bound to get in trouble again, and half worried because this was Seunghyun, after all. The eldest's methods of seeking revenge were just as bothersome as his way of repeating a set of jokes over any given day. The other members had seemingly been eavesdropping from their own respective rooms and decided to text me their best regards for good luck. There was no winning an argument with the eldest, and most especially when it came to trivial things such as this.

Needless to say, our one day concert at the Tokyo dome was as thrilling as all the others, and near the encore I was pleasantly surprised to see the stage dancers bring out a cake from the Japanese fans for my birthday. It was still a week away, but it was such a kind notion. Seunghyun of course used that moment to rub cake and icing over my face until he thought it was appropriate to wash it off with a water bottle not too long after. Days later in Hong Kong in the same situation, he pulled me into an unexpected hug and wouldn't let me go until the audience had finished singing the birthday tune, even puckering his lips at me as I squirmed away. He told me after the show that I had finished paying my repentence, then muttered something under his breath about me being too easy to distract and something about Jiyong.

What should have hinted at me first off was the candle issue. In Hong Kong, there weren't any birthday candles on the cake that was brought out at encore, so I kind of made a big deal out of it, even on our flight back to Korea. The hyungs just laughed about it as I crossed my arms and pouted in my seat until one of them caved in, Seunghyun, who treated me to some clothes and candy at the airport stores after we landed. He said something again about how easy it was to shut me up as Jiyong just laughed and ignored my gaze.

What upset me further was the fact that Jiyong had a schedule on my birthday. He was featured in a concert along with Tablo hyung, an evening prime-time performance of course, along with the rehearsals and partying that came before and after it. Also to mention was the reality of our ongoing concert tour, as we would be leaving for London the next day. So basically I told myself there was no way my hyung would make time for me or to even have a proper party.

---

I awoke on my birthday to my typical phone alarm at 7am, but upon reaching for it, my fingers found a small envelope. All it said was Happy Birthday, but on the inside was a note that instructed me to go to the main YG building, no surprise there, because Hwangssabu didn't believe birthdays counted as an excuse not to get some exercise. I couldn't tell whose handwriting it was.

Deciding to arrive a little early to get some breakfast from the cafeteria noonas, I was instead delighted to find my mom dressed in a little hair net and apron behind the buffet line along with them. They were all chatting and smiling together as they let me know that all of the breakfast dishes for the day were made by Omma. She sat beside me at the picnic table that was usually the go-to table for my members when we ate here. We talked about anything and everything until she was satisfied that I had eaten enough, smiling and pecking my cheeks all the while. After she made me clean my own dishes inside the kitchen, she slipped a small fabric bag into a pocket of my coat as I washed my hands. I stared at her curiously as she just nodded and smiled, waving me off to the elevator to take me to the fitness room above.

Inside the little pouch inserted in my pocket were five pinky-sized wax sticks wrapped in a note that simply read: From Dad, Mom, Hanna, and the kitchen staff! Have a happy birthday!

Youngbae had arrived before me in our small gym, already stretching out his hamstrings on the floor. Hwangssabu entered not too long after, carrying with him a grocery bag along with his usual gym bag. He got us right to work on the treadmills as soon as we were stretched and contiinued to make us sweat for another very tiring hour. Youngbae challenged me to get on the floor and do push-ups with him until one of us gave up, as Master Hwang took out from his plastic grocery bag a brand of protein shake that he knew I loved. The game was on with my eyes on the prize, but I still lost to Youngbae. Just as I bowed my head in defeat though, panting on my knees, both my hyung and the trainer had tapped two bottles against the back of my head, one a water bottle and the other Youngbae's shake. I realized they were offering them to me, so I smiled and accepted them before realizing that there was something bumpy wrapped in paper taped to the base of the bottles. I knew right away that they were the same as Omma's. Just as the thought clicked, both of them drew me into a group hug and squeezed me hard until I was laughing.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, birthday brat," Youngbae smiled back, giving me a rough push out of the embrace. Master Hwang did the same, slapping me hard on the shoulders and sending me on my way out of the gym. By the time I left YG and was at my dorm again, I had a total of eleven candles. Hyun Suk and my manager each made me stop by their office to give me one while Seunghyun's manager had found me in the hallways to give me one on my eldest hyung's behalf. When I arrived back to the dorm, Daesung too had given me one, stepping out from his room to find me in the kitchen and peck my cheek.

After a long shower, I texted Jiyong to rub it in his face that the other hyungs had at least given me something. He texted me back to tell me I was still a fool and to go through a box of fan mail or something to make me feel better. He was presently at his make-up chair already preparing for his show. I threw my phone onto a pillow and groaned.

I guess it was just another one of those days where I couldn't get what I wanted. I was spoiled and still vain, I guess. There was indeed a cardboard box perched on the carpet by my bed with my name on it and filled to the brim with papers and panda dolls, but wouldn't that just support the fact that I was still vain? Yet it was my birthday so I deserved a little ego boost, right?

After about an hour of reading not even a third of the fan letters, I picked up my phone again to write a little online diary entry to let the fans know what I was doing. Satisfied with my choice of words, I went to the kitchen for a quick snack and went back to my room again to nap and read more. After about another two hours of that, I had reached the bottom of the box only to come into contact with those small solid things again buried at the bottom. There were ten candles now, and I quickly added the others I had received to make twenty-one.

"No way," I mouthed to myself.

Immediately, I texted Jiyong again. The first note by my bed in the morning. The directions not just to go to YG but to look through the mail. When had Jiyong given these dumb candles to the hyungs and noonas, to my mom, to Ssabunim, to the CEO and managers? And more importantly, what about the two candles he still owed? This was my twenty-third birthday in Korean years, after all. It took him three hours to text me back, probably right before he was to go on stage. His reply was dumb and I was falling into his trap, but still my heart skipped several beats as I grabbed my heaviest coat and largest beanie and told Daesung I was leaving the dorm. Of course I saw through his act of faking worry, but he knew what was going on. They all were in on this.

So I hired a taxi and made my way to Jiyong's condo. After knocking, waiting, and repeating for about five minutes, I figured his parents weren't there and tried to let myself in with the security code I had remembered from back when we lived together. I thought I was getting a key error because of my trembling fingers, but eventually it dawned on me that he must have changed his code. It was currently ten at night and he was probably still on stage, and I was doomed. I thought about going back home, but I was stubborn and wanted my candles. I could only hope Jiyong was just teasing about giving them to Gaho. I never knew with him. But it occurred to me that there wasn't any sniffing or barking coming from inside, so that was all that assured me to stay there.

---

"Yah, get up. Idiot."

I must have fallen asleep waiting outside his door, slumped against a wall. Jiyong was laughing, the only sound filling the silence of the hallways this late.

"Where's my candle," I mumbled, words still slurred with sleep. He only continued to chuckle as he placed one of my arms over his shoulder and dragged me inside.

"Gaho doesn't have it, I promise," he smiled, dropping me into a chair by his computer. "Wait a sec."

As he left the bedroom, I got out my phone to check the time. It was only one in the morning. He must had tried, as he still had his eyeliner and BB cream on. He still smelled of sweat. No nicotine. No alcohol. He still even had that crazed look in his eyes, surely still on that adrenaline rush provided by the crowd. I was lucky. When he came back, he flipped the light switch off and carried a small candle in each hand, singing the birthday tune in a low, scratchy voice.

"One for you, one from me," he said quietly, handing me a lit-up candle as he kept the other one. With his free hand, he pulled me towards him as his palm caressed my back, and he told me to make a wish before I hastily blew out the fires. With my lips still puckered after blowing, he did the same to meet mine, chapped lips rough but always familiar. His hands found mine in the dark, fumbling at first to take the candle out from my grasp and place both on the computer table. The slighly sweet smell of smoke soon faded out of the room, as Jiyong took the opportunity to wrap his arms around my shoulders, letting out a deep breath before pressing his mouth back to me again. I gripped his hips and opened my mouth for him as he nearly shuddered at the invitation. I couldn't help but to let out a breathy moan into his mouth while his fingers ed my coat.

"," he cursed, his lips.

"What?" I tilted my head. "I'm happy, hyung."

"Yeah," he started,"but is this what you want?"

"I just want you, hyung," was all I could think to say. "Thank you for this."

I couldn't really see him in the dark, but I didn't really have to in order to know he was pursing his lips and furrowing his brows in thought.

"Hyung, you think too much," I laughed, sliding off my coat and grabbing a hand to pull him to the edge of his mattress. "Its not technically my birthday anymore, I know, so I guess its not my place to ask things of you now, but-"

Nothing more was said as he sat at the edge by my side, with me the back of his hand wrapped in mine. I simply leaned my head against his collarbone and gently pushed him down to lay with him, my heart beating uncontrollably as I did so. Again, I knew I was lucky. He breathed out a shaky "okay" before wrapping me in his arms and we continued to kiss. I had never before felt so warm and comfortable on a cold December night. At this stage of my life, it was the happiest birthday I had ever experienced.

----

London was just as cold, but with more rain.

I had re-watched Harry Potter on the flight over and basically annoyed all the staff on the plane trying to talk with a British accent. But it made them laugh, and really that was all I was after.

Jiyong and Youngbae went off to explore the fashion stores in the area while I preferred to just eat good food and take pictures with some of the city folk. The buildings were all old and full of history; I tried to picture myself living here, like in a british movie or something, wearing rain coats and sharing umbrellas with people. London had that kind of romantic vibe like I felt in New York. Or maybe I just felt this way because Jiyong had liked these kinds of places. He loved punk rock fashion and shared that kind of quirky rock-n-roll personality as GD. I tried to imagine the two of us now in some distant future taking a true vacation here. My head became a little foggy just thinking about it.

Our two days of performances were fun as always. Youngbae had a nose bleed which didn't seem to phase him at all, and my attempt of a British accent served its comedic purposes as planned. Jiyong laughed and told me I was embarassing again, but I just stuck my tongue out and told him I couldn't be stopped. Our encore ended with a video selca of us staring into my phone camara again, and that was enough for me.

----

After a short stop to Fukuoka for a one day concert, we were back in Korea again to finally wrap up the year with the last of the award shows. Jiyong dyed his hair again and he let me take selcas with him and our stylist backstage. He was okay with me sitting by him in the audience too, chatting in between the live performances and interviews. As he checked instagram posts with Youngbae and Daesung, I made small chat with Eunhyuk hyung of Super Junior and Jiyong was delighted to teasingly remark on my social skills. It was all good fun, really, in a blur of excitement and pride. Before my very eyes I was starting to notice things, like just how much Psy hyung had impacted the pop culture and the kind of groups and soloists who were debuting now. The very last show of the year was much the same.

It was almost funny how I was so familiar with fireworks now. After that embarassing incident in the early days where one sort of blew up my face, I thought it might traumatize me for a while, but now they were everywhere and I was totally comfortable. It was the end of the year, and I said goodbye to 2012 with beautiful memories. We won some awards and had some fun at the after parties, of course, alcohol and dancing and all.

Back at the dorm after a long day, a long year really, I massaged my aching calves as I just lay there on my bed, staring at nothing in particular. The crackles of fireworks could still be heard out the window along with the cheers and drunken banter of the people in the city. My birthday had passed, Christmas had passed. And this year, like every year, I had the team and I had Jiyong. The university days had passed, the group promotions had passed. I was free now, with only two more locations left to the tour, and promises from Hyun Suk for more good things to come in the form of solo projects.

Whatever challenges awaited the new year, I would gladly step up to. I did make a birthday wish on not one but two candles, after all, so surely this would make for another happy year. Because now I had just seen a little bit more of the world along with new sides to Jiyong and myself.

There would only be more happy memories to come, I was sure.

A/N edit:

Nov 20 Ri joins twitter http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/11/seungri-tries-to-convince-fans-its-the-real-him-on-twitter.html

Nov 18 in Vegas hotel http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/11/seung-chans-diary-seungchan-in-las-vegas-121118-photo.html

http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/seungris-twitter-update-u-and-me-twitterphoto.html

Dec 5 Tokyo concert, TopRi http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/seungris-twitter-update-t-o-ps-attack-121206-phototwitter.html

Seungri's "where's my candle?" in Hong Kong <3 http://realjiyong.tumblr.com/post/37793371851

http://m.enewsworld.interest.me/news/news_view.asp?nsID=23614

Seungri's Birthday Diary: http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/seung-chans-diary-happy-birthday-seung-chan-121212-trans.html

Ri working out on his birthday http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/hwang-ssabu-tweets-for-seungris-birthday-and-taeyang-and-seungri-working-out-121212-phototwitter.html

Dec 14-15 London http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/seung-chans-diary-london-london-kim-london-121214-photos.html

http://bigbangupdates.com/2012/12/alive-tour-in-london-day-1-121214-photovideo.html

Ri's cam Encore London http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPPpnBhnpyc&list=PLuGcuFpptxq7CwDrd4YzXM8sji65EU8jL&index=23

Nov 29 MAMA performance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6Qt7Vu1DPc

bonus MAMA after party WTF Daesung ;D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOXjNjDQizI

Dec 29 SBS Gayo Daejun gri sitting at their table in the audience http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0wwaMlanKM

Dec 31 MBC Gayo Daejun http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPcuhw_5qf0

Seungri Diary http://omonatheydidnt.livejournal.com/10451774.html

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Comments

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haru_9631 #1 May 8, 2019 08:02:23

Chapter 38: Thank you for sharing this.

sweetymika #2 Oct 4, 2017 15:28:01

Chapter 38: Thanks for this lovely story. I enjoy this so much. It's feel so real. I couldn't describe the words.. i just feeling too much right now.

Kris_saitou #3 Jul 24, 2016 21:09:25

Chapter 20: I physically felt it when it said Seungri felt all blood drain. I love how this story has realness to it, it just makes it so much more enjoyable. I started to tear up during this chapter..poor Daesung ;-;

Anonymous6985 #4 Jun 15, 2016 02:47:28

Chapter 38: I loved how subtle this story is. I never saw these two as more than a extremely tight bromance. But your story-telling and details are just so amazing. Everything clicked together and it was so realistic. I am going to say that this is one of the best fan stories ever. While a lot of people write endings with such strong conclusions, i always imagine such relationships to be weirdly complicated, and unspoken, and i think you conveyed that so well. So thank you and i hope you regain your passion for writing :)