By the end of August, I was done with my musical, but Jiyong's solo promotions were never-ending. While we were in Japan, he'd call the sound engineers and staff in his free time about a solo concert he was losing sleep over. Sometimes he'd look at me with crazed eyes, dilated and wavering, or he'd tap his fingers against his arms in a mindless beat. Like everyone else, I worried for him.

As December neared, I saw less and less of him. I heard he had a cold and a fever, so I was shocked when he called me at the dorm from work and his voice sounded like usual.

"Yah, maknae. Do me a favor."

I was already by the door, slipping on my tennis shoes as I balanced my cell phone against my shoulders.

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As I stared down and laughed at a Jiyong wearing a black fur-mohawk hoodie with a belt around his neck, I realized I must have really looked like a fool.

It was my own idea to get Jiyong to act like Gaho as I pretended to kick him. Jiyong was laughing, at me or himself, I wasn't sure. This was for a parody video to be shown at his concert, so we had to go back to our normal roles. I was maknae again, silly and young, yet things were different this time.

Jiyong listened to my idea, as spur of the moment as it was, and he actually agreed to it, so I over-acted and over-emphasized everything. The belt which wrapped around my fists acted as a leash, and somehow Jiyong had allowed me that control, even as silly as it was.

Later, in a scene where Jiyong had to thank me for setting him up for a blind date, he kissed me on the cheek. His lips didn't actually touch my skin. He held back, and I quietly thought to myself that he would have actually kissed me if only I were younger.

Later, when we ate lunch together on break, he let me cut the meat for him and he didn't even complain for the way I was cutting it.

He turned his attention away from me for awhile to talk to some of the production staff. I stayed seated at the little lunch table off in a corner of the break room as he got up and left. On a whim, I started cutting the cooked pieces of beef into shapes. When he came back to sit across from me again, he looked down at his bowl of rice and meat and chuckled.

"Hearts?"

I didn't say anything as I ate my own meal.

"Kekeke! Maknae, this one tore!"

I looked up to see a pair of chopsticks holding up a shriveled piece of beef in the shape of a heart torn down the middle irregularly.

"Eat it," Jiyong chuckled.

"Its yours," I complained.

He stared at me for a moment, and our eyes locked. A smirk played across his lips.

"Ha ha. Heart breaker. You're so cheesy."

He popped the meat into his mouth and chewed slowly. I had earnestly hoped that the hearts would mean something else to him, but he didn't say anything else.

It wasn't that Jiyong was inconsiderate. I just never knew what to expect from him.

"Hyung."

"Hm?" he muffled while chewing. He quickly wiped his lips with a napkin and looked up at me. Maybe there was so much that I wanted to say, or maybe there wasn't.

"Nevermind."

He smiled and flicked my nose.

"Pabo. Think before you speak."

I rubbed my nose and nodded, even though I was already well-aware of that rule.

Maybe I just wanted to say hyung, look at me or hyung, I like you, you know?

But then I knew I'd be asking too much.

A/N edit: The Gri skit in shine a light: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5B-N-CmqJXw