I didn't bring up the kiss. We just didn't talk about it. Of course I wanted to, but Jiyong's chagrin smiles towards me were enough for me to take the hint. So I just sort of joked around and tried to lift up his spirits, often times in the form of humiliating myself, as he was still endeavouring in piecing those fragments of his reputation and inner hurt back together. It was a healing process, after all. Things were unclear, unclear in the way that time always was, the way that feelings tended to be. When would it be okay to go out in public again? When would the rumors die down, when would the press find something new to report?

          Besides, the phrase "I love you" was one of those things that liked to stay at the roof of my mouth or lodged in my throat or screaming in my heart, but rarely verbally expressed. I didn't need to. I didn't want to or feel that I had to. I wasn't a man of sweet sayings, and my girlfriends knew that. I just felt that repeatedly confessing love wasn't necessary as long as it was palpable. Maybe I was cold. Maybe I couldn't keep a girl that way. Jiyong knew me though, and that was enough.

          November was fast approaching, and we hadn't been promoting for five months, but somehow the fans had found a way to bring us back to the stage in the form of some sort of MTV nomination, whether we were ready for the spotlight or not. The next thing I knew, our manager had told us we'd be flying to Belfast, Ireland and maybe take some pictures while we were over there in Europe. I was appalled when I found out we were going to be up against the big dogs, the American pop stars, the world-known artists. A few of my personal favorites were going to be there. Being star struck would probably be an understatement.

           Even so, Jiyong made sure to give us all a talk as leader that we be grateful for the opportunity and stay humble, all the while peering at me because maknae likes to gloat. So I let out a little huff, which made him chuckle, and told him honestly that I knew what was at stake here. We were unprepared. We didn't know what to expect, who we would come into contact with, what kind of impact we would have, if any.

            Once we landed at Heathrow in London, though all of us were fatigued with exhaustion and wanted nothing more than to head to our hotel, it was strikingly apparent that celebrating Seunghyun's birthday was overdue. We broke out into a chorus of happy birthday as soon as we were all buckled up in our shuttle van. The ride to our hotel was just the beginning of great new memories. Seunghyun laughed and pretended to be bashful before admittedly directing that the continuous celebration of his birth be praised by his dongsaengs for the entire stay in Europe. We wanted to take him out to dinner, but Seunghyun's wish was simply for a glass of good wine and a quiet hotel room. We made a fuss that we should do something fun, to which Seunghyun just smiled and told us we'd have plenty of time to goof off the next day. He was right, it was going to be a long day of photo shoots in the streets of London, looking around and maybe trying some good local food. Besides, we really did need to rest. Jiyong was at the end of his tether, where absolutely anything could set him off. He was extremely quiet, simmering just below the surface. We all noticed it.

            Our full day in London passed by too quickly, and soon enough we were on our way to Belfast. Jiyong was still quiet due to his off sleep patterns, but once he was more awake by the late afternoon, I was by his side again. The more I was with him, the more I realized he truly was in his best moods at night, no matter the timezone. He would get more chatty, and he'd laugh and throw an arm around my shoulder. I was extremely thankful that the MTV awards we were attending didn't start until the late evening. He was particularly on-edge that morning. He and Youngbae were fidgeting in their makeup chairs, conversing in English just in case they had to be interviewed or, who knows, make a speech. Seunghyun and Daesung were throwing jokes at them, trying to lighten their spirits. I didn't really know what to do myself, we were all kind of anxious and high-energy, so I just talked with the makeup and hair noonas, trying to appear relaxed for the other's sake.

            When the sun finally set and we were dressed and ready to go, we hopped into a rent car and off we went, on our way to a red carpet event in a foreign country, of all places. The closer we were getting to our destination, the more condensed the traffic became. Light, feathery sighs would escape our lips, inching closer to now crowds of people and cameramen. I started fidgeting with the plastic badge we each recieved as our ticket inside. Jiyong was seated next to me, complaining that the air conditioner was too cold. The air vents were on my side of the seat, so I hastily shut the shudders, to which Jiyong sighed a quick "thank you" and threaded his fingers into my own, stopping me from playing with the badge.

"So quick to meet my needs, maknae," Jiyong laughed, metal rings cold against my knuckles.

"I'm used to it," I shrugged. He gave me a small eye smile and rubbed his thumb against my palm.

"Don't be nervous," he whispered as our hands started to warm. It was silly, really. He was the one that looked the most nervous to me. Looking at his eyes, I recalled how picky he was earlier with the makeup noona about being careful with the eyeliner. He looked kind of scary. I wanted to laugh.

"Yah!" Jiyong barked at me, now smiling. "I know what you're thinking!"

          I smiled back and rolled my eyes, and told him that he was the nervous one in a sing-song voice. He swat my hand away playfully and reached over to open the air vents back up again. Now only minutes away from stepping out, Jiyong took my hand again and squeezed it.

"Okay," he breathed, and now he had all of our attention. "Let's do what we do, act natural, like always."

Still holding my hand, Jiyong turned his head to each of us in the car.

"Youngbae, back me up, bro," he said in English. "We got this." Youngbae nodded.

"Daesung," Jiyong said endearingly. They shared a long glance with each other, and Daesung was already radiating with charm, all smiles. Seunghyun poked Daesung in the ribs, to which he let out that laugh we knew so well, while Seunghyun nodded along, somehow appearing more relaxed and calm than ever.

And then we stepped out, all the while still hand-in-hand.

-------------------------

        After being in Europe for over a week, we were finally back in Seoul and had to get right back to work on plans and rehearsals for a YG Family concert and recording a new album, which meant having busy schedules all over again, though this time while battling through the old time zone.  

        The boost to my ego was higher than ever after our group won the title we were nominated for. I kept over-exaggerating in rehearsals and recordings, much to Jiyong's annoyance. I guess we were back, time had passed, and just maybe Daesung and Jiyong had found some closure, though I'm sure there would always be scars left behind.  

        The concerts went on without a hitch and our names were back on the media again. We were gradually making progress with the new album, and I was psyched. The only problem now was that I had recently gotten into another academic probation from my university because I was too busy to attend class, so I was missing exams.  

        I didn't have time to visit the family that year for my birthday. I even spent my mornings at the gym, reading textbooks while on the  stair-steppers or treadmills. It was a hectic time, and I was kind of out of it, but even so, I was happy.  

        On one of the few December nights that I had time to study, I was offered a distraction from none other than Jiyong. The door to my bedroom creaked open and I immediately closed my laptop. I was sitting at the center of my bed with the computer in my lap. Some sort of suspicious, teasing smile was already at his lips.  

"Hyung, before you say anything, its not what it looks like," I said straight-faced. Jiyong was already plopping down beside me on the bed, fingers grasping in the air to open up the laptop. He never gave up on the teasing.

"Aww, damn," Jiyong cursed, smiling. "Looks like I can't punish you since this is an academic site. Maybe I should check your history."

"Hyung!"

      Jiyong chuckled, pushing at my shoulder as I took back my laptop. I quickly shut it down and plugged in a charger before placing it on one of the few spots of the floor that wasn't covered in dirty clothes.

"Seungriyah, gross," Jiyong remarked, "Clean your room."

      I whined and leaned backwards, sprawling out my legs. Out of no where, Jiyong told me to stay like that before promptly leaving the room and coming back within a minute.

"Seungriyah. Close your eyes for just a moment."

      Utterly confused, I did as he said, and felt Jiyong's hands open up my palms before swiftly placing a box in my grasp. It was a little heavy. I looked down to see a white cardboard box with a red ribbon neatly tied onto it. The Chrome Hearts label wasn't hard to miss.

"Just open it," Jiyong pleaded, rocking slightly back and forth beside me on the mattress.

      Had I ever received random gifts? I guess I forgot that Jiyong liked to do those kind of things, like when he told me he gave a girlfriend a car trunk filled with balloons once.

It was a bracelet. Jiyong had gifted me with a new-to-the-market bracelet, intricate and modern, clunky and of threaded metal.

"Do you like it? I have one similar to it. Here, let me help you put it on," Jiyong expressed, brown eyes focused on a wrist.

"Hyung, but why did you.."

"Just because," Jiyong replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "Don't you think it'll look good for the new concept?"

I rolled my eyes and asked him what the concept even was. He just tsked and told me to pay more attention.

"Just think of it as a gift for studying, then. Or a late birthday gift. Or a thank you gift. Whatever," Jiyong shrugged again.

"What did I do?" I asked, and Jiyong hunched over to kiss my left wrist before wrapping it in metal. I in a breath, not expecting the warm touch of his lips or the coldness of the bracelet. He lifted his gaze to smile gently at me.

"For loving me," he said simply, and my heart stopped.

"Oh," I replied lamely, throat suddenly dry and tight. I squirmed around, not sure if I could speak again. Jiyong looked like he could burst out into laughter. I probably had a dumb expression on my face, couldn't blame him.

"Maknae, so serious!" he laughed out, pinching my shoulders and pulling me into a quick embrace.

"You're alright, maknae," he teased, once he let me go. "I think I'll keep you," he whispered, before kissing a corner of my mouth and leaving my room.

In just a few days, it was going to be a new year. I could only hope Jiyong had meant something, and I silently prayed for the best.

A/N edit: Big Bang on the red carpet in Dublin! <3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1ppzi3c-JE

Ri's bracelets from YB and GD in more detail: http://nyongtori.tumblr.com/post/26962265717/bigbangswaq-riris-chrome-hearts-bangle-silver