Part 7 : Everyone Has A Secret-2

Yunho’s car slowly entered the parking lot nearby the port. A luxurious cruise stood just before him. Staring onto it; he turned off the ignition and got out of the car. He made his way approaching the cruise and stopped right in front of the memorial board.

-----

This cruise was named after the Goddess of Love; Aphrodite as a dedication for my late wife – Jung Yoon Ji.

My love for you would never die even after you’re gone.

-----

Yunho scoffed.

“Love…you have no right speaking about love…that’s all bull!”

Yunho inhaled deeply as his eyes trailed down to his feet. It occurred to him that he too probably has no right to talk about love.

“Kim Jaejoong…” He muttered one particular name.

Another pair of shoes appeared and he looked up to see the owner of that magenta stiletto. Boa was standing in front of him with her arms crossed to her chest; pouted.

“Arrghh…I think I broke my arms carrying those shopping bags by myself…”She said jokingly.    

“I’m sorry…” Yunho apologized immediately. Boa noticed how Yunho was troubled by something.

“He doesn’t remember me, does he…? Your Jaejoongie…”

Yunho didn’t answer. He let out a heavy sigh. Judging from Yunho’s expression, Boa understood right away.

“I guess I owed him an explanation…”

“Don’t bother…there’s nothing needed to be explained…I created this problem and I should be the one dealing with it…and besides…he’s not like himself…he’s-”

Yunho searched for the right word to picture it but his brain couldn’t really work properly when his heart is troubled.

“He’s…CHANGED…” Yunho stressed out the word change. That’s all he could think about – that Jaejoong’s changed.

“People changed, Yunho-ah…it’s nothing to be surprised. And even if he did changed, what’s wrong about it? You love him nevertheless right?”

“Yes! I hate you so much! I REALLY HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! Are you happy now?!”

Yunho closed his eyes as he’s recalling it. It’s really hard to accept hearing that coming out from Jaejoong’s own lips. But I guess he really deserved it.

“I probably need to work even harder on that…” Yunho said it loud while scratching his head. But it’s sounded more as a reminder to himself than to Boa. Boa wasn’t really understood what Yunho really meant but she decided to just shrug it off.

“Err…noona…what are you doing here? I thought you’re at home…”  Yunho finally realized.

“Ahh…about that…I’ve decided to just stay at Aphrodite…doesn’t wish to complicate things…not all people knows that we’re blood related…”

*Yunho’s POV

That’s right. Not all people know that we’re blood related. Lots of things happened for the past two years. And some might have forgotten about our past but not for us. Not to me and not to Boa noona. Boa noona is probably my step sister now but we’re actually blood related. Her mother and my late mother were identical twins. So technically we’re cousin.

Until my old man used a dirty trick to force Boa’s mother into a marriage. 

“Staying at Aphrodite huh?!”

“What? You do remember it right…that your old man turned this cruise into a 5stars hotel instead sending it to sail on the ocean?”

“Of course…so that the world can come and praise him for his so called endless love to his wife…more like a sick obsession…well, he can fool the world but he could never fool me…”Yunho’s scathing.

*****

Jaejoong couldn’t sleep. He tossed his body to the left then to the right; finding the right position to help him fall asleep. But still he failed. Nothing he did seem working out. He needs to sleep. He was so desperate to fall asleep; hoping that when he wakes up on the next morning, everything has been cleaned up out of his brain.

He pulled his body up into a sitting position; finally giving up. He got off his bed and made his way towards the drawer. He opened it up in a swift; frantically searching for something. He found a small bottle at the very back of the drawer and took it out. With a trembling hand, he opened up the cap and tapped the tip of the bottle against his palm but nothing comes out. He peeked inside the bottle and realized that it was empty.

The bottle slipped out of his hand when it finally hit him. The antidepressant pill he took a week ago was the last one. Jaejoong his dry lips while ruffling his hair. The panic plained on his face.

“Do you think you’re that good?”

“You looks like a girl but you’re NOT physically…don’t even dream that you can get Yunho to like you”

“Oh please! You’re burden to him…he stick with you because of pity…”

Those voices kept on replaying inside his head like a broken tape. Jaejoong knocked his head with his knuckles several times. He’s losing his right mind! His heart elevated and the sweats started to appear; covering his forehead.

“You’re ugly, you know that?”

 “Yah ugly!”

Jaejoong shook his head; denying it like he’s conversing with the voice inside his head.

“No I’m not…I’m certainly not…the beauty runs in the family…”

He’s pacing across his bedroom while picking up his lips with his fingers. The sweats trickled down his temple even though with the air conditioner on. He can even feel his palms growing damps when hit bit onto his nails. Jaejoong continued pacing but suddenly stopped when he passed by a huge mirror at the corner of his room. He then shifted a half step to the back where his whole appearance is visible.

“…you’re too skinny, you know that…”

Yunho’s voice rang inside his head as he’s viewing himself in the mirror.

“You’re too skinny…you’re ugly…”

Jaejoong shook his head and dashed out of his room; jogged along the hallway, rushing down the stairs and towards the kitchen. He was slightly out of the breath when he reached the kitchen doorway. He didn’t delay even for a second as he rummaged through the cabinet and the refrigerator; gathering all the snacks and high calories foods inside his arms as many as possible.

He was on his way back to his room when he bumped with his butler.

“Young Master Jaejoong? What are you doing with all those foods?”

“N-nothing…I’m really hungry…”

“Do you need some helps carrying them, Young Master?”

“It’s fine!” Jaejoong ran; leaving his butler in bewilderment.  

Jaejoong closed the door behind his back by using his leg. He put down all the food on the floor and went back to lock the door. He sat down in front of the piles up foods with his legs curved into ‘W’ position. Jaejoong opened up all the wrappers first before he started shoving everything into his mouth; eating sloppily.

His body jolted at the first sudden intrusion forcing down his throat and he almost got choked because of it but Jaejoong didn’t stop. He continuously stuffed the foods into his mouth; the chocolates, the breads, the cakes and everything. He chewed twice then just swallowed it down.

He ate like a beggar. He looked almost like a beggar. The stains of chocolate smeared all over his mouth together with the bread crumbs. The pain stung his throat like hell and the tears rolled down unwittingly.

But Jaejoong showed no sign of slowing down. He forced his body to accept all the huge amounts of foods as he continued pouring and shoving everything into his mouth. He then tipped up the water bottle, letting the cold fluid washed down his throat. But it couldn’t wash away the bitterness inside him.

He wished to stop but those voices inside his heads were mocking at him.

Jaejoong tore another plastic open and stuffed the snacks into his mouth. He used his other hand to shove the chocolate cake and reached out his hand to grab for another piece. He startled when he saw the blood covering his fingers. Jaejoong brought his trembling hand to touch his mouth and realized that the blood was dripping out.

And that’s when the pain came stabbing him from all angles.  He closed his eyes overwhelmed by the intensity of the pain his stomach. It felt like his organs wrenched.

“Ahhh…!!!” Jaejoong clamped his hand over his stomach; whimpering.

“Aaahhhhh!!!”  

Jaejoong used the strength he had left to push himself up and stand on his feet. He succeeds at his first try but almost crushing down back to the floor because of the dizziness. His head’s throbbing. He closed his eyes for a moment to balance his equilibrium and staggering towards the bathroom.

Jaejoong fell down on the tiles with his hands both clasping at the toilet bowl. He pushed himself up and with his bended knees; Jaejoong threw up into the bowl. Everything he forcefully consumed just now is pouring out in a glimpse along with the red thick liquid that smelled like blood.

The tears stung his eyes but the pain was too much to bear. He tried to stand intended to call for help but he knees gave out and he fell down lying on the bathroom tiles. The strength’s subsiding and the pain’s overpowering him. His body felt numb.

*Jaejoong’s POV

Yunho had no idea how much I sacrificed f  or him. He doesn’t even aware that I’m tormented because of him. I did so many things to impress him but what do I get from him? Nothing.

Kim Jaejoong…you are so stupid!

What Yunho doesn’t know was that I paid for all the mess that he caused. I became the place for all those girls he dated and dumped to express their anger. I became their punching bag; their place to step and to spit.

If there’s someone that should be blamed for the heartless Kim Jaejoong, I’ve become…it should be you, Yunho-ah…it should be you…

*End of Jaejoong’s POV

The tears rolled down Jaejoong’s cheek. It’s getting hard for him to breathe. His heart constricted. The pain evidenced on his face. He’s lying there on the bathroom tiles; gazing at the ceiling that seems getting farther away from him. He’s breathing in haggardness – so weak, and so painful. And right that moment, all the past memories came crashing over him as if a dam had broken. The memories that he wanted to hide even from his own self.

The tears running down as he closed his eyes slowly.

*****

*Flashback 2 years ago

Jaejoong saw Yunho’s kissing a girl right after the class has ended. He then walked away without informing Yunho’s first; heading straight to the limousine outside of the gate. He swore that he doesn’t want to get involve with Yunho’s matter anymore and that what he thought was the best idea.

He’s tired to be blamed and being the one they point their fingers to.

But Yunho always made it hard for him.

***

Jaejoong ran his fingers on the keyboard as he played a melodious song. His body flinched and stopped playing when he heard a door slammed behind his back.

“I’ve been looking for you in every freaking place!”

Yunho stomped his feet as he’s marching towards Jaejoong in furious.

“You didn’t wait for me, today…what the heck!”

“We’re not living under the same roof…and besides; I don’t want to intervene between you and your lover…” Jaejoong clarified.

“So you saw it…the kiss?”

Jaejoong left it unanswered.

“It was a break up kiss…I broke up with her…I wanted to use you as a reason to run away but when I looked around; you weren’t there…it’s insane you know that? Having to watch her crying?! It’s so freaking annoying!!!”

“You deserve that…” Jaejoong said in a flat tone.

“What’s wrong with you, Jaejoong-ah? You’re different today…”

“Yunho-ah…I think you should stop that...if you don’t love any of the girls; don’t go around giving them a false hope and then break their hearts…”

“Then what? You’re not seriously thought that I’m going to marry one of them, don’t you? We’re still young! …and besides; I don’t believe in marriage…”

“I know that…but they don’t…they were hoping for more; from you…”Jaejoong countered. He closed the piano and stood up.

“Girls…They should know it better than anyone else that the relationship is not going to last…”

“You dig your own grave…so please don’t drag me along with you…”Jaejoong’s hand was already on the door knob when Yunho stopped him by holding onto his hand.

“Jaejoong-ah…please don’t go…I really need your comfort now…” Yunho spoke in a low and serious tone.

“Yunho-ah…”

“Just lend me your shoulder…just for a moment…please…”

***

“YAH KIM JAEJOONG!!!!”Jaejoong was pushed harshly from the back. He stumbled to the front and landed on his knees.

“Do you think you’re that good?”

“And you thought you are? Challenging me when no one’s around?” Jaejoong couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Do you think I don’t know? You love Yunho right? And what trick you hid under your sleeve? What did you do to him that he decided to break up with me?!”

“I don’t have to do anything…he just played with you…he doesn’t love you…”

*SLAP!

Jaejoong touched his cheek. She just slapped Jaejoong on his face.

“You’re just jealous don’t you? Yunho would never look at you the same way he look at the girls…You looks like a girl but you’re NOT physically…don’t even dream that you can get Yunho to like you…You know what he told me about you? That he’s sick with you…that you’re ugly…”

“I’m ugly but me he would always run to...he’s sick with me but why he never leaves me? But he leaves you?”Jaejoong countered.

“Oh please! You’re burden to him…he stick with you because of pity…!”

***

*Jaejoong’s POV

Korea has been shocked with the murder case of Jung Yoon Ji; the wife of multi millionaire Jung Jin Hee. Mrs. Jung died tragically. She was murdered in one of the cruises belongs to Mr. Jung with no witnesses.

It was reported that the prime suspect of that case was Mr Jung himself. But somehow he succeeds in getting rid his name off the suspect list and he decided to move out of the country.

His late mother has been buried an hour ago but Yunho’s still there. Yunho’s standing there; staring onto the space without budge. He couldn’t really accept that. I watched him mourning over the lost of his mother. I was there accompanying him; never really left actually.

Yunho walked to me.

“I have no reason to stay here anymore…” Yunho voiced out in a depressed tone.

“Am I not enough?”

“What do you mean by it, Jaejoong-ah? I don’t get it…”

“Can’t you just stay here? For me? Can’t I be your only reason to stay here?”

“You can live without me, Jaejoong-ah…Grow up and find yourself a new friend…”

I feel like my life’s crumbling down in that instant. I felt like I was forced to succumb into darkness. I guessed I was wrong. In Yunho’s eyes; I was nothing but a burden for him to carry on.

I did so many things to impress Yunho; to attract him. But I guessed that girl was right. I could never make Yunho love me no matter what I do. I’m so embarrassed.  

I thought that one day Yunho would look at me the same I look at him. But I guessed I was the one who’s hanging on the false hope that I myself built.

*End of Jaejoong’s POV

Yunho didn’t even joke about his leaving and he left just like he said he would. Jaejoong was utterly heartbroken.  Jaejoong then took a drastic action by swallowing the whole diet pills from a bottle; a drastic action that later he regretted.

***

“Your son is at the serious stage of bulimia…we discovered that lots of area in his stomach is damaged…He’s bleeding critically during the operation…”

“What do you mean that our son suffered bulimia? He’s perfectly healthy!” Mr.Kim couldn’t accept what the doctor has just said.

“People with bulimia are often at a normal weight and that’s why other people may not notice this eating disorder…it’s just that; they see themselves as being overweight…they consumed a large amounts of food at a time but then they forced themselves to vomit…”The doctor explained thoroughly.

“But I don’t get it...he almost got himself killed…? Why?”

“Mr.Kim…Mrs.Kim…there’s something that you should know…bulimia is caused by different reasons and in your son’s case, it’s from the major depression…”

“W-what?!”

“Major depression is not something that can be taken lightly. He needs to be treated immediately. That’s the only way for the bulimia to be treated. Bulimia is a long term illness and the possibility for it to relapse is still high even after years…and that’s why we need to ensure that his mind is completely free from all the negative belief…”

“We’re able to save him this time was purely based on luck…and we don’t think his body can go through another shock…”

Mrs.Kim almost collapsed and luckily for her that Mr.Kim was there to catch her. She cupped ; sobbed in her husband’s chest.

“All he needs right now is the love and attention from you…”

***

Jaejoong had to undergo the therapy for a year to convince the medical practitioners that he’s fine. And even after he finished with the therapy; he has to take the antidepressant as prescribed. Mr. & Mrs.Kim were grateful that Jaejoong showed a positive respond to it but unfortunately they couldn’t set their at ease with just that.

They noticed that Jaejoong’s rarely talk and he chose to isolate himself even when he’s at home. Jaejoong never said it himself but they knew how much Jaejoong’s life depending on Yunho.

“Should we tell Yunho about him? Who knows he will come back for our Joongie…?” Mrs. Kim suggested.

“Yunho’s stuck with his own problem too, honey…how can we force him to come back to a place that will remind him of his late mother?”Mr.Kim disagreed.

“It’s bad isn’t? Jin Hee’s case… do you really think that Jin Hee killed Yoon Ji; his own wife?”Mrs. Kim asked for his opinion.

“Even if he’s my best friend; that wouldn’t mean I would justify every crime he did…imagine how traumatized Yunho is; being a sole witness to the murder of his own mother…”

“Then that’s the more reason for us to ask Yunho to stay with us…to protect him…”Mrs.Kim held onto his forearm; persuading him. Mr. Kim shook his head.

“Jin Hee doesn’t know about it.It was kept a secret. As long as Jin Hee doesn’t know whose the informer is; then Yunho is safe. And did you forget about Yoon Ji’s twin; Joon Ji and her daughter; Boa?”

Mrs.Kim lowered down her head. Her husband was right. Yunho has to be there to protect them. Yunho will come back eventually; when it’s time but sadly they couldn’t wait for it.

They have to find Jaejoong a new friend to fill in Yunho’s spot. And that’s when they came up with an idea to throw a party; inviting those who have children around Jaejoong’s age.

***

The party started 30 minutes ago. More guests arrived with or without their kids. But Jaejoong have no intention to mingle or to even socialize with any of them.

Jaejoong sneaked out from the party and went to the backyard where the swimming pool is located. That’s the only place that he could think of; where he can isolate himself from the guests. Jaejoong likes to be there; allowing the cold breeze blowing against his skins. It’s so cool and peaceful. Not to forget that it’s beautiful too. The moonlight’s illuminating the pool making it’s glowing in blue. Holding onto his stomach; Jaejoong then lowered down his body and sat by the pool.

If it’s before; the place next to him is reserved by Yunho. They would spend the night chit chattering about nothing in particular. But now it’s so lonely and pathetic. He never had friends other than Yunho but Yunho never makes him feels that lonely.

“I’m not coming back…there’s no reason for me to stay here anymore…”

The tears were pooling at the corner of his eyes. It’s really hard for him to accept that Yunho won’t ever come back; not even for him. Everything is changed now that Yunho wasn’t with him anymore. But he didn’t know where to start. Yunho was always the one who’s leading everything. How can he move on? How can he continue to walk?

“How can you leave me so easy? Am I meant nothing to you at all, Yunho-ah?”

The tears dripped down and landed on his laps.

“Err…excuse me…”

Jaejoong turned around when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He was so surprised to see two pairs of innocent eyes staring at him. Jaejoong titled his head as his eyes blinking rapidly. There were two little girls looking so much alike standing before him – identical twins from the look of it.

“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Ga Eul…”

“…and I’m Bo Mi…” Both of them then bowed slightly to him. Jaejoong blinked at them; still thinking how two little kids were left walking alone in night.

“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Kim Jaejoong…” Jaejoong introduced himself in return.  

In Jaejoong’s eyes; everything about them is the same except from the way they tied their hairs. Ga Eul’s hair was tied to the right side while Bo Mi’s hair was tied to the left side.

“Oppa…are you alone?” Both of them spoke in unison.

Jaejoong hesitantly nodded.

“Don’t you have any friend?” Bo Mi innocently asked him. Jaejoong was taken aback by the question as Yunho’s face flashed into his eyes.

“It’s okay…our oppa also have no friend…” Ga Eul backed up with a sweet smile.

“O-oppa?”

“SHIM BO MI! SHIM GA EUL!!! YOU GUYS DEAD!!!”

“Speaking of a stupid oppa…there he is…Shim Changmin…”Both of them pointed at the tall skinny boy who’s flaming at their back. Changmin still have no idea about Jaejoong’s presence yet as he’s staking his time catching up his breath.

“Oppa…we found you a beautiful friend…Kim Jaejoong oppa…”They stepped away as they introduced Jaejoong to Changmin. Changmin gasped.

Ga Eul and Bo Mi palmed their mouths; giggling.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“Nothing big, oppa…Changmin oppa is always like that when he met a beautiful person…”Ga Eul explained to Jaejoong.

“B-beautiful?” Jaejoong thought that he heard it wrong. It never occurred to him that he’s good looking. All he could remember is the disgust looks those girls were giving him.

“I know that we ask for too much…but is it okay if you be Changmin’s oppa friend?” Bo Mi asked him like it was a huge favor.

“Errr…excuse me…”

Jaejoong’s gaze flew at the intruder.

“I’m Kim Junsu…I’m sorry…but I lost…can you show me the way out?”

Jaejoong recognized him. It’s the lonely boy he saw in the party. The one that’s obediently followed his father’s back. Junsu too gave him the same reaction like Changmin did as soon as he realized who is he.

“So I guess what people said is true…how the beauty is running in the blood of Lady Kim Jae In…you’re the spitting image of her…” Junsu exclaimed excitedly.

“B-beauty?”Jaejoong looked at his own image which is mirrored on the water in the pool.  

“Young Master Kim…” Jaejoong looked around as he heard the voice of his butler.

The butler came while pushing on the trolley filled with different kinds of menu. Several maids followed him from behind pushing another several trolleys.  

“Wow~ Our own party~!” Bo Mi and Ga Eul jumped while clapping their hands.

Watching the excitement plastered on their faces; Jaejoong’s finally able to smile. And that’s how they met with each other. Jaejoong could never expect to find other people who shared the same similarities as his. It’s weird how fate connected them and how they grew fond with each other in just one night. But whatever that is; Jaejoong know how much he owed them his life.

*End of Flashback 2 years ago

*****

Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered in opening. He realized that he was lying on his bed instead on the cold bathroom tiles. He had all his loved one surrounding him - both of his parents and as well as Junsu and Changmin. Judging from the worry looks written on their faces; he guessed that he was saved again.

“Oh baby…How are you feeling?”

“Omma…” Jaejoong called his mother weakly.

“O-omma? Did you just call me omma?” Mrs.Kim looked over her husband; afraid that she might have heard it wrong. Mr.Kim nodded affirming it. It’s been a long time they didn’t heard Jaejoong call her like that.

“Omma…mianhe…I lost control over it again…mianhe…”His throat stung whenever he talks but Jaejoong couldn’t care less. He still wanted them to know even if he had to force his voice to come out.

The tears poured down from Mrs.Kim’s eyes at that instant. She hugged Jaejoong from the side and planted a kiss on his temple.

“Its fine baby…its fine…”

“Mianhe…I promise you that it won’t happen again…” Mrs. Kim ran her fingers along Jaejoong’s hairs as she nodded.

Jaejoong’s gaze then averted from his parents to Changmin and Junsu.

“Changmin-ah…Junsu-ah…”

Mrs.Kim scooted away; giving a space for Changmin and Junsu to move closer. Junsu wrapped Jaejoong’s cold hands with his. He twitched it gently.

“You do know how much I love you guys, right…? You guys gave me a new meaning of life…a new reason to live…and because of that; I’m really thankful that I met you two…”

Both of Junsu and Changmin then threw themselves to hug Jaejoong. Their action earned a soft chuckle from Jaejoong.

*******

A/N: Another update for my lovely readers…please forgives me if it’s really such a lousy update…*bow down*…I believe this chapter contains the answers to all the questions…I’m sorry if I somehow disappoint you…

Please support me by subscribing and comments are most welcomed ^^ your comments will be replied at the comments section. Thanks *bow*