Bang Yong Guk’s P.O.V.

I awkwardly smiled at him, trying to calm down my heartbeat and hide my shaking hands behind my back. I looked like an idiot standing in the middle of the living room, looking at Himchan who was about to crash on the couch.

     I cleared my throat, shaking the chills off me. Dude. Pull yourself together. You’re such a… aigoo, I can’t even–

     “Seriously, man…” Himchan mumbled, scratching the back of his head, looking across the room, out the hallway. The kid had disappeared in that direction, and I felt uncomfortable standing with my back against that part of the apartment. He was like a puppy, sniffing around, making me nervous. Why did I even let him in in the first place? Dammit, I’m such an idiot!

     I frowned, pulling off an irritated face, but tried to endure the regret by crookedly smiling at Himchan. Was I talking? I guess I was. About what? I had no idea. And by the look on Himchan’s face it didn’t seem like he knew either. Was he even listening? He was staring pass me, his upper lip quivering. I wanted to stare too – stare that blonde kid to the ground, making him know what he’d stolen from me. I wouldn’t yell at him. Maybe. No, I couldn’t do that. He should be able to tell by the look I would give him. A tough look. A look of death.     

     Himchan groaned, not really settling on the couch. “I just think it’s weird,” he mumbled, making me raise an eyebrow, snapping back to the apartment, shutting my talking mouth.

     “What?” I asked, leaning a little forward towards him, still kinda frozen in my awkward position. I was like a housewife, smiling at her guest on the couch. Next thing would be me asking ‘Lemonade or coffee?’

     He pouted but then shook his head, waving his hands violently around. “Nothing. Just forget it,” he said, quickly getting off the couch, shoving his hands down his pockets. 

     The sight of him eased me up a little and I chuckled, walking for the kitchen as I glanced back at him and his annoyed facial expression. “You’re a mystery to me, man,” I said, laughing. “Beer?” I saw him slowly nod, biting his bottom lip. It was weird to see him like that, but somehow it amused me. I’d no idea what I’d been doing during the last couple of days, but I knew for sure, that I hadn’t seen him. It felt like a huge burden was lifted from my chest as, seeing him in my living room. And with that distant kinda goofy look on his face – I chuckled as I opened the fridge.

     “Something bothering you?” I asked from the fridge, grabbing a couple of cold beers before returning to him in the living room.

     He looked at me with wide eyes, shaking his head. “N-no, nothing,” he stuttered. “Na-ah, absolutely nothing,” he continued, making me frown and slowly nod.

     “Okay, man, sure, I get it,” I said, handing him the bottle. He thanked me, opened it with his thumb, put it to his lips, and I stared at him as he gulped it all down in one shot. He exhaled, his lips and gave me back the empty bottle, nodding.

     He looked down at his watch, eyes widening. “I should get going!” He said, waving at me before walking across the room, almost losing his balance, crashing into the bookshelf. I quickly put both bottles down, laughed and caught him from falling to the floor.

     “Woah, you okay, man?” I chuckled and as he looked up at me, we smiled at each other, laughing. He cleared his throat as he got out of my embrace, padding my shoulder.

     “I’ll see you later, man,” he said and let me look at him for a while, making sure that he was able to get home safe. You know, without falling and smashing his head against the pavement. Or walk out in front of a car. Or a truck. Or a bus. Or assault some old lady, thinking it’s one of his old flings – and then get beaten up with a solid handbag and a pointy umbrella.

     I chuckled. “You okay?” I asked once again, and he nodded.

     “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” he said, nodding. He turned around, aiming for the door. I exhaled, looking at him as he disappeared throughout the door, down the hallway and out the front door.

     “Crazy fella,” I mumbled and smiled. I stood there for a while, smiling like a fool, not really noticing the suffocating silence in the empty apartment. I frowned, that was weird. I used to enjoy the silence, be grateful when it was my only company – but now it only made me shiver, the smile on my lips vanishing as I turned around and carried out the bottles to the kitchen counter. Dirty dishes. Aigoo, my life… I started washing the pile of dirty dishes by hand, staring down at the busy hands, letting my mind trail off.

     What could possibly be bothering Himchan? Sure, it had been fun seeing him like that, but now that I thought it all over again, it kinda worried me. Ever since that damn wedding he’d changed – showing me sides of him that I’d never seen before. I would’ve been okay with it if it’d been a more smiling side or a more friendly side. But, it was more like a confused, frustrated and distant side, and it bothered me.     

     A sticky, tough stain on a plate made me frown. “Ya, jugulle?” I hissed at it, and almost dropped the plate from my hands. No, no, no, I couldn’t yell at him. Or give him a tough glare – the glare of death. I’d seen the reaction to it on his face once before, and it made my stomach turn.

     My mind hadn’t been able to follow up. I’d been waking home that night (wait, it hadn’t been that long ago... Last night? No, it felt like ages since our hands had… touched. Hold up! What!?), noticing a couple of tough strangers walking pass me. Well, I guess I’d fought of couple of them before, but they didn’t seem to recognize me. Whatever. I’d continued my way home, but had stopped, staring into the open air when I’d heard him yell. “I’m not a little boy!” His voice clear and somehow pure in my head, making my eyes wide. I don’t remember turning around and run, but a few seconds later I’d been staring at the scenery, losing my mind. I think I’d punch a few of them, only really knowing what was going on until I’d been reaching down, offering him my hand. Still, seeing his face had made my heart drop, the fear making me sweat. He was everywhere. Everywhere. Also here, where I found it the easiest to forget him, the adrenalin pumping through my veins, filling my mind. I couldn’t stand it – and I’d left, cursing at myself as I’d jogged my way home.

     “I-it’s not what you think. I-I-I just wanted to thank you.”

     I shook my hand, frowning. “Ya, Yong Guk…” I said, exhaling. “You’re such an idiot.” I finished the dishes, feeling kinda proud of myself – until I realized that I owned a dishwasher. Housewife? Yup.

     Frustrated and annoyed, I made my way to the bathroom, stripped and took a cold shower, cursing and hoping for my head to get clearer and less stupid. I got out of the shower, dried myself off and put my clothes back on, but decided to change to another T-shirt – on that was a little less dirty. Ya, I could do the dishes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I was good at it.

     The floor felt slippery under my feet as I made my way to the bedroom, running a hand through my damp hair as I opened the door.  

     “Son of a–“ I gasped, falling to the floor. I frowned, my hurting. “Damn it!”

     “Hyung! Are you okay?” He asked from the bed, my bed, the sound of my violently kissing the floor waking him up.   

     My head snapped and I stared up at him. “Y-you!” I stuttered, pointing at him. I tried to be cool, but his surprised face didn’t help. Those big, brown eyes. Ruffled, blonde, curly hair. White, glowing skin. Pink lips. “Y-y-y-you!”

     He pouted, my pillow in his arms. “Hyung, I’m hungry,” he said in the voice that gave me the chills of déjà vu.

     The boy leaned over, getting closer to my face. He rested his elbows on the bed and his chin in his hands. He looked at me with the big, brown eyes of his. “Hyung, I’m hungry,” he said in an innocent and cute voice, and I felt my soul leaving my body. His words and voice were insanely cute and his face indescribably adorable. I couldn’t believe myself – getting all softhearted and embarrassing because of that beautiful boy.

     “Y-ya...” I stuttered.

     He cut me off. “Hungryyy,” he said and pouted.

     “Hungryyy,” he pleaded, making my jaw drop. Noooo, he didn’t. No. No, I won’t accept this. This can’t be real. No!

     I got up from the floor, clenching my teeth together as I took him by the collar of his shirt. I stared down at him, his big, surprised eyes looking into mine. “Get out. I mean it, get out!” I said in a firm voice. “Don’t touch me. Don’t look at me. Don’t speak to me. Just get out!” I yelled, surprising myself. So, I was able to shout at him after all. It was his own fault – I couldn’t help but get mad at him and his beautiful face.

     “But, hyu–“

     My eyes widened. “Noooo! Shut up, will ya!?” I yelled, not believing my own ears. How could all of this be happening again? No, no, this wasn’t happening, no, it couldn’t be real. I was crazy, insane, out of my mind. And it was his fault, no doubt about it.

     I pulled him out of the bed, not caring about him stumbling across the floor as I continued, harshly pulling him out of the bedroom, still holding onto his collar. I threw him against the front door and he gasped, making a face. But, I didn’t care. “Get out!” I spit, ignoring the fearful look on his face. “GET OUT!” I shouted, making him flinch and quickly turn, opening the door and hurry out the apartment. “And don’t you ever come back! You hear me? Never!” I yelled out the door before slamming it closed, the loud sound echoing in my head. I felt like I’d chased out a bad dream. A demon. A beautiful demon. Never come back. Please, I can’t handle it…

     I exhaled, spun and closed my eyes as I leaned my back against the door. It couldn’t continue like this – this wasn’t me. I’m not like this! Stupid boy, get out of my life! I had to think of something else, do something else that didn’t have anything to do with that boy.

     The idea that came to my mind used to make me smirk devilish, but in stead I just nodded and fiddled my cellphone up my pocket, assured that it was the only way out. I frowned and bit my bottom lip, not remembering her phone number.