Bang Yong Guk’s P.O.V.

    “Hyung.... Hyu-ung...” A sweet voice made a tiny light in the distance shine. I raised a hand to cover for my eyes, slowly tilting my head to the right, glancing at the brightness through my fingers.

     “Please wake up now. It’s been way too long... Yong-... Don’t leave me alone for too long...” I started walking closer, the echoing voice drawing me in. I groaned, the light blinding my soar and swollen eyes; I looked down at my walking feet, the shiny, black floor throwing my reflection back in my face.

    “If I sang, would that wake you up?”  I listened to his voice, raising my gaze at the light again. I was getting closer, the white glow eating up the darkness around me. My eyes focused on the one point, and I gasped when big flames to my left appeared in the blackness. I stared at the burning car, recognizing it as my own.

     “What is this? What happened?” I spoke my thoughts out loud, my voice loud in what seemed like nothing – a big emptiness. The vehicle was lying upside down, the wheels still spinning and the black colour of the body blurred in the orange and yellow flames. It already looked kinda rusty, like it’d been burning forever, the fire never dying.

     “Aigoo. So tired. When I finish singing, you’ll wake up, arasso?” My eyes returned to the light as I passed the burning car, continuing with a frown on my face.

     “I wonder if you’d miss me when I’m gone. It’s come to this, release me.” His singing soothed me, the frown slowly disappearing, but my legs gradually starting to move faster. Soon, I was running, staring at the light as it got bigger and bigger, cutting into my fragile eyes.

    “I’ll leave before the dawn...” Even so, my eyes widened as I started to make out a smiling face in the glimpsing glow.

     “I recognize that face,” my thoughts spilled off my lips as I picked up speed, running faster towards him in the dazzling light. His soft, curly hair bent the light, his cute face becoming clearer. His was smiling at me, reaching out his hand. 

     “But for tonight, I’ll stay here with you. Yes, for tonight, I’ll lay here with you.”

      I stopped right in front of him, his tall figure drenched in pure, white light. A wide, bright smile was cracking his lips, and he sweetly laughed, his beautiful eyes watching me standing on the other side – in the dark. He raised his hand a little, reaching out for me. I looked down at it, but it didn’t take me long to let our fingertips meet, my fingers eventually slipping in between his, black on white. I looked up at his smiling face, smiling back as he pulled me in, everything around me turning bright, blinding and glowing.   

     “But when the sun hits your eyes through your window, there’ll be nothing you can do~”

     “… There’ll be nothing you can do…”

     I blinked a couple of times, a bright light in the sealing blinding me. Soon, I made out a room – a white, plain room. Where was I?

     At first I felt like drifting through the room, my head dizzy and empty. Then the pain came.

     I made a face and groaned. “Damn…” I muttered, my voice hoarse and harsh. My mouth was dry, my eyelashes sticking together. How long had I been lying here? What happened? My whole body felt numb, not being moved in ages – my legs heavy, my back soar and scratchy and my arms stiff. Still, my right hand felt like it was still alive, warm and somehow moving. It hurt, but I carefully lifted my head from the pillow, gazing down at my tickling right hand. The sight of him made my eyes widened, chills running down my aching spine. That boy… His head was resting on the bed I was in, his hands covering mine, gently caressing it, causing the sweet feeling that made the pain less ripping. This can’t be real. It’s a dream – it’s all a dream. Where am I? Why is he here? What happened?

     My eyes grew bigger when he slowly lifted his own head, looking back at me. His hair was ruffled and somehow colourless. His eyes were sleepy, almost closed, but also swollen and red. He was pale, looking kinda sick, and I frowned. Why is he looking like this? This is the worst dream ever.    

     “Why are you here?” I asked, assured that the dream just lingered on into what seemed like reality. I was mad, displeased by the fact that the memory of him kept haunting me, not giving me any kind of peace or privacy. But, on the other hand, I was happy to see him, somehow pleased by the sight of his beautiful face. And then, I felt sad and worried, the exhausted look on his face cutting through my chest. You’re awake? Gosh, what happened? Oh. I see you found the boy. You don’t remember? We were concluding the fact that you’re in love with him. Yeah, love. But, then…

     “H-hyung?” His voice was horrible, wasted and thin. Great, one of those daydreams… the talkative ones.

     “Yong Guk!” The door had been opened and I turned my head to see Himchan running towards me. Himchan! “You’re awake!” He yelled, a wide smile on his face. I stared at him, the volume of his voice cutting sharp through my head, and I made a face.  

     “Ya…” I complained in my hoarse voice, glancing up at him. “How long have I been out?”

     He put his hand on my shoulder, suddenly leaning down to awkwardly embrace me. The smile kept distracting me, when he looked at me again, somehow not affected by the silent, awkward moment we’d just shared. “A couple of days, man.”

     “What?” My jaw dropped as I kept staring at him. “A couple of– what? What happened?!”

     Himchan got back up, looking kinda serious as he frowned. “You were in a crash, don’t you remember?”

     “Huh? A crash? How? I don’t understand?” My words were rusty as they slipped off my chapped lips, an awful pain in the back of my neck bothering me as I looked upwards, staring at Himchan’s confused face.

     “You were involved in a car accident,” a boy said, stepping out of Himchan’s shadow. My staring eyes left Himchan, piercing through the unknown boy who shivered a little, avoiding my gaze.  

     “A car accident?”

     I turned my head to the right, something in the corner of my eye catching my attention. The loud, deep noise was muffled, but the two lights still blinding me. I exhaled, it all moving in slow motion as the vehicle came closer. I closed my mouth and eyes as I let go of the steering wheel and leaned back in the seat, my head against the headrest again. I let out one last breath, feeling somewhat calm – the pictures of him behind my eyelids making me smile a little.

    Still, the collision hit me as a massive, violent wave, making me clench my teeth as it all turned red and then pitch black.

     I flinched, now looking down at the boy holding on to my hand. He was looking right back at me, his eyes glowing. He’s a dream, he’s not here. The others can’t see him. I’m safe, I’m out of danger, I’m–

     “Hong-ah, I think we better leave now, hm?” The boy by Himchan said, causing Zelo to frown a little, slowly moving his eyes away from me.

     “Let me stay, hyung. Please?” He answered and I gulped. What? He’s answering back? They’re talking to him? No, no, only the other boy is – maybe he’s also a part of my imagination? I frowned, making a face. How disgusting! I’m not a ert! But, how–

     “Sure, I don’t know…” Himchan said, answering Zelo, and my eyes widened. What!? Now Himchan is replying? I guess this is real then? What, I don’t understand–

     “I don’t know for how much longer I can cover for you, Hong-ah.”

     “Please? Just say that I’m staying at your place?”

     “I did already. For six days now… What if your parents find out?”

     I cleared my throat, the action hurting like hell. “Y-you should… go home,” I said, all of their eyes staring at me. The silence was killing me slowly, my stomach turning as I could almost hear all of their thoughts fast running through their minds. Aish, this is not me! I bit my lip, disappointed in myself. Such a coward…

     “Really? You think so?” Zelo asked in a tiny voice, and I looked at him, noticing our hands still touching. I quickly slapped his away, glancing up at Himchan and the boy beside him, the sweat damping my forehead.

     “Y-yeah, I’m fine, I’m good, get going,” I said, awkwardly smiling. I blinked a couple of times, digging my right elbow into the mattress and pushed myself up, groaning in pain. I knew that my left arm was… damaged; it was bent and in bandages, resting on my stomach. But, apparently my back wasn’t that well too – jolts of burning, electrifying pain shot down my spine, and I cried out, making a face.

     “Hyung!” Zelo jumped from his seat, putting his hands on my arm.

     “Hyung!” Himchan took a step forward, reaching out for me but didn’t get much further. I heard a low, surprised gasp from the unknown boy, watching him flinch in the corner of my eye.

     “I’m okay!” I said through my teeth, slowly getting back down the mattress, Zelo’s hands gently pushing me all the way down. “Ya, I’m okay…” I muttered and they all exhaled, looking at me in silence.

     “Let’s go, Junhong,” the boy then said in a tiny voice, quietly walking towards him. He put his hand on his shoulder, waiting for some kind of response. I looked at Zelo, my eyes studying his face, labeling it ‘Junhong’. Junhong, what a cute name. It fits, I thought holding back a tiny smile.

     “Junhong, go home,” I said and he stared down at me, his hands slowly going down his pockets. He nodded, clearing his throat.

     “Yeah, okay,” he then said, shrugging a little. After a lot of struggling I couldn’t help but smile just a little, looking at him as he tried to act all grown-up, casually turning towards the boy behind him.

     “Let’s go, Daehyun-ah,” he said in a cool voice, the boy raising an eyebrow, but then breaking into a wide smile, showing off his perfect, white teeth. What a pretty-boy… I glanced up at Himchan, his figure frozen beside my bed, and I frowned as he kept staring at Junhong and his friend.

     “Ya, calm down,” I said, trying to wake him up from his daydream.

     “Huh?” He looked down at me, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped. I was confused; I’d never seen such an expression on his face before. Well, only once, but that’d been when we’d stumbled upon some pretty fine models at a club, buying them all drinks. Himchan had brought home a few while I’d shown my apartment to one, throwing her out the next day easier than I’d expected. Yeah, that’d been a great night… And a perfect morning.

     “Don’t kill them,” I said, pulling off a thin smile, assuring him that I was only joking.

     “Huh?” He looked like an idiot, totally lost and startled.

     I snorted. “Just get me home, hm?”

I was put on the couch in my living room and then left by a worried, but accepting Himchan. I breathed in the silence and smiled, never been this happy about being home again. I’d been forced to spend another couple of terrible days at the hospital until I could stand on my own two feet without crying out in pain like some weakling. I’d been explained about the accident, my car already crushed into bits at the rubbish dump. I’d been lucky, the doctors had said, smiling at me while I’d still been in pain, cursing at them in my head. Still, they wanted to keep me there until I’d recovered enough to be safely on my own at home.

      Meanwhile I’d called my mother, falling asleep with the phone resting on my shoulder as she told about everything that’d happened ever since I’d seen last her – which was absolutely nothing important or interesting. Apparently she’d just called me a million times that day because she wanted to chitchat.

      I’d also called the managers of the clubs I was supposed to have performed at during the time I was involved in the accident and been at the hospital – also cancelling a few upcoming shows with a frown on my face. I wanted to get up on that stage again as soon as possible, but having that car smashing into me kinda messed my body up, chaining me to the bed for the next couple of weeks.

      So, I did what I could do; write lyrics for new songs, having Himchan (and Young Jae, what a surprise) over, talking but only talking about going out, visiting old familiar clubs, the darker streets and corners of Seoul, and meeting our enemies, fighting it all out, having the time of our lives – while I convinced myself that everything was settled, handled and in perfect order once again.

     You’re leaving something out.

     “What?” I groaned, lying alone in bed an early Sunday morning.    

     Oh, gosh… What’s his name again? Oh, yeah. Junhong. The boy you’re in love with.

     I exhaled, biting down on my bottom lip. “I didn’t forget about him,” I answered the voice in my head, completely sure that I was alone in the apartment.

     Really? You don’t seem to miss him at all.

     “Ya, you’re in my head all the time, yeah? I’m thinking about him every day, every minute, what are you talking about?” I said, running a hand down my face.

     So, you’re admitting it? All of it? You’re okay with it? He’s a guy. He’s twelve. He’s–

     “Shut up,” I groaned, getting off the bed. “And he’s not twelve,” I walked to the bathroom, turning on the lights. “He’s… older,” I shrugged, my left arm hurting but it was definitely getting better as time had went by. “I’m just understanding,” I continued, looking at myself in the mirror. “I understand if he doesn’t want to visit or see me anymore. I’ve been cruel to him ever since we first met… Why would he even bother to be concerned about me?” I said, my voice turning into a low whisper as I looked away from the mirror. I’d gotten used to being at home almost all the time, being somewhat off from my old life, leaving all past questions and problems behind. Still, I wanted him to be by my side so badly, his rather insistent person and presence to follow me, no matter what turns I took in life – I just needed him to be there. I didn’t want to leave him behind. Sure, I hadn’t seen him for a while now; it ate my heart up, but somehow I endured it, assured that maybe it was for the best. That he deserved better than this grumpy, old man in the mirror.

     You’re becoming so deep, Yong Guk.

     I snorted, walking out of the bathroom again. “Yeah, right.”    

‘Sup, guys~
So here’s the update for today… Yeah, I’m not that enthusiastic right now… It was quite bad, I’m sorry! I need that vacation right. Freakin’. Now. Are having pretty nice plans with donotfear during those lovely days with no school whatsoever. It’s gonna be good – aaaand I think some of you guys are gonna enjoy it too… sooner or later… Oh, yes, being all mysterious (and creepy), that’s just my style~ (Gangnam Style playing in my head... Why, oh, whyyy!?)

…. I just did a random rant again, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I will leave now! Byebye~

-Ayo-