Bang Yong Guk’s P.O.V.

I woke up, staring into the sealing above me. Usually, I would turn around and snooze in the sheets, but it was one of those mornings – once again, and I groaned.  

     I exhaled and got out of the bed, running a hand through my hair. I bent down, collected all of her stuff and threw it in her sleeping face. “Get out,” I groaned and walked for the kitchen, my stomach growling. I put a hand on it and let my head fall back as I sighed, walking straight to the fridge. I jerked it open, grabbed something random and started eating of it. An apple. Woah, you wanna get all healthy and crap?

     Her arms around made me stop chewing, staring into nothing with dead eyes. There was something about her oh-so-sweet and cuddly touch that made my stomach turn, the apple tasting tainted and disgusting. Yeah, I didn’t like her. At all. Still, she had kept my mind off things during most of the night. But, now it was morning and I was pissed.

     “I thought I told you to get out,” I said, annoyed throwing the apple away. She whined against my back, making my upper lip quiver.

     “Let me stay, hm?” She asked in a nauseating voice, acting all cute and stuff.

     “No, you have to leave,” I groaned, taking her hands off me.

     “But, why? Gukkie, let me stay, hm? Come on,” she pleaded, pouting as I glanced back at her. “Gukkie, please?” She added, making me shiver in disgust.

     “Don’t call me that, okay?” I said, closing my eyes. Why do I have to go through this every single time? Why can’t she just get the out!? “Get out. Now. Or I’ll call the police,” I threatened.

     “Huh? For what?” She asked in a high-pitched voice, giving me a headache.

     I bit down on my bottom lip, trying to control the anger. “Just. Get. Out,” I hissed, but she ignored me, putting her hands on my arm.

     “But, I love you! Let me stay, Gukkie!”

     I stared at her, my eyes big with surprise. “Woman!” I yelled. What’s wrong with her!? She seriously wanna be killed? “Didn’t you hear me!? Get out!” I screamed, making her stare at me with big eyes. I stared back at her, the meanest look on my face. Eventually, she got the message and backed away.

     “Why are you always so evil towards me?” She pouted, trying to make me regret my doings and tell her that I loved her back. Oh, heck no.  

     I turned my back to her, opening the fridge again. “Just go home. I’ve got what I wanted.”

     She made a loud, offended sound, covering herself up with her arms. “You used me!”

     I glanced back at her over my shoulder. “Yup.”

     She let out the sound again, staring before spinning around and jogging to the bedroom. I smirked, satisfied. Oh, sweet joy. I heard her put on her clothes, talking to herself about my vicious and evil being. It made me smile – actually, listening to it kinda entertained me. The best part came when she slammed the door, leaving me alone in the apartment. Oh gosh, I love that sound.

I took a shower, changed the sheets on the bed and eliminated any kind of trace of her having been there. Sure, it had been great during the night, but when the sun shone on her face every morning after, I remembered who and what she really was. No matter how hot she was I still couldn’t stand her. I can’t believe I actually used to date her… That . Throwing her out of my apartment was a struggle, but when the silence of the apartment hit me afterwards… The best feeling ever.

     I got out of the bathroom and found my cellphone. I had a gig coming up that night, and I wanted to talk to Himchan about it. Well, actually I just wanted to hear his voice. I hadn’t seen him for a while, and when I had he’d been acting all weird and… yeah, weird was a good word.

     I looked down on the display and sighed. Seven missed calls from my mother. “Ya… What’s with all the women today?” I mumbled, threw the phone unto the bed and got some clothes on. I put the cellphone in my pocket and glanced down on the empty bed.

     Maybe I’d been too harsh on him? I mean I’d let him in myself, being somewhat friendly towards him… Then, the next thing he knows, I’m yelling at him, throwing him out again. He must’ve been so confused… And scared. Ya. It’s his own fault, remember? He’s a brat. He’s a thief! …. In fact… It sounds like you actually like him. Do you? Do you have feelings for that boy? … Are you gay?

     “I’m not gay!” I yelled at nothing, frowning. I just think that… Maybe, I shouldn’t have thrown him out like that. He… He deserves better. “A brother?” I shrugged, exhaling as I made my way out of the bedroom, down the hall and out the front door.

     A brother? Seriously? Bang Yong Guk. Man. Realize it – you’ve fallen for the boy. That little, blonde, mischievous boy...

     I got into the car, letting my head fall back against the headrest, closing my eyes. “I’ve been so mean to him. I’ve been so mad at him. How can you get to the point where I’ve fallen in love with him? It doesn’t make any sense,” I said, and suddenly felt like gagging. That word… Love? I didn’t mention love. I thought you were just having a crush on him. Oh damn, man, you’re out deep! You’re in love with him!

     I started the engine, biting down on my bottom lip. “I’m not in love with him,” I groaned, pulling out on the busy street. “He’s a dude, for crying out loud. And what? Twelve? I’m freakin’ twenty-two,” I told myself, a little disgusted. Love hasn’t got any boundaries, the voice in my head said in a dramatic voice. Age, race, , species– “So, you’re telling me that if he was a dog, I would’ve loved him anyway? You’re crazy.” I’m crazy? You’re the one that’s having a conversation with the voice inside your own head, man. Aigoo, such a lunatic...

     I frowned, sighing as I gave in – letting the voice in my head fade, and my thoughts concentrate on the traffic outside. More or less.

     Maybe, it was a good idea to go home, not just an annoying duty. I hadn’t seen my parents in a while… Was something wrong? All those calls… I guess it was a good decision to go, maybe something bad happened…

     I turned to the right and then stopped for a red light.

     Sure, they were still my parents, I didn’t want them to cry or feel sad. I missed my father. And well, yeah, my mother too… But, she was so demanding, clingy and overprotective – it made me sick. She didn’t like my job, the way I lived or the friends I had. If she were in charge, she would send me off to some fancy school, letting me become a lawyer or a doctor or something far worse…

     The light turned green and I continued into the intersection.

     But, luckily for me, I had my father. Old boxer. Great dude. He didn’t mind me rap, fight, drink and sleep with a lot of random girls. He thought of me as a real man; a young, wild and courageous man who lived out his life to the fullest – the way he wanted. And besides, I was twenty-freakin’-two! I could do what I wanted to do, live my life as I wanted to, love whomever I wanted to…    

     You’re thinking about him again.

     I groaned, shaking my head while frowning. “I wasn’t!”

     Yes, you were. You were once again regretting your behavior towards him, wanting him in your arms, telling him that you’re sorry, woah, and what’s that? You want to kiss him!

     “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t!” I screamed, slamming the steering wheel with my hands.  

     Don’t deny it. You like him. The memory of his face as I’d opened the door the other day faded up in front of my eyes.

     His shaky voice...

     His touch from that night at the club.

     His ruffled bed hair.

     The cool look on his face – and the innocent and sweet look…

     His cute sniffing around my apartment.

     His arms around my pillow.

     His fingers toying with his blonde curls at the wedding.

     His smiling face. The childish smile, the arrogant smile, the sweet smile.

     My heart was hammering against my chest, my eyes widened by the unwanted realization. “Do I?”

     I turned my head to the right, something in the corner of my eye catching my attention. The loud, deep noise was muffled, but the two lights still blinding me. I exhaled, it all moving in slow motion as the vehicle came closer. I closed my mouth and eyes as I let go of the steering wheel and leaned back in the seat, my head against the headrest again. I let out one last breath, feeling somewhat calm – the pictures of him behind my eyelids making me smile a little.

    Still, the collision hit me as a massive, violent wave, making me clench my teeth as it all turned red and then pitch black.

Oh, hey, guys! Sorry, I’ve been kinda distant for the last couple of updates (damn you, school/sickness!), but here I am – bringing you a little update + some random writing at the end! :D I hope this was kinda better than the last couple of updates from my side, lol. I’ve been suffering from a mean writer’s block (yeah, suffering, because it was physically painful, LOL), which just … Btw, this was so dramatic and cheesy, but ya know… It had to come >:D Donotfear will be updating two/three days from now, stay tuned, yay~ :D